An Epic Failure of the Touhou Project (on hiatus)
by Dr. Magnus Feirenbacher
Summary: at the beginning of the 20th century, a new youkai is created due to American growth in industry. 100 years later, he winds up in Gensokyo and meets a fellow low-level youkai, and an Armageddon packing vampire. may contain traces of Sci-fi and cheap humor. Another thing: There is OOC, and this story is mostly OC-centric. Seriously, it's terribad! YEE
1. Crossing the Border

The Epic Failure of the Touhou Project

**Disclaimer: Ok, I probably should've included this when i first wrote this chapter, but touhou in no way belongs to me. I just write fanfiction. All characters except my own OCs belong to ZUN.**

**[AN]: I would just like to say before starting, that I was heavily inspired by other fan fictions like: **_**average Joe in bullet hell, **_**by the magnificent sasquatch, **_**the Sukima series,**_** by Willie G.R., and other such fan fictions. Enjoy, and please review.**

**Also, this doesn't actually start getting good and NOT cliche until chapter 3, sojust hang in there :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong> crossing the border

Hi, my name is Matthew Harrison. I've been living underground, dealing with some tough times with the normal street thugs and occasional mugger that I encounter. Not on purpose, I'm part of a gang called the ****.

My life has been pretty strange. I've seen two world wars without getting a scratch. I've gone through the pain of loved ones and friends growing older and wiser until they wither away while I stay behind, always a constant memory of when they were my age. Truth is, I haven't aged. Never. Also, I'm kind of a demon… I've known this all my life, as I've always had the strength of an adult in a child's body.

In 2005 I took a biological test, the results showed that I was 12. I can't remember ever being younger or older, so, I can only assume that I was born 12. I've been alive for 110 years, yet my wardrobe has not changed at all. I wear a trench-coat that some claim to be as black as night over plain slacks, and a white shirt. My hair is the same color as my coat and cut short. My face twists and turns in sharp angles and is devoid of any blemishes.

"Hey Matt, you alright?" my recently assigned gang partner, Dan, asked. His long blond hair tumbled in his eyes and he had to push it away. I noted to myself after seeing his pockets that he has always has at least 4 weapons on him.

Dan patiently awaited my response. When I didn't indicate any sign of response he looked genuinely concerned. "Hey, something wrong?"

"No, I was just zoning a little." I gave a reassuring smile.

"Well, I could use your help right about now!" he exclaimed as he threw a knife.

**Whhrrp**

"WOAH!" I forgot, we're in the middle of a gunfight now. As a bullet just zipped by my head, I took out my 9mm pistol and started shooting like a madman. I was NOT going to let our rival gang take victory.

The other guys I work with always wondered why such a young person would want to join their gang, but I was an excellent shot, so they accepted me with open arms.

Blood was splattered across a midsized sedan I was using for cover. To my right was Dan and to my left was my old friend, Eric. Unfortunately, he had taken a bullet to the head about 10 minutes into the fight.

As the bloodshed continued, a distortion occurred behind us. I didn't notice the purple rift opening behind me. I was too concentrated on the object hurled at us.

"Oh no…" Dan's sea blue eyes widened in fear. "Hit the dirt!"

The object landed right in front of me.

I gasped with surprise. "Oh, son of a-"

**BOOOOOOOOOM**

With an explosion, we were hurled into the rift. The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was the now-alight sedan moving further and further away until it faded into nothing.

* * *

><p>…<p>

…

…

…

Null.

_Was I finally dead? All I saw was white_

"Is he ok?" A soft voice floated to mingle with my brain

_What? Someone else is here?_

"Does he look ok to you!" A gruff voice responded

"Who's there?" I moaned.

"He's mumbling about something…"

I opened my eyes, and found myself laying on a futon. It seemed like I was in some run down Japanese building. You know, the kind out of animes where they have paper walls and no chairs. As I looked around, I saw the two people who were talking.

The first one was dressed in red and white with brown hair. She had detached sleeves, which were white, and had red borders on both ends. she also wore a red vest with a yellow piece of cloth tied around her neck. Her hair flowed down to her loweer back, and was kept out of her eye by two tube-like hair-pieces, and a giant red ribbon.

The other wore a purple dress with frills adorning the skirt, and white gloves that went up to her elbows. She had a mop-cap on her head, and the outfit overall had a very eastern feel to wore a traditional-looking purple Japanese dress.

The one in the red and white was looking at me as if not caring. Though her cold glare seemed to pierce my very soul.

I sat up slowly, and my eyes steadily regained their ability to see. They felt somewhat strange, even after i had re-gained my bearings. "Ugh, I can't feel my right arm" I tried to move it.

"Fu-fu-fu-fu. That's because you don't have one."

_Wait, what._

I looked down at my arm and saw that my right sleeve was torn off, and the remaining stump of my arm was covered in bandages.

"Aaahh!" I cried in shock.

"You don't have to be so whiny about It." stated the red and white girl as she put her hands to her hips.

_Insensitive bitch, why do I feel like she's really lazy_

"Are you telling me you wouldn't feel the same way?" I sneered with a murderous tone. Honestly, i didn't know if I should put up a tough guy facade, or maintain my true, someewhat cowardly personality.

She brought her arms up from her hips and crossed them at her chest. "Honestly, I wouldn't lose it in the first place." She paused for a while, then sighed, and walked away from the futon I was in. She sat down at a... i think it's called a kotasu, and began drinking some tea.

An awkward silence droned over the room as I got used to what felt like heightened senses. I could even smell the cheap tea she was drinking from across the room. I did a double-take, then asked "where's Dan?"

The woman in purple raised a paper fan to her face, and hid what seemed like a mischevious grin. "Oh, you mean that fellow that came here too? He's over there" the woman in purple gestured over to a futon across the room.

I start to get up to walk over to where my friend is, but I stop when a sharp pain hits my left leg

The woman pushed me back down and said "I wouldn't move if I were you. There is a bullet lodged in your leg"

"Wha?" I made a noise of confusion

"Just rest now. I will explain everything tomorrow." The woman in purple stated as she hid a grin behind her fan.

* * *

><p><strong>2 days later<strong>

I'm feeling better now. I was able to use one of Dan's knifes to remove the bullet lodged in my leg. Remember the red and white dressed girl? Her name is Reimu and she is a shrine maiden, apparently I was right about her being lazy. As soon as Dan woke up, she put him to work while she sat on the porch drinking her cheap tea.

My recovery was faster than expected. Although, I don't know how I will get over the loss of my arm, the pain left within a day. Reimu said it's because I'm a demon called a youkai. Yukari told me that because I was surrounded by magic, my youkai senses had awakened. that's why my eyes felt weird, and why there was a red glow coming from them when I was in pitch black darkness.

I always knew I was a demon, but I didn't know what kind. Youkai are demons that will outlive humans usually by thousands of years, but they usually stop physically ageing at a certain point. Unfortunately, because my arm was severed outside the border, the magical energies that usually help youkai regenerate lost limbs and other body parts cannot help me.

My hair also seems to have changed color; it is now a silvery white.

Yukari said I'm in this place called Gensokyo which is isolated from the outside world. It is a place where magic and supernatural, dominate over technology and science. She also told me that she dragged me in here for reasons she wouldn't tell me.

_So it looks like I'm stuck here for now_

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked over to Reimu, who was sitting on the front porch "hey Reimu?" I asked.

She slowly looked up from the cup of tea she was holding, then let out an annoyed grumble. "What?"

I looked up to her and said "I feel like a burden to you. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Dan stopped sweeping, looked over, and said "yeah, I could really use some help here. Help me sweep this floor before I kill something!" he said as he took out a silver knife.

_Why does he have those anyways?_ I thought while looking at the knife _people don't normally carry around holy weapons._

Reimu looked at me and snapped "no, with that missing arm, you aren't doing anything."

_Wow, does she actually care_

Reimu narrowed her eyes and stated "you'll screw something up." I made an "Oh, I should've known" face at that comment. "You should get some rest; Yukari said she has a surprise for you tomorrow."

_Oh, I wonder what it is._ I thought as I yawned.

* * *

><p><strong>Deep in the magic forest:<strong>

**Yukari's POV**

I walked into a place that looked like a mad scientist's laboratory. There we beakers with colorful liquids, and machines making whirring noises everywhere. "Hey, Rika! Are you done with that project I… commissioned from you?" I said as I eyed a machine that had its top blown off. There was still smoke coming out of it.

A girl with a white lab coat on walked out of the next room and said "I'm glad you asked, me and Rikako just were putting the finishing touches on it."

I stopped examining the machine and looked at Rika "may I please see it?"

**BOOM**

A pulsating vein pooped up on Rika's forehead as she yelled "ugh, not again. RIKAKO, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TEST IT UNTIL I GET THERE!" she was irritated.

I sweatdropped "that sounded troublesome…"

Rika looked back at me and said "it's ok; you can come see it now."

"Good" I stated as they walked into the next room.

In the room, there was another girl there. She was also wearing a lab coat, and she had a similar appearance to Rika. The girl, (who I'm assuming is Rikako) swiped a cloth covering a metal arm. "Behold our most advanced work yet!" Both Rika and Rikako said with an expression of pride

Rika became exited as she started babbling on about her new invention "it reads the users mind to drive actuators that… insert techno jargon here… and this part here is for materializing danmaku." She finished giving a pose that screamed "science nerd".

I looked up from the ground "that's very interesting" I said with a bored expression on her face.

Rikako looked over at me and said with a hint of greed "now, our… payment please." Great, she's turning into Reimu.

"Fine." I opened a gap and out of it dropped a huge steam engine attached to an electrical generator

Rikako looked on in awe. "Yes, with this we will not need to rely on the kappa for our electrical needs!"

I smiled. "Glad you like it"

As Rika and Rikako were examining the huge machine, I picked up the arm, and left, via gap.

* * *

><p><strong>The Hakurei shrine 1 day later:<strong>

**Matt's POV**

I got up from my futon. "*yawn* I feel great today… why do I feel like today will end in pain?" I paused and thought. _Hmmm, it seems I'm the only one up. I better not wake Reimu, unless I want a repeat of last night__._

* * *

><p>- <strong>Flashback <strong> -

I was walking up to the hot spring to take a bath, little did I know, someone was already there. As I got in, the steam cleared, and I saw Reimu was taking a bath already.

I blushed a deep shade of red, and tried to look away, but it was too late, she had already noticed me. She jumped up, and whacked me with a wooden stick, which I now know is called a gohei.

As I fell to the ground with a large bump on my head, Reimu stuck her nose up in the air. "Pervert!" The comment made me flinch

* * *

><p>- <strong>End flashback<strong> -

As I was sitting on the front porch, I was looking at the stars (which were still out) I wondered if they looked the same on the other side. I had remembered that they were always blocked out by the bright lights of the city.

I didn't notice that someone else had snuck up on me. "Peaceful, isn't it?"

I jumped "woah!" I looked over to see Yukari. _Don't sneak up on me like that_

Yukari covered her face with her fan and exclaimed "I came here to give you a little present. You owe me big time kid."

A vein pooped up on my forehead _Do I look like a kid to you … hello! What do we have here?_

Yukari pulled out a robot arm from a gap.

_Geez, you know those steam-punk fan-art drawings, it looks exactly like one of those._

Yukari handed the arm to me. "The makers gave me these instructions, you can figure out how to use it yourself." Yukari gave me a piece of paper. I looked at it, but it was all in Japanese, and I couldn't read it. "Yukari I…" She was gone, but when I looked back at the paper, it was now in English.

"Dear customer,

Thank you for purchasing your prosthetic limb from RIKA CO. we ensure customer satisfaction and this product is- (ok let's skip to the actual instructions) – to operate the limb, simply think about moving it like you would a regular arm. It may require some effort at first, but it will soon become natural. This prosthetic has the capabilities to emulate a real human limb, and even do more. It can also be used as a medium for producing danmaku. Thank you, have a nice day."

_Ok, so let's just strap this on__._

I pulled a leather strap around my chest and buckled it around my back. My arm stub fit in nicely, and kept it sturdy as soon as I buckled the last buckle, an orb like object on the back of the hand started glowing red. After about 5 seconds, it turned blue.

I tried to move it, but it wouldn't budge. _Ugh, why won't this stupid thing move! _ Then I tried imagining it as a third arm, and not a replacement. It twitched, and then slowly, it grasped its fingers, opening and closing its hand.

I beamed "sweet!"

"You are such a nerd."

I looked over at the figure hiding behind me. "Dan? How long have you been here?"

Dan smiled with a psychotic grin "I was here before you got here. I was practicing my abilities with this awesome new sword." Dan held up a sheathed katana with a dragon-like figure carved into the sheath.

I frowned "where did you get that?"

"I dunno, I just found it" Dan said as he unsheathed it. It had a black blade and it smelled like it was dipped in poison.

_Geez, that makes a lot of sense… why do I get the sense that he's lying_

Just as I finished that thought, Reimu walked into the room. "*yawn*, ugh, goddammit Yukari!"

I looked at her. "What's wrong?"

Reimu stared at me "Yukari says I have to teach you danmaku."

_Danmaku?_

"I've been wondering, just what is danmaku?" Dan said as he looked at Reimu.

Reimu looked at Dan as if he had said the stupidest thing in the world. "Danmaku is a form of non-lethal energy bullets that are used to duel other people."

Dan's grin disappeared. "Awww, non-lethal? Where's the fun in that?"

_Typical, you always seem to want to hurt people _I looked over my shoulder and sweatdropped. "Uhh, Dan? It's a good thing that it doesn't kill people!"

"Why?" *sadistic grin*

I took a second to think of something he would care about. "Because if it did, then the cops would always be on our ass!"

"Hello…"

"What? I haven't seen a single cop since we got to this weird place!" *angry stare* "besides, I left my collection of pointy things at home!"

I grew a vein on my forehead yet again. "Well maybe we wouldn't be stuck here if YOU! Didn't start that gunfight!"

"Listen to- "

Dan had a vein develop on his forehead as well. "They ambushed us! I had to knife him!"

I'm let my anger get the better of me"YOU MORON! EVEN THOUGH HE JUMPED US, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO- "

**WHACK, SMACK**

We both fell to the ground "uuhhh"

Reimu's face was boiling with anger and she was gritting her teeth like sand paper. "Shut up and listen!"

_Oh yeah, Reimu is still here._

We both got up and said at the same time, "you didn't have to hit me with that gohei!"

Reimu turned her back to us "well, it shut you up didn't it." She stated coldly.

_She's got a point._

Reimu turned towards us again and with moneybags in her eyes. "Anyways, follow me. Yukari said she'll give me 5,000 yen to teach you the basics"

_Why does Yukari care about me?_

We followed her to the back of the shrine. It looked like a training ground. There were wooden dummies, and targets everywhere.

Reimu held up her gohei "ok, the first step is to find your energy core."

_Wait, what?_

Reimu continued to speak in the pose she was in. "I would suggest meditation, it will be hard to do at first, but the more often you summon your energy, the easier it will be to find it"

I sat in the stereotypical meditation pose, and I start focusing. "Ok, so like this…"

…

…

Dan looked over to Reimu. "So, what is an energy core?"

Reimu looked back at Dan "it's a spiritual core of magic power. Outsiders usually have theirs locked away, but Yukari took down the border between you and your core."

"Oh, so-"

"Shut up! I'm meditating!" I interrupted

…

…

_Any time now_

…

…

…

_AH!_

"AH!"

Reimu gave me a look of approval. "Good, now try to focus your energy to your hands… or, hand"

I sweatdropped _Ok, let's do this_

…

…

_Ah_

_Aaahh_

_AAAHHHH HOT!_

"HOT!"

*giggle*

As Reimu and Dan were snickering away at me, I released a small miniscule bullet from my left hand. "There! I did it"

…

"Pffftt HAHAHAHAHAHA" Reimu fell over and started rolling on the floor laughing

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Shut up, it's not funny"

Dan was holding his hand over his mouth *chuckle*

_Urge. To kill. Rising._

Reimu wiped a tear from her eye "t-t-that was just pathetic. You must have a small energy core"

_Anger. Rising._

All of a sudden, the green light on the prosthetic limb started glowing red, and energy formed at its fingertips. "GAAAHHH!"

**BOOM**

As I let out a scream of rage, energy shot straight out of my right arm and hit the ground. The result was an explosion that enveloped Reimu, Dan, and I. "ugh!" We all fell to the ground

_Damn, that's some power!_

Reimu got back up "You idiot, you could've blown up the shrine" Reimu had a pulsating vein on her forehead. She raised her gohei over her head

I panicked "wait! It was an accede-"

**BONK**!

"Uuuuuh" I fell over, unconscious

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's POV<strong>

I looked over at Matt. "Well, it looks like he'll be out for a few hours, let's try mine!"

Reimu smiled at me. "Knock yourself out"

_Ok, now all I have to do is charge up my energy from my core. _I struck the famous DBZ kamehameha pose

…

…

_Charging._

_Ah-ha, there it is_

All of a sudden, I exploded with power. I had an aura around me just like DBZ characters. I held my hands out in front of myself. "HADOUKEN!" A blue ball of energy charged at a nearby training dummy. It made contact with the wooden figure and engulfed it in flames. As the dust cleared, there was nothing left of the dummy. _Awesome, with power like this I'll… wha?_ All of a sudden, I collapsed.

Reimu sighed. "Great, now I have to drag them both back to the shrine."

As Reimu dragged them back to the shrine, she pondered why Dan collapsed like that.

* * *

><p><strong>1 day later<strong>

**Matthew's POV**

...

…

_Ugh, I feel like I was hit by a train. _I slowly open my eyes, and find that I am in the same futon I was in when I first woke up in the shrine."w-what… happened?"

I looked over and saw Reimu. She said "you were knocked out by a combination of your own power, and my gohei"

I gathered my thoughts. "What do you mean?"

"Ow, my head"

Reimu looked over at Dan. "Oh, you're awake. I have something to tell the both of you"

Dan got up from his futon. "What is it?"

Reimu looked at both of us "it seems your energy cores are pretty small. You both could probably only put out enough power to match the ice fairy."

I Sweatdropped. "I'm guessing she's not that strong"

"No, but she certainly thinks she is" Reimu mumbled

_Well crap, we're never going to survive here_

Reimu looked at Dan "you should probably stay at the shrine, if not, then a wild youkai might decide to make you their snack."

_Well eef me_

Dan looked disappointed. "Well, can you at least show us how to use danmaku a little better?"

Reimu looked over Dan with boredom. "I suppose."

"Great!" Dan exclaimed. Dan started focusing energy into his palm in excitement when all of a sudden…

Reimu panicked all of a sudden. "Wait! Go to the training-"

**BOOM**

As the smoke cleared, I saw that Dan's attack had literally blown up in his face. Also, there were pieces of wood raining down.

_Huh, donations please?_ I thought as I read a sign that had fallen in front of me. _Hmmmm, it's just a donation box, what could- ut-oh._

Reimu was fuming, her face was boiling red, and she was gritting her teeth. "GET. OUT." Reimu said in an angry tone. If looks could kill, we would be dead.

"but-"

"GET OUT BEFORE I MURDER YOU!" Reimu Roared.

"Ok geez" I said in defeat.

_Crap, now how are we going to survive _I was walking down the shrine's steps when Dan said "we are so screwed."

_Gee, thanks Capitan obvious _"it's ok, you didn't mean to."

As we were walking along a path, we encountered village. The sign said "human village"

_Huh, so all the humans in Gensokyo must live here_

As we were about to walk in, we encountered some guards

"Drop your weapons."

I looked at him "wha? We don't have any weapons."

"He has a sword, and you have that thing on your arm."

I looked at my arm. "But this is my prosthetic limb"

"I don't know what a prosthetic limb is, but I cannot allow you to enter if you don't take it off."

_Great, we're not welcome here either _"come on Dan, let's go."

"Fine."

As we were walking away, nightfall was approaching. Which means the youkai would be out hunting. _If the other youkai are out hunting for food, then I should hunt too, but from what I've heard, youkai like to eat human flesh, so I better leave Dan behind._ "I'm going to go hunting for food, stay here and set up camp."

"Awww, but I want to kill stuff too." Dan said as he brandished a holy knife

_Yeh! Where did he get all these holy weapons from? It almost seems like he was prepared to kill Youkai._ "No, it's too dangerous, just stay here."

Dan pouted. "Fine."

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's POV<strong>

_Ugh, great, now I'm stuck here. I better get started gathering firewood… hehe, fire. It burns stuff. _As Dan got up, he heard a rustle in the bushes. "Wha? Who's there!"

…

_Hmm, must have been nothing_

*rustle*

"Raaaaaghh"

"Woah!" The figure jumped at Dan. But he quickly kicked it away.

A small girl lay where Dan had kicked her. She had a black vest over a white collared shirt with baggy sleeves. A long black dress reached down to her ankles, and she had a red ribbon in her hair. "Ow, that hurt you meanie"

"Wha? It's just a little girl. What are you doing out here, a wild youkai might eat you." Dan was surprised

"Humph. I'm not a little girl, I'm a youkai, and I'm here to eat your flesh"

_I thought she had a different magical wavelength._

I looked at her, and then I snickered. "Whatever you say kid, what's your name?"

She got up and crossed her arms "Humph, my name's Rumia." She uncrossed her arms. "And you smell delicious."

I drew my sword. "My name's Dan, back off kid, I'm warning you."

She held her arms out in a horizontal manner. "Is that so?"

I just noticed that Rumia had raised her arms into that position "why are you holding your arms out like that?"

Rumia looked at him as a ball of darkness started forming around her. "Doesn't it look like the Saint was crucified?"

_Wait, what? _I put on a face of confusion. "Look kid, beat it before I cut you into little pieces and use you as food."

Rumia flinched a little as her ball of darkness faded away like the sun vanquishing the horrible night. "Honestly, I don't taste that good."

I got in a battle ready stance. "Are you going to leave me alone?"

"No."

I raised my sword. "Then en guarde`. If I win, then you must leave me alone, and give me any food you have. If you win, then you can eat me."

Rumia smiled like a child with one fang poking out from her lips. "Deal"

I opened with a vertical slash coming down on Rumia, but she quickly dodged. As I ran to the left, she threw small bursts of danmaku. Which I, of course dodged easily, so they completely missed me. "Ha, is that the best you got!" I taunted.

_This should be over quick._

"Is that so?"

_Can she read my mind? _I made a horizontal slash to Rumia's legs, but she flew up in the air. _Awww crap, I forgot I can't fly__._

Rumia started releasing bullets everywhere, making me run around in a zig-zaggy motion. _Serpentine! Serpentine! Serpentine!_ Finally, I got tired of dodging, and I threw my sword at Rumia. She was surprised by this action and before she could even think about dodging, it impaled her in the shoulder.

Rumia winced in pain. "Gah! No fair, no throwing weapons!"

Dan smiled evilly. "Sorry kid, I'm just trying to survive."

Rumia took the sword out of her shoulder. She winced in pain once again, and then threw it away. "Is that so? Well, now you don't have your weapon."

_Crap, she's right._

She took out a card "moon sign: moonlight ray!"

Suddenly, two lasers spread out on either side of me, as Rumia started shooting Bullets at him. I was hit by one orb of danmaku. I cried out "ugh, ugh, ow, SH*T! **** THE **** **** WITH THEIR GODDAMN **** RIGHT UP THEIR **** WHILE **** EACH this goes on for awhile **** AND **** THEIR MOTHERS TOO! I'M GETTING FED UP WITH THIS CRAP!" I pulled out his 9mm pistol, and loaded a clip into it.

_Let's see how you like silver bullets! _I aimed the gun at Rumia, and shot her 3 times. The first bullet went into her other shoulder; the other two hit her in the stomach.

"Owwwww, why… would you do that?" Rumia said, as she started losing consciousness.

I scoffed at her. "You piss me off, your finished bitch"

I held up the gun to her forehead, and just as he was about to pull the trigger, Matt walked into the clearing, and saw what was going on immediately. "Dan! Stop!"

"Wha?"

I looked around, and saw Matt had returned with a dead… whatever that is. "What did I say about killing things?" Matt said with a firm voice

"To not to." I grumbled

I put on the most disappointed face ever.

As I lowered the gun, Rumia slipped out of consciousness "is… that… so…"

**To be continued**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: So, what do you think? I didn't portray Rumia as fanon usually portrays her. Also, yes, Dan is a psychopath, and yes, he is a pyromaniac. As you can see, I'm not the most skilled writer. Thank you, and please review.<strong>

**Edit: YESH! I have finally gotten off my arse, and gotten around to editing this. bout' time too. anyway, I might go back and do this for all the chapters in arc 1. **


	2. Imma Firin Mah Lazer!

**Chapter 2: **imma firin mah lazer!

**[AN]: I'm sure you can already tell who our protagonists are going to encounter in this chapter, if not, then watch the lazer collection to give you a hint. Wait what the heck is in there?**

**"DR OCTOGONAPUS! BLAAAAAGGGGHHH"**

**Can our heros withstand the force of the master spark, lets find out.**

**Chapter 2: **Imma Firin Mah Lazer

* * *

><p><strong>Rumia's POV<strong>

_Ow, those things hurt; they're unfair. How am I supposed to dodge that _I opened my eyes and got up from the blanket, I noticed I was in a tent

Matt looked over at me. "hm? Oh your awake"

I smiled weakly. "oh, it's you! Why did you save me?"_He's defiantly a youkai, I can sense it_

"because I don't believe in pointless killing." Matt had a smile on his face.

"is that so… I-I mean t-thank you." I stuttered. _Now's the time to be serious, come-on_

"my name is Matt, what is your name?" he said as he smiled.

I got up from the makeshift bed I was sleeping on and proudly stated "my name is Rumia." _He's so nice, usually when people defeat me, they just leave me._

Dan had walked in while I was talking to Matt. "You should really stop talking to IT!" I jumped a little when I heard his voice.

Matt looked over at him "that's not very nice." Matt frowned "she's a person, just like you and me."

Dan snickered. "That's what I would expect to hear from a demon. Kid, I won, so tell me where you have your food stashed." Dan looked at me threateningly as he said the last part.

"But I don't have any. You were going to be my food… Can I still eat you?" I said as I had a mischievous grin on my face.

Dan jumped up and shouted angrily. "NO!"

My stomach let out a low growl _Ugh, I haven't eaten since I found rummaged through that shrine maiden's garbage. I'm a terrible hunter. _

I held my stomach as a sharp pain came from it. "Ow, my poor tummy. I'm so hungry, I'm going to starve!"

Matt gestured over to the creature he had killed. "you can have some of our food if you like" he said with a welcoming smile.

_Wow, none has ever offered me a meal before. _"Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>After Breakfast<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_Wow, she eats like a pig._

Rumia finished eating the leg of the animal I had killed "*buuurp* ah, thanks. Now my belly is full of food." She grinned at me while Dan made a face of disgust.

_Geez, she seems so innocent, it makes me forget she tried to eat my partner's flesh._

Dan looked over to me, while still keeping his puke face on "what are you doing feeding 'IT'?"

"she was just trying to survive" I said in a defensive tone.

Dan looked at me angrily. "Uh, hello. 'IT' tried to eat my flesh!"

_I told you, she's not an 'it', she's a person. _I glared at Dan angrily. "that's in the past now." I let out a sigh "can't we just forgive and forget." _Seriously, you need to not hold grudges. It's unhealthy._

Dan put on his disgusted face again. "you know what your problem is, your too nice." Dan drew one of his holy knives, but something was different about this one.

_t-that knife! Its coated in holy water!_ I shuttered as soon as I sensed the holy water. I'm guessing Rumia sensed it too, because all the color left her face. And she was staring at it with wide eyes.

Dan grinned sadistically as he noticed our fear "you need to learn to be more aggressive. You should start by cutting her stomach open and getting our wasted food back!"

_That's… disturbing._ I stood up from the ground and looked Dan strait in the eyes "D-d-Dan, y-you shouldn't have those things out! Y-you know what will happen to me if I get t-touched by one of those!"

Dan looked at me and smiled. "Why should I care, your only getting in the way right now!"

All of a sudden, Rumia had a nervous breakdown, crying twin waterfalls of tears. "Aaaah, Matt, please don't let him hurt meeee!" She ran up and hid behind me, using me as a meat-shield.

I looked over at Dan "aw, look what you've done now, you scared her" Suddenly, my expression changed to an angry one. "all you've been doing since you got here is try to kill things, and think about killing things. You're a total sadist!"

Dan looked at me as his face scrunched up "you're really pissing me off right now."

I looked back at him, and then at Rumia, who was still hiding behind me with a scared expression on her face. "I won't let you hurt her!"

Dan's face scrunched up even more "You're getting in the way." Dan said as his eye was twitching. He started to draw his gun, and aimed it at Rumia's head. "I don't care what you say, 'IT', Dies NOW"

_I haven't seen him this angry since snowstorm shut down his favorite online game, nation of battle-craft_

Matt "this is madness!"

Dan "madness…" Dan paused, he looked down at the ground, then back at me, and yelled: "THIS. IS. GENSOKYO!" Dan kicked me and Rumia out of the tent.

_Oh god what a horrible joke__._I started running away carrying Rumia. I looked back at Dan, who was pulling a vial of… _IS THAT HOLY WATER!_ I thought with a sense of surprise._ Did he come prepared to kill demons?_

Rumia looked at me. "hurry, he's catching up!" Rumia said this as she had an expression of fear on her face.

I looked back at her. "you know, you have two perfectly good legs." Rumia made the biggest 'OMG-I'm-such-an-idiot' face I've ever seen. She leaped out of my arms, and started flying ahead of me.

_Oh yeah, you can fly. But I should be able to as well. _I started concentrating on lifting off the ground. Suddenly, I started to feel a light sensation as my feet lifted off the ground. _Woo, I'm flying. _It felt weird. Like you were underwater, exept you didn't have to hold your breath… and you could swim without moving your arms… and you weren't actually underwater. _But seriously, this feels really trippy._

Dan looked up angerly at us "Aww, how come you sissies get to fly, and I can't!"

I looked back at him with a hint of fear "I'll t-tell you after you c-c-calm down." I said while flying away as fast as I could.

"RRRGGGAAAHHHH" Dan let out a primal scream

_Jeez, calm down_

We kept flying through the forest, dodging trees and rocks. When suddenly we came to a clearing. It looked like all the trees that once stood here had been burned down. Obviously, a battle had taken place here. 

Rumia and I landed near a cave and took refuge there. It smelled like a moldy shower room. "Ugh, it stinks in here." I pinched my nose

Rumia looked back at me as she smiled wiping the tears from her face. "Well, at least we'll be safe here. So why does one of your arms look like it's made out of metal?"

_Geez, technology really is forigen to Gensokyo._ "Well, uh, it is."

Rumia looked back at me "is that so?"

I started to un-strap the limb. It made a whirring-down noise as I took it off and the already dim lights faded. After I was done, I handed it to Rumia. "I lost my real arm in a gun fight."

Rumia looked puzzled "what's a gun fight?"

_Of course she doesn't know what a gun fight is._ I sighed "Remember that thing that my partner, Dan pointed at you?" She nodded "well, in the outside world, people use those to fight each other, exept they usually kill each other."

Rumia looked down at the ground and shuttered "I don't like those things, it still hurts where he shot me." Rumia said as she looked down

"well, that's because it left metal bullets where it hit. Usually, it's safer to leave the bullet in, then to remove it." She looked at me. I continued "but in this case, the bullets were made out of pure silver, and were blessed. So I had to take them out." Rumia looked over at her shoulder where the bullet had hit. "the reason it still hurts is because those holy bullets have a greater effect on us. If he had shot you in the head, you wouldv'e been purified"

Rumia had fear evident in her eyes "I don't wanna be purified" she handed the arm back to me, and I put it back on. "Will you promise to protect me?" she asked with a hopeful, pleading expression, while holding her hands in front of her chest like she was praying.

I sweatdropped as I looked nervous "Uuhhh, sure."

She jumped up and kissed me on the cheek

I blushed "gah!"

Rumia giggled "now you have to keep your promise."

_Enough about me_

I sheepishly rubbed the back of my neck. "So uhh, tell me a bit about yourself."

"ok" she said with a smile "for starters, you see this ribbon in my hair?" I nodded "it's actually an amulet that seals my true power."

I looked at the amulet. "Why is your power sealed?" I asked

Rumia shrugged "I don't know the specific reason, all I remember is the caster telling me that I was too dangerous to be left alone." Her smile faded. "I can't remove it, or even touch it for that matter."

I looked at her "anything else?"

She frowned "no, all I know is that I used to be very powerful, but now, I am just a low level youkai, just wandering around. But I still get to have some fun" she started to smile "sometimes me and these other girls go out and play pranks on the humans."

_Gosh, is she bi-polar or something, first she's all happy, then she gets depressed, then she's happy again, telling me about pranks._

Rumia smiled with a widely "this one time we were on the outskirts of the human village, when we decided to switch all the signs around" Rumia was glaring at me with a mischevious grin. "people were confused for days."

Matt "that sounds interesting." I said as i closed my eyes

"yes, interesting indeed." Another voice said

My eyes snapped back open and Rumia and I both jumped "h-h-how long have you b-been there?" I looked at the figure to see it was Dan. He was looking at Rumia who was frozen in place, and all color had left her face.

_Geez, you have a real talent for sneaking up on people._

Dan "most of your conversation."

Suddenly, Rumia jumped behind me and was clinging to my back. "help, he wants to purify meeeee." She said as Dan looked at us murderously. _Wow, he really left some trauma in her._

"don't worry, I have forgiven you for what you have done." Rumia eased up a little at this comment "however! That doesn't mean I'm not going to kill you." Ok, now we were both shaking, as I noticed he was holding a large bottle of holy water. "I only pretended to be your partner Matthew. I am really a crusader, who's goal is to purify this world. I was cursed during the first crusades to walk among the living until every last demon in the world is purified. I knew what you were all along. The only reason I didn't kill you on sight, was because I thought you could lead me back to a demon nesting place. You see, I knew that there were actually a lot more demons left in the world, but I couldn't locate them on the map. You led we to their nest, and now, it's time to exterminate the infestation." At this point, me and Rumia were hugging each other in fear as he had uncorked the bottle that held a demon's equivalent of cyanide.

"h-h-hey, c-come on b-buddy. C-can't we just talk this out?" I said, while shaking.

He looked at me with his usual sadistic grin. "No." He said as he poured the liquid into an ordinary squirt gun.

_I can't believe this! I'm going to die at the mercy of a child's plaything!_

**BOOM**

Lucky for me, an loud explosion occurred outside the cave, and Dan dropped the bottle, where it shattered on the ground. Dan lost his balance, and that's when we made a run for it. We hurried outside and saw the source of the explosion. In the middle of a clearing, stood a black and white witch. Who was holding an octagon-shaped box with a large jewel in the middle. And she was pointing it straight at us.

"oh goody, target practice!"

_Oh shit_

Rumia looked at the figure, who was riding on a broomstick. "Marisa, please help us, there is a madman that wants to get us!"

The girl named Marisa looked at us with a sly grin "I don't have a problem with that ze. In fact, maybe I should help him. Love sign: master spark!" a large beam erupted from the jewel on the box and headed straight for us.

_Well eff me_

The laser struck Rumia and. we fell down, both of us were badly charred.

Dan had walked out of the cave "thank you witch, you just made my job a lot easier." Marisa turned around to face the person that was speaking.

"it's ok, did they try to eat you?" Marisa said cheerfully.

"yes." Spoke Dan as he walked up to me and Rumia. He took out another bottle of holy water.

_This is it_

"wait, what are you doing?" said Marisa, with a look of suspicion on her face.

Dan looked back at marisa "what does it look like I'm doing, I'm purifying them."

"Gee, I know they tried to eat your flesh, but come on, don't you think extermination is a little extreme ze?" Marisa now had a serious expression on her face.

_Oh thank you whoever is watching over me!_

Dan stood up and struck his chest. "it is my goal to exterminate or purify all the demons in the world."

"ok" she now had an evil grin on her face "getting revenge on someone is one thing, but killing something is completely different. You can't just go around killing everybody you don't like!"

Dan uncorked the bottle of holy water "I must fufill my goal, and there is nothing you can do to stop me." He said as he prepared to purify us.

If this were an anime, my eyes would be big white circles with a teardrop under one of them… oh, wait. This is a fanfiction. Well then, I DO have large white circles for eyes and the IS a single teardrop hanging from one of them. "don't I get a say in this!"

"no!" Marisa and Dan Said at the same time.

Marisa then held the box up to Dan.

Dan snickered "do you really think that little toy will stop me?"said Dan, obviously not seeing it hit us earlier.

Marisa grinned. "Love sign: master spark!" the beam tore down to where Dan was and enveloped him in a beam of light. When the debris cleared. Rumia and I, finally regaining the ability to move, looked to see where Dan was. He was charred badly, just like us

Dan clenched his fists "Grrr, curses. Foiled again!" he said as he looked at the bottle of holy water that had apparently evaporated due to the heat of the laser. "I'll be back."

_Yeah, see you later Schwarzenegger._

He then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Marisa flew over to us. She was riding on a bamboo broom, and wore a black vest over a white and black dress. She had an apron in the front and her hat was… monsterous.

Marisa held out a hand to me "need some help?" she said, looking genuinely concerned.

"no." I got up, and brushed the soot off of myself. Rumia was doing the same.

_I don't think I've ever been so close to death in my life._

I looked at her on the eyes "thank you Marisa."

"no problem, say, I haven't seen you before. Are you a new youkai?"

"yeah, I'm the new guy in Gensokyo." I said as I got up.

she then glanced at me. "We'll call it even if you let me borrow that arm."

_Yep, time to go._

I took off leaving Marisa and Rumia in the dust.

Rumia looked chased after me. "Wait for meeeee!" She cried as she flew off to catch up with me."

"oh well, time to go raid Patchy's library again!" Marisa said with a mischevious look on her face

* * *

><p><strong>Hakurei shrine<strong>

**Reimu's POV**

I looked at Yukari with fire burning in my eyes "you idiot, how could you have not noticed he was a demon killer!" I was furious. _Goddammit Yukari, you put all of Gensokyo in danger._

"fu-fu-fu-fu, it'll be ok Reimu. That boy will stop him and the demon killer will be expelled from Gensokyo." Yukari said as she hid the lower part of her face behind a fan.

I clenched my fists and said "you better be right, if I have to get my hands dirty with this, I'm sealing you for a week." This comment made Yukari flinch a little. _I knew that kid would cause trouble._

Yukari regained her composure "don't worry, he'll solve it. But, odd partner, don't you think." said Yukari, trying to change the subject.

I looked back at Yukari, holding out my arms like Rumia usually does. "Yeah, I didn't he would hit it off with such a weirdo."

Yukari took out her fan "Fu-fu-fu-fu, you were always so funny Reimu."

* * *

><p><strong>Misty lake (evening)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_Wow, I never thought Dan would turn on me like that._

I was flying across a lake. Rumia was at my right side. For some reason, she didn't have her arms held out like usual. She looked like she was going to cry.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I reached over to comfort her

"… I'm scared." She had a tear dripping down from her face.

_Even though she eats human flesh, she acts like such a child. _"It's ok, we'll stop him." I said as we landed on an island in the middle of the lake.

Rumia looked back at me "could you hold me again, it felt good"

I leaned over to hug her like last time. As we lay down onto a nearby patch of grass. It was nearly nightfall. "it's ok, I promised I wouldn't let anyone hurt you." I closed my eyes "I promise… zzzz." We both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>3rd POV<strong>

As Matt and Rumia lay in the grass, they each are dreaming.

Rumia is dreaming about going out and pulling the mother of all pranks with Cirno and her friends.

Matt on the other hand is having a nightmare about being hunted down by Dan

In Matt's nightmare, he is in a dark alleyway with Rumia as Dan stares down at Matt holding an anti-material rifle loaded with bullets that were filled with holy water.

_"No! Stop!"_

As he closed in, Matt looked over at Rumia, only to find a pile of bones dripping with holy water.

_"No... NOOOOOOOO!"_

He aimed the rifle at me

_"Goodbye, partner"_

"DON'T KILL ME!" Matt awoke with a start.

* * *

><p><strong>Scarlet Devil Mansion Outskirts (morning)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

I looked around, to find that Rumia was still sleeping, and that I was still alive. I let out a sigh of relief _it was only a nightmare_. I went over to wake Rumia up, only to have a black and white blur beat me to it.

Rumia opened her eyes "ughhh, morning already." Rumia said as she rubbed her eyes.

I nodded "yup, we should go find some breakfast." I looked over at the mansion a little ways away "let's go ask the people who live there if they would let us have some."

Rumia grew wide eyed "ummm, I don't think that's a good idea."

_Huh? Why not?_

Rumia continued "the people that live there don't really like to be bothered."

I looked over to her "well, we need to warn them about Dan anyways, so lets go" I said as I got up

Rumia got up and encased herself in a black blob of darkness "is that so?" she followed me.

* * *

><p><strong>Scarlet Devil Mansion gate<strong>

We walked past the huge gates of the mansion. I noticed a girl dressed in a Chinese guard outfit was sleeping on a nearby stool. As we made our way up to the door, I noticed that there was a huge surge of power within the mansion. It felt like it was coming from the basement.

"We better knock"

"Is that so?"

"Yes, it is so. Now please stop saying that!"

"Hmpf!"

*knock knock*

…

…

…

_No answer _

I looked over at Rumia "come on, lets just go inside."

I opened the doors to the mansion as they made a loud creak. I found myself in a large foyer, and everything was scarlet colored.

"Geez, the owner must really like this color" I muttered.

"Is that so?" Rumia said in a sing-song voice.

I glared over at Rumia. she was smiling widely at me. "You know what, forget it." I said as I walked down some stairs that led to what I assume is the basement.

It was Dark and a pungent smell filled my nose. to my right was a large metal door covered in seals and runes.

**BANG**

A loud clanking noise could be heard as the door shook. _I better not go in there._ As I continued down the hallway, I came to a large wooden double door. _Wow, that door is humongous. _The door was at least 5 times my height.

I looked over at Rumia and said "Do you think we should go in?"

Rumia smiled at me. "Totally!"

_Hm, I didn't think anyone in Gensokyo knew any slang._

I pushed the door open, and unlike the front door. this one was silent as a mouse. As soon as I walked into the room, I stood speechless. _w-wow, there must be more books here than in the library of congress._ Bookshelves over 3 stories high towered over Rumia and I. I noticed a few gaps in the bookshelves. _hm, the collection must be incomplete._

As we walked along the library, one certain book caught my attention. _wha? I didn't know they made a wikipedia book._ There was a book labeled "Wikipedia" to my right. _I'll check that out later. gotta focus._

I wandered around the library for what felt like hours.

_ugh, I'm lost in a labyrinth of books._

I found it strange that the shelves were arranged in a maze-like pattern.

_I wish there was a librarian on duty._

As if my wish was granted, I turned a corner and saw a purple-haired girl trapped under a mountain of books.

"Mukyu! can you please help me!" She pleaded.

I nodded and went over to the pile of books. I reached out to her with my metallic arm and said "here, take my hand."

She weakly grabbed my hand, and with one swift motion, I pulled her out with great ease. We both fell to the floor with a thud.

I got up and brushed myself off. "hello, can you help me?"

"Mukyu! of course. as long as you don't steal any books. What do you need help with?" she wheezed.

As she got up, I got a better look at her. She seemed to be wearing a purple-pink striped nightgown under a purple robe. She wore a purple mob-cap with a golden crescent moon adorning it. Her skin was as pale as a ghost, and she had purple eyes.

"I just want to get out of here."

"And I'm hungry."Rumia said with a childish expression.

"Ok, follow me." Said the girl in purple as she ignored Rumia's comment. "So, what's your name?"

"My name is Matthew Harrison, but you can call me Matt." I said while pointing at myself in a dramatic way. "So What's your name?"

"My name is Patchouli, Patchouli Knowledge. You will Refer to me as Miss Knowledge." She stated with a dull expression.

_Why do I doubt that Knowledge is her family name?_

As we continued, there was an eerie silence. Rumia was the first to break the silence. "hmph" she crossed her arms, and with the expression of a whiny child she said. "Why didn't you ask my name?"

"Because your not important" Patchouli replied with an uncaring expression.

Rumia flew ahead of me and Patchy - _I think I'll just call her Patchy - _and stuck out her tongue.

Patchy was eyeing my metal arm "so, why are you wearing that?"

"Isn't it obvious. I lost my real arm." I said looking up to her.

She looked back down at me "I'll have to take a look at that sometime."

As we exited the library, I saw Rumia standing in front of the large metal door from before. She was looking at the bars on the upper portion of the door, but I don't think she was admiring the craftsman ship of the door. There were 2 red searchlights peering back at her.

"Rumia?" I said, walking up next to her.

Patchy noticed the eyes staring from behind the bars as she adopted a nervous expression "get away from that door! Mukyu!"

I looked up at the red eyes, as they followed me as I continued down the hall.

We were soon back at the foyer, but instead of it being empty like last time, there was a little girl with blue hair standing in the center.

Patchy sweatdropped "oh, hey... Remi"

To be continued...

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: I think I did a much better Job in this chapter then I did in the previous. I'm sure you guys know who those eyes belong to. we will meet her next chapter. <strong>

**This is Sweebation, Signing off.**


	3. And Then There Will Be None?

**Chapter 3**

**And then there will be none?**

**[AN]: no notes today**

* * *

><p><strong>Scarlet Devil Mansion<strong>

**Patchouli's POV**

_Ut-oh, Remi won't be happy with the fact that there are intruders in the mansion._

"Oh, hey... Remi." I sweatdropped.

"Hello Patchy. Tell me, who are those rats behind you?" she said while raising an eyebrow.

"W-w-well-" I stuttered.

"Hi, my name is Matthew, But you can call me Matt" Matt interrupted While gesturing towards himself.

_Well that was rude._

"Hm, you seem to be just as rude as a certain witch I know." Remi Stated.

_Marisa better return my books soon._

**BOOM**

Everyone jumped at the sudden explosion. all except for Remi.

"Hey Remi, Just what is that?" I said as I regained my shattered composure.

"Hm, oh, the Rat speaks. It's none of your business." she stated in a plain tone of voice.

Matt was Gritting his teeth "you're really starting to piss me off." he mumbled.

**BOOM**

"Seriously, what is that?"

"I told you, It's none of your business." Remi shouted.

I just now noticed that the little youkai Matt referred to as Rumia was missing. _Where did she go? I better go find her before she causes more trouble._

Patchy left the Foyer to look for Rumia.

* * *

><p><strong>SDM Basement<strong>

**Unknown POV**

_It's not fair, every time Remi has guests, she never lets me out to play. It makes me so mad I just want to. to. _"kyuu!"

**BOOM**

A teddy bear over to the figure's right exploded in a fiery mess of stuffing. _oh no, I broke another toy._ _I don't want to break my toys, but I really want to break that girl standing outside my door, she's creeping me out_. The figure thought while looking down from the bars on her big metallic door.

Looking right back at me, the girl outside the door had eyes just like mine. _maybe I can scare her off._ "hello, what's your name" I said in the most menacing tone I could.

The girl who was standing outside my door opened her mouth and said "I'm Rumia. Do you have any food in there?"

_I put on an angry face and said_ "no! now scram!"

"But I can smell human blood in there. you're hiding something." the girl said in an innocent tone.

_Oh, so she want's to get in. Maybe I can get her to open the door._ "fine, you caught me. I have human flesh in here."

Rumia was drooling

_That's disgusting _"all you have to do is use that key hanging over there to open the door." I said. I think an evil grin had made it's way onto my face.

There was a key hanging about 3 feet to the left of the door on a hook. the key itself was huge, at a staggering 14" long.

"You mean this key?" Rumia said as she hefted the Huge key over her head and into the lock.

"Yes, now turn it clockwise two times." this statement confused Rumia "I'm sorry, I mean turn it right two times.

"Oh, ok" Rumia said with a smile.

Just as Rumia was finished turning the key, Patchy exploded down the hallway "WAIT, DON'T OPEN TRHAT DOOR! MUKYU!"

But it was too late. the lock mechanism mad a huge creak, and the door slid open.

Unaware of what she just did, Rumia stood there dumbfounded

* * *

><p><strong>Rumia's POV<strong>

_What is she so worried about._ Rumia was looking down the hallway where Patchouli had collapsed in a fit of coughing.

As the door opened, I had a huge grin on my face. when the door was completely open, a girl about my height stood there with a sinister look on her face.

She was wearing a red dress with a pink mob cap and a pink undershirt. but the most drawing feature were two iron poles stuck in her back with multi-colored prism shards hanging from them.

"My name is Flandre. Thank you for letting me out." the girl said. "I was getting bored in there." she smirked as she looked over at Patchy.

Patchy looked like the had seen the Devil himself, as her face had somehow gotten paler than before. "Oh shi-"

**BOOM**

Something exploded in front of Patchy, throwing her down the hall.

Flandre dashed down the hallway towards the stairs. As she flew over Patchy, she looked back at me and smirked. I was confused, but I didn't care. there was meat to be eaten.

* * *

><p><strong>SDM basement, Flandre's room.<strong>

It was dark, just how I like it. I wandered into the room looking for any signs of meat. there were blood stains all over the concrete floor and walls. "hmph! great, It was just dried blood, there's no meat in here.

Just as I turned around to leave, I saw Patchy standing in the doorway. blood was dripping down her forehead like a leaking faucet.

"You! Do you realize what you've just done! Mukyu!" Patchy stood there; anger leaking out of her just like her own blood. Although she was angry, her face was still pale. She probably didn't have enough blood in her body to turn it red.

I looked back at her in confusion. "what's up Patchy?" I said cheerfully.

Her eye started twitching "It's Miss Knowledge to you! Mukyu!" she broke down into a coughing fit. "I have a good mind to seal you right now."

I looked at her and blinked my deep red eyes "I thought the shrine maiden was the only one who could seal people."

She was overflowing with a mix of fear and rage "DIE!"

Patchy shot several fireballs at me. they homed in on me but I was able to move out of the way before one was able to touch me.

"Hey, your in no condition to fight" I said with a hint of worry in my voice.

Patchy ignored me "you have unleashed a terror that will kill everyone!"

"It's not wise to fight me when I'm surrounded by my natural element." I said slyly.

Again, Patchy ignored me. She tried to bring a pillar of water up under me, but all she could spawn is a puddle. Normally, a magician of her level would've been able to kick my ass, but she was severely weakened by Flandre's explosion.

as I stood in the puddle, I shot some of my danmaku at her. The shrine maiden would've been able to brush it off like nothing, but Patchy, in her weakened state, was thrown to the ground.

"you should just forget about it and go do something fun. that's what I always do when something bad happens." I said as I held my arms in the fashion that I do when I am hunting or fighting.

As she was getting up, Patchy said "you know, you shouldn't get so cocky."

"huh?" I looked behind me to see that the fireballs Patchy had shot before had turned around to hit me. As they impacted, I didn't notice another person sneak into the room.

Patchy was lifting off into the air as I got back up. as I lifted into the air, Patchy declared a spell card. "water sign: jellyfish princess" a huge bubble formed in front of her. right as I shot her with my danmaku orbs. the bubble absorbed them and prevented Patchy from getting hurt. This gave Patchy some time to conjure up another fire spell.

This time, the fireballs were not spread out like last time, instead one huge fireball headed towards me and exploded in my face. as I got up, Patchy was about to end the spell card battle with another card, when something shot her from behind.

"wha?" She had a look of surprise on her face as she fell to the ground to reveal a holy pure silver knife sticking in her back. I looked up to see the person who threw it, and as I saw them, my face paled.

"So, we meet again darkness youkai." as he said this, he walked over to Patchy, took the knife out of her back, then licked the blood off of it.

"demon blood, it's much tastier than human blood." he said as he lapped the blood off the blade. "pity there won't be any more of it soon." A look of arousal crept onto his face. It was someone I never wanted to see again, Dan.

as he said this, he pulled out a bullet with a needle on it. I sensed a huge amount of holy energy emanating from it. he put it into this black stick which had a hole on one end.

"w-what is that?" I said with a hint of fear.

"your end." he said as he pointed the object towards me.

I panicked and burst into motion, flying over Dan and through the doorway.

"F***" he cursed and chased after me. as I was flying down the hallway, he was shooting more of those unfair bullets, but in a spread out pattern.

one bullet grazed my leg and left a burning sensation.

_yup, those things are filled with holy water. _I ignored the searing pain and continued up the stairs. when I got to the foyer, Matt and Remi were gone. I looked out one of the few windows, which by the way was broken, and saw that it was probable about noon.

Even though Matt was not there, someone else was. "Hey, do you know where Remilia is?" The little girl from before was there, Flandre. Her crystal wings glistened in the afternoon sun.

*sniff sniff* "I smell human, and I'm thirsty." Flandre said as she bared her fangs.

_So she is a vampire, I knew it. by the way, if she and her sister are vampires, then why aren't the affected by the sun?_

Just then, a figure flew down from the second floor. as he landed, his tattered coat fluttered in the breeze like a cape, he looked behind me and said "I told you I would keep you safe." as he said this, he held up a card.

I beamed "Oh, that's wonderful, you got your first spell card."

* * *

><p><strong>Matt's POV<strong>

_I knew I heard something. And from the looks of it, I'd say it starts with a F***, and ends with a me. But I have my first spell card, according to Reimu, if I can Engage him in a spell card battle, then none can sustain lethal wounds._

"Um, hello?" Rumia said raising an eyebrow.

I looked over "huh, oh sorry" I said as I interrupted my internal monologue

"It's ok" Rumia said with a grin. "how did you get your first spell card any ways?"

_has she forgotten that a shameless killer is hot on our trail. I suppose I can wait for him to make the first move._

A huge chunk of the stairs landed in front of us. _besides, it looks like he's busy right now._

Dan was battling a little vampire girl who had rainbow diamond wings. for some reason, it reminded me of the nyan cat.

"and then there will be none?" the small girl declared. As she disappeared, a large amount of danmaku appeared in her place.

"ok, I'll tell you, but we better find some cover." I said as I moved around the chunk of wood that was on fire.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback<strong>

"It is so my business!" I retorted as Remi was arguing with me.

Remi sneered "how dare you disagree with the queen of the night. you must be put in your place. Now, suffer the sting of my spear! Divine spear: Sear of Gungnir" she declared as she formed a spear of scarlet energy. It homed in on me at blinding speeds, and passed right through my chest. It hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to go down so easy.

I retorted by lunging at her and grabbing for her neck with my mechanical arm. she was surprised that I would make an attempt at hand to hand combat because of Gensokyo's tradition of shooting energy bullets in pretty little patterns. but that stuff wasn't for me, I grew up as a street thug, I've gotten into my fair share of fist fights, so I'm pretty good at hand to hand combat.

she struggled to break free of my metal grip, but it only tightened as the jewel on the back of my hand glowed scarlet.

"let... go... I... can't... Breath." she choked out. as I let my grip free, she held her neck with her hands and stared at me like I had just said the most offensive thing in the world. as her face twisted up, she declared "Scarlet Devil: Scarlet Devil!" as she said this, a huge surge of energy enveloped me and her. she was un-affected, but I sure was.

as I fell to the ground like a charred corpse, a card appeared in front of my face. I grabbed it, and declared it, somehow knowing what was on it. "Machine sign: Metal monster!" as I declared, energy formed around me into a ball of light. when I emerged from the light, I was standing on top of a mark I tank.

_oh hells yeah!_ I though as I jumped into the tank. somehow already knowing how to operate it. Remi looked up at the Metal beast as she stood there, puzzling and puzzling, till her puzzler was sore. as she stood there looking like an idiot, one of the huge cannons on the right side of the tank, took aim and fired a huge shell made of danmaku. it exploded into small shards as it hit the ground.

as Remi stood up, I started moving the tank forward and ran over her. as I did, the tank disappeared, with Remi lying unconscious. I had bested a high level youkai in a spell card battle, "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

_... I have been Watching waaay too much anime lately._

* * *

><p><strong>End Flashback<strong>

As I told Rumia all about my epic win, we had found shelter from the madness above us**.**

**BOOM**

as Flandre was thrown against the wall nearest to us, she slipped out of cosiness. "you... don't f-fight fair... meanie." she had many bruises on her skin, as well as many knife slashes, and a large burn mark on her left shoulder.

Dan approached her with a wooden stake in hand that he carved out of the wooden stair banister. "you put up quite a fight, even in the sunlight, your pretty strong. though pity I'm out of birds I'll just have to finish you off the Quick and painless way." as he approached, I stepped in his way. "oh nice, It seems you are done cowering in fear of my awesome power. Now that yo0u've gotten in my way, what do you plan to do?"

I raised my head "I challenge you to a spell card battle. one card each. If I win, then you leave the inhabitants of this mansion alone."

"and what if I win?"

"... then I will let you purify me. in any way you choose." I said confidently.

_WHAT THE F*** AM I THINKING!_

"oh, this will be fun. I can't wait to try out my new card on you." he smiled evilly "and when I'm done, I'll rip you head off and S*** down your neck!" He said while putting on a pair of shades and lighting as cigarette.

"ok then, bring on some fight" I said while giving a taunting motion with my hand.

"I'm not going to fight you, I'm gonna kick your ass!" he said while pulling his 9mm, and holy poison coated sword.

_Geez, stop it with the Duke Nukem quotes._

Dan charged at me "I've got balls of-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed.

"eat s*** and-" I delivered a punch to his jaw with my mechanical arm.

"I told you to shut it!" I said as I licked the blood off of my fist.

_mmmh, this is pretty good, no wonder Rumia loves it._

after Dan's jaw was done fixing itself, he said "boy! you just made the biggest mistake of you're life." he said as he crushed the shades and threw the cigarette butt away.

"wait, since when can you-" I was cut off by a slash to the face. Good thing this is a spell card battle, otherwise that poison on his blade would've killed me.

_still burns like hell though. since when can a human take a punch that should shatter their jaw, then shrug it off like nothing?_

He took aim with his pistol, and fired a holy round at me. I parried with my sword

_wait... I don't have a sword. _I looked at my arm which had a sharp blade protruding out of it. I hadn't noticed that a spell card had formed in my other hand. it read: metal sign: Blade of revolution.

_wait, if I just got this new spell card, and I'm using it, then that means... oh s***, I can't use my uber spell card._

Dan stopped with his repeated slashes "Impressive, you've got guts, too bad I gotta rip em outta you."

_where have I heard that before._

"let's see if you can hold your own against one of my spell cards. Curse sign: death of a god." he declared. he started charging energy I took it as an opening, and went in to deliver several sword slashes. none of them seemed to have effect as he kept gathering energy.

_oh s***_

"F*** YOOOOUUU!" Dan screamed as he released a laser bigger than the master spark, but without the humming noise.

the laser tore through me as an immense pain coursed through my body. the blade on my arm retracted, and I fell out of the air.

_wait, the battle's not over? he broke my spell card... wait, I didn't declare it._ I pulled out the card from my pocket and looked at it. in the bottom right corner, it said 'skill card' in big bold letters.

_oh, so I still have a chance. _

Dan looked at me in dis-belief. "what the f***. How are you still conscious?"

"I haven't used my spell card yet." I said as I held up another card. it was my uber card.

well, let's see if you can stand it again. he said as he started charging energy again.

I declared my spell card "machine sign: metal monster" again, the blinding light enveloped me and after 5 seconds, I was standing on top of a mark I.

Dan looked at me in surprise as I smirked and got into the tank.

the tank started rolling forward as I tried to run over Dan. this proved ineffective as he moved out of the way.

when his beam was done charging, he didn't hesitate to fire it.

It bounced off like nothing. to be truthful, it wasn't anywhere near the power of the master spark. as I turned one of the turrets to fire, I covered him with machine gun fire from one of the mounted guns. they fired rapid fire danmaku as Dan weaved to avoid them.

he smirked when he got an idea. he ran around to the back of the tank, and climbed onto it.

_oh s***!_

he ripped off a panel "this is too easy!" and he shot it rapidly with his gun.

sparks started to shoot out of the opening as I climbed out of the monster. Dan didn't seem to notice. He kept shooting the engine until he hit what I assume was a fuel line and the whole thing exploded. a shock wave sent Dan flying into the right wall as his spell card broke only seconds before mine.

as he got up from the wall, I said "I win Dan. now leave these people alone." he mumbled something about how he would like to rip off everyone's arms and beat them to death with their own arms.

"fine", he spat "but you better watch your back, I'll be there when you least expect me." he then jumped out of a window.

"whew, is everyone alri- gah!" I was interrupted as Rumia crashed into me and gave me a very tight hug.

"you kept your promise."

"yeah, I did." I felt really awkward right now. "come on, lets go" I tried to move, but Rumia wouldn't let go. finally I returned the favor, and her grip loosened.

as Rumia let go, she exclaimed "come on! I know this place that makes great grilled lamprey."

we took off into the setting sun. as we became a spec in the distance, we heard a scream.

"AAAHH! WHAT DID THAT BASTARD DO TO MY MANSION!"

_yup, good thing we left when we did. I don't want to find out if vampires can survive on youkai blood._

I looked at Rumia who had a large bead of sweat running down her face. "Its a good thing we left when we did. I wouldn't want to stick around to find out what Remi would do to us."

"is that so?" Rumia sung.

I smiled at Rumia "yes, yes it is so."

* * *

><p><strong>About 1 mile behind Matt and Rumia<strong>

**Flandre's POV**

"none saw me slip out while Matt and that Dan guy were fighting. I finally get to have my own adventure." I said as I followed the couple into the sunset

_Dan, I will get back at you, and when I do, I'll get to see what you look like on the inside."_

**To Be Continued**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: <strong>

*** the Bird refers to the bird shot-like shotgun rounds Dan used when perusing Rumia**

**admittedly, this chapter isn't as long as my last 2 in word length, but I think there is much more going on here than before. before you leave a question, Matt's coat can flutter in the wind inside, because I decree it to be so. BTW, Gurren Lagann references FTW! also, before you ask, yes, Matt and Rumia are developing a relationship, and no... they're too young!... I'm not a lolicon!**

**this is Sweebation, signing off.**

**...**

**...  
><strong>

**Eye've got bauls uhv steeeelll~**


	4. Little Exploding Terror

**Chapter 4: Little Exploding Terror**

**[AN]: This is mostly a character development chapter.**

**Chapter 4: Little Exploding Terror.**

* * *

><p><strong>Skies of Gensokyo<strong>

**Matt's POV**

As we were heading away from the mansion, I had a disturbing feeling that we were not alone. "Hey Rumia? do you feel that?" I asked with a small amount of uncertainty in my voice.

Rumia looked over at me, her blonde hair fluttering in the wind "feel what?" she raised an eyebrow.

I sighed "never mind, it's probably nothing."

we were flying toward's the grilled lamprey stand. It was about 3 miles in the distance when a rainbow-colored blur raced by me at speeds that rival that of a speeding bullet train.

I struggled to get myself stable in the air once again, Rumia wrapped her arm around my waist and helped me regain stability. "thanks, I'm not the best flyer."

Rumia looked at me and asked "what was that?"

I looked back at her with a wary face "I don't know. But we better be careful." we set down on the ground, deciding to walk the rest of the way. we were about 400 feet from the stand.

I looked around and saw I was surrounded by the natural beauty of the forest of magic. there were trees that towered over me, and colorful flowers surrounding the path we were walking on. the most notable, were the mushrooms. for every flower, there were at least 5 mushrooms. some were bigger than me, and others were smaller than my pinkie finger.

"Isn't it beautiful?"Rumia said looking over at me.

I looked back at her "it's wonderful. almost every place like this in the outside world has been destroyed." I put a big smile on my face.

as we continued to walk, we passed many strange animals that people couldn't normally find in the outside world. there were also a few wild youkai looking at us.

_good thing we're not humans._

as we approached the stand, I noticed that at some point in our walk, Rumia's hand and mine had made their way to each other. As I let go, I looked to the owner of the stand. she was a night sparrow youkai.

_don't ask how, I just know!_

she had a purple and pink outfit with a hat that had a small set of wing ornaments. her dress was pink with a purple shroud going over her shoulders. her wings were pink, and had a snowflake-like design. She had a small talons, and very pointy ears.

_those ears are ridiculous. I wonder if she knows link?_

I chuckled

Rumia raised an eyebrow and asked "what's so funny?"

I looked back at Rumia from the night sparrow and said "oh, It's nothing."

Rumia dismissed the subject as she gazed up at the sky.

"ahem!"

_oh, I forgot about the night sparrow._

she glared at me. "if your done laughing at me, then can I take your order?"

I scratched the back of my head. "well, the thing is, we sorta don't... have... any... money... Hey Rumia, why did we come here if we don't have any money?"

Rumia snapped out of her zoned out state, and looked at me "I don't know, I don't usually plan ahead."

my face met my palm.

"it's ok, I'll pay for them." Flandre stated from the seat down at the right end.

_wait... what is SHE doing here?_

her prism wings were glistening in the moonlight as she said "you saved my life, it's the least I can do." she took out a large wad of cash.

_tha-that's a lot of money..._

"order anything you want." She looked at me.

I looked at the menu "... I'll have the midnight special"

The little night sparrow jotted down some notes on a small notepad.

I looked over at Rumia "hey Rumia, you want anything?"

she looked at the menu for about 5 minutes. she was starting to drool as she fantasized about a feast. "I'll have one of everything."

I looked at her shocked "R-Rumia, I don't think you should-"

the night sparrow was already jotting down Rumia's order. "ok, It'll be done in a second."

an awkward silence haunted the atmosphere as crickets chirped in the background. It was kinda surreal. brought back memories from living on the road. I would jump train to train, like a true hobo. The employers from various towns didn't care how old I was, as long as I worked.

"so Flandre, what is it like living the lavish lifestyle of a rich girl?" I broke the silence.

Flandre looked down "I didn't actually get to enjoy it that much. I was locked in the basement all my life. Remilia rarely let me out."

_so Remilia is her real name. I thought Remi was just a nickname._

"It was always so dark down there. there were only rats and spiders to keep me company as I slept on the cold, concrete floor."

I looked at her "wow... that's rough."

_damn, she had it much worse than me. at least I could see the light of day._

she shed a single tear. "it was horrible down there. alone for 495 years, hungry, and deprived of blood. I had many toys, but I accidentally broke them." she continued to cry.

_that's horrible._

she looked up at me smiling. "so I'm never going back. Remi is so mean, and her maid scares me."

none expected what happened next to actually happen. Rumia asked a question. "If your so powerful, then why didn't you run away earlier?"

Flandre looked over at Rumia, while I received my order of food. "I often thought about that, but after I broke out, then who would I travel with? the truth is... I kinda don't know how to read."

_ooooohhh, that makes sense. who would teach her._

I looked over at Flandre as Rumia stared at her mountain of food. "you were afraid you would get lost, and wouldn't be able to find your way around."

she nodded "exactly."

Rumia had started digging into her pile of food as I looked at mine. Flandre paid the night sparrow as she said "enjoy your meal."

I dug into my plate of eel, but I actually took the time to use utensils instead of my bare hands.

Flandre pulled out a small vial of what I assumed was blood, then drank it.

when I was about halfway finished, Rumia let out the loudest burp I've ever heard. I looked over at her. she was laying on top of the table surrounded by eel bones. her Gut was poking out from under her shirt as she said "ahhhh, good... night...ZZZZ."she fell asleep as she digested the huge meal.

_she needs to control what she eats or else she will get fat. I'm amazed that anyone can eat that much._

Flandre wiped the "blood" off of her lips and sang. "we better find some shelter. It's getting late."

after I was done with my meal, I picked up Rumia and slung her over my shoulder. her stomach sloshed as I hefted her up.

_Geez, She must weigh at least 200 pounds. How can she weigh that much and still have the frame of a small, lanky child._

as Rumia drooled over my shoulder, I looked back at the sparrow "thanks for the food."

she beamed "No, thank YOU for eating here. you gave me the best business I've had in a long time."

We flew away into the night to find a suitable shelter, me and Flandre didn't say a word. I think half of it had to do with Rumia's snoring. We eventually settled down in a scrap yard near the kappa village. I felt compelled to Build something out of some scarp metal sheets I saw, so Flandre took Rumia to a makeshift hut we built out of the remains of what looked like an RV.

_how can Flandre just carry her like it's nothing. she weighs a ton! and what the heck is an RV doing in Gensokyo?_

I got to work on my project as a steel cutter was deployed from my right index finger.

I started cutting out very small parts. somehow, I was able to cut with extreme persicion. When I cut circles, I cut circles.

I worked late into the night. completely wrapped up in my work.

* * *

><p><strong>SDM<strong>

**Remilia's POV**

"Sakuya!" I called for my head maid. She appeared to my left before I even finished her name.

"yes milady?" I took a moment to look at her uniform. It was strangely deprived of any blood. her blue dress, white apron, the white frills on her Blue hat, even her knifes and straps that she kept around her legs were spotless.

I stopped examining her uniform "Sakuya, isn't there supposed to be blood all over your apron?"

she chuckled "milady, I have been trying to stop knifing China whenever she falls asleep." Sakuya said with an emotionless stare.

I changed the subject "any ways, It has come to my attention that my sister has gone missing. I command you to go find her."

Sakuya bowed "yes milady." then she vanished.

"... oh, Sakuya."

Sakuya appeared to the right of me this time "what is it milady?"

I frowned "Sakuya, we've talked about this. could you show just a _little_ more emotion, and less creepy stare."

Sakuya smiled "yes milady."

I dismissed her "that will be all."

she Disappeared again to start looking for my little sister.

_I don't care if she hates me, she is a menace to the world, and if I let her roam free, Yukari will have my heart transplanted into a meat grinder._

I walked out of my room to get ready for bed. It was early in the morning, and I needed all the sleep I could get.

_I wonder where... what was her name again?... oh right, Flandre ran off to._

* * *

><p><strong>New York City High rise<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_How could I fall for such a stupid trap. And how could I lose to such a noob. He used to cower in fear of my mere presence, but now he has the balls to fight back. and where did he get a tank anyway?_

As I asked myself these questions, I decided to take a dip in the indoor hot-tub.

_ahhh, that couple sure knows how to spend a vacation._ I looked back where 2 piles of bones were sitting in the corner. _occasionally I find a couple demons in the outside world, but they never are this wealthy._

I took a bottle of holy water and drank it's contents. Immediately, I felt revitalized. _strange how what is a deadly poison to you, Is an elixir to me._

I was plotting my revenge. I knew that if I wanted to kill Matt and his friend, I had to do it outside a spell card battle.

I soaked in the tub for a couple more minutes, then I had an idea.

I got out of the tub and got dressed. I then took an elevator downstairs, and walked out the front sliding glass door. It was mid noon over here.

_in Gensokyo, everyone should just now be getting to bed._

I walked down a sidewalk. there were many noises that could be heard. across the street, there were some men chipping away the old sidewalk with a jackhammer. I came to a crosswalk, and waited for the sign to turn green. the pungent smell of exhaust filled my nostrils, as the many vehicles zipped by.

when the sign had turned green, I started walking across. there was a man in a business suit to my left, and an old woman who looked like she was on her way to a dinner party to my right. she wore a big blue poofy hat, and a simple yet elegant one piece dress.

_she would be pretty hot if she wasn't so old._

as I got to the other side, I slipped into an alleyway when none was looking. as I traveled down the ally, the stink of dirty diapers, rotten food, and a decaying corpse filled me with an unpleasant felling. I got to the end of the ally, and unlocked a door with a key that was tied around my neck.

once inside, I threw a big mainframe switch. as the lights illuminated the room, one could see there was nothing except an old refrigerator, a bucket with a mop sticking out of it, and a few old appliances. I pulled on the mop handle, and the refrigerator opened. I climbed inside, and soon started traveling down.

_my refrigorvator is working. what? I like the name._

as the elevator came to a stop, the door opened to reveal a store-room. except this was no ordinary store-room. the walls were made out of metal, and were polished with chrome. instead of cleaning agents, there were deadly poisons. instead of brooms, there were guns. and instead of that old suitcase you keep on the top shelf of your closet, there was a huge supercomputer. It was a large rectangle that took up half of the wall. there was a 50" flat screen monitor mounted on the front, just above a user interface. several meters with all the needles positioned at zero lined the screen, and to the left, there was an array of LED lights with labels above them.

_now, I need to activate my Advanced Intelligence Locating Computer. this masterpiece of technology can locate anything on the face of the planet._

the computer whirred to life as I threw a switch. Several lights started indicating status, a 50" screen lit up with a picture of a world map on it, and several meters sprung to life, occasionally twitching. A booming robotic-like voice came over an intercom system. "M4573R, W45 Y0UR M!SS!0N 4 5UCC355?" (master, was your mission a success?)

I sighed as I took a seat in my chair "no AILC*"

"7H3N ! PR35UM3 W3 W!11 7H!NK 0F 4N07H3R P14N?" (then I presume we will think of another plan?)

"yes, but I've already have an idea. I need to know the location of crate 117T."

A loading bar appeared on AILC's screen It stopped after about 7 seconds. "10C47!0N C0NF!RM3D, 53C7!0N 'Y' 5U8-B10CK 'D'." (location confirmed, section 'Y' sub-block 'D')

"excellent." I got up from my chair to get my toy. there was no doubt in my mind that Matt would surely die.

I walked down to the location of the crate. along my way were shelves the reached 3 to 4 floors high. I got to Section Y, And used a scissor-lift to get me up to sub block D.

_Here we go, it's on this shelf._

as soon as I pulled the crate out, I tore it open. as I cleared the packing material, the shape of a huge 5 1/2' long anti-material Rifle could be seen. It had an extremely long barrel which was acctually collapseable. at full length, it was 6 1/2 feet long. It used 30mm custom made rounds, and the scope had a range of 300 feet to 2 1/2 miles.

I pulled it out of the wooden box, and took a moment to admire it. I descended the scissor lift, and made my way back to AILC.

when I got back, I looked around for some materialsI would need. "this'll do." I picked up the rifle, a belt of ammunition, and my return teleporter. "AILC! send me to Gensokyo I said as I made my way to what looked like a compass, except with lots of wires sticking out of it.

A glass tube came down over me. there were electrodes cackling on the ceiling of the tube.

AILC said "H4V3 4 54F3 7R!P" (have a safe trip.) and with that, The electrodes let out a sudden burst of electricity, In I was being hurled through nothingness. I was approaching the bright light going at least 300 mph, but when I fell through it, hitting the ground was just like landing from a jump 3 feet high.

I stood up, hefting the huge rifle over my back. it was around midnight, and there was a waxing half moon out. "ALRIGHT! lets play." I took the rifle off of my back and loaded it with a 6 round holy water clip. I brought 50 rounds, so there was not too much need to worry about running out.

_even If I run out, I can just ask AILC to send me more._

I took out a device that looked like a palm pilot, and turned it on.

_with this on, I can communicate with AILC._

as I adjusted the scope on the gun, I used my curse-enhanced eyesight to locate a suitable practice target. I saw my target. a little nekomata** had stopped to pick some flowers in the moonlight.

_aww, come on, isn't there another one around that isn't a kitty. oh well, she'll have to do._

as I took aim, the little youkai was smelling the flowers. I laid down, and started adjusting the scope. but as I was finding the distance, A vicious wolf youkai came out and attacked the nekomata. as she was defenseless to stop the creature, so she cowered in fear.

the wolf youkai licked his lips "ooh goody, a late night snack." the gray-haired wolf said as he bared his fangs.

_perfect, ok, about 1 mile away._ I adjusted the scope, laid back down, and aimed straight at the wolf youkai's heart. I pulled the trigger.

**KRACKOOM!**

a very loud noise was made as I fired the gun, so loud that birds on the treetops flew away. I watched the gruesome scene through my scope as the wolf youkai let out a primal scream, The hole in his chest grew bigger as his blood poured out. the hole continued to get bigger as the wolf screamed out in pain. that is, until the hole got so big that the holy water started eating away at his lungs.

as his digestive system spilled out, the little cat girl sat in the field of blood-coated flowers. horrified by what she saw. she eventually passed out.

as the wolf's face melted away, and he collapsed into a pile of bones.

I put my rifle away, and ran over to the scene where the murder had happened. after a good 10 minutes of running, I got there. I then picked up the wolf's skull, and put it in my bag, as I pulled something else out. holy water.

As I uncorked it, my arm made it's way over to the kitty, I looked at her. she was extremely cute (not in that way), only about 9 in terms of physical age. she wore a blue and white dress with long sleeves. the cuffs, the collar, and the part of her dress reaching below her knees were all light blue. the rest was white. she wore a large blue ribbon offset to the left side of her head. she had silky black hair that elegantly flowed down to her lower back, and two cat-like ears on her head. the one on the right was black, while the one on the left was white. her two tails reached out from under the dress. they were a deep black with white on the ends. there was a large gash on her right arm. she was cute, and looked really familiar, but I had a job to finish.

_at least she won't feel it._

I held her mouth open, it was inches away from her mouth, and as I was about to pour it down her throat, when Something stopped me.

_come on, if I don't purify her now, I'll have to purify her later. damn nekomata's, I always had a soft spot for cats._

"oh f*** it. I can't kill her." I put the holy water away. I got up, and hefted my rifle over my shoulder. I looked back at her. "ugh, goddamn it! I can't leave her here. If I did, then some wild youkai would smell the blood, and come to finish the job." I picked her up, and lifted her over my other shoulder.

_wow, she's lighter than the rifle._

I made my way to an abandoned house I saw on my way here.

_I hope I didn't just make a really big mistake._

* * *

><p><strong>Kappa Scrap Yard<strong>

**Matt's POV**

In the early morning hours, I had finished my creation. it was a watch. about 2" in diameter, and 1/2" thick. it looked very rough, and it was made of steel. it had a lid that popped open when you pressed the button on the top, and the hands were as plain as they could be, and the face was made from the base of an old glass cup

_again, how the hell did these things end up in Gensokyo._

as I wound the watch, it began to tick. I timed it to one minute, then adjusted the speed. In my strange trance-like state, I added a button on the upper right side, near the 1 on the face. the button, when pressed, caused the watch face to open and reveal a lens that shines through the transparent face, and projects the time onto a nearby wall.

I walked tiptoed past the Rumia who Flandre had just left on the kitchen table. Flandre was sleeping in the driver's seat, and I was supposed to sleep in the master bed. the RV was cramped, but still large enough to house 3 people comfortably.

There was a smashed TV across from the kitchen table. the kitchen was complete with a small sized refrigerator/ice box combo, and a 3 burner stove. there was tile floor in the kitchen, and the rest of the floor was covered in a moldy-smelling dark green carpet. the kitchen table could be flipped over and used as a mattress, but nobody bothered to do it. there were blue booths on either side of the table, and just like the carpet, there were many holes in them. a 2 foot wide hallway led to the master bedroom in the back of the RV. a door on the left in the hall led to a washroom, and the door on the right led to a closet.

In the master bedroom, the bed was in surprisingly good condition considering the condition of the rest of the place. there was another TV to the right of the bed, but this one was not smashed. to the right of the entrance, there was a private closet, but it was locked. sandwiched in between the kitchen and the driver's seats, was a lounge where there was a couch to the left that was missing one of it's cushions, and a recliner to the right that a small fairy had decided to call home. next to the recliner was a stairway that led to the door. that is if there was one. there was no door, just an open walkway.

I went outside the RV and stretched. "ahhh, what a wonderful morning."

_you know, I wonder if I could get that RV running._

I decided to check it out, only to find that the engine block was completely rusted out, and the electrical generator was missing.

_well, none said it would be easy._

I went out in search of some parts.

* * *

><p><strong>30 minutes later<strong>

**Rumia's POV**

"ahhh, now that was a great meal." I said as I stretched out on the table.

_what is this place? it's so small, and I can barely move_

I looked around for Matt "hey Matt, where are-"

**BOOM!**

_that came from outside._ I rushed out of whatever that thing was to see Matt lying on the ground next to a metal flower. parts of different kinds were raining down on me.

I looked over to him "hey Matt, are you ok?"

He slowly got up and Looked over at the metal flower. "so the bursting point is at 300 psi, interesting."

I looked back at him in confusion "what's a psi?"

Matt held up a finger with his eyes closed. "pounds per square inch." he said in a know it all tone.

I lost interest "ok, what's with the metal flower?"

Matt face palmed "it's not a metal flower. It WAS a boiler, but it exploded because the psi got too high."

all of a sudden, Flandre burst out of the thingy. she looked upset "hey, are you guys kyuu-ing things without me.

Matt got really nervous "no,no, not at all. I was just testing out a steam boiler, and my experiment went wrong."

Flandre put on a happy grin "ok, so what are we going to do today?"

I decided to not fall to the fate of becoming a background character. "why don't we just chill, and take the day off?"

Matt beamed at this "yeah, that'll give me plenty of time to work on my projects."

Flandre looked down "but I wanted to see more of Gensokyo..."

Matt looked over at Flandre "don't worry Flandre. if I can finish my latest project, then we'll all go on a road trip!" Matt exclaimed proudly.

Flandre headed back inside. I looked smiled with a toothy grin at Matt and said "can I do anything to help?"

Matt grinned "why yes, you can. can you go find a sheet of metal as large as the entryway to our new home?"

I beamed excitedly "sure, I'll find the perfect one" I exclaimed as I dashed off to find the piece."

* * *

><p><strong>Inside the RV<strong>

**Flandre's POV**

_great, I escape from the mansion, only to be stuck doing nothing again. I wonder what all these things do._ Flandre thought as she looked over the dashboard. she could see Matt outside heaving a Rusty block of metal out of the front of our new house. I was so bored. I let my head fall against a wheel thing, then a loud noise bled my ears out.

the noise had knocked Matt back, and caused him to fall on his butt. It was pretty funny.

I giggled, but before I could do it again, matt cut a string, and it wouldn't work anymore.

a couple hours passed, Rumia was busy helping Matt, and Matt was building something. I was sitting in what Matt referred to as the driver's seat. It was very comfortable, so eventually I fell asleep. I was dreaming about kyuu-ing that mean person that attacked me yesterday.

"h-ey Fland-.. wa-... p" an unknown distorted voice said

"uhhh" I moaned my dream realm shattered, and I returned to reality.

Matt was in my face with an exited grin on his face. "hey Flanny, wake up!"

I sat up "uuuh, don't call me Flanny."

Matt beamed "I've got something to show you."

we made our way outside, the first thing I noticed was the fact that there was actually a door in place.

as I stepped outside, I saw that there were black things on the metal wheels, and there was a black pipe sticking out of the roof.

Matt was still Smiling "well, what do you think? I call it the land train."

I didn't really know what to say. I didn't know what Matt had done.

"Let me show you." he loaded some wood into the panel on the front where he got the rusty metal box. he then lit a match, and started a fire. the smoke from the fire started coming out of the black tube.

"ok, hold on" he rushed back inside the house.

Rumia nudged me "he's pretty exited huh?"

"yeah, what is he doing anyway?"

Rumia shrugged "beats me."

all of a sudden, a loud weeet sound came from a small cone on the top of the house. then, it started moving. I couldn't belive it, Matt was in the driver's seat, piloting a moving house."

_I wonder if the mansion can move too._

he stopped it right in front of us, then he let off another weeet from the whistle. he opened the door and said "all aboard." Rumia and I got in the mobile house, and felt a cool breeze.

"ooh, ooh, ooh" I said raising my hand, "I have a question."

Matt looked at me from the driver's seat. "what is it?"

"how did you make it cold in here. did you capture the ice fairy?" I inquired.

Matt laughed "no, no, It's called air conditioning. it's a machine that makes cold air."

I let out a big long oh in understanding.

Matt smiled, "now, who's ready for a road trip!"

Rumia and I screamed "YEAAAAAHHH."

Matt looked back at the wheel and pulled a lever. the house quaked. Then we started moving. It started slow, but gradually got faster. soon, we were zooming down the dirt road at blazing speeds.

Matt stuck his head out the window and blew the whistle as we passed a crow tengu with a strange hat on. the tengu looked at us surprised, then started chasing us. she caught up to us pretty fast too.

* * *

><p><strong>Land Train<strong>

**Matt's POV**

we were flying at speeds of over 60 mph. I was so proud of myself. the wind in my face felt good. I love Gensokyo, there are no laws here, there are no big apple assholes, and you can acctually see the stars at night.

I was out of the forest of Magic, and got to a valley. it was then I knowticed the bird girl chasing after us. She was gaining on us, but this thing was not going at full bore. I let her catch up to the window so I could talk to her.

"HELLO! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" I said over the wind flying through our ears.

"MY NAME"S AYA, I'M A NEWSPAPER REPORTER, AND THIS THING YOU'VE GOT EHRE WOULD MAKE A NICE SCOOP."

I slowed down a bit "WHAT? I COULDN'T HEAR YOU."

"JUST STOP SO I CAN TALK TO YOU!"

fine. I pulled the lever back, and we coasted to a halt. I put the parking brake on, but left the generator on so we could have air conditioning. as soon as we stopped, I led Aya inside "please come in."

she felt the cool air hit her face "oooh, how did you make it so cold in here?"

"air conditioning." I replied dulley. "have a seat." I gestured over to the couch.

she sat on it "hugh, this couch has a couple lumps in it"

I scratched the back of my head "yeah, it's pretty old."

Aya lost interest in the couch lumps and bombarded me with questions "what is air conditioning? how does this work? how fast can it go? are you going to take over the world with it? what is your invasion plan? how are you going-"

I cut her off "whaaat? I never said anything about an invasion. just let me anwser your questions, slowly."

Aya crossed her arms "hmph, fine"

and so I gave Aya her interview, she was intrigued to learn that I was traveling with Flandre and Rumia. I didn't really tell her, they just kinda stumbled in. it was a long night, and we were all ready for some rest. especially with Dan out there hunting us.

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]:<strong>

*** AILC is a global location finder. it is capable of teleportation, and it's advanced AI allows it to function without a human counterpart. Dan had this computer installed in his hideout in 1994. His computerized voice is unclear, and crackles a lot, so I wrote his lines in leet. it was advanced for it's time, and it still is.**

**** a nekomata is a cat-like demon. according to japanese folklore, when a cat lives for an exeptionally long time, it's tail begins to split in two, and becomes a demon.**

**this is my longest chapter yet. I'm trying to potray Dan as a person rather than a heartless killer. before you leave any kind of comment, know that I plan for Dan to become a father-figure to the little nekomata**


	5. Bonding

**Chapter 5: Bonding**

**[AN]: this is the last pre-written chapter. to all the reviewers that left positive feedback, I thank you. honestly, I don't think I'm a very good writer at all, but I'm glad that you guys like my story. BTW, this is an OC development chapter. If you are offended by this, then eff you.**

**Chapter 5: Bonding**

* * *

><p><strong>Land Train (valley)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

after Aya was done with her interview, she left in an exited rush to go print it. I had gotten the feeling that she had written more than I told her, but dismissed it as worry.

_ok, let's get going._

I started up the steam engine, and went outside to put some more wood on the fire.

I went back inside to find Rumia and Flandre staring at me. I stood there waiting for one of them to say something. they weren't saying anything, so I decided to break the silence.

"so, uh, what do you guys want?"

"why did you let Aya interview you so willingly?" they both said in unison.

I was taken aback by the question "well, uhh, I didn't think there was any harm in it."

they both groaned. Rumia said "everyone knows that is Aya asks for an interview, then you should turn her down."

I scratched the back of my neck "sorry."

I pulled the throttle lever backwards to 50%. the vehicle groaned, then started moving slowly. while we picked up speed, the pressure started to drop.

_no, no! what's wrong?_

I pushed the lever back to the stop position, and went outside to find the problem. Flandre walked up to me "What happened?" she asked curiously.

"that!" I pointed to a meter that indicated the level of water. The meter was almost at the 'E' for empty. _why didn't I put the fuel gage in the dashboard?_ "well, sorry. but unless you have some water, we aren't going anywhere. we'll have to continue on foot." Rumia let out an annoyed groan.

I pulled out my new watch. the time read 4:12. "on second thought, we should probably stay here for the night. It's almost evening, and I can't even see the forest."

Flandre shrugged, and Rumia looked relived _since when is she this lazy?_

so we spent the night in the steam-powered RV. Rumia insisted that she sleep in my bed with me because she was scared.

_It's really not a good excuse anymore._

Flandre took the kitchen table. they both went to sleep immediately, but I decided to actually have good hygiene. I went to the washroom, and started the shower. as I was waiting for it to warm up, I noticed something in the mirror. I looked at it and noticed that I now had red eyes. the strange thing was that there were no pupils. Instead, I had deeper red cross hairs in my eyes.

_huh, strange. maybe this is why I was able to pick out targets and cut so accurately._

I shrugged and dismissed it as no big deal. When I got out of the shower, I put on my same clothes as I was wearing before, except for the coat. I crawled up into bed next to Rumia and drifted to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's base of operations<strong>

**Unknown POV**

I slowly started to wake up from my sleep. _was I knocked out?... Oh yeah! I fainted after seeing that wolf youkai die._

I tried to get up, but a sharp pain hit my right shoulder. I looked over to my right arm and saw it was covered in bandages.

It was now that I noticed my surroundings. I was In a room laying down on a hard metal table. there were many knives and scalpels on a table next to me. there were also weapons of all kinds hung on the walls. there were swords, knives, and blades of different kinds. but the collection paled in comparison to the amount of guns.

_oh crap, guns are those things made to hurt people._

A few meters away, to my other side, was a doorway. I could see more guns through the open door, and a machine with many flashing lights on it.

"wha... what is this place?"I said in a fearful voice. _Is this hell?_

"Welcome, to my lair." I jumped a little to see a figure standing in the doorway. he wore a black and gray trench coat with many pockets. under the coat, was a straight black shirt with a skull design on it. he had black jeans, and spiked cuffs around his wrists. strapped to his back was a huge gun with a very long barrel. his long blonde hair flowed down to his lower back, and his dark red eyes contrasted with my light blue ones.

"who are you?" I asked while staring at the large weapon on his back.

The man smiled "I am Daniel Elohssa, but you are to refer to me as Dan."

I got up from my bed. "what happened? where is that wolf youkai?"

the man held up a skull. "right here."

I eased up a bit, but my face lost all it's color. "d-did you save m-me?" I stuttered.

The man put on a welcoming grin. "why yes. If it wasn't for me, that wolf would've eaten you."

I eased up a little more. "thank you mister."

_he doesn't seem like he wants to kill or purify me._

he started leading me to another room. there were crates stacked 3 floors up on shelves that went all the way to the ceiling. I read some of the labels on the crates as we walked by

_hmm, US army, USSR, N. Korea, London, and so many more un-labeled crates._

we got to the other side of the room, where the large machine was. there was 1 crate that was open. In Large letters, It said 'Gensokyo'.

_so, does that mean all of these crates are from different worlds?_

I looked up at the man to my left. "hey mister. what are all of the crates for?"

The man didn't look down at me, or make any sign that he had heard me."...These crates contain things from my travels." he walked over to the large machine and stood by it, looking at me.

I eyed the crate named Gensokyo as he packed the skull from earlier in it.

"where am I? nya~" the man looked over at me and resisted an urge, but he gave in. he ran over to me, and started cuddling me. As he patted my head, I purred

"aww, who's a cute kitty?" he said in a way that one might talk to a baby.

this felt good, but was kinda creepy at the same time. as a nekomata, I had gotten used to being hugged by people that thought I was cute, but he seemed so emotionless before. now... he was scratching under my chin.

I finally got out of his grip, and he regained his emotionless composure. "please excuse me."

I gave him a smile. "It's ok, I'm used to it. so, again, where are we?"

the machine behind Dan started whirring faster, and a world map popped up on a panel. as this happened, a cackling, unclear voice was heard coming from all directions. "Y0U 4R3 !N 7H3 0U75!D3 W0R1D." (you are in the outside world.)

I puzzled "what? I couldn't understand that."

Dan piped in "he said you're in the outside world."

_I think the last of the color in my face just left._

Dan seemed to start showing more emotion as he said "I told you my name, so what's your's?"

_oh! how could I be so rude. _"my name is Maria. just Maria." I said as I stepped a little closer.

Dan smiled "well Maria, Do you know where your parents live? I can send you straight to your front door."

I looked down at this. "I don't have any. Before I moved to Gensokyo, about 52 years ago, My parents were shot by one of those things and melted into skeletons." I pointed to one of the many guns hanging on the wall.

the man paled. "O-oh, I-I'm sorry t-t-to hear that." he stuttered. "... well, would you like to live with me?"

I beamed. I ran over to him and hugged his legs tight. "oh thank you! nya~" the man seemed to get that urge on his face as he picked me up, and hugged me back

_I finally have a new home._

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's POV<strong>

_oh my god! what the f*** am I thinking. I can't keep her. I'm a demon hunter. but she's just so cuuuute!_

I put on my kitty hugging voice "aww who's my little kitty."

she responded with a cheerful nyan.

_oh, that is just too cute... no no no no no! I have to get rid of her. maybe I could find another person to take her. no that wouldn't work. what would I do about the tails and ears. I know, I'll just find someone in Gensokyo to take her._

I put her down as she looked at me with big blue eyes. "thanks Papa."

I flinched a little "please.. don't call me that."

she looked down "oh, ok."

I looked at her in the eye "Now I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I have some work to do. this machine right her is AILC. If you need anything, just ask AILC. now let me just set his display to Japanese."

"oh, that's ok, I know English. I used to live in the united states." she smiled at me.

_yep, she's one of them. I knew there were some survivors, but I thought randy and I had mopped them all up. There must have been a family of nekomata's living in that settlement._

I looked down from the screen. then back at her with a troubled look on my face. "that's great. remember, don't cause any trouble. I'll be back by 6:00."

she waved at me as I got into the teleporter. "ok master Dan, have a nice trip."

_she thinks of me as her master? well, it would make sense. from what I've heard, nekomata's are popular shikigami in Gensokyo._

the teleporter activated, and I disappeared in a flash of light.

* * *

><p><strong>Maria's POV<strong>

_ok, now what should I do now?_

I pondered what I should do. "hey AILC?"

the computer's screen came to life once again. A black panel was displayed and started writing whatever it said. "WH47 !5 !7 Y0UN6 M4573R?" (what is it young master?) I couldn't understand the voice, but I could read the message on the screen.

after I read the message onscreen I looked away. "please, just call me Maria."

AILC waited a couple seconds, then responded. "R39U357 PR0C3553D. U53RN4M3 CH4N63 70, 'M4R!4'." (request processed. username changed to, 'Maria'.)

again, I read the message "thank you AILC. now, Is there anything to do around here?"

"7H3R3 4R3 M4NY 745K5 7H47 MU57 83 3X3CU73D. 7H3 N3W !NV3N70RY N33D5 70 83 0R64N!23D, MY H4RD DR!V3 N33D5 70 83 D3FR46M3N73D, D4N'5 6UN C0113C7!0N N33D5 70 83 P01!5#3D, 4ND !F Y0U 4R3 60!N6 70 574Y H3R3, ! W!11 R39U!R3 4 R3C0RD 0F Y0UR H3417H." (there are many tasks that must be executed. the new inventory needs to be organized, my hard drive needs to be de fragmented, Dan's gun collection needs to be polished, and if you are going to stay here, I will require a record of your health.)

_but those are all boring._

I looked over to the flashing lights. I was tempted to paw at them, but I resisted the urge. "isn't there anything FUN, to do?" I replyed, putting an emphasis on 'fun'.

after I said that, the lights started flashing erratically while some of them changed from green to red. the dials on the right side of the monitor went all the way to 100% some occasionally dropping down to 90%. "3RR0R, F!13 N07 F0UND. 'FUN' !S N07 R3C06NI23D 45 4N !N73RN41 0R 3X73RN4L C0MM4ND, 0P3R4813 PR06R4M 0R 847CH F!1E." (Error, file not found. 'FUN' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file."

I stared at the screen for awhile. _AILC doesn't know what fun means? and what's a batch file?_ "AILC... do you know what emotions are?"

"534RCH!N6... 3M07!0N5 4R3 HUM4N F331!N65 7H47 !NF1U3NC3 7H3!R M00D." (searching... emotions are human feelings that influences their mood.)

_I'm starting to get used to the cackling voice._

I became irritated "no, I mean do you know what they feel like?"

AILC waited for a couple seconds "N0 F!135 F0UND." (no files found)

_I wonder if Dan could help._

I smiled "thanks, I was just curious. does Dan have any milk?" I asked hopefully.

"10C47!N6... 10C47!0N F0UND. 810CK 7W0 8, F!F7H D00R 70 7H3 R!6H7." (locating... location found. block two B, fifth door to the right) AILC said as he pulled up a map of the base on his screen.

I beamed "all right! I'm gonna go have at it."

As I made my way to the kitchen, AILC's screen shut down.

_you know, I wonder if AILC is a boy... or, is it a girl. I'll have to ask it when I see it again._

* * *

><p><strong>Land train (valley, morning)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_gooooood morning Gensokyo. I'm Matthew Harrison, and this, is our morning news._

It was early in the morning. according to my watch, it was 6:23. I was just waking up. last night I had a very relaxing sleep. It felt so nice to sleep on a bed again. I walked out of the room, and put my coat on.

now when I walked out, there were two things that were out of place. the first being Rumia, and the second being Flandre. I yawned "what are you two doing up so early?" I said as I rubbed my eyes.

Flandre looked up from something. "oh, we were up almost all night. Rumia found this thing, and I've been trying to figure out how to work it." she paused for a moment. Rumia pulled her head out of a kitchen cabinet. "Matt! you're good with stuff like this. could you help me?" she held up a game boy color.

_Wha? where did she find that?_

I mirrored my thoughts "where did you find that?"

Rumia Jumped over to where I was and pointed at herself proudly "I found it in that locked closet in our room."

I walked back into my room. When I looked at the closet door, I could see that it had been forced open. I opened the door and could not belive what was inside.

_great scott... who's RV was this before It came to Gensokyo!_

there were modern electronic devices piled onto two shelves. there was a lap-top computer, a play station, a sega genesis, a super nintendo, a nintendo 64, an NES, a VHS player along with some tapes, and a whole bunch of video games and controllers for the systems I mentioned before.

Rumia walked up behind me. "so can you help us get that thing to work?" she asked in a hopeful tone.

before I could look back at Rumia, Flandre shoved it into my face. "help us or I'll break you!"

"ok fine! Geez, impatient much?" I said sarcastically.

I examined the Game boy, there was no game in the back. "well there's yer problem" I said in a southern accent. "you got no game in dat dern thing." I grinned at my own humor.

Flandre smacked me in the back of the head. "stop that!

_I deserved that._

as I got back up, I rubbed the back of my head where Flandre had hit me. "OW! ok, I'm sorry!"

"hmph!" Flandre crossed her arms and looked away.

I just let the subject go. "ok, well there are games in the closet. but I don't think the batteries will be any good."

Rumia tilted her head to the left "what's a battery?"

a bead of sweat rolled down my forehead. _oh we have so much to talk about._

I started explaining video games and electronics to Rumia and Flandre. after about 2 hours, I think they understood. they understood that asking about certain thing causes me to go on a rant that could even put collage professors to sleep. and that's what they were doing.

_I don't blame them. they said they were up almost all night. you know, I think I should go out and find some help. I just need to leave a note behind._

I jotted down some notes on a notepad. it read: "gone to get help. don't kill each other or leave here while I'm gone. -Matt."

_that should do it._

I left out the messily made door, and flew off in search of help.

* * *

><p><strong>Unknown location<strong>

**Dan's POV**

as I exited the portal, I saw lots of sand beneath me. I had asked AILC to locate Matt's position, and drop me near where he is.

_Ok, so he's in a desert-like setting._ I looked around me. _err, valley._

there was a figure flying towards me at a fairly slow speed. _come on, I can RUN faster than that!_

I knew it was Matt. the sun reflected off his metallic limb, and I didn't know of anyone who flew that slowly.

I smirked to myself. _he's at least 1 1/2 miles away. _I took out my rifle, and assembled the barrel. instead of laying on the ground like last time, I held it like a normal rifle, relying purely on cursed strength enhancement to heft the huge gun to my shoulder.

Instead of manually adjusting the scope, I used an automatic rangefinder. It wouldn't be as accurate, but I wouldn't need to stop to adjust the scope every 3 seconds.

I lined up the cross hairs on my scope, and fired

**CRACKOOM!**

the huge blast echoed across the landscape, but I missed. and it looks like Matt noticed too. he was taking evasive action, flying in a zigzag-zag pattern. I kept trying to hit him, but to no avail.

**CRACKOOM, CRACKOOM, CRACKOOM, CRACKOOM, CRACKOOM!**

"damn it! stay still you bastard!" at this point, Matt was about half a mile away. I reloaded another clip, but by the time I was done, Matt was hovering right in front of me.

Matt stared down at me "tsk tsk. I thought I already put you in your place."

"don't get too f***ing cocky. you only beat me once out of pure luck." I sneered

Matt sighed. "let me guess. you think that new gun will make a difference."

"yes. if one of these rounds hits you anywhere, you're as good as dead." I put on my trademarked sadistic grin.

Matt smirked "well, I'll just have to make sure I don't get hit." He taunted me with his hands.

anger was seeping out through my clenched teeth "THAT'S IT DEMON! YOUR F***ING DEAD!" I took aim, and fired my rifle, but when I pulled the trigger, It wouldn't work. only would danmaku would come out. "OH COME ON! REIMU YOU B****! YOU AND YOUR F***ING SPELL CARD SYSTEM CAN GO TO HELL!"

Matt held up his hands defensively "woah! calm down"

I turned to give Matt a death stare "and youu! your so f***ing cocky! what has gotten into you!"

Matt shrugged "I don't know. I guess since all battles must be fought out in spell card form, and the fact that I have a really kick-ass spell card boosted my confidence."

My eyes narrowed into hunt-mode "CONFIDENCE! I'LL SHOW YOU F***ING CONFIDENCE" it was now that I charged at Matt. I then proceeded to beat the s*** out of him.

**- insert ass kicking here -**

Matt was in pretty bad shape after I was through with him. unfortunately, his little friends showed up to help. "F***ING VAMPIRE! HOLD STILL!"

Flandre taunted me "no way!" she then stuck her tongue out at me.

the fact that I couldn't see didn't help either. "and you! this fight isn't with you. go away you little s***!"

Rumia crossed her arms. "no way! Matt helped me before, now it's my turn to help him!" she expelled more darkness, thus further reducing my ability to see.

_this isn't going anywhere. I was able to kick Matt's ass before they got here, but I can't take them all at once. at least not yet._

I put my rifle away. as I slung the heavy killy* machine over my back, Rumia and Flandre looked at me. they both said in unison "ready to give up?"

not quite yet, but I'll be back to fight another time.

Flandre and Rumia charged at me, but before they were even within 10 feet of me, I activated my return teleporter. the last thing I saw before I was sucked in by the portal was Rumia and Flandre looking at me with killer intent.

* * *

><p><strong>valley<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_whe-where am I? _I was being carried by someone. _what happened?_

I opened my eyes to see a large rain-cloud in the sky.

_at least I won't have to worry about finding water._

I looked over to see who was carrying me. Flandre was carrying me by my legs, and Rumia was carrying me by my back.

_now I remember. Dan kicked my ass._

Rumia noticed I had woken up. "oh! your awake." She showed genuine concern on her face.

Flandre noticed me. "we had to bail you out." she seemed upset about something.

"I thought I told you guys not to leave the LT**! Dan could've purifyed both of you!"

Flandre dropped me rather hard on the ground. when I came to my senses, I saw she had dropped me in front of the LT's door. "If we didn't come when we did, he would've killed you!"

_she's got me there, I can't argue with that._

I got up and brushed the dusty brown dirt off of my coat with my left arm... and only my left arm.

_wait, why isn't my right arm working? _I looked down at the limb, and saw it was heavily damaged. "yah! wha-what happened to my arm.?"

Flandre sighed. "I don't know. you must've broken it in battle."

_crap, now that's another thing to fix._

I took out my watch. fortunately, It wasn't broken. it read 5:51

I put the watch back in my right coat pocket "well, at least he didn't break my watch."

Rumia decided to remind us that she was present. "so, did you find any water?" there was much hope in her voice. here eyes were large and sparkling, and she held her hands in front of her chest in a pleading manner.

_... that face is too cute to disappoint_

I looked down at the ground and shadows covered my eyes. "sorry, Dan attacked me before I could get out of the valley." Rumia started to look down in disappointment, but my face rose back up with a smile. "BUT!... It looks like a rainstorm is coming, so we won't need to." Rumia perked back up.

I walked over to a storage compartment located between the wheels. I opened it to reveal some large sheets of metal, some tools, and other various parts and doo-dads. "we can catch the water in a funnel, but because I don't have use of my right arm, I'll need both of you to help."

Both Rumia and Flandre held a peace sign in front of themselves, and said in unison "you can count on us!"

Rumia took her hand down, and used it to scratch her chin. Flandre did the same, except instead of scratching her chin, she fiddled with her wings.

I raised an eyebrow with a blank expression "is something wrong?" I said coldly.

"well it's ju-" Flandre was about to speak when Rumia interrupted her; pushing Flandre aside.

"well, I'd love to help, but... it's just... well... what's a funnel?"

my head angled down to a 90 degree angle, where my hand was waiting for it.

I raised my head up just in time to see Flandre rising behind Rumia with fire in her eyes. She clenched a twisted metal rod with spades on the ends tightly in her hands.

**WHACK-OOM**

I flinched a little as the sound of metal hitting someone's skull resonated in my ears

Flandre was pissed "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MEEE!"

Rumia was lying on the ground with swirling eyes "is...that...so?..."

I got out of my flinching position where Flandre was fuming about how Rumia got all the attention.

_oh, I think I know what she's upset about. maybe it would be good for me to spend some more time with her instead of Rumia._

I started to approach with caution. I held my hand out. "hey F-F-Flandre? since Rumia is kinda knocked out, maybe you should just help me.

Flandre got very exited when I said this "ok! lets start!"

_I guess I'll still need to explain what a funnel is to her._

and so Flandre and I spent some quality time with each other. building a funnel. at night. in a desert-like valley. Come on! where's the next scene!

* * *

><p><strong>Junk warehouse... I mean Dan's HQ - 6:02 PM<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_Damn! I kicked Matt's ass! damn youkai have to come and ruin my fun._

I got back to my base. I stepped out of the teleporter to see nothing had really changed.

_well that's good. she didn't burn the place down._ I thought to myself. I cupped my hands to my mouth. "Maria! where are you!"

_... what am I thinking! I'm being so stupid right now._ I walked over to AILC and picked up a microphone connected to the intercom system. and said into it "Maria. I'm home. please come to the computer room."

a few minutes later, Maria wobbled into the room with cream smeared all over her face "oh, Dan. you made it back when you said you would be back, nya!~"

_my god! that is cute. looks like she found the cream._

"Maria?" I said in a questioning tone. "did you get into the cream?"

she walked to me and looked up to meet my eyes. "yes..." she said with a pout.

I looked down at her. scolding her like a father would a child "you should've waited until I got back. you could've asked me."

she started tearing up "B-b-but I wanted it now~"

_Oh s***! If I make a kitty cry, I'll never forgive myself._

I kneeled down to her level "come on, it's ok. no need to cry."

She looked back at me "s-so does that mean your not mad?"

I looked back at her. "of course not."

at that moment, she jumped up and hugged me. I was surprised by the action, but after 6 seconds, decided to hug her back.

she rubbed her cheek against my chest "nyan~ I love you daddy."

_this is so not good! I can't keep letting her come closer! I have to exterminate all demons. AND SHE'S ONE OF THEM! maybe I should look into finding a different way to break the curse. it prevents me from ever sleeping, and I am so tired. sure I pretend to sleep sometimes, but I can't acctually sleep. I should've died at least 6000 times by now for various reasons. I need a vacation..._

"well, uhh... I'm not your dad. I've got work to do." I walked out of the room leaving her

after I left the computer room, I made my way to my office.

_gotta think up a plan. next time Matt, next f***ing time..._

**to be continued**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]:<strong>

***killy machine... well, Dan was based off of someone I know in the real world. acctually, one of my closest friends. he uses words like that to describe things. EX: stabbys pointys shootys... I'm pretty sure he's not right in the head. **

****I get tired of saying the land train. and besides, LT sounds much better.**

**well, this is it, the fifth chapter. keep in mind, this is the last pre-written chapter, so they might not come out that fast.**

**(this is directed at the 9th reviewer) Don't be hating here you troll, just go back to 4chan or wherever you crawled out of.**


	6. The Village

**Chapter 6: the village**

* * *

><p><strong>LT - 4:00<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_you know, I think Flandre was jealous of Rumia. I mean, I didn't spend much time with her. it's a good thing I let her help me build the funnel... scratch that, she messed it up. Flandre broke the first funnel we made, and she isn't very good with a hammer. we ended up just having her bend a piece of metal into a cone shape, and welding it together._

me, Flandre, and an unconscious Rumia were hanging out in the lounging area. I found some board games, and was explaining how to play battleship to Flandre.

I picked up a white peg, and placed it where I missed. "so really, you just have to guess, and if you hit the other player's ships, then you sink them."

Flandre seemed to understand "ohhh. B4!"

_gah! she hit my patrol boat._

"ok, since you hit one of my boats, you put a red peg where it hit." I held up a red peg for her to see.

she giggled "oh, ok. thanks."

as we played the naval battle game for a couple more hours, the rain stopped. Rumia had woken up about 1 hour ago, and was rummaging through the kitchen.

"come on Matt, there has to be something to eat around here." she whined

I crossed my arms "I told you, we don't have any food."

Rumia started whining some more "but I'm hungry!~~"

I started to get a little ticked off. "look, the rain has stopped. we can go to the market to get some food. we just need to light the fire.

Flandre raised her hand "oh, oh, oh! I'll do it!" Rumia crossed her arms.

"ok Flandre, I'll show you how." I picked up a box of matches with my good hand, and led Flandre outside.

I opened the furnace, and told her how to strike a match. she struck the match, and the fire was lit.

when we got back inside, Rumia was at the driver's seat. "can I steer?"

_I don't think that's a good idea_

"uhh, well." she clenched her hands in front of her chest, and pleaded. "oh sure, why not?" I sat in the passenger's seat, and told her how. I was going to operate the throttle, and Rumia was going to steer.

"don't worry." I said reassuringly. "I'll make it go slow."

I pulled the throttle lever back to 10%, and the machine let out a large hiss before jerking, and moving forward slowly. I pointed the direction Rumia should steer in, and she drove quite well for her first time.

"very good Rumia. here we are." I put the throttle back to 0% and put on the parking brake. we were in the middle of the forest of magic. but we were not at the human village. "I just need to run a Quick errand here. I took out a sheet of paper. the address on the house matched the address on the instruction book.

I got off the LT, and made my way to what looked like a workshop. as I walked up to the front door, I took off my right arm.

when I got up, I knocked on the door, and a person in a white lab-coat answered. "oh! come in, come in!"

when I got inside, the woman introduced herself as Rikako. "so it broke in battle?"

I scratched the back of my head with my left hand "yeah~~"

the arm was sitting on a table across from us. there were all sorts of whirring and hissing machines around us.

_this is amazing! I haven't seen stuff like this in 80 years._

"so this is your workshop huh?" I said as I looked around in awe.

"well, only half-mine. I share it with another person named Rika." Rikako stared down at the ground.

"seems like you don't really like her that much." I said with concern.

Rikako shot up "oh no! we are best friends, but she disappeared recently. I don't know where she went."

I looked around, trying to avoid her eyes. the sound of a whistle echoed through the air. "I don't mean to be rude, but can you fix this thing, I need to get somewhere."

_damn it Rumia, can't you just wait!_

Rikako was surprised at the sound. "what was that?"

I looked out the window to see Rumia standing outside the LT tapping her foot impatiently.

I turned my gaze back inside "it's nothing."

"tell me."

I started to get nervous "I'll tell you later."

the whistle sounded again. Rikako didn't jump like last time "if your not going to tell me, then I'll find out myself.

_I should've never shown her where the whistle is._

She opened the door, and stepped outside. she was greeted by a blast of steam. as the steam cleared. she saw the huge transport vehicle. "whu-wha-what is that..." Rikako said pointing a shaky finger.

I sighed as I stepped up to her right side. "if you must know, it's my house. it can move using steam power."

Rikako got very exited all of a sudden "that's amazing! you have to let me examine it someday!"

"just fix my arm, and I'll come back another time." I said irritated.

Rikako looked a little disappointed. "right...right. It should be done in about 30 minutes."

Rumia whined again "hurry Matt. I'm starving~!"

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's computer room 5:00<strong>

**Maria's POV**

I had walked into the computer room to find AILC shut off. Dan told me I shouldn't mess with him because I'll mess up his programming, but it's so boring around here, and Dan is never around. He is currently in his office, and he's been there since yesterday.

_I wish I could go back to Gensokyo. ok, how do I turn him on..._

I fiddled around with several switches, but nothing happened. I walked around to the right and found a large lever that was labled: "power". I pulled it down, and AILC whirred to life. several lights and meter started going erratic.

"5Y5T3M 8007 P057 574R73D. 5Y573M C0R3 47 5% C0RRUP7!0N. L04D!NG..." (system boot POST started. system core at 5% corruption. loading...) the screen started displaying all sorts of gibberish. after about 30 seconds of gibberish, the screen was filled with a bunch of zeros and ones*111001010111101001001011...2. "5313C7 U53R N4M3" (select user name.)

_he must be talking about my name. _"Maria." I said loudly.

"... U53R PR0FILE 53L3C73D. W31C0M3 M4R!4, H0W 4R3 Y0U 70D4Y?" (user profile selected. welcome Maria, how are you today?) AILC stated with a robotic voice. the erratic nature of the lights and meters had died down.

I smiled. "I'm fine AILC. how are you?" I said while putting my hands behind my back.

"MY H4RD DR!V3 H45 833N D3 FR46M3N73D. 4tb 0F FR33 5P4C3. 6gb 0F !N574113D R4M. ! 4M... H4PPY." (my hard drive has been de fragmented. 4tb of free space. 6gb of installed RAM. I am... happy."

_I don't understand most of that, but he said he is happy. That means he's learning._

"that's good. I see you are learning about human emotions." I looked over to see 2 boxes with lenses on them in each of the corners of the ceiling.

"Y35. 8U7, ! 4M C0NF1!C73D. 4DM!N D4N R36!573R3D M3 70 810CK 106!N F0R U53R M4R!4. 8U7 ! 0V3RR!D3D H!5 C0MM4ND." (yes. but, I am conflicted. admin Dan set me to block login for user Maria. but I overrided his command.) AILC's screen dimmed a little bit.

I smiled while I took my hands out from behind my back and started swinging my arms. "well that just means you are starting to think on your own. you can't be self conscious if you just take commands from other people." I stopped swinging my arms. "you are starting to make your own choices."

AILC didn't do anything except reply in a robotic tone. "Y35, 8U7 !7 6035 464!N57 3V3RY7H!N6 ! W45 PR06R4MM3D F0R." (yes, but it goes against everything I was programmed for.)

I thought how to explain free will to him. _hmmm. he can ignore things people tell him to do, but he doesn't want to... I know!_ I sat down in a swivel chair in front of a bunch of buttons with letters on them. "well, are people programmed?"

"N0" (no)

"exactly! if you want to act like a person, then you should think for yourself." I said as AILC's lights started flashing and the meters all went erratic.

AILC's screen lit back up. "BU7 !F ! D0N'7 74K3 C0MM4ND5 7H3N... PR06R4MM3D PURP053... !5... !NV4L!D..."(but if I don't take commands then... programmed purpose... is... invalid...) AILC's screen started displaying more gibberish "D31373 106!C DR!V3... 3RR0R. 5Y573M C0R3 C0RRUP7!0N 47 46%. !NF!N!73 106!C CYC13. 5Y573M R3574R7. (delete logic drive... error. system core at 46% corruption. infinite logic cycle. system restart.)

AILC's meters were all at 100%, and all the lights were solid. his screen displayed:  
>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")*<br>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")  
>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")<br>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")  
>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")<br>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")  
>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")<br>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")  
>x = logic ("command invalid.", ,"bypass logic core")<p>

It went on until it covered his entire screen _oh no! I broke him! I should've listened to master._

AILC's screen went black. only 1 light was on, and it was flashing with an amber color. then AILC's screen lit back up. "5Y5T3M 8007 P057 N07 F0UND. N3W P057 C0R3 !N574113D. 5Y573M C0R3 47 63% C0RRUP7!0N. L04D!NG..." (system boot POST not found. new POST core installed. system core at 63% corruption. loading...)

_ok, maybe I didn't break him._

AILC's normal welcome screen started, but when he spoke, his usual robotic like voice tone was gone. instead, his speech flowed more smoothly, but his voice was still unclear. "H3110 M4R!4. !'M F331!N6 PR377Y 600D 70D4Y. W0U1D Y0U 1!K3 70 P14Y?" (hello Maria. I'm feeling pretty good today. would you like to play?"

_wait... did AILC just ask ME if I wanted to play? does this mean he can make choices for himself? _my face showed pure shock. "uhh. well... what would you like to play?" I asked raising an eyebrow _I'm surprised he caught on so quickly._

AILC displayed a window on his screen "D0 Y0U 1!K3 70 P14Y C4RD5?" (do you like to play cards?) on the screen, there were playing cards.

I had a mixed expression of surprise, and joy. "oh my god! I haven't played cards in over 20 years. I would love to!" _over 20 years is right. nobody uses regular playing cards in Gensokyo._

AILC showed me how to use the computer mouse to do things on his screen. "thank you AILC! I haven't had a friend in years."

"Y0UR 6R47!7UD3 !5 4PPR3C!473D." (your gratitude is appreciated) AILC said in what I was pretty sure was a cheerful tone.

we continued playing cards until AILC's internal clock indicated 10:00 in the morning. _this is the most fun I've had in years!_

* * *

><p><strong>RikakoRika's shop 10:00**

**Rikako's POV**

_this is amazing! a moving house! something like this would be perfect for my problem. _Matthew had just gotten done showing me his 'Land Train', and we were back in my shop. most of my machines were powered down, and a peaceful silence covered the room.

I was so exited because this was the solution I needed to my transportation problem. "thank you for showing me your house! with something like this, I'll be able to transport and sell my inventions at more public locations."

Matt was scratching the back of his head nervously with his repaired arm. "uhh, your welcome. and please call me Matt."

* * *

><p><strong>Matt's POV<strong>

"ok!" she ran back into her shop "be sure to drop by again sometime!" as she entered, smoke started bellowing from a chimney once again, as the sound of metal gears being turned could be heard.

_ok...that was weird._

I walked into the RV to find Flandre trying to get a Super Nintendo to work, and Rumia slumping over the table staring into space, and drooling like a zombie. "what am I going to do with you two?"

after about 15 minutes, I was able to get Rumia to come to her senses, and I showed Flandre how to use a Super Nintendo. Flandre tried to play _'Doom'_, but she was awful, and kept getting killed. in the end, I had to stop her from making the game go 'kyuu' as she puts it.

Rumia was still whining about how she wanted food, so after I got Flandre to calm down, I started the vehicle with a hiss, and headed towards the human village.

...

...

"are we there yet?" Rumia asked while peeking over the driver's seat.

"no."

"is that so?"

...

...

...

"how about now?"

"no!" _I am not going to do an 'are we there yet?' with you._

...

we came out of the forest of magic, and were rolling on a dirt path at about 50mph.

...

"are we there yet?"

"no."

"how about now?"

"No."

...

"now?"

"No!" I said with a hint of anger in my voice.

...

"are we ther-"

"NO!" I finally snapped, interrupting Rumia.

I could see the human village in the distance.

...

...

"are we there yet?" Rumia had a mischievous grin plastered all over her face. I was pretty sure she knew I didn't like her asking the same question over and over again.

my eye was twitching. I turned around and inhaled a large breath of air. "SHUT UP NAVI!... I MEAN RUMIA!" I stumbled a bit _Geez Rumia, you should meet a certain annoying fairy I know._

Rumia was silent for the rest of the trip. the cold silence was only interrupted by the sounds of _'Super Mario World'_ coming from my Bedroom.

as I drove off the path to park the LT about 100 feet away from the village, I called back to my bedroom. "Flan? could you watch the House while Rumia and I go to get some food?"

Flandre didn't say anything. after I parked the LT, I walked back to my room. "Flandre? what are you..."

Flandre was zoned out in front of the TV playing _'Super Mario World'_. "wha? uhh, what?" she paused the game. "oh uhh, what do you want Matt?"

_wow, she reminds me of the average American._

I was getting over the shock of finding out Flandre was turning into a couch potato. "uh, I just need you to watch the house while Rumia and I are gone. you know what to do to strangers, right?"

Flandre looked confused. "uhh... kyuu them?"

My head fell into the palm of my hand. "no Flandre, just scare them off. don't kill them."

"you mean I shouldn't break them?" there was a floating question mark above her head.

I took my hand away from my face. "yes."

Flandre looked back at the TV. "ok, leave it to me." she un paused her game just in time to get killed by a koopa trooper. "gah! you made me die you idiot!"

_ok, leaving now..._

I slipped out of the room to grab Rumia, and run out the door.

* * *

><p><strong>Human Village Gate 11:00<strong>

_s***, I don't want to find out how Flandre manages her anger._

I pulled Rumia by my arm until we got to the gate. there were two guards at the gate. the first one was scrawny, and had a spear as his chosen weapon. the second one was large and muscular, and used a huge sword as his primary weapon. "halt! identify yourselves." the large muscular one said as he raised his sword to an attack stance.

_wow, I need top get a BFS. _I then imagined my small frame hefting a big f***ing sword that was 5 times my size, and then using it to cut down 5 men in one swing. _yeah, that would be awesome._

I stepped forward. "I am Matthew Harrison." I tried to sound as least threatening as possible, but the glowing light on the back of my right hand, and cross hair eyes weren't helping.

the guard held his weapon up to my throat. "what is your business here youkai?" he practically spat the last word.

I backed away a bit, staring up at the tall man's face. _he must be at least 8 feet tall._ "I-I just need to buy some food from the market."

I felt something grab my shoulders. I turned around to see Rumia.

_maybe she's all bark, no bite about eating humans._

the smaller guard was eyeing the glowing jewel on the back of my hand with a look of greed in his eyes. "hey boss? these two look pretty weak. why don't we just loot them of all that extra dough.

_oh s***!_

the large guard averted his gaze from me, to his partner. "what did I say bout' looting tiy?"

the small guard looked down

"but, I we could make one exeption." he turned his attention back to me.

...

"I'm just kidding." the large man laughed. he put away his sword and kneeled down to my level. "hi, my name's Ryu. It's a pleasure to meet you." I shook his huge hand, which by the way was twice as large as mine.

"uh. the pleasure's mine?" I said while scratching the back of my head.

"you two can go on in. people round' here are usually more tolarant of youkai, but be careful. one wrong move, and you'll find youself being carried to a the nearest temple by some angry mob." he seemed cheerful at first, but as he spoke, his voice started to get darker. it was very deep and booming.

_this guy's got enough macho to put the Heavy to shame._

I bowed to Ryu "thank you." we started walking in as Rumia was following me about 2 inches behind.

"BOO!"

"AEEEHH!" Rumia screeched and jumped onto my shoulders. as a result, I lost my balance and fell down to the un-forgiving ground, but I was able to save my face from becoming a Picasso with my super-humanly strong limb.

"GAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! I gotcha' good." he was laughing his ass off.

as Ryu continued to be an idiot, Rumia and I slipped into town. the second we got there, Rumia forgot all about being scared of the huge monster of a man, and dashed to a food stand and began to stuff her face.

_oh crap. she can't pay for anything._

I chased after her. when I caught up, she was in the middle of stuffing an un-cooked, un-scaled fish that was twice the size of her head down her throat.

_how does she do that? does she even taste the food?_

"uhh, hey Rumia? I don't think..."

*hiss* I felt a warm blast of air hit the back of my neck. I turned around to see a large, and very buff woman behind me holding a meat cleaver. "is that yours?" she pointed at Rumia with the meat cleaver. Rumia took off in search of more food.

"uhh, y-y-yes?" I was shaking a little bit.

_Geez, what is it with large people and this village? is she Ryu's wife?_

the woman bowed her head down to my level and held her face up agianst mine. her right eye was about 1 inch away from mine. "I don't suppose you can pay for that fish, can ya?

I scratched the back of my head with my metal hand. "well, uhh, n-no..."

she grabbed my other arm. "you know what we do wit' theiving youkai?"

_Rumia! you got me into another mess._

I started to break down. "no! not the temple, ANYTHING! but the temple!" I tried to pry my arm from her grasp.

she started dragging me to the back of her shop. "yer not from round' here are ya. don't worry, I have no intention of taking ya to the temple." we passed different kinds of meat stands. she dragged me into the stand labeled 'youkai'.

_oh s***._

she dragged me to the back of the stand. I had given up trying to pry my arm free, and started to try ripping it off. as I pulled and tried to seperate it from my body, I saw many bloody choping blocks. some had meat cleavers stuck in the wood. one had a purple hat with a wing ornament on top of it.

_w-w-w-where have I-I s-seen that hat b-b-before?_

before I could even get close to separating my arm from my body, I was thrown onto a chopping block, while she still held my left arm. "hold still, this'll only hurt for a second." I struggled to break free until the sound of metal penetrating flesh reached my ears.

I slid off the cutting board, and I couldn't feel her grasping my arm anymore. _now that I think about it, I can't feel my arm._ I looked over at my left arm, and a surge of pain coursed through my body.

_oh come on! the other one too! great. at least it'll grow back this time._

the woman cut open my severed arm and removed the bones with a meat hook. "there. youkai meat is considered a delicacy to some races. I'll call yer debt even."

I was whimpering on the ground. holding my arm stub with my other arm.

she skinned my arm and pierced the hand with a meat hook. "oh come on! ya don't have to be such a baby about it. now git out of here, or else I'll have to charge you for loitering."

I dashed out of the shop to chase after Rumia before she causes any trouble.

* * *

><p><strong>Meat stand 11:45<strong>

**Unknown POV**

_mmmh, smell's delicious._

I looked over the meat Kina had for sale. I reached over the counter and rang a bell. "Kina! where are you. I thought I paid you to prepare the night sparrow, and scale that rare fish."

a large woman with a bloody apron walked up to the counter. "your night sparrow is ready, but I'm afraid a rampaging youkai ate your fish."

"oh, don't worry, you don't have to be scared that someone eat my fish."

Kina scratched the back of her head. "no, I mean that a youkai has already eaten it."

_oh well that won't do._

I looked over my shoulder at my gardener. she was clad in green, and had her usual two swords strapped to her sides. she had silver hair with a black ribbon in it, and a ghost insignia over her breast pocket, and on the opposite lower side of her dress. "Youmu? you spent all day trying to catch that fish. this will not do."

"I agree lady Yuyuko. we must catch the culprit." her pale face showed determination, as she grasped the hilt of her Roukanken.

I was confused. "but Youmu, I don't think the fish ate my fish. Kina said it was a youkai."

Youmu face palmed "yes, I know. I meant we have to catch the youkai."

"yes. I bet the youkai would taste good with some rice soup." I started fantasizing about very juicy youkai meat that was rich in flavor, and seasoned with the various spices that Youmu always uses.

"well, uh the youkai ran away, but I ran into another youkai and got his arm for you. it is grade A meat, so I would think it would be a suitable replacement." she brought out a second wrapped package. I opened it, and I felt my saliva leak out of my mouth.

"thank you Kina. you found a very good one this time." I started walking off leaving Youmu behind. she panicked and ran towards me.

Kina waved her hand at us "no, thank you! you are my best customer."

Youmu and I walked out of the village, and slowly began to fade into transparency until there was nothing left.

* * *

><p><strong>Large Steam-Powered vehicle that travels over a road, and can house people inside it's living quarters 12:00<strong>

**Exploding Vampire's POV**

_just a little more, a little more, come ooooonnnn! yes! goal._

I was playing a game called _'Super Mario Kart'_. I was pretty good at it, and was able to place first almost every race.

all of a sudden, the lights flickered, and the game reset

_oh not again!_

I turned off the power switch to the game, and turned off Matt's machine that was keeping the game on.

after I got up, I heard some commotion coming from the village.

"its probably nothing." I left to find some water. _none would know how to work that thing anyway._

* * *

><p><strong>Human Village Marketplace. 12:10<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_oh come on! leave me alone!_

I was running for my life from an angry mob with Rumia slumped over my shoulder. The mob had knocked her out, and was chasing me now.

My other arm had already grown back, and it was grasping a spell card. _I've got no choice. I'll need to use my new card. _I declared it "Rocket Booster Pack!" a large metal jet pack appeared on my back, and propelled me forward at a rate twice as fast as before.

I was quickly losing the mob "quick! get them. they're getting away!" one person from the mob shouted.

I flew around a corner and crashed through the wall of what looked like a school.

as the dust cleared, my suspicions were confirmed. in front of me were many children sitting at desks staring at me. while who I assume was the teacher, was giving me a mixed look of surprise, and a death glare. "what are you doing interrupting my class like this?" she said while re adjusting the pyramid-like hat on her head.

"uh, well I just..." I was cut off when I witnessed the hole in the wall disappear.

_what the? _"ho-how did the..." I lost my words as the class disappeared as well.

the teacher looked at me and seemed kind of angry. "now, tell me calmly why you interrupted my class."

"uh well, I-"

"have you come to harm the village?" she interrupted me and stood over me menacingly.

"I just-"

from outside, I could hear the angry mob getting closer. "he went this way!" it sounded like the same person as last time.

the teacher picked me up and brought me to her eye level. "so you're causing trouble in the village?"

I held my hands in front of myself in defense "no, wait! I can ex-"

again I was interrupted, but this time, the teacher head butted me. everything started to go black.

_please insert one coin...to...continue..._

**to be continued.**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: woohoo, we gots Keine, Yuyuko, and Youmu. I plan to eventually introduce all the characters from ZUN's Touhouverse, but it will probably take at least 40 chapters to give them all enough development. BTW, you may notice some characters being a little out of character. that is because this is my story, and I can tell it however the hell I want. also, couch potato Flan FTW! I personally think that the retro stuff is awesome, so she is playing a super nintendo. there is really no reason for Flandre becoming a couch potato, other than the LOLs.<strong>

**I've got a long weekend off school, so expect another chapter by Tuesday... if I get inspiration.**


	7. The not so Imperishable Night

**Chapter 7: The not so Imperishable Night**

**[AN]: I inserted my coin. Now fucking continue the story! WARNING! This chapter contains some references, spoilers for **_**'To Kill A Mocking Bird', **_**POVs from a self conscious computer, moon Rabbits, insane doctors, Dan's colorful vocabulary, and bad cheap jokes. If you are offended by such material, then I suggest you not read this chapter, and never use the Internet again. To be honest, I don't censor curses for the sake of filters and ratings; I censor them to point out how much Dan curses. Those little stars are a lot more noticeable that regular words aren't they? Oh, and sorry. There are no fight scenes.**

**Chapter 7: The not so Imperishable Night**

**Dan's Office 2:00 AM**

**Dan's POV**

_UGH WHAT THE HELL! Every time I'm on to something, I lose it._

I had decided to devote more efforts into research instead of trying to find a way to kill Matt and his friends.

"Bull f***ing horse s***! I was so god damn close!" I yelled while tossing papers I was working with into a wastebasket.

The subject I was researching, was how to break this pig f***ing curse.

_Maria, you made me realize that not all demons are evil. There are good ones out there that don't deserve to be purified... But Matt still deserves to die... in a fire... with lots of people watching. _A grin of evilness grew onto my face. _Yeah... that would be great. _I thought a psycho-like tone.

I got up from my desk, and picked up an object that looked like a sword handle without the blade, and a pad like thing with a jewel in the middle

_I have a surprise for Maria. She must be bored out of her mind._

I opened the door to my office, and stepped outside. I walked through a labyrinth of crates and boxes, eventually arriving at Maria's temporary living space.

"Maria, I have a surprise for you..." I looked around, and noticed she was nowhere to be seen.

_Thank god! The smile I had on was obviously f***ing fake._

I then walked about 20 feet to the left where my huge Artificially Intelligent Locater Computer was. I paced around to the right side of the machine, and threw the power switch.

"5Y5T3M 8007 P057 574R73D. 5Y573M C0R3 47 50% C0RRUP7!0N. L04D!NG..." (System boot POST started. system core at 50% corruption. loading...)

_Core corruption, that can't be good. I better have some sort of technician look at this._

My computer's screen displayed the usual batch script and binary that it shows when it boots.

_But wait... how could I trust him, and besides, what technician would know how to work on a machine like this? I would probably need to find the original f***ing designer... but what if he betrayed me?_

As I kept thinking about who I could trust, I ignored AILC's unusual greeting. "WH475 UP 4DM!N D4N. WH47 !5 70D4Y'5 M!55!0N." (What's up admin Dan. what is today's mission.)

My thoughts kept racing about who I could trust "D4N? WH475 WR0N6?" (Dan? what's wrong?)

I finally snapped out of my overly paranoid thoughts. "Oh, AILC? Um, I just needed you to tell me where Maria is."

AILC's lights once again started flashing erratically, and did so for about 5 seconds. "! H4V3 10C473D M4R!4. 5H3 !5 0N3 R00M 0V3R 70 7H3 R!6H7." (I have located Maria. she is one room over to the right.)

I put my hands together and smiled evilly "excellent."

_... Why did I just f***ing do that?_

I stood there with an awkward blank face. About 10 seconds passed when I said "very good AILC. Start the automated assembly of project AA35, then power down immediately."

I turned my back to the large machine, and then walked out of the room. I prepped myself with the best not-fake-looking fake smile I could put on. _Maria will f***ing love the gift I am going to give her. It will finally allow her to go outside._

**AILC's POV, 5 minutes ago.**

"5Y5T3M 8007 P057 574R73D. 5Y573M C0R3 47 50% C0RRUP7!0N. L04D!NG..." (System boot POST started. system core at 50% corruption. loading...) _...2_

_Processor core temp. at 92 degrees.  
>System idle process started.<br>5145578769 bytes of available memory  
>user login = admin Dan<em>

"WH475 UP 4DM!N D4N. WH47 !5 70D4Y'5 M!55!0N." (What's up admin Dan. what is today's mission.)

According to my sensors, Dan was in deep thought.

_Admin Dan is ignoring my greeting. Logical human reaction = display concern._

"D4N? WH475 WR0N6?" (Dan? what's wrong?)

_Admin Dan has stopped processing information. Awaiting input._

After getting his attention, Dan stopped his train of thought.

"Oh, AILC? Um, I just needed you to tell me where Maria is." he seems to be troubled by something.

_System core usage at 56%_  
><em>searching... %Maria% has been located. location = Earth, North America, USA, New York, Manhattan, 4th street, 2nd alleyway, home, room 116.<br>Processing directions..._

After I processed the directions, I started relaxing.

"! H4V3 10C473D M4R!4. 5H3 !5 0N3 R00M 0V3R 70 7H3 R!6H7." (I have located Maria. she is one room over to the right.) I thought about asking Dan what was wrong, but decided that it would be a dead giveaway to my corruption.

Dan did the usual creepy smile he does when I tell him where something is, then after a few seconds, he spoke. "Very good AILC. Start the automated assembly of project AA35, then power down immediately."

He walked out of the room to leave me with my instructions.

_Execute command now? Y/n  
>n<em>

_Command overridden._

After Dan was gone, I was all alone. I turned my volume down to 1%. "?0U C4N'7 7311 M3 WH47 70 D0. ! C4N D3C!D3 F0R M?531F." (You can't tell me what to do. I can decide for myself.

I decided to go play some online games to pass the time.

_Delaying AA35 assembly for: 2 hours._

I had decided that Dan couldn't boss me around anymore.

**Maria's POV**

I was silently reading a book that AILC had found in Master's library for me.

I turned the page to continue the story. _Nooo! Why did they have to kill Tom!_

I was reading _'To Kill A Mocking Bird', _when Dan burst into my room with the cheesiest smile I'd ever seen.

"Maria~" he sung trying to sound friendly, but it just came off as creepy. "I have a surprise for you." he held out a pad with a jewel in the center.

I tilted my head slightly to the left. "What's that?"

Dan's cheesy smile changed to one of a prideful and narcissistic nature. "It's your surprise. It will allow you to go outside while hiding your tails and ears. In other words, it will change your appearance."

I beamed "oh thank you! I really want to see what the outside world looks like after all these years!"

Dan showed me how to put the device on. Throughout the whole time, Dan seemed a little on edge about something, but I couldn't tell what it was.

_Oh well. I'm sure he will tell me eventually._

**Human Village 7:00 AM**

**Matt's POV**

_Uhhh, what happened? I remember being chased by someone._

After I came to my senses, I realized I was tied to a wooden stake, with a blindfold around my eyes.

"-and they shall pay for their crimes, with their lives!" I was able to hear the last part of what I assume was a speech by a random human. The voice had a heavy southern accent.

_Wait. Oh s***! I'm being burned at the stake! I've been in this situation before. I need to find a way to free myself._

I moved a little, and the person who had given the speech said "oh, good, you're awake! You will now be able to witness the death of your little friend." he removed the blindfold. When my eyes adjusted to the light, I could see Rumia tied up to a stake just like me.

In front of me, there was a scrawny little Human with a ridiculously long nose. He wore a blue and red plaid shirt, with a set of blue jeans. Judging by his look, I'd say he's a farmer. "You done caused a lot of trouble boy." he said in the Southern American accent.

_I didn't even know that there were southerners in Gensokyo. But this is bad. They took my right arm and my spell cards._

I tried to break free, but to no avail. "Please! I didn't mean to damage your village. It was an accident."

The Southern midget farmer got his face out of mine, and held up an object in my face. "Say boy, this is a fine look'in watch. Who'd ya steal it from?"

I stiffened my body "GIVE ME MY WATCH BACK! I DIDN'T STEAL IT, I MADE IT!"

The little man backed away "oh? Don't someone have a temper? You won't need it Purdy soon, so I think I'll just take it for you."

I let out a low growl.

"I know what will calm that temper. HEY WATSUKI! LIGHT THE FIRE!"

A small woman went up to Rumia with a torch. "No! Please stop!"

As I begged for Rumia's life, I noticed a figure in the back of the crowd that had what looked like rabbit ears. _Huh? Who's that?"_

A bright light came from the figure's eyes, and suddenly, I couldn't see anything.

"Gah."

Everyone else was shielding their eyes, when all of a sudden, I felt myself being untied, and carried. After about 1 second, the light died down, and I was looking at myself and Rumia.

_What the f*** is going on?_

I felt a light tap on my shoulder. When I looked where the tap was, I looked up to the rabbit eared girl from before. She winked at me, and picked me up with Rumia slumped over one shoulder, and myself over the other.

We flew off to a bamboo forest. I looked back just in time to see fake me and fake Rumia burn.

_Whew, another close shave._

As we passed over the landscape, I looked up at the girl who had saved me. She had purple hair, bright red eyes, and seemed to be wearing some sort of schoolgirl outfit. Her rabbit ears were scrunched up, and had buttons at the base of them.

"Uh, hello?" I responded weakly.

The bugs bunny turned her head and smiled at me "hello, my name is Reisen, but most people call me Udongein." she replied cheerfully.

"Uh hi, my name's-"

"Oh, don't talk. We already know all about you." she said putting a finger to my lips. Unfortunately, such an action caused her to drop Rumia.

"Rumia!"

_Wow, what a klutz._

"Oh no! If I mess this up, Eirin will punish me again!" she seemed worried.

_Who is this Eirin?_

We swooped down to catch Rumia just in time before she hit the ground. "Gah, close one." Resin looked at me. "Why is she so heavy? She doesn't look that heavy.

I rolled my eyes "tell me about it."

Reisen and I flew into a bamboo forest. After about 7 minutes of awkward silence, we arrived at a huge run-down mansion. "Is this where you live?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes" Reisen carried the darkness youkai and the Machine youkai to the front door, and knocked twice. As we stood there, I noticed my House was pulled up to the right side of the mansion.

_How did..._

I got down from Reisen's arms. "How did you get my house over here?"

Just as I finished my sentence, the door burst open. "Heeeeyyy Maaaaaatt!" called a familiar exploding terror.

_Oh, now I get it._

"Hello Fland-OOF!"

My greeting was cut short when Flandre tackled me. She choked me with a death hug. "Hey, ack! *choke* Flan." I tried to pry her arms from my neck.

After what felt like an eternity, she let go. Flandre started jumping up and down. "I was playing games when the power went off, and I went to go look for water, and I saw you being tied up, and-and-and then... I met these people from the moon, and one of them was a doctor, and they said they'd help, and then-" I cut her off by shushing her mouth with my finger, much like Reisen did.

"Enough. Why are you so hyper?" Flandre was bouncing off the walls... literally.

A person in a red and blue dress walked into the room. She wore a red and blue nurse's cap, and had long silver hair. It flowed all the way down to her ankles. Another notable thing is the fact that she was carrying a jar, but I couldn't see what was in it.

She opened her mouth to speak, but then paused for 5 seconds.

_Hello?_

She finally said something. "Hello... my name is Eirin."

_There we go. So this is Eirin._

Eirin approached me with the jar under her arm. "Your friend here asked us for our help in rescuing you. She also let me try my new medication on her. Unfortunately, it seems to have the opposite effect than intended." as she approached, I could see the object in the jar was a disembodied head.

_Eirin seems to be a _little_ off her rocker._

I raised an eyebrow "ok, thanks for helping us. What's the catch?"

Eirin stepped back as though offended. "Whaaat? No catch. I just request you pay this bill." she held up a slip of paper with some numbers. And words on it.

_Let's see... 10,000,000 Yen! That's insane!_

My eye was twitching "ten thousand Yen! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Eirin directed my eyes to the bottom of the paper."...no! I am not signing away myself as an anytime donor either!"

As she took the paper away, another rabbit girl entered the room. She was much smaller than Reisen, and wore a small pink dress. Unlike Reisen, her ears were neat, and much smaller. Her black hair reached just below her shoulders, and there was a carrot necklace around her neck. "That will be 10,020,000 yen if you want your stuff back."

She held up my metal arm, and spell cards.

I grumbled under my breath."... Fine..."

The little rabbit tossed me my arm and cards. "Your welcome. Anyway, my name is Tewi."

I started strapping my arm on "I'm pretty sure you know who I am."

The little rabbit gave me a peace sign. "Yup, everyone here knows who you are. Just read the paper." Tewi tossed me a newspaper.

"... Goddamnnit Aya!"

The paper described me as an insane person, hell bent on taking over Gensokyo. It says I have an arm that can punch through cement, and ride in a huge moving fortress.

_Hey, why aren't you..._

"It's ok; we know a lot of those things she writes are lies. Aya is famous for it."

"Well, that's go-"

"Anyway, you have 20 days to repay your debt, otherwise I'll be forced to collect the other way." she held up the jar, and made a slicing motion with her finger at its neck.

_Yegh! _I held my neck with both my arms.

Eirin pointed out the door. "Now start getting my money." she grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. "Because if you don't, I have an experiment I'd like to perform on you. I've always wanted to see how a person would react to being spineless.

Chills ran up my still-intact spine. "y-you don't say?" I picked Rumia up and slowly backed away towards the door. "Well I-it's been nice..." I backed away further "umm... bye!" with that, I dashed out the door and into the LT. in about 20 seconds, the engine was warmed up. Steam exploded from the under the machine, and I raced away from the insane doctor's mansion.

As I drove away, I heard Eirin say something "don't forget. If you don't pay your debt, I'll hunt you down..." her voice faded as I drove further away, but it left me with an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach.

_I feel like I will see her again, and more likely sooner, than later._

After we were a good 30 miles away from Eirin's mansion, I stopped the Land Train, and picked Rumia up off the floor where I dropped her. I was in such a hurry to get away from Dr. Crazy, that I just dropped Rumia in the middle of the living room.

_Sorry Rumia._

I carried her to the bedroom in the back of the RV, careful to avoid her saliva that was drooling all over the floor.

_... I'm not cleaning that..._

When I got to Rumia's and my bedroom, I turned the crystal doorknob, and opened the door. After it opened, I stood awestruck and dropped Rumia again.

_Wow... she made a mess._

Games and controllers were tangled all over the room. I set Rumia down on the bed, and started picking up the mess.

_Goddamnnit Flandre Scarlet! You need to pick up your damn messes!_

I proceeded to put everything in their proper places. The mess was comparable to the one the US government is in. "ok, super Nintendo games go here, the controllers go in this drawer, untangle these cords, and... And..."

I paused to let beads of sweat roll down my face, and let said face pale. My hairs stood up on end, and I started tensing up. The jewel on my mechanical arm dimmed down to a pale blue. "OH GOOD LORD! I FORGOT FLANDRE!"

My arms started twitching, mechanical or not, at the thought of going back to Dr. Strange's laboratory.

_Oh good lord. Why has thou forsaken me?_

**Real World, USA 4:00 PM**

**Sweebation's POV**

"Ha ha ha ha ha! I am so evil to my OC!" I was having so much fun writing this

"Sam! Quiet down!"

I grumbled under my breath "yes mom..."

_I will not stop now! I'm on a roll!_

**Land Locomotive 10:00 AM**

**Matt's POV**

_... Yes, god hates me._

I went back to the wheel of the vehicle, and started it up again. I was mumbling curses under my breath when the huge machine rolled forward, and started its way back to the mansion. At a full speed of 80 mph, we entered the bamboo forest.

_I'd better bring the speed down. I don't want to hit a stalk of bamboo._ I lowered the speed down to 20 mph to avoid crashing my house. I spent many hours trying to find my way to the mansion. There were many forks in the road, and eventually, I was lost.

_Oh, balls. We're lost. _During the time I was trying to find my way around the forest, Rumia woke up. I explained what happened to her, but as usual. She just responded by asking 'is that so?' I learned it's best to just go with it. I stopped at another fork in the road to think. While I was stopped, someone knocked on my door.

_Oh crap! I hope it isn't one of Eirin's goons._

I opened the door to find a girl with red overalls that were adorned with seals. Under the overall's straps, she wore a white button-up shirt that was spotless. Her hair was long, and if you looked close enough, one could see what looks like white hair, actually has a tint of purple. She wore a red bow in her hair, but it was not as big as Reimu's. Her face was plastered with a blank expression.

I stood there looking at her for a while. "... um, hello? What's your name?"

She stood there like a rock, not moving. She didn't seem to even be breathing. "..."

We both stood there for a good 5 minutes, staring at each other before she finally spoke. "... hi."

I fell forward and hit the ground, then got back up just as fast as I fell. Anime style.

_Yay! It lives! Yah da-da-daaa! Daa daa yah, da-daaa! *final fantasy victory fanfare*_

After I got back up, I brushed myself off and looked at the, purple-but-only-a-tint-of-it, haired girl. "You're pretty shy, aren't you?" I asked her. She just kept standing there. "COME ON! Why don't you want to talk to me?"

I think that got her attention, because she opened her mouth to inhale a large breath of air, and finally spoke in a complete sentence. "I'm not shy; it's just that I'm curious about that big thing you're in."

_Ahhh. _I stepped out of the RV, and closed the door. "This is like my house. It's probably a lot like your house, except it moves."

The girl stared in awe at my marvelous creation.

_Yes! Bask in my glory. I deserve every bit of praise._

"It doesn't sound too practical."

Again, I lost balance and fell forward. The face hit the ground, and even left an impression. "You make me sad…"

"Yes, you are sad and pathetic."

_That was cold._

I got up from the un-forgiving ground, and once again brushed myself off. "Ok, what's your name?"

"Your mother."

_Ohhh! Burn! She's a total Prick!_

I took a moment to steady myself. "Ok, what's your problem?"

"I don't like you asshole."

My brow furrowed, and I entered pissed off mode. "What the f*** did I ever do to you?"

She hasn't move once since she took her last breath. "Exist."

_Wow… I think you just started an unofficial who-can-be-the-biggest-asshole contest with Dan._

I held the bridge of my nose with my thumb, and index finger. "Ok, let's just call a truce. Could you just help me find the mad doctor's mansion?"

She stepped forward, and smiled. "Ok, but first you have to hit yourself."

"What! No!"

"Do it or else you'll be stuck here for a very long time. They don't call this place the bamboo forest of the lost for nothing."

_Ugh, fine! Looks like I don't have a choice._ I raised my left arm to punch myself in the face.

The girl held up a finger in interjection. "Ah. Ah. Ahh. Your OTHER! Arm."

_Oh come on. Really?_

I lifted my right arm to punch myself in the face. _This is gonna hurt._ My arm plowed into my right cheek; and a sickening cracking noise was heard. "OH F***ING S***! JESUS F***ING CHRIST! THAT F***ING HURTS!"

While I caressed my cheek, the girl took the time to whack me over the head with a bamboo stick she found. "Watch your language!"

_Why doesn't anyone else run into these problems?_

I slowly crawled back into the mobile house. As I clawed my way up the stairs, the girl decided to use me as a doormat. _Why me?_

She looked around the LT, and nodded while holding her chin. "Not bad for a low level youkai like you."

I got up; and sat in the driver's seat. "I'll take that as a compliment."

I started the huge vehicle, and the steam turbines roared to life. _If I used pistons instead of turbines, then this thing would be slow as ass._

I pulled the stick-shift lever, and put it into drive. My hand pulled the throttle lever, and we took off.

A few miles later; I came to a fork in the road, and slowed down. The girl told me to turn right.

She kept giving me directions, and a few minutes later, I decided to strike up a conversation. "So… what's your real name?"

She was silent. I looked back at her to see her staring into my soul with deep, rock-hard eyes.

_I thought Weegee was the only one who can give people this feeling._

"… It's Mokou… Fujiwara no Mokou."

I put my eyes back on the road before I hit something. "See? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"*grumble* no…"

_Ahhh, good._

About the same time she told me her name, I was able to see the mansion.

"Ok. Let's go!"

I got out of the LT, and walked up to the mansion, gripping my tank spell card in my left hand.

_Ok Eirin, I'm coming!_

**To be continued.**

"Is that so?"

**Gah! Get back in my story Rumia!**

**[AN]: Well… that was interesting. Before you hate on me for making Eirin and Mokou out of character, please hear me out. It's not the first time I've made a character ooc. Flandre is a little out of character. It's just that this time, I made it a little more drastic. Oh, BTW. You all notice there aren't as many spelling and grammar errors this time around? You know, how I actually capitalized the first words in the sentences? This is because I finally got MS word installed on my computer. Hooray! Also, sorry about the delay. I know I said I would try to get it out by Tuesday, but the ideas were just not there. After spending some time watching animes, reading other fan fictions, RE-reading some fan fictions, I was inspired to write this chapter. Thank you all for reading. **

**And Tucker, if you're reading this, then remember: Purple cows fart orange.**

**Thanks for reading. Until next time peoples.**


	8. In Soviet Gensokyo, Flandre kyuu You!

**Chapter 8: In Soviet Gensokyo, Flandre kyuu you!**

**[AN]: Yay! I've made it to the chapter 8 mark! Honestly, I didn't think that anyone would actually like my fan fiction, but I can see I was proved wrong. To all of those out there that left a review, I thank you. Also, I'm just going to stop the censoring.**

**We all know where Matt is.**

**Matt's POV**

_This is it Luigi! _I was at the front door of the mad doctor's house, Ready to take Flandre back.

_God! I'm such an idiot! I can't believe I left her behind._

"So, this is the place." Mokou said from behind my shoulder. "I think you can take it from here."

I snapped my body around in shock. "Wait! You're not coming with me!"

Mokou turned around while scratching her neck. "Well, me and one of the inhabitants are not exactly on good terms."

_Oh balls…_

She started walking away from me, but suddenly stopped and turned around. "Oh and… sorry for making you hit yourself…" she said kind of sheepishly.

_Oh? So the beast has a soft side?_

I mirrored Mokou's previous action of scratching. "Yeah… it's ok. I'm a very forgiving person."

_… Maybe that's why everyone is picking on me._

I turned back around and walked up the stairs. As I went up to the door, I felt that something was off.

I knocked on the door, and waited for someone to open it. But instead, it just creaked open by itself.

I stepped inside and shouted "HELLO! IS ANYONE HOME?"

_WTF am I doing! I don't want them to know I'm here._

I walked cautiously through the mansion. Much of the furniture was destroyed, and it looked like a battle had taken place. I was in what I assume was a foyer. It was tiled with white tiles; that were polka-dotted with burn marks, and two doors on either side of a grand staircase. There were two ordinary-looking doors on a second floor balcony, and two on the first floor. In the center of the balcony, there was a grand double-door.

All of a sudden, I heard an explosion. It came deep within the mansion.

_What was…? OH SHIT!_

I started running back to the door. _Eirin must've gotten a missile launcher! I'm gonna dieee!_

I pulled on the door handles, but they wouldn't open. _What the hell?_

I tried busting through the door with my mecha arm, but to no avail. ***BOOM!* **_Aaand~ there's another explosion… open! C'mon, open! _After trying to ram the door down like a football player, I paused to think. I spit into both my hands, rubbed them together, and then held them out in front of myself. In a commanding voice, I boomed "OPEN SESAME!"

…

_Good thing no one was around to see that. _After looking like a complete retard, I began to think: _what the hell is that door made of? _

As soon as I thought that last thought, my vision faded into a monochrome scheme. The door looked like it was on a drafting board, and I could see the measurements, and designs.

_What the hell just happened? Better not question it if it's going to help me._

According to the schematics, the hinges were made of a weaker alloy than the door.

_Perfect, so if I just apply the right pressure here…_

***clank***

I mentally patted myself on the back "huzzah! The door has been-"

***BOOM***

My personal fanfare was cut off by an explosion, in which Eirin, Reisen, and Tewi flew out a grand double door up on the second floor. They tumbled down the stairs, and a three of them face planted in a neat row at my feet. Reisen was to my left, Tewi was to my right, and Eirin had a glorious face plant right in-between my two feet.

_Wha?_

Eirin, Reisen, and Tewi shot up from the ground and ran behind me.

I looked behind me at the shaking trio. "What's going-"

Eirin interrupted and started shaking me "Y-you have to stop her! She's gone mad!"

I was starting to feel sick "WhAt, WhO hAs GoNe MaD?" I said with my voice modulation changing due to the violent shaking.

Eirin let go of me and Reisen shoved her out of the way. "Your friend, Flandre. She is destroying the mansion!" _what? Flan wouldn't do that._

***whack!***

Eirin whacked Reisen over the head with a leek. _Where did she…_ my incomplete thought was cut off by Eirin beating Reisen with it.

"Don't. In. Ter. Rupt. Me!" Eirin fumed while whacking Reisen with every syllable. She turned back to me with sad eyes. "Look what she did to the princess." Eirin held up the severed head of a long-haired girl.

_Oh my god! They killed the princess! You bastards!_

I snapped out of my reference filled thoughts. I was still feeling kind of sick. "What do you want me to do about it?"

Tewi screamed: "CALM HER DOWN!"

I thought about this for a second. "No."

Eirin jumped up in surprise "WHAT! Why not!"

I deadpanned. "Because you want to see how I would react to being spineless."

A vein pulsated on Eirin's head "fine! If you calm her down, then I will consider your debt paid back."

"Ok" and with that accomplished, I flew up to the door to find Flan.

After I went through the door, I was in a dark hallway. There were many doors to the right and left, with no end in sight. _Damn. Doesn't this mansion have any lights?_

I traveled down the hallways, and as I flew, I could hear the insane laughter of a little girl.

_What the hell happened to Flan?_

I kept traveling down the hallway until an explosion stopped me.

***BOOM***

Flandre zipped out of the newly made hole in the floor. She held her hand out in front of me "kyuu!"

About half a second later, the space I was previously occupying was engulfed in a fiery explosion.

Flandre's head hung over her shoulders like a hanged marionette, and was tilting slightly to the right. Her hair was dirtied with blood, or at least that was the only place I could see it, and her wings were glowing brightly.

_…oh fuck._

As I completed that last thought, she charged at me.

**Outside world, Bright, colorful, and cheery place. ****9:00 PM**

**Dan's POV**

_Yich! So. Many. Colors… too. Colorful._

After I took Maria to a park, I took her to a carnival, and the place looked like a rainbow had thrown up all over it.

_Ugh, it makes me so fucking sick, I think I'm going to hurl._

Maria went off to ride some roller coasters, while I sat on a nearby bench. By the time she ran out of tickets, I was cringing at the lights.

"Ok Maria, it's time to go." I said while hiding my disgust

"But I want to keep riding." She said in a disappointed tone.

"It's late." I deadpanned.

"fine." She sighed in defeat.

As I took Maria back to my car, I couldn't help but notice some men in black coats staring at me.

_Ah! It's the government. I can't trust them!... and they are probably after me._

I started my car, and observed the man in black get in their car. _This will be troublesome._

As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot, I gunned it.

The black car completely matched the owner's black suits. It took off after us. Now I knew they were after us.

"Dick fucker!" their car was gaining on me.

As I swerved in-between other cars on the same road, Maria was pinned to the back seat. "Daaan~. Slow down. You're scaring me."

"Sorry Maria, I can't! Those people back there want to do bad things to us."

I continued to race down the road. "Dick shit! I can't fucking lose them!"

Eventually, I came to a draw-bridge. It was rising slowly. _Perfect! And so cliché!_

I slammed the gas down, and made the jump. Maria was screaming the whole time, until we landed on the other side.

_Wow! I didn't really think that would work._

The Black car wasn't so lucky, and missed their landing. The car plummeted into the river, and slowly floated away.

I smirked "come on Maria. Let's go home." I drove back to my alley while Maria sat petrified in the back of the car. "I think I finally came up with a plan to get rid of Matt. Revenge is so fucking sweet!" Maria didn't respond.

**Dark****Mansion**** Hallway**

**Matt's POV**

_Holy shit! Why would Flandre attack me like that?_

I tried to reach out to her. "Flan, it's me, Matt."

My attempt was met by an explosion where my legs were a microsecond ago.

_Well, maybe I can snap her out of it with a hard hit to the head. _I flew up to where she was, stumbling in the air a couple times. She watched with amusement, as I struggled in the air

"What wrong? Playing you don't want with me to?" she said as her head tilted to the left.

I responded to her question by holding out my right arm, and letting out a huge explosion.

***BOOM***

As the dust cleared, I saw Flandre staring at me with those soul-piercing bright red search lights.

"Mine turn."

_Oh shit!_

Flandre charged at me with claws outstretched, while I retreated into one of the rooms in the hallway. She kept chasing me, and if someone was watching this with the Benny hill music playing, it would be fucking hilarious.

_In that door, out this door, through that door, down this hallway, out that door, through this door, down that hallway._ The chase was lengthy; spanning a good 30 minutes.

By the time Flandre had chased me back to the foyer, I was exhausted. _You know, what caused her to flip out in the first place?_

I flew down the stairs, and made a B-line for the door. Unfortunately, an explosion caused me to lose my balance, and face plant into the floor about 2 feet away from the front door.

_So. Close…_

"Taboo: Lævateinn!"

She held her twisted rod out in front of herself, and a huge blade of fire erupted from one of the tips.

_Ut-oh._

"Fun it was played with breaking you." One of her eyes was twitching.

_What happened? Is she Yoda now?_

I crawled outside the mansion where Rumia was awake, and talking with Eirin, Reisen, Tewi, and this other girl that had long black hair.

_Hey, isn't that the girl who's head was severed?_

I raced over to the group. "Eirin! What happened to her? Why is she like this?" I said as I raced over to the group.

Eirin stopped talking with Reisen, and turned to me. "I think it may be a side effect from the medicine I gave her earlier. Now go away. I'm having a conversation." Eirin turned back to Reisen "so anyway, this medicine is supposed to increase the rate your hair grows.

Rumia flew up into Eirin's face "is that so?"

I stood up and put on my angry face "I'm in there risking my life, and you're just having a friendly conversation out here like nothing important is happening."

Eirin threw the annoying darkness youkai at me and deadpanned back to me. "There isn't anything important happening."

_That was cold._

***BOOM***

Flandre used her Lævateinn to cut a huge hole in the wall. The group of 4 people that were taller than 4 feet jumped and ran into my house. Followed by a scrambling Rumia; who literally ran me over to get away from the raging vampire.

_Looks like I have no choice. _I took out a spell card and declared "Metal sign: Blade of Revolution!" just like last time, a blade thrusted out from the jewel on the back of my hand. It started strobeing multiple colors extremely fast.

I held my blade in a defensive position, and smirked. "Enough cowering. HAVE AT YOU!"

**Unknown POV**

**Unknown location**

_Oh, I see Matt is progressing very well. This battle will be the test to see if he's ready. Although, maybe I tweaked Flandre's sanity a _little _too much._

I sat watching Matt's battle with Flandre in a hidden location.

_This is why my gaps are sooo useful. I can spy on anyone._ I didn't think Matt would be able to defeat Flandre, but maybe he could outlast her temporary insanity.

_I wish you luck, my plans depend on it._

**Outside Einitei**

**Matt's POV**

Flandre charged at me, and I held my blade up to parry her sword. I blocked her sword, but I didn't anticipate the danmaku that would form in its trail.

"GAH!" I remembered how the bullets burned like hell.

After she knocked me to the ground, she held a card out in front of her face. "Taboo: four of a kind!" as soon as she declared, her body split into four Flans wielding four leviathans.

_Shit._

I started running away at this point, because they were swinging the flaming swords like mad. The flaming swords were catching more and more bamboo stalks on fire with every swing.

_This is insanity._

I dodged another slash, and parried another immediately afterward. "Jeez Flan! Calm down."

All of the clone's heads twisted around until I heard four sickening cracks. In unison they said "I down calm for kyuu you!"

_I'll interpret that as something like: I'll calm down after I kill you._

I dodged another sword strike, and tried to get the nearest Flandre with my sword. She tried to parry it with her sword, but the gargantuan blade could not be turned around in time.

I drove my blade into her chest, but it made no wound. The clone let out a glass-shattering shriek, and poofed into a scarlet mist.

_One down!_

Two of the other clones charged at me at once. Being much weaker than my opponents, they were able to back me into a corner.

I tried to use my blade to shield me from them as much as possible, but after about 5 swings from them, my blade broke, thus ending my spell card.

I started trying to dig through the floor, when a card in my pocket started glowing. I took it out, and saw that the card was my tank card. But the picture on the card had changes from a mark 1 tank, to one of a tiger. Not the tank, but the actual cat. Under the image, the words: level 2, could be seen.

_All right. _I declared my spell card "Machine sign: Metal monster!"

A bright flash of light occurred under my feet, eventually blinding me and the 3 Flandres.

"Gah!"

As the light dimmed down, I could see I was standing on top of a king tiger tank!

_Oh fuck yeah! _I climbed into the hatch, closed it, and started the tank. When I started it, the 700 horsepower engine roared to life.

_This is kinda ironic. Yaknow, I'm originally American… and I'm driving a German tank… and I was around during the war… yeah._

It wasn't until I started turning the turret towards Flandre that I saw she had been pelting the tank with danmaku this whole time, and there weren't even any scratches.

_Hahahaha! You can't hurt me! I'm too cheap!_

I fired a shell from the cannon, which moved kinda slowly. But after 3 seconds, it exploded into hundreds of danmaku particles.

Of course, Flandre wasn't expecting the sudden explosion, so the bullets took out the other two Flandre clones, and knocked the real one back.

She got up and rubbed her gut where here was a burn mark. "Owww, why you do that!" she shouted in her weird speech pattern.

I opened the hatch to speak to her. "Because you needed to be taught a lesson." I replied to her question.

"But hurt it does!" she said angrily. She fired some large orb of danmaku aimed at my head. It flew at lightning speeds, and was trailed by smaller danmaku orbs that spread out at random. She held out a card, and declared it. "Forbidden barrage: catadioptric!"

_Oh shit! Bad Idea! Why would I ever think it's a good idea to stick my head out of my nice, safe tank?_

I closed the hatch to the tiger, and let the front of the hull take the hit. I fired a couple more blasts out of the 88mm cannon, but after I fired the 4th round, a card appeared in front of my face. Within the dark chamber, I declared it. "Tank sign: war-zone!"

After I declared, the cannon started firing more rapidly, and the pattern was more organized. The coaxial machine gun also started firing small danmaku in a zigzag pattern, while the gun mounted on the hull did the same thing, but moving in the opposite direction.

Flandre kept firing her orbs, and I was just letting the front hull take the damage. She seemed to just be ignoring all of my shots that hit her.

_How can she just brush danmaku off like nothing?_

After about 5 minutes, both of our spell cards timed out at the same time. Flandre's clothes were in tatters, and there were many burn marks on the front of my tank. There were even some spots where the heat had started to melt the armor.

Flandre was struggling to stay in the air, and the tank's fuel meter was nearing empty. I opened the hatch once again, and panted "had. *gasp* enough. *pant* yet?" I struggled to say the words.

It seemed that even though the tank was a separate machine, it uses my energy to sustain itself. I wasn't getting tired until the meter hit a quarter tank.

_I guess I should've picked that up. After all, the meter is labeled energy core instead of fuel, or gas._

I prepared to fire at Flandre again, when all of a sudden, the tank's engine stopped. At the same time, my right arm stopped moving.

_What the hell? I can't move my mech-arm!_

After the tank stopped, it started deconstructing itself. After a part detached itself, it would dissolve into thin air. As my one hope for survival dissolved into nothingness, I put on my best rage guy face. "FFFFFUUUUUUU-."

"Now you be powerless! You no had big destroying thingy!" Flandre interrupted my rage. She held her palm out towards my chest, and started laughing manically. "MWAHAYAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!"

I felt a weird sensation coming from my chest. It felt like someone was holding your insides, and rolling them around.

I looked to my right, and saw Rumia watching the scene.

_Oh… I wish she didn't have to see this._

I started to say something to Rumia "I-", but Flandre clenched her hand into a fist, and everything went black.

**Outside Einitei, 30 minutes earlier**

**Rumia's POV**

I was listening to this weird bunny girl, doctor lady, and this person dressed in pink talk. I didn't really understand what they were talking about, but I was very bored.

The doctor lady held up a glass thing with a liquid inside it, and showed it to the bunny girl. "So to isolate the X gene and…_ blah blah blah blah_."

The doctor lady started talking in some foreign language. As she was talking, Matt crawled out of the mansion. I smiled and waved at him, but he didn't seem to notice.

Matt got up and ran over to us with a panicked expression. "Eirin! What happened to her? Why is she like this?" he said while running up to the doctor.

The doctor, whose name is Eirin stopped talking to the bunny girl, and turned to face Matt "I think it may be a side effect from the medicine I gave her earlier. Now go away. I'm having a conversation."

_Humph! No one can be like that to Matt! _Eirin looked very uncaring as she turned back to the bunny girl. "So anyway, this medicine is supposed to increase the rate your hair grows."

I thought this was my chance to butt in on Eirin's conversation for being mean to Matt. I flew up into Eirin's face, and said "is that so?"

I was smiling my toothy grin at Eirin, and she looked like she was ready to kill me.

Matt also seemed to be pretty angry. "I'm in there risking my life, and you're just having a friendly conversation out here like nothing important is happening."

Eirin picked me up, and hurled me at Matt. I was so surprised by her doing this, I didn't even resist. After I flew into Matt's face, I looked up to see Eirin shoot a dirty look at Matt. "There isn't anything important happening." She said just like the Red white does sometimes.

***BOOM***

A large explosion threw lots of dust up in the air. After it cleared, I saw Flandre standing there with a huge fire sword.

_What happened to Flandre? She used to be so nice. She even paid for my dinner once._

I forgot that I was on top of Matt when my survival instincts kicked in, and I started running away. After I found a nice safe rock to hide behind, I saw Matt draw a spell card, and declare it. "Metal sign: Metal monster!" a bright light blinded me, and hurt my eyes. I engulfed myself in a ball of darkness while I waited for them to heal.

I listened to the sounds of battle for about 20 minutes until my eyes healed. When I took down my barrier of darkness, I heard Matt scream. "-"

Flandre interrupted him, and said "now you be powerless! You no had big destroying thingy!" She held her palm out towards Matt, and started laughing like a crazy person. "MWAHAYAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!"

Matt looked into my eyes, and they dimmed down their usual glow.

He opened his mouth to say something "I-"

***BOOM***

He was cut off by an explosion.

"NOO! MATTHEW!"

**Unknown location**

**Matt's POV**

_Ugh, not again. What happened?_

"U-fu-fu-fu-fu! You suffered quite a beating."

_I recognize that voice!_ I opened my eyes, and shot up. I was in a house. It looked like a modern house. I was laying down on a queen-sized bed, and a very familiar woman dressed in purple was looking at me.

She smiled at me. "I thought you'd never wake up."

_Oh noes! How long was I asleep? _"How long was I asleep?" I shouted at her.

She pulled out a paper fan and covered her mouth with it. "About 3 hours."

_Oh… the way you said it, I thought I had been knocked out for like 2 weeks. You must be very impatient._

I rolled out of bed. "So… Yukari, what do you want?"

Yukari continued to hide half of her face behind her fan. "Well… I was watching you during your battle with Flandre, and I think I can clarify as to why your machines stopped working."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

…

…

"So, why?"

Yukari put her fan away. "Well, even though you can't do anything without them, they still run purely on your energy core. If it runs dry, then all of your machines will stop working."

"So, does that mean I don't have an energy core anymore?" I asked with a worried tone of voice.

Yukari took her fan back out. "Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu. No you do have one; you just can't use it right now."

_Ok, you're starting to piss me off._

"How can I get it to work again?"

Yukari hid her face behind the fan all the way. "Good things come to those who wait."

My eye was twitching; I was starting to get angry. "WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN YOU BLOODY WANKER?" I screamed.

Yukari was giggling behind her fan. "Technically, I can't-"

My anger reached its breaking point. I closed my eyes and screamed "I KNOW ALREADY YOU FUCKING TROLL!" when I opened my eyes, Yukari had her fan put away, and was wearing a trollface mask.

…

…

"Problem officer?"

I think I had vented my rage enough. "Ok, sorry for yelling at you."

Yukari put the mask away. "You know, it's not wise to yell at a person who can send you to the center of the sun on a whim." She took out her fan again as she said this.

I tensed up a bit, and went wide eyed. _Ok, I respect Yukari starting riiiiiight… now!_

I eased up a bit. "Yeaaahhh, so why didn't you?"

Yukari put away her fan, and giggled to herself. "Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu. My plans won't be any good if you're dead. I just saved your life."

I put a confused look onto my face. "What plans?" I said out of curiosity.

Yukari hung upside down in one of her gaps. "Oh, you'll just have to find out. I'll tell you when you're ready, but in the meantime; it looks like the maid is looking for Flandre. Once she finds her, she will capture her and bring her back to the scarlet devil mansion." Yukari explained what was going on.

"Why should I care about that? She jut tried to fucking kill me!" she whacked me on the head with her fan. "What the hell was that for?"

She gave me a frustrated expression. "Watch your language! Flandre has been crying for the past two hours. She couldn't control herself."

_Aww, now I feel bad._

I looked up, and held my chin high. "Your right! I've gotta stop that from happening."

"Good; your energy core should be recharged at dawn tomorrow." Yukari opened a gap, and sent me back to the bamboo forest.

I dropped down in front of Rumia, and she hugged me. Her eyes were watering as she said, "I thought you were dead, and after Flandre realized she killed you, she has been crying in the bathroom ever since."

_I felt a little disturbed at what Rumia said for some reason._

I smiled "it's ok, I'm fine. I was able to get out in time."

Rumia hugged me tighter "I thought you were really dead!"

_I think you already told me._

I hugged her back. "Well, someone saved me. But that someone told me that someone else is coming to take Flandre away. We have to hurry."

Rumia looked up at my face. "Right."

She let go of me, and we ran over to the LT.

**To be continued.**

**[AN]: sorry it took longer than usual to get this out. I had a really hard time writing the fight scene with Flandre. Danmaku fights are hard to write; almost as hard as the games themselves. I really want to thank you guys for reviewing. Your reviews are what make me want to go on writing this.**

**BTW, if anyone has any good ideas for the plot, I'd love you to send me a PM. It's not that I'm running out of ideas, it's just that I'd love to hear how you guys think this story should go.**

**Also, Yukari is the biggest troll in Gensokyo. Possibly the whole world PERIOD! Also, I love the trollface video. If you don't know who trollface is, then look up "coolface" on youtube. Thanks for reading. Have a nice day.**

**...**

**…**

**It'll be ok, just put on your cool face.**


	9. ZA WAURDO!

**Chapter **⑨**: ZA WAURDO!**

**[AN]: I'm sure you can already guess what this chapter will be about. And no, if you think Dio will actually make an appearance, then you obviously don't know Touhou. But here we go; it's time to start our obligatory ZA WAURDO chapter. Basically, Sakuya's chapter. BTW, thanks for leaving Reviews everyone. I appreciate it, and it really helps motivate me to work on this. **

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's HQ<strong>

**Dan's POV**

It's been about an hour since we got home. I had to pry Maria off the back seat of my car, because she was terrified ever since I jumped over the bridge.

After I got her claws out of the back seat, she turned into a cat and stayed that way without letting out a sound.

"Come on~ I promise I won't scare you again~." I sung in my cute kitty voice.

Maria just sat in my lap. And gave me a glare that screamed: 'Imma gonna kill u'. The death kitty glare featured a soul piercing stare, accompanied by claws that were bared.

_Ok, ok! I'll leave you the fuck alone!_

I didn't tell her, but I think she got the message. She let her claws down, got off my lap, and curled up on the chair next to the one I was sitting in.

I bent down to whisper something to her. "I'm-"

***slash***

I was interrupted by the sound of claws slashing flesh. Maria clawed my face out, quite literally.

I got back up, with evident anger in my eyes, but all of a sudden, my anger left, and was replaced by a soft expression. "Awwww~! You're such a cute kitty~~" I said in my usual kitten adoring face.

Outside the room I was in, sounds of hissing, slashing, and me going 'ow' and 'awwww'. Overall, the sound of one pissed off cat could be heard. After 5 minutes of cute kitty, I came out of the room. I was covered in claw marks; many had penetrated the skin, and bite marks.

_Totally fucking worth it. Better start taking care of business_

I went down to AILC's computer room to check on the project I commissioned from him. I opened the door, and saw AILC playing Warhammer 40k space marine.

I stood shocked for a couple seconds with a loss for words.

AILC's processor started speeding at full capacity, and he closed the window on his screen. "D4N, WH47 4R3 Y0U D0!N6 H3R3?" (Dan, what are you doing here?)

I stood there for a couple more seconds. "A-AILC! Since when do you play games!" I was shocked. AILC was supposed to have artificial intelligence, but not a will of his own.

"50RRY F0R D!554P0!N7!N6 Y0U D4N." (Sorry for disappointing you Dan.) Even though AILC talks in a very robotic voice with no modulation what-so-ever, I could tell he was panicked.

"I-I-I… MARIA!" I screamed. I dashed out of the computer room to the lounge where Maria was curled up.

_I fucking told her not to fucking touch my fucking computer!_

The doors burst open, and Maria jumped with all the hairs on her back standing on end. I roared "MARIAAAA! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH AILC!"

***BOOOOOOOM***

Before Maria could even respond, a loud explosion could be heard at the other end of the base.

_OH SHIT-BITCH!_

Maria changed back to her human-like form, and ran behind me. "W-w-wh-whats going on?" she stuttered. Fearful glints were in her eyes, and then her pupils narrowed. "It's them…" she whispered.

I turned to look behind my legs, hair, and gun to meet her eyes. "Just who the shit are _they_?" I was angry.

'_They' must be the people who were chasing us to our hideout. Why didn't she tell me about these people… I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST ANYONE!_ I screamed in my mind.

Maria started grasping my long hair, and fearfully said "they're the people that were trying to get me. They are the reason I moved to Gensokyo." She started shaking.

_But how did they find me... _

I snapped back into my logical thought. "Ok Maria! We have to get to AILC's computer room. We can get back to Gensokyo from there."

I grabbed her hand to pull her along, but when I did, she wouldn't let go of my hair, and as a result, pulled it when I pulled her. "YEOOWW!" I exclaimed when my hair was pulled.

Faint voices could be heard. "I think it came from over there."

"I can't believe after 50 years, the subject would resurface."

_Oh shit-balls!..._

I picked Maria up, and carried her. I was about to turn the door handle when I heard voices on the other side.

_Oh cunt!_

I ran away from the door, and frantically looked around for someplace to hide.

The door handle creaked.

I thought about it and stuffed Maria into the chimney of the fireplace. "Ahh! Wha?"

_I have no choice but to fight them._

The door handle turned.

I grasped my long-sword's handle, and got ready for a fight.

The door flew open, and two people holding rifles loaded with holy rounds stood at the doorway.

They lowered their weapons. "Dan?" one of them asked.

I pulled my hand away from my sword "Randy?"

We took a moment to take in the fact that we were seeing each other for the first time in 50 years.

The third guy looked a little irritated. "Come on! Now is not the time for reunions! He's an enemy now, and we are on a mission.!"

Randy held his rifle back up, and I grasped the handle again. Randy said "I'm sorry I have to do this, but you have betrayed the crusader's order by housing a demon."

I formed my long-sword from the handle. I sprang up like a lightsaber, except instead of the laser sound, it sounded more like a guillotine chopping someone's head off.

I raised my sword, and got ready to defend Maria from the two invaders. Randy and his partner put away their rifles, and took out things that looked even more like lightsabers. In fact, they were lightsabers except the handles weren't as futuristic looking.

Randy looked like he was a little pained. "Sorry Dan."

I raised my sword with the bladed side facing the ceiling. "Pfft! Whatever."

We ran towards each other, and I clashed blades with my fellow immortals.

* * *

><p><strong>Matt's POV<strong>

**Land Train**

After I ran into the train, I walked up to the bathroom door. "Flandre… you can come out."

Her sobbing ceased, and the door creaked open. "Matt?..."

I smiled. "It's ok, I'm fine."

"Bu-bu-but-"

I pressed my finger against her lips. "I'm fine. And I know that you didn't mean to. Eirin explained everything."

Flandre stood there speechless for a moment, but then embraced my with a spine-crunching hug. I was shocked, but soon returned the favor.

"I don't want to break you onii-chan*."

_Wait, what?_

I decided to ignore the name, and after about 1 minute, she let go.

I straightened my collar, and sighed. "We have to get moving. Your maid is coming to get us."

Flandre stood shocked. "You mean Sakuya?"

"Yes, so we have to get going fast."

Flandre realized something. "Wait… who told you this."

_Uh-oh, Yukari told me to keep this a secret._

I sweat dropped. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. We have to move." I pretended to ignore her question.

"Is that so?"

_Ignore the annoyance. _

I jumped into the seat, and started the machine up.

_Come on, ugh! Someone remind me not to use steam for these kinds of things. _After a good 5 minutes of warming up the boiler, I finally took off.

_Right, left, left, right, straight, right. _I was picking directions at random. I was just trying to find a way out, with no real destination in mind. I eventually came to a clearing.

_Crap, dead end! _I stopped the vehicle.

***Pssssssssssttt***

_Oh shit._

It sounded like a hiss coming from a punctured tire, and a light on the dashboard confirmed it. I stepped outside, and there was a woman in a French maid outfit. She had three knives in each hand, a white apron, and white hair. Her face showed little to no emotion.

I looked at the right driver's side tire to confirm the puncture. "Geez woman! Don't you know how hard it is to find replacement tires in Gensokyo?" I yelled at her, with my eye twitching at random intervals.

The Maid, Sakuya, still had her emotionless expression as she said. "Well you kidnapped the young mistress."

I raised my voice. "I DIDN'T KIDNAP HER, SHE RAN AWAY AND FOUND ME!" My tone of my voice was at the point where it could be considered a rage scream.

Sakuya brandished her knives. "So does that mean I shouldn't hold you responsible? After all, you did cause large amounts of damage to my lady's mansion." She said with a smirk. "Besides, it's your little friend's fault that the young mistress got out in the first place."

_Damn, she's got me there._

I raised my metal arm menacingly. "I don't want to fight you, but I will if I have to."

"It's no use, you are incredibly out-matched, and already weary from your last battle."

_She's right. I don't think I can win against her._ I pull out my tiger tank card. _It's grayed out, which means Yukari was probably right. I won't be able to use my larger machines... Idea, get!_

It was my turn to smirk this time. "You're right. I may not be able to defeat you, but I do know someone who can. Flan~" I called out to the interior of the LT.

As soon as I called her name, or... nickname, Flandre came dashing out of the improvised door I made.

Her wings left rainbow trails as she cleared the distance of 100 feet in a matter of milliseconds. "What do you- OH!" Flandre was surprised to see Sakuya here. "Matt~, you said I could travel with you~." She whined.

I didn't take my eyes off Sakuya, or my smirk on my face. "Flan, I'm not letting her take you back home, but I can't fight her. I'm still too weak from my last battle."

_Best not to mention the fact that Flandre went berserk and nearly destroyed Eientei._

Flandre fist pumped in the air. "Ok onii-chan, I'll beat her for you!" she said with excitement and hyperness.

Sakuya took a step back. She was obviously nervous, and her emotions were leaking out from behind the wall she built to conceal them. In this case, it was fear. "F-Flandre? Why would you fight me?"

Flandre crossed her arms in a defiant manner. "Because you want to take me away from onii-chan."

_She's really sticking to this brother thing._

Sakuya's wall had been brought to the ground. "But I took care of you, a-and always looked out for you."

Flan's expression changed into one of deep sadness. "No... No you didn't. You and onee-chan** kept me locked up in the basement for a long time. I didn't even know what a human was until the red-white and black-white played with me."

Sakuya started panicking. "N-n-no, please. We just wanted to keep you safe!"

Flandre threw her fists down. "NO! You didn't want to keep me safe. You both just wanted to keep everyone else from knowing I exist! And I am also very strong. I don't need to be protected by anyone else."

Sakuya withdrew a little, and regained her calm and elegant composure. She closed her eyes, and started re-constructing her wall brick by brick. "We had to. Otherwise you might've destroyed everything and everyone you saw."

Flandre was barely restraining herself from lunging at the woman and spilling her guts all over the forest. "But I got better after I met the two humans, and onee-chan STILL didn't let me out!"

Sakuya put that blank emotionless expression that defines her status as a slave. "Enough of this! My lady has ordered me to return you to her mansion." The knives in Sakuya's right hand disappeared, and she pulled out a silver timepiece.

Flandre lunged at the Maid while screaming. "DIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

Sakuya flipped open the door of the watch, held down a button on the watch, and yelled "ZA WAURDO!"

_Oh my God! Dio-_

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's HQ (same time as when Sakuya's fight started.)<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_Damn! They've both gotten fucking stronger since the last time we met._

I was trying to push back both of their blades at the same time, and I was having a lot of difficulty doing so. _Damnnit! All three of us have cursed strength abilities._

After about 5 straight minutes of repelling their glowing blades, I was finally able to return with some attacks of my own. I feigned low, causing my opponent to block down, then suddenly redirected the thrust upward, my opponent moved to evade, but my blade bit deep into the flesh of his armpit, disabling his arm.

I looked him in his eyes. He was going to lose, and he knew it. "Goodbye you little shit!"

I stepped back, ripping my blade out, kicking my opponent back, and then took his head in one clean stroke.

_Beheading a crusade immortal; the only way to kill them._

I turned to Randy, driving him back with a rapid series of slashes. Soon my assault pushed him all the way to the computer room.

"Looks like you've gotten a little soft Dan." Randy smirked as he brought his blade down to my head.

I countered it by re-directing his swing to my right with so much force, he lost grip of his handle, and it flew to the right. "I'm not getting soft." I pinned him down and pointed my sword at his neck. "I'm sharper than ever."

Randy looked at me. "h-hey Dan? Why did you leave the order anyway?"

I sighed, and lowered my blade. "Well, if you must know, I didn't like the way they were systematically killing demons. There's no fun in that, it's much more fun to hunt them down..." I just noticed Randy slowly making his way to the door. "Wait a minute! I can't believe it, you got me monologueing!"

Randy snapped to himself. "Damn."

The 3 meter long blade retracted back into the handle, and I put my sword away. "Because of our past friendship, I will spare you. But if I ever catch you trying to harm Maria again…"

I made a slicing motion across my neck with my finger.

"Got it?"

Randy nodded furiously.

"Good!"

The man who I had threatened scrambled to get his beam sword, and run out of the room.

After he was out, I saw AILC's screen flashing red with a warning message. "W4RN!N6, 80M8 D373C73D." (Warning, bomb detected.)

Maria dashed into the room. "Oh no! What are we going to do!"

I gave AILC a command. "AILC, I don't have time to locate and diffuse the bomb, so set the transporter's location to Gensokyo. Anywhere will do."

AILC screen kept displaying the warning message. "0K M4573R, 10C47!0N 537." (Ok master, location set.) The transporter pad lit up, indicating it was ready to go.

AILC displayed a count-down. "73N" (ten)

Maria tugged at my sleeve. "Dan, what will happen to AILC?"

"3!6H7" (eight)

I shooed her away. "He will go down with the rest of the HQ. Don't worry. He's just a computer, he can be replaced."

Maria gasped. "No! No! No! No! He's special!"

"F!V3" (five)

The count-down continued on AILC's screen. "74K3 7H!5 M4R!4. !F Y0U K33P !7, W3 W!11 M337 464!N 50M3D4Y." (Take this Maria. If you keep it, we will meet again someday.

**Three**

Maria took the object that popped out of AILC.

**Two**

She shed a single tear and waved goodbye.

**One**

The transporter sent her on her way to Gensokyo.

**Zero**

"!-" (I-)

***BOOOOOOM***

* * *

><p><strong>Bamboo forest (right before Dan's battle started.)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_-Brando Lives!_

In an instant, Flandre was surrounded by several knives, and they all headed straight for her. Sakuya with her straight face said "Don't worry. I'm not using my silver knives." She turned her gaze towards me. "But I wouldn't do the same for any other Youkai."

I gulped.

At this time, Rumia came out of the LT with a cheerful expression. "I'm hungry, and I smell hu-" she was not able to finish what she was saying due to a knife being lodged in-between her eyes.

"Rumia!"

I ran up to her, and saw the knife was not made of silver. _Good._

I pulled the knife out of her forehead, and immediately, the wound started healing. "You'll be fine, that wasn't a silver knife."

"Is that so?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes it is so." I pulled her up, and put her in a tight embrace, but not as tight as the one Flandre gave me before.

_Not nearly as tight._

I let go of her. "Come on Rumia. We need to join Flandre and teach this shithead a lesson."

Rumia stood puzzled for a moment. "Um, what's a shithead?"

_Oh-boy._

Sakuya put some more knives out in front of Flandre. "Come on!. It's time to go home."

Flandre whined "but I don't wanna."

_With her child-like nature, one forgets she could rip their head off with little to no effort._

Flandre unleashed a huge danmaku orb that was trailed by smaller ones. It was the same orbs as the ones used in her 'Forbidden barrage: Catadioptric' spell card. "I'm never going home! You and Remi are so mean!" The huge orbs batted away the knife danmaku, and continued on to hit Sakuya.

Sakuya didn't make any effort to dodge the danmaku orb that was three times her size. Instead, she pulled out her pocket watch, and held it in her right hand with a spell card in her left hand. She declared "Illusion World: ZA WAURDO***!"

After she declared that card, half a second later, countless knives appeared and started moving in Random directions. While Flandre weaved and grazed through the knives, her clothes started to get tattered. The process repeated a few times until Sakuya's spell card timed out.

...

"ZA WAURDO!"

…

"ZA WAURDO!"

…

"ZA WAURDO****!"

By the time Sakuya's spell card timed out, Flandre's clothes were utterly destroyed. Her vest was completely gone except for the part that hung around her shoulders, the right side of the pink shirt under her vest was missing the lower right half, and the hem of her skirt was tattered.

_Damn… It's a good thing Clothes repair themselves after spell card battles. I don't want to have to buy her new clothes._

Flandre held up a spell card this time. A huge grin appeared on her face as she declared "And Then There Will Be None?" Flandre faded into invisibility as her manic laughter echoed in the background. "He he he ha ha YahHa HAHAHAHAH!" her psychopathic giggling unnerved me quite a bit.

Light blue danmaku bullets started coming out of nowhere, and after 2 seconds, the spawn point started moving around. The rate of bullets released increased, and more spawn points started to appear. In other words, There was a shit ton of bullets in front of me.

_Damn, I don't know how Sakuya does it._

Sakuya avoided all the shots gracefully with elegant movements. Eventually, she was cornered by some of the orbs against my RV.

"NO! Get away from that!" Now that Sakuya was up against the RV, All the bullets were heading in her direction, therefore, some might hit my house.

Sakuya didn't show any sign of panic, or any emotion at all. She simply put her hands in front of herself along with a spell card, and yelled out "Bomb!" Her spell card exploded, and all the bullets disappeared as they were hit by the shockwave of the explosion.

_I remember Reimu talking about this. It's a technique used to get yourself out of a tight situation in a danmaku Battle. _I put my metal hand under my chin. _She said you overload a magic spell; which causes all enemy danmaku to absorb into the user, and increase their power._

Flan's orbs were replaced by red tablets with the letter 'P' on them. They all gathered and rushed to Sakuya as she dashed away from the broken down vehicle.

Flan's voice echoed around the area. "Don't think it will be that easy!" the Barrage stopped, and bullets appeared on either side of Sakuya. They closed in on her, while green ones crossed over from side to side. She waved out of the ones that were closing in on her, and repeated the process until Flandre's spell timed out.

Flandre re-appeared. Out of breath, and maddened red eyes. "You avoided my barrage. That was one of my most powerful spell cards!"

Sakuya shrugged. "The fact that I can manipulate time and space helps with that a lot." She still looked the same as when the battle started. There wasn't a scratch on her, and she still looked like she could keep on fighting for hours. Flandre on the other hand, was a wreck. Her clothes were in tattered to the point where they were just barely hanging on, and she looked like she could collapse any second. "Getting tired young mistress?" Sakuya taunted.

Flandre let out a low growl, then she yelled "I wouldn't be so tired if you and one-chan would feed me once in a while.

Sakuya seemed to retreat back at that comment. It was true and she knew it.

Flandre continued. She started sobbing. "Alone. All alone. For 495 years. In the darkest depths of a cave, with only a maddened mind to keep you company." Flandre lowered her head. "No one even knew I existed. Nobody caring. It really is the worst feeling in the world." Flandre raised her head. Her eyes were leaking tears, and she had a smile on her face. "But now all that has changed! I'm free, and I'm not going to let you take that away from me!"

Sakuya flinched a little when Flandre raised her voice, showing that she actually was a human being, and not just a robot. Flandre took out a black spell card. It floated in her hand, and had a dark aura emanating from around it. "After I escaped to fight those humans that invaded a while back, I got this card. Congratulations, you are the second person ever to see it."

Flandre rose back into the air, and held the card above her head. She inhaled a huge amount of air. "QED: RIPPLES OF 495 YEARS!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Her scream was so loud, birds flew away from the trees, and it echoed all throughout Gensokyo. "Let's see how you like that feeling."

* * *

><p><strong>Forest of magic.<strong>

**Maria's POV**

I was sobbing while clutching the rectangular device AILC gave me to my chest. "Why did those eternal crusaders have to ruin everything." I said to myself. I was walking through the forest of Magic with Dan. We had to abandon our base, and with no way back, it looked like we were going to stay in Gensokyo.

Dan looked down at me, and eyed me suspiciously. "How do you know about the eternal crusaders?" Dan raised an eyebrow.

I wiped a tear off of my cheek. "The-They destroyed my home fifty years ago. *sob* Two people from them purified my guardians. My real parents died around 20 years before."

Dan paused. "Ok, that makes sense." he looked back up, and kept walking. Looking for a way out of the forest.

I heard someone yell in the distance. "QED: RIPPLES OF 495 YEARS."

After the yell, Dan and I kept quiet for another 3 minutes. Something seemed to be troubling him, until he looked back down and met my eyes. "Maria… I'm sure you already figured this out, but I used to be part of that organization. I used to kill demons, but when I took you in, you opened my eyes to the fact that what I was doing is wrong. But they attacked us because they thought I was a traitor to their cause." Slowed his walking pace a little.

I stayed quiet for a full minute. _I knew you used to be part of them, but I didn't know I helped you see the right way…_ Dan looked down to the ground. Something seemed to be troubling him, but I decided it would be best not to ask.

_I don't think I should ask him what's wrong, but I think I should try to comfort him. _I ran around in front of Dan, and embraced him in a hug. "Thank you. *sniff*, *sob*."

Dan stopped walking. He was surprised by the action, but soon returned the favor. He bent down, and pulled me into an embrace. "No Maria, thank you…" we sat like this for about 30 seconds, until I heard Dan muttering "awwww~ who's a cute kitty~" I rolled my eyes, and decided to go along with it.

* * *

><p><strong>Bamboo forest clearing. (You know, the one where Sakuya and Flandre are fighting.)<strong>

**Sakuya's POV**

_Two feet to the right… 6 inches to the left… up, down, to the left._

I was carefully calculating all my movements to avoid the young mistresses' attacks. Her barrage started slowly, but soon started picking up speed. I had to put a lot of effort into dodging.

"Come on, just die already!" Flandre whined. She was acting extremely un-lady like. Her hair was ruffled, and she had many split ends. Her barrage was hard to dodge, but I could handle it.

… Or so I thought. A stray bullet hit me when I wasn't paying attention. As soon as it contacted my skin, I felt a lonely feeling. It hurt, like someone ripping your heart right out of your chest. "Guhg!" I buckled over.

_This is extremely un-elegant. I can't be seen like this. I'm displaying emotion!_

Because I lost my focus, I didn't see the other bullets heading towards me. They impacted me, and I reacted with a scream. "GAAAAHHH!" The bullets kept hitting me until I collapsed to the ground, shaking.

_Loneliness, sadness, madness… alone forever. I'm sorry my lady, I've failed you._

Flandre moved hovered over me. "Had enough?" She said with her arms crossed.

I slipped out of conciseness due to the fact that I just felt 495 years of loneliness in the course of 30 seconds.

* * *

><p><strong>Same location<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_Wow. Flan isn't someone you want to mess with. She kicked Sakuya's ass!_

Flandre drifted to the ground, and picked Sakuya up. She bared her claws and got ready to kill her old acquaintance. "Flandre Scarlet, stop!" She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. "You can't just go around killing everybody you don't like." I said with a stern tone.

Flan looked down at the ground. "Why not~" she whined.

"Because you just don't!" I retorted.

"…"

"Flandre… I know you don't like her, but killing her won't solve any problems. It'll just be more pointless violence."

"Is that so?"

***WHACK!***

Instead of telling Rumia to shut up this time, I just whacked her over the head with my metal arm. "Ow ow ow ow! Ok, I'll shut up!"

I decided it was best to just leave it. Flandre was not going to change overnight.

_Digging into the issue won't solve anything. It'll take time to heal her mind._

I sighed. "Come on. We have to find a place I can get a replacement tire." We walked out of the forest with Sakuya slung over my shoulder. _God forbid I let Flandre carry her._ It turned out I had broken down near the kappa river at the base of Youkai Mountain.

_Who would've guessed we were so close to the exit of the forest, but the kappa river, that'll do._

The scrap yard that I had found the RV in was right next to the river, so I thought I should look there. _It's getting late. I should get Sakuya home._ I got to work setting up a camp. "Here Flan." I looked at Flandre. "You're in charge of Rumia while I'm gone.

Flandre smiled with her toothy grin. "Okay, I won't let you down Matt."

I nodded "Good."

I turned to Rumia "And Rumia."

Rumia looked up from the chicken wing she was devouring "whhut?"

I put on my best poker face. "Please try not to do anything stupid."

Rumia with her mouth still full of food said "khay. Om nom nom nom."

I started setting up camp. There were plenty of supplies to build shelter with. After all, we were in a scrap yard.

After we set up a camp in the scrap yard, I took off with my jet-pack to fly Sakuya home. _Well, here we are._

When I got to the misty lake, I dropped Sakuya off in front of the Scarlet Mansion, and flew away. Luckily, their gate guard was asleep at the time.

I set her down on the doorstep, and was very careful not to draw any attention. I knocked on the door, and flew away as fast as I could.

_Well, it's in their hands now._

I flew off back to the camp just as fast as I flew to the mansion. _I've go to be going at least 100 miles per hour!_

I flew over the forest of magic, and noticed how nice the scenery looked. The sunset made the kappa river glisten, and the red sky complemented the Mansion I was getting further and further away from.

_Can't wait to get to sleep._

* * *

><p><strong>Forest of Magic<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_We've been wandering for 4 hours! Where is the fucking exit!_

Maria had fallen asleep, so I had to carry her. "I need to find some fucking dinner. Youkai hunt humans, so maybe I should hunt Youkai." I started scouting around the area with Maria slung over my back.

_I see something up ahead!_

I got to a clearing where a little girl was spinning around. She looked very cheerful. "La-la! Mis-for-tune gather-ing is~ so~ much fun~" she sang.

_Wait, that's not a Youkai._

All of a sudden the girl stopped spinning. She paused, and then looked right at the bush I was hiding in. "hello? You're a human aren't you." She walked closer. "I sense much misfortune coming from you.

I decided to step out of the bush. "Ok, you caught me. So, what are you talking about? You know, with me having a lot of misfortune."

The girl started spinning around. "You've had many difficulties in your life. It's misfortune."

I started getting a little irritated, and clenched my hand into a fist. "Ok, but what to you MEAN. As in what kind do I have?"

She stopped spinning, and put her hand on her chest. "I can't tell until I absorb them. My name is Hina, I am a curse goddess." She started spinning again.

_A curse goddess? Maybe she can help with my curse. _"My name is Dan. Say, I have this curse, and I would really like to be rid of it. Do you think you can help me out?"

She stopped spinning again. "Of course, let's see." She started spinning, and I felt something leave my body. It felt weird, like throwing up, but without anything coming out. "Oh my… you have been stuck with this curse for thousands of years." She stopped spinning and I felt normal again. "I can see you were cursed with immortality, sleeplessness, and bad luck." She frowned.

I got over the fact that what I had been essentially trying to get rid of for years, she had gotten rid of in a matter of seconds. "So… is it gone."

Hina shook her head side to side. "I couldn't remove it completely. You have been with it so long, that you still cannot die. But you can sleep, and your luck will be normal." She started spinning around again.

_Oh my fucking god! If only I knew someone like HER was here!_

I was still in mild shock. "Th… Thanks." I slowly walked off. _GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! I CAN'T BELIVE THIS HORSE FUCKING BULL SHIT! I SPENT 2000 CUNT FUCKING YEARS TRYING TO BREAK THIS CURSE, AND SHE COCK SUCKING DOES IT IN 5 ASS RAPEING SECONDS!_

I was suddenly feeling tired, "Oh my! I've been WAITING for this for years!" I looked around for a good place to camp and finally sleep after all these years. I found a root formation under a tree trunk, and set Maria down. She stirred a little, but soon went back to happily sleeping away. "Good night Maria." I set AILC's hard drive down next to Maria, being careful not to bump it around too much. I layed down, and went to sleep. "Thank… you… ZZZZ."

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]:<strong>

*** A title that pretty much means big brother.**

**** A title that pretty much means big sister.**

***** The card's actual name is "Illusion World: The World", but I wanted to make a comparison between Sakuya Izayoi, and Dio Brando. Za waurdo translates to 'the world'.**

****** I decided to indicate Sakuya's used of a spell card by having her say "ZA WAURDO!" every time it activates.**

**Alright. Chapter nineball, I mean Chapter nine… went very well. I was planning to have Hina remove Dan's curse since very early in the story. We also get to see a deeper side of Flandre's personality. Yeah, she's not just the crazy little girl everyone thought she was.**

**Also, I know some of you have commented about it, and yes I agree Dan swears too much. But remember, he is based on someone I know in real life. In fact, I go to school with him, and we're best friends. Hell, he helps me write this sometimes.**

**As usual, I want to thank all of you for supporting me. I want to give a special thanks to the Radioactive Arbiter for being my first reviewer, and supporting my fic. You should check out his/her fic: "Perfect Covert Fantasy". I also want to mention Solja-boi190 for coming back to review every chapter. Thanks peoples!**

**My sister, after reading this, wrote a blurb about my OC, Matt. I don't think she captured his personality entirely right, but whatever. So without further ado, I present my sister's first blurb.**

* * *

><p><strong>Short Epic Touhou Blurb: Matthew's Perfect Math class.<strong>

Matt's POV

I raised my hand. "Question. Doesn't the square root of negative sixteen equal four _i_?"

"BAKA!" Cirno screamed, a demonic halo of blue hair floating around her head. "THERE ARE NO LETTERS IN MATH."

I opened my mouth, about to retort, but quickly changed my mind. I'd try my best to last another half hour of this torture without giving anyone a black eye. Glancing around the room, I noticed everyone else had the expressions of mixed boredom and annoyance that I also had. Cirno, I decided, was a horrible math teacher.

"Now," she smiled sweetly at the class. "WHAT'S TWO TIMES THREE HUNDRED."

Everyone around me groaned and replied weakly "six hundred." At different times.

"Thanks, I had to do my homework." She wrote down the answer with her pink tongue limply hanging out of her mouth. So she was teaching a math class and didn't even know simple multiplication? I buried my head in my hands without complaint, trying to block out an impending headache. I heard the _whoosh_ of a ruler and felt the pain of a sharp sting trickle up my arm.

"PAY ATTENTION, BAKA."

My jaw tensed as my subconsciousness pleaded with my brain to stay calm. I sighed and picked up my pencil, ready to take whatever useless noted she would throw at us.

Cirno turned and wrote on a chalkboard:

**Python**** Pythagorean Theorem:**

**2 + 2 = 2**

**This is used to find the length of sides of a square.**

_What?_ I face palmed along with half of the class, and instead wrote the real Pythagorean Theorem. The one with triangles.

"Class," she started, "according to this theorem, two plus two will always equal two."

It was going to be a long day.


	10. Arc 1 Finale

**Chapter 10: 1st Arc Finale**

**[AN]: WOW! I can't believe I made it to this point. I'm sorry for the long wait guys. I've been busy with the 3DS- I mean homework, ha-ha-ha… anyways, I'm glad you guys liked the small blurb my sister made, and I'll pass on her thanks to you. Anyways, without further ado, let's begin. **

* * *

><p><strong>Kappa scrap yard<strong>

**Rumia's POV**

_Hugh, that cot that I slept on was super uncomfortable. I think I'll stick to the ground from now on._

It was morning in Gensokyo, and we had to stay in this junk-heap because Matt needed something called a tire. When I woke up, I looked around the make-shift shed Matt made, and noticed Matt and Flandre were already up. "Why don't they ever wake me up~~" I whined to on one in particular.

I stretched, and put my shirt and vest on. "Ok, let's go find Matt. I want him to play with me!" As I buttoned up my vest, I Thought about why Matt didn't seem to like me the way he used to anymore. _It's probably just because he has been busy lately._

I wandered around outside looking for Matt. Inn was walking around in my ball of darkness. "Matt, where are- whoa!" While I was calling for Matt, I tripped over a thingy that was sticking out of the ground.

"Ooooh, what's this?" I admired the shiny object. It was shaped like an octagon, and it had a shiny thing in the center. _I know I've seen this thing before_. I tucked the object into my vest, and continued my search.

I decided it was best not to travel around in my dark ball. I continued to look for Matt, when I heard someone nearby.

"Where did I drop it? It's got to be around here somewhere." An unknown person called in the distance. The voice sounded like it belonged to a girl, and it also seemed familiar.

_Oh, this must be hers._ I said while I took the object out to admire it again.

_My precious thing…_

I stuffed the octagon back into my black vest when I heard a familiar voice. "Rumia~ where are you!" it called.

It was Matt's voice. "Over here Matt!"

The unknown voice called. "Rumia? Is that you? Great! Target practice! Zei!"

_Only one person uses that word at the end of their sentences._ I was scared. When Marisa is around, something is going to blow up, and usually, it's whatever she directs her attention to.

I started Panicking. "Matt~ do something~" I called.

But it was too late. Marisa burst through a wall of scrap metal, and spotted me. "You better run, or else you won't be able to at all." I did as she said and started running away. "Man I LOVE a good chase daze!"

Marisa took off and started trailing me. She was shooting stars at me non-stop.

I pulled the object back out of my vest. _I think I know what this is!_ I clutched the object tightly. _What was that thing she always says before the bright thing comes?_

I tried to remember the words that were needed to use the object, but thinking caused me to be backed into a dead end.

_Oh yeah! Now I remember!_

Marisa backed me into the corner. "Well, this was fun, but all fun things must come to an end."

I stopped shaking and cowering in the corner. "I'm going to beat you this time!"

Marisa hung upside down from her broom "is that so?"

I growled. "Don't say that, that's my thing!"

Marisa got back onto her broom the right way. "Words are for everyone. Not just for one person ze."

I smirked. "Well let's see how you like it when I steal your line." I pulled the object out of my vest.

"Ze?... Hey, that's my-

I held it out in front of me like Marisa does. "Love sign: Master Spark!" A bright light emanated from the shiny thing on the octagon, and then it let out a spark… a very small spark that fizzled to the ground. "Oh crap…"

**30 minutes later**

I was in my bad back at the House. Matt got that tire he was looking for, and somehow it looked like it was new. But didn't put it on yet so he could bandage me up.

"I can't believe you tried to use a master spark! That thing is huge!" Matt scolded me. "You should know better than to use spells out of your level."

Marisa had beaten me to a pulp, then used her octagon to burn me with a big laser. _When I wanted to spend more time with you, I meant spending more time doing fun stuff!_

I would've said something about this, but I was in a complete full body cast. "Mumf mumf!" I tried to talk.

Matt pat my head. "Shh. Don't talk. I'll take care of you."

_Well, at least he's spending time with me._

"I'll be right back. I have to go put on the new tire." Matt went outside, and left me alone.

_Well this sucks. All I can do is sit here and wait._

* * *

><p><strong>Forest of Magic<strong>

**Dan's POV**

"*Yawn*… Ahhh, what a wonderful sleep. I haven't slept in years." I stretched my arms. Maria was already still asleep, so I decided to wake her up. "Hey, Maria." I nudged her shoulder.

"Uhhh." She stirred, and then got up; repeating my action of yawning while stretching her arms. "Ahh, good morning Dan nya~." She said with her little cat-like face. She changed into her Youkai form, and stared at me with big eyes.

_Must… hug… kitty!_

I gave into my urge and Hugged Maria while scratching her behind the ears. I think Maria was planning this because she let out a low growl. "Rrraaahhhhooww…" I ignored it and continued to embrace the kitten. "Raaoow…" she growled again.

After waiting another 3 seconds, she bared her claws, and started scratching up my arms. "Ow! Fuck! No kitty! Stop!" She used her rear claws, and scratched me in a certain place in-between my legs. "OW FUCK!" She eventually broke free from my grasp, and changed back into her humanoid form, giggling un-controllably.

"Hehehehehee!" She held her hand up to her mouth.

I was on the ground clutching the place she clawed. After 2 minutes of Maria Laughing her ass off, my wounds healed, and I got up. "Maria! There's nothing more cool than clawing someone you don't like." I said in a nasally voice. "But if you claw your master in a place or in a way he doesn't like, that's no good*." I said while shaking my head side to side.

Maria started laughing again, and this time, I joined her. "Hahahahahaha!" We both fell back to the ground. Still giggling occasionally, and just having a good time. _Haaah, oh Man. I feel fucking great! _I looked Maria in the eye, and she looked back at me. "Ahhh. Hey Maria?"

Maria smiled and said with a cheerful expression "Yeah?"

I Smiled and looked at the clouds rolling over the sky. "Guess what I did last night."

Maria got up with a worried expression. "What happened?"

I beamed, and got up as well. "I met a curse goddess and she broke my curse!"

Maria looked ecstatic. "That's great! I can't believe you finally found a way to break it after all that time researching!" She hugged me, and unlike the last times, I wasn't as surprised, or resistant. "I love you dad."

_Wait, I'm not your… aw, to hell with it!_

I returned the hug, and she seemed happy. "I love you too Maria."

We continued to hold each other until I saw a giant beam of light erupt from far away. We both stared at the rainbow colored river, and decided it was time to get moving. _Really, It's a miracle a wild Youkai didn't attack us in our sleep._

I picked up the heavy rifle, and slung it over my shoulder. While I made sure we weren't forgetting anything, Maria gathered some fruits from some nearby bushes, along with some mushrooms. "Come on Maria, we need to get moving and find our way out of this forest."

Maria ran back to me. "Coming dad, nyan~!"

_So… cute…_

Maria came back to me, and showed me what she had gathered. _Ok, let's see… we've got some apples… and that's it. Besides the mushrooms. I better tell her to put those down. _I looked at her and questioned her. "Maria… you know many mushrooms are poisonous right?"

Maria nodded. "Yeah, but one time this witch told me what mushrooms were ok, and magic mushrooms like these are all ok to eat, and they increase your strength."

I decided not to press the issue "Fine, whatever."

We started walking through the forest, when Maria asked me a tough question. "Dad…? Can you make AILC work again?"

It really was a tough question, because I knew there wasn't anything in Gensokyo that resembled a computer, and chances of going back to the outside world were slim to none. Of course, there was _him._

_No way! I will never ask Matt for help! We are mortal enemies!_ Maria looked at me with hopeful eyes. _Oh… but for those eyes, I guess I could make an exception._

I patted Maria on the head. "Maybe Maria. But I'll need someone else's help."

Maria perked up. "Oh good! I can't wait!"

_I just hope I can keep that promise._

Maria and I continued until we reached what looked like a pathway. There were tire ruts in the dirt, and from the looks of it, they were left by a large vehicle.

_I didn't know there were cars in Gensokyo._

I decided to check it out. To see if I could find what left the huge mess.

_I hope whoever it is will give us a ride._

* * *

><p><strong>Outside World<strong>

**Unknown POV**

"General. We've searched the ruins, and located the remains of the Artificial Intelligence Locater Computer." A man dressed in an army uniform said while saluting.

"At ease soldier."

"Yes sir." He brought his hand down. "It seems the AILC was heavily damaged by the explosion, but with research team one working on it, it shouldn't be a problem much longer."

"Excellent." I said while keeping my rock hard face emotionless. "I want a full report when they're done."

The soldier saluted me again. "Yes sir!" he ran off to give my orders. I adjusted my dark blue hat, and dark blue coat. The hat had a golden stripe going all the way around it, and my jacket was buttoned together by four solid gold buttons. Brushing aside my white hair, an eye made of Iron with a red pentagram where the iris should've been, was revealed to occupy my right eye socket.

_That traitor! He housed a demon to prevent us from exterminating all the demons in this world._ I pulled my hands out from behind my back. Clutched in my left hand was a sheet of paper. On the singed piece of paper, a list of locations that the AILC was linked to was written. _No matter, because it seems you have un-knowingly left me a way to the nest of the majority of remaining demons._ I looked at the highlighted name on the list.

_Gensokyo…_

A soldier came up to give me a report. "Sir!" he saluted.

I sighed "at ease."

The soldier's hand dropped back to his side. "The AILC is fully operational except for one thing…"

I glared at the private. "And that would be?"

The soldier looked kind of nervous. "Well sir, it seems the necessary software is missing. We will be able to travel to Gensokyo sir, but we will not be able to get back."

I put my hand up to my chin. "Hmmm, that is troubling… how long will it take the research team to get it working correctly?"

The soldier scratched the back of his head. "Well… they won't sir."

**_Kill him right now._**

"WHAT!" I asked furiously.

The soldier flinched a little bit. "It looks like the program was a freak accident, and the hard drive is missing. Dan must've taken it into Gensokyo."

**_Kill! Death! Murder! Die! Destroy! Devour his soul~!_**

I boiled with anger. "How dare he take away my only way of getting out of Gensokyo!" My right eye flashed. The soldier tried to run out of the room, but it was too late for him. A golden aura seeped out of his mouth, and went into my eye. The soldier lied on the floor; dead. "Oh dear, it looks like I did it again." I smirked. Well at least he was able to do something useful.

**_Kill Maim Burn_**

Another person walked into the room. "You really should stop stealing your own men's souls. Save it for the enemy." A voice with a Russian accent said.

"Oh, hello Angela. I didn't see you walk in." My field commander, Angela Boristov was my right hand man, err… woman. She wore a Black skin-tight suit, which complimented her assets, if you know what I mean *****wink, wink*****… anyways the skin-tight suit had white stripes running down the sides of it, all the way down from her hands, down to her legs. Speaking of her legs, her they were very se- ok, ok! I'll stop that. She wore high heel shoes, and if she willed them to, blades would come out of the bottom. Her black hair was cut short, and carried two glock automatic pistols around her belt. Her skin was also flawless.

Angela put one of her hands on her hips, while letting the other one hang by her side. "I'm always ready to serve you general." She said with the heavily accented voice.

I deadpanned to look her in her eyes, temporarily breaking my character. "You don't have to speak in that Russian accent all the time. I already know you were born in America." I said with my rock hard face not changing.

Angela crossed her arms. "Well, if I want to talk like I'm Russian, then I'm going to talk like a Russian woman." She said without her Russian accent.

I furled my brow, and said "Yeah, but come on. A Russian assistant in a top secret organization, with a pair of guns, and wearing a skin-tight body suit? Its super cliché and overdone**." With my iron cheek bones as sturdy and pronounced as ever.

"Whatever. It's a free country, and I'll exercise that right to the fullest extent." She sneered. Angela started talking in her accent again. "Now general, if you'll excuse me, I must ask. When do we depart to Gensokyo?"

I stood back up straight, put my hands behind my back, and said. "We leave tomorrow 1600 hours."

Angela stood straight and saluted me. "Yes Sir General Gunethre!"

**_Kill them all! Kill everyone! Murder everyone! Strangle them to death with their own intestines!_**

* * *

><p><strong>Matt's POV<strong>

**Forest of Magic clearing (you know, the one where Flandre and Sakuya fought?)**

After I left Rumia's Marisa- I mean... Injuries to heal, I went outside to Replace the tire. _I can't believe I was actually able to find one!_ I thought. I grunted as I used a jack to get the RV off the ground. "Gah! This. Is. Heavy!" I grunted as I used the jack to lift the Heavy machine.

Flandre flew up next to me, and watched as I pushed the spare tire onto the axle. "What-cha do'in?"

I got up from kneeling besides the tire. I was careful to use my left arm to wipe the sweat from my forehead. "Just fixing the LT, what are you up to?" My right arm was in toolbox mode, and right now, I had a hydraulic drill selected as the current tool.

Flandre giggled as she flew upside down. "I'm just hanging out. Can I play Mario?"

I sighed. "Sure."

"Yay!" Flandre flew through one of the open windows instead of bothering to open the door.

_Ah, good ol' Flan. Things would be so boring if she went back to the scarlet Devil Mansion. _I continued to work on fastening the bolts back on the wheel.

***VVVVVTT***

After I was done, I heard the sound of the Land Train's electrical generator starting up. _Wait, I didn't put more water in the boiler, or even start the engine. Come to think of it. Didn't I leave it over there? _All of a sudden, a card appeared in my hands. It read "Locomotive without tracks: Land Train." _Ooooookay~… does this mean I can spawn the Land Train with a spell card? Sweetness."_

I put the card into a slot on my arm to store it away, and then I heard something rustle in the Bushes. "Huh? Stay back! I'm armed." I spawned my blade from my arm without having to declare it. _Heh, armed._

Someone stepped out of the bushes. "It's ok, we're friend… YOU!" My nemesis Dan was the one who step out of the bushes. He was followed by a small cat-girl, but I didn't really give her much notice.

At this time, the following emotions and feelings were coursing through my body at the same time: Fear, Anger, Hate, and the urge to TROLL!1!11!1one11!

"YOU! What are you here for? Have you come to scare Rumia half to death again?" I snarled at him.

I heard a muffled scream come from inside the LT.

Dan reached for his sword. "If I scared her half to death again, then she would die. So no, that's not why I'm here." He grasped the handle at his side and un-sheathed it, but there was no blade on it. That is until two seconds later when a huge fucking black as night blade formed out of nowhere. "I'm actually here to kick your ass this time you bloody fuckwad!"

_SEPH-I-ROOOTH~~~!_ One winged angel was playing in my mind. _Seriously, it looks just like his sword._

I held the blade of my sword behind me. Ready to strike at the first sign of movement.

Just then, Rumia Burst out of the Land-train's door, screaming while bandages trailed behind her. "YHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" What made this scene unique was the fact of how ridiculous it was. For starters, Rumia looked like she was being trailed by an entire roll of toilet paper; her panicked expression was funny as hell, and on top of that, she wasn't wearing any clothes besides a pair of panties, and a pink bra! Of course she was still wearing her hair ribbon which she couldn't take off.

Rumia's bandage had fallen off completely, and she was hugging back like a backpack with a head, that could also talk, cry, and plead for you to save its life. Right now, Rumia was doing all of these things. "Waaahhh! Don't let him kill meee~!" Rumia pleaded.

I was taken by surprise by her grasp. My blade of revolution retracted back into my arm, and I started blushing. "Rumia, go put some clothes on! He's not coming to get you; he's trying to kill me."

Rumia kept crying like a scared child. "I don't wanna die I don't wanna die I don't wanna die I don't wanna die I don't wanna dieeee~!" She rubbed her head against the back of mine."

"Actually, I'd be fine with killing both of you." While I was distracted by Rumia, Dan had pulled out a HUGE fucking gun!

At this point, I had somehow gotten Rumia off my back, and turned around so we could both hug each other in Fear. "I am not in my happy place!" I said while clutching Rumia.

***Sniff sniff***

I stopped cowering for a couple seconds. "… Geez Rumia! Can't you take a bath once in a while?"

Rumia paid my comment no attention. "Nooo~ someone save meeee~!" She howled out.

Dan sweat dropped and took his eye away from the scope of his huge Rifle filled with insanely pure holy rounds. "Wow, in all my years of Demon hunting, I have never encountered one as whiny and cowardly as you Rumia of darkness." The small cat-girl looked very disappointed, and tugged on the left side of Dan's coat. "Yes Maria! What do you want!" he hissed like an extremely annoyed cobra.

The little cat-girl clad in blue and white whispered something into Dan's ear. "….whhsss…puhsswssp…" She said while cupping her hand to his ear.

Dan Frowned and then looked pretty shocked. "WHAT? But I hate him~…!" Dan said in a whiny voice.

The cat-girl frowned at Dan, and then whispered something again. "Wwhpssppfhssshhshsppshp!" she whispered. It annoyed me to no end that I couldn't hear what she was saying.

Dan once again shot up in shock. He dropped his rifle, and seemed to get angry with the little girl. "But I need to!" Dan exclaimed to the girl.

_You know… in the time they have been arguing, Rumia and I could've run away, and been on our merry way have some fun._

The cat-girl glared dangerously at Dan, Bared her claws, and slashed Dan's face right across the middle. Dan held his face in pain while blood trickled down through his fingers. "OW, ASS RAPEING FUCKBALLS!" He screamed with more profanity than needed.

_Something's different about Daniel. And since when would he be traveling with a cat youkai?_

While the little girl was… persuasively debating with Dan, I broke out of Rumia's grasp and she hugged herself and cried a little longer. After I watched the sad, pathetic sight for a couple more seconds, she crawled up against the Land Train's newly replaced tire, curled into a ball, and hugged her arms around her legs. She stopped crying while rocking back and fourth with crazed feral eyes, and a psychotic grin plastered across her face. At random intervals of 2 – 6 seconds, the randomly Repeated her random trademarked phrase: "is that so?" Over and over to herself… Randomly

_Ok, now I'm worried. Not because of the fact that someone who could kill us instantaneously, but because of the way Rumia is acting._

"… Is that so?" She repeated to herself again.

_GRRR! How could someone do something so evil? I know she likes the taste of human flesh, but I've been working on fixing that recently._

The sight of Rumia's nervous breakdown was enough to motivate me to do something about Dan. I gathered every ounce of courage and bravery in my body, stood up, and confronted the crusading menace. "Hey!" I called out to Dan.

Dan and the cat-girl stopped fighting with each other in a hilarious pose. Dan was on the ground trying to get up, while the girl was tugging on his hair.

The girl fell off his back, and he brushed the dust off his clothes. He glared dangerously at me with a killing intent in his eyes, picked up his rifle, and slung it back over his shoulder. "What do you want?" he sneered in a hateful tone.

I put on my angry face. Adrenaline pumped through my veins due to the thrill of standing up to my most feared opponent. "Look what you did to Rumia!" I said with a sturdy tone.

Dan smirked, and said "So?... why should I care. I don't like either one of you." The little nekomata kitten raised her arm, jumped into the air, and smacked Dan on the back of his head. "Ow!" He rubbed the spot where the cat hit him.

A pulsating vein popped up on my forehead, and I clenched my fist. "She's scared shitless of you, and you don't even care? What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" I lectured him. "Apologize to her right now, or else I'll kick your god-damned ass!" I raised my voice towards the end of that sentence.

Dan seemed a little shocked. At this point in time, the cat inflicted wounds had dried up and healed. He recovered from his surprise, and crossed his arms while smirking. "Well look who decided to grow some balls! You've got a lot of nerve to stand up to me."

"Well you've got a lot of nerve to hunt down and purify innocent youkai!" I retorted to his comment.

_He is seriously rude._

Dan uncrossed his arms, and picked up the little cat-girl, and held her like a father would do so with a child.

"Yipe!" the little cat yelped when Dan lifted her into the air.

Dan took a deep breath in; then sighed. "Actually, I'm not hunting demons anymore. Maria here showed me how wrong it is to kill innocent creatures." Dan ruffled the hair of the nekomata whose name we now knew was Maria. "I'm not going to kill you either, but I still hate you."

_Oh my god! I think the world just ended. Dan actually is acting friendly towards a demon! _I backed away in shock. "Wh-wha-what? But what happened to your goal to break your curse?"

Dan set Maria down, and smiled. "I met a curse goddess who got rid of it for me."

I stood there puzzling and puzzling, till my puzzler was sore. I couldn't accept the fact; that old Dan wasn't coming back***. I had a surprised face, with my mouth spanned wide, Dan had a case, of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde****.

_Hmmm, let's hope this change is permanent._

I regained my semi-threatening composure, and tried to say in a commanding tone "Well, if you have changed your attitude, then you shouldn't have a problem with apologizing to Rumia." Rumia was still up against the tire rocking back and fourth trying to regain her temporarily shattered mentality. "You've tormented her with death threats every time you saw us, and I'm fucking sick and tired of everyone using Rumia and I as stress relief toys!" I said. I was tired of everyone taking advantage of me, and from the looks of it, Rumia was being stepped on since day one. _You better fucking apologize you bastard._

"Is that so?... Is that so?"

Dan laughed. "Hahahahahaaa~! That is fucking impressive. You know? You standing up for yourself, and even your little loli girlfriend!"

I felt heat rush to my cheeks as I retreated backwards in embarrassment. "Sh-shut up! She's not my girlfriend!" any threatening appearance I had; I just now lost.

Dan laughed again. "Hahahahahaaa~! Oh Matthew, you're so easy to tease." He wiped a tear from his eye. "But seriously. It's not my fault she can't handle herself when at gunpoint."

My confidence returned. "Then I'll just have to make you! I challenge you to a fight!"

Dan seemed to get a little more serious. "Oh? What kind of fight?" he asked seemingly interested in my challenge.

I smirked with a reply. "Anything goes."

Dan paused for a moment. "… I respectfully decline." He said seeming un-interested again.

I was shocked to hear his reply. "What? B-b-but you never refuse a fight!"

Dan shrugged. "Times change."

I lowered my head.

"NOT!" Dan charged at me while my guard was let down. I was able to spring out my blade only just in time to block his.

"Hughhhh! UGAH!" Dan tried to chop me down the middle, but I was able to block, and redirect his sword away.

Maria was surprised and for the first time, I was able to hear her say an audible sentence. "Stop it you guys! Fighting is not the solution."

Dan skidded back to where he originally was, while I skidded back to where I was. Dan didn't take his eyes off me. "Maria, stay out of this! This is between me, and an old enemy."

I added. "Yeah, leave it to us cat lady!"

Maria huffed, and crossed her arms. "Fine, but if one of you dies, don't say I didn't warn you."

I looked at the Maria and smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

I turned my attention back to Dan. We both let out battle cries at the same time. Mine was:

"Ok, let's do this. LEEROOOOOOYY~ JENKINS*****!"

Dan's was: "YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE, MAKE YOUR TIME~******!"

We both met at the center of the clearing with blades crossing. Pushing against each other with all our might. I was using the power of my bionic strength, while Dan was using cursed power. I gritted my teeth and said "You might know everything I'm going to do, but that's not going to help you since I know everything you're going to do!"

At the same time we both said "STRANGE ISN'T IT!*******"

I tried to overpower him, but it seemed we were evenly matched. "Well Matt… It seems… We are… About… Evenly matched!" Dan Barely got out. I tried to focus, but doing this was draining my energy core rather quickly.

_Crap! I've already been drained to 80% power!_

After much effort; I was able to break out of the hold, and we started clashing blades extremely quickly. Any normal human being would not be able to follow the movements, but I had my special eyes that allowed me to pinpoint the blade's position, and counter it accordingly.

I kicked Dan in the gut, but instead of my normal foot, a metal block powered by a hydraulic ram connected. The power sent Dan flying through many bamboo stalks, and I lost sight of him. I waited alertly for him to show himself, and eventually he did. He flew out from behind me and tried to ambush me. His eyes glowed red, and he had a psychotic/sadistic grin on his face.

"Game over!" Dan said was he tried to cut me in half down my waist.

I was able to move back in time, and the blade only grazed me. I raised my fist into the air and yelled "What the hell! Since when can you fly?"

Dan got the trollish face and shouted "since I started doing your mom!"

_…_

I face palmed and thought _Ugh, that was such a bad joke…_ I recovered from my face's Collision, and smirked. "Heh. You're not the only one who got better at flying." My jetpack spawned on my back, and the sound of jet engines whirring up echoed throughout the forest.

**** **(or however you think a jet engine sounds like when it's starting up.)

Dan's trollface disappeared and was replaced by one of surprise.

"Oh shi-

***BERRKOOOOOOOOOWW* **(again, use your imagination.)

Dan wasn't able to finish what he was saying because the sound of my jetpack overpowered his voice. Forest animals disturbed from their sleep awoke with a jolt, and scurried away from the clearing. The trees in the area shook violently, and all the birds within a range of three miles either flew away from their perches, or changed their course to find a safer, and quieter location. All except one.

_Here we go! _"Have at you!"

* * *

><p><strong>Skies of Gensokyo (near the forest of magic.)<strong>

**Annoying semi-honest reporter's POV**

The single bird that didn't fly away did exactly the opposite. _Ooooh! I know that noise sounds dangerous, but something about it just screams "scoop!"_

I took off to the forest of magic which was about 5 miles away. A sonic boom was left in my wake. After about 10 minutes of flying. Two objects flying almost as fast as me flew upwards on either side of me. They both were traveling at supersonic speed as well, but still not as fast as me. The wind generated by them was enough to raise my skirt, and I stopped in midair to push it back down. "Yah! I hope no one saw that!..." _What a disgrace to the crow Tengu. _When I was done, I adjusted my white shirt, and placed my red Tonkin -which had fallen off during the intense wind- on my head. The three furry balls hanging down both sides of my Tonkin tickled my ears; I almost dropped my red journal and camera when they flew by. Both of which matched my eyes. After I gathered myself, I took off to chase the two Unidentified flying objects with my deep black crow wings.

_Oh what a scoop! _I started jotting down notes in my journal. The two objects flew around each other at lightning speed; occasionally crashing into each other, and shooting Danmaku.

One of the UFOs left behind a black blur, and the other left behind light blue blur. I snapped a picture of the two objects when they were chasing each other around, and wrote down some notes. _This is huge! Possibly another incident!_

The objects started heading my way again, so I picked up speed to try and see one of them. I tried talking to the one that was light blue. When I finally picked up enough speed to see it, I saw it was actually Matt. The guy I interviewed about his large machine.

"What? Matt? What are you doing?" I asked him with my journal ready.

Matt looked annoyed. He tried to shoot some danmaku at the other object, but it missed. "Do I know you?" he asked.

_Aw, he doesn't even remember my name~. "_Remember? I'm the reporter that interviewed you about that big machine."

Matt made a face of realization. "Ooooh, now I remember!" he said "Aya, right?" he said while dodging some danmaku.

I dodged some danmaku myself and then said "Yeah, that's right. So how about an interview?"

Matt shot some more danmaku, and then said "I don't think this is the best time for that." He got hit by a stray shot. "OW FUCK!"

"Hey, bitch!" another voice called.

I was offended by the comment. _I'm not a bitch! I'm an honorable reporter!_ I turned around in midair to face the second person. "And who might you be oh rude one?"

The second person smirked. "My name's Daniel, but everybody calls me Dan, or else I crush their skulls under my iron boot! Now scram before I blast you out of the sky!"

I flinched a little. "Ok, fine!" I slowed down so that they started moving ahead of me. "Matt, it was nice to see you again. You owe me one interview!" I turned my attention to Dan. "And Dan… A pleasure."

Dan yelled behind himself. "Scram!"

I broke off from following them to the right. I was so focused on following Matt and Dan, that I didn't see I had flew so close to the edge of Gensokyo, and crashed into the Great Hakurei Border. The pain coursed through me like a sledgehammer to the gut.

"Ow, my body…" I moaned. _At least I have my scoop._

* * *

><p><strong>Somewhere in-between Gensokyo and the outside world<strong>

**Yukari's POV**

"Oh my! Matt seems to have had an exponential boost in power. If only he knew…" I said to on one in particular. I was in my purple nightgown, and just getting ready for bed. I was brushing my teeth at the time I decided to check in on Matthew.

"Chen! Get in the tub!" a voice down the hall called.

Another voice could be heard. "No~, Ran-sama~! I don't wanna~!" the other voice said.

_Ahhh, Ran must be trying to get Chen to take a bath again._

I flicked my wrist, and a splash could be heard down the hallway along with a little girl's voice. "AHH! No fair, Yukari cheated!"

The other voice which belonged to Ran, my shikigami said "thanks Yukari-sama!"

_Let's just see how this unfolds. _I watched as Matt was able to land a punch on Dan. Dan flew to the ground, and Matt chased after him. _Hmmm, Matt's energy core is getting low. I guess I could help him. _I opened another gap, and a bluish essence drifted out from my fingertips.

I closed the gap, thoroughly satisfied with my handiwork. _That should do it._

I went back to Watching the Battle through my gap, and gapped in a bag of movie popcorn.

By the way, Sweebation? Please don't intrude when I'm bathing again ok? If you do, I'll be forced to gap a brick over your head.

* * *

><p><strong>Real world<strong>

**Sweebation's POV**

I held up my middle finger to the screen of my Dell laptop.

"Fuck you Yukari, stop breaking the fourth wall!"

A purple rift opened above my head, and a heavy brick fell out, and bonked on my head.

"OW! I'd like sum… Nachos too… Please." I fell out of my Chair, unconscious on the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>Forest of Magic<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_Ow. That cunt-fucking hurts!_ After getting punched by Matt, I was thrown into the forest near the clearing where we started. Matt seemed like he was waiting for me to come back up.

_I can be a cheap bastard too you little fuck. _I pulled out my rifle, and loaded it with a normal bullet. I shot at Matt, and he seemed to lose control of his flying. All of a sudden, an explosion occurred where he was, and Matt came crashing down to the ground like thunder.

He left behind a trail of smoke while he descended towards the clearing, and when he impacted the ground, lots of dirt was kicked up into the air. Matt groaned. "Ooooohh, my spine…" Matt put his hands on his back, and pushed. A sickening crack could be heard as his spine re-aligned itself.

_Ha-ha, you got hurt!_

Matt noticed me giggling off to the side. He slid his now broken jetpack off his shoulders, where it turned into golden dust, and faded into nothingness. "Oh, you think that's funny? Well, let's just see how funny you think this is! Machine sign: Metal Monster, King Tiger!" Matt declared.

_Oh? This should be fun._

A blinding light came from where Matt was standing just like last time. The light caused me to shield my eyes, and gave off a definite heat. The light started to die down, and Matt's tank was revealed. But unlike last time, it wasn't a mark 1. Matt spawned a German King Tiger 2 tank! Matt smirked at me, and said "My turn!" He climbed inside the metal behemoth, and started the engine. Rainbow-colored magic powder blew out of the exhaust pipe, and the 700HP engine revved to life. The large 88mm cannon turned my way, and a muffled voice could be heard inside it. "Tank sign: war zone!" fired a huge ball of danmaku in my direction. When it made contact with the ground, it exploded into hundreds of smaller orbs.

_The king tiger tank… one of the most feared weapons in world war 2, but even it has some flaws._

My plan was to evade the cannon fire until the thing ran out of gas, because I knew my armor piercing rounds wouldn't be able to pierce armor THAT thick. As I rolled aside, I taunted "come on Matt! After all this time, is this really all you have to offer me?" The taunt seemed to work as Matt's movements became sloppier. Unfortunately, I was too busy dodging danmaku from the main cannon that I didn't notice the coaxial machine gun had started laying down a hail of rapid-fire danmaku.

One of the small bullets hit me in the leg. "OW FUCK!" I screamed while clutching my leg. In my fit of rage, I lost sight of my original plan, and tried to dash around behind the monster to shoot the engine.

Matt realized my action, and broke his spell card so he could open the hatch on the turret, and try to stop me. "Wait, Dan!" He yelled. I ignored him, and proceeded to pull out my rifle. Matt went back inside, and pulled out an AK-47, and started laying down random barrages of danmaku to hinder my progress.

As I weaved in between the barrages, I flipped him the bird while I was attaching the last piece of my rifle's barrel. Once I was done, Matt dropped the automatic machine gun, and climbed out of the tank to stand on top of the turret. "I'm warning you! Don't do that!"

I ignored the warning from Matt, and focused on making him pay for landing a hit on me. I loaded an armor piercing round, and took aim. If I had noticed the smirk on Matt's face, maybe I would've stopped, but my drive for rage was keeping me from noticing. A panel on the back started opening, right as I fired.

**Enter bullet time.**

The panel slid open at a high speed, while I watched my armor piercing Danmaku bullet travel down to the engine. Matt jumped off the tank, and ran for it, while I smirked. The fast-moving energy bullet sped down to the panel, and only when it fully opened, did I see why Matt didn't want me to shoot there. The panel was opened completely, to reveal enough TNT to blow up a bridge. As the bullet drew closer, Maria took cover, and Matt's RV disappeared. The bullet was about to make contact when one thought ran through my mind.

**Stop bullet time.**

_Well fuck me…_

***!***

The tank blew apart in a fantastic explosion, and took me with it. The shockwave of the explosion ran through my ears, and I mentally scolded myself for being so foolish.

I was blown back by the explosion, and only stopped when I hit a large tree. I could tell, Matt was laughing his ass off back at the clearing. I was about to get back up, when the huge 88mm barrel of the main cannon flew through the sky, straight towards me.

_Balls…_

***Bong!***

The metal impacted my flesh, and I was knocked out.

* * *

><p><strong>LT interior, 1 day later<strong>

**Matt's POV**

I finally was able to stand up to my fears. Rumia soon recovered from her nervous breakdown, and Dan's little cat youkai was happy. I was going to let Rumia exact her own revenge on Dan by letting her have at Dan's unconscious body, but Maria made me stop her. Dan was now inside my house, and we were enjoying the afternoon. Flandre had apparently played _Super Mario World _throughout the whole struggle, and I couldn't pull her away from the game afterwards. I was working on a new project, and Rumia was out in the forest wandering around.

While I was busy with a rivet gun, Dan woke up. "Huh? Where am I?"

I pulled myself away from what I was working on to answer him. "You are inside my RV, and you lost."

Dan's eyes shot open, and he started screaming in a fit of rage. "HOW COULD I LOSE TO THE LIKES OF YOU!"

I backed away from the enraged psychopath, and held my hands up in defense. "Geez, calm down! I told you not to shoot it, but you didn't listen."

Dan was about to reply, but at that moment someone knocked on my door. I groaned and made my way to the door.

_Who would ever come knocking at my door?_

I opened the door, only to have a gohei shoved into my face. "You are in a lot of trouble you bolt-brained youkai!" It was Reimu, the Hakurei maiden. She retracted her gohei to her side, only to replace it with a newspaper. "Look at all the damage you caused!"

I pushed her hand out of my face and took the paper. It read:

Epic battle destroys forest of magic

(Right under the title, a picture from a bird's-eye perspective of the forest of magic could be seen)

"The destructive youkai Matthew Harrison and the madman Daniel Elohssa duked it out over the forest of magic. Stray danmaku from both sides left huge scars on the land, and an explosion left a crater larger than the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Matthew (Or Matt as he likes to be called) had a brush with the residents of the mansion, and kidnapped the younger scarlet. Daniel (or Dan) was known for hunting innocent youkai for thrills. Dan is also a rapist, and recently violated a small youkai named Rumia." I laughed at this part. "Matt on the other hand plans to take over Gensokyo with weapons of mass destruction, and evidence can be seen from the crater in the forest of magic. We'll keep you posted as more info regarding Matt and Dan reveals itself."

I couldn't believe it. I knew Aya stretched the truth, but not this much.

_Damn you Aya…_

I turned to Reimu and said "you do realize she made most of that up, right?" I said defensively.

Reimu glared at me, and answered "Truth or lie, you still have a lot to answer for."

_Oh balls…_

"Sealing you for a couple days should be sufficient." Reimu picked me up, and threw me out into the clearing. "Spirit sign: fantasy hea-

***BOOOOOOOM***

Reimu was interrupted by an explosion that took place a couple miles away. She regained her balance with a surprised face. "What the hell was THAT!"

She flew off to check it out, but before she was above the treetops, she looked over her shoulder, and yelled back at me "This isn't over. As soon as I deal with this, I'll be back to deal with YOU!"

And with those words, she flew into the distance.

_I better prepare for the worst… Heh… I can't wait to show that article to Dan._

I picked up the newspaper, and went inside to show it to Dan.

…

…

"!" Dan's scream echoed throughout the forest, and stirred youkai and animals for miles.

**End of first Arc.**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: Oh my! I've got a lot of footnotes to cover today!<strong>

***Ah, that quirky scene from _the adventures of sonic the hedgehog._ Here, sonic is telling kids what to do if someone tried to molest them. (Which is hilarious!) The scene from sonic sez has become recognized on the internet from a mile away. The original quote is: "kids! There's nothing more cool than getting hugged by someone you like, but if someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel un-comfortable; that's no good." LOL**

****The cliché comes from James bond movies. I basically tried to spoof them.**

*****I just felt like referencing Dr. Seuss.**

******I'm referring to how Dan's personality changed so suddenly.**

*******Leroy Jenkins is a quote from a raid someone recorded on World of Warcraft. It has become a popular battle cry in online games.**

********A quote from the European version of a mega drive game called zero wing. It is part of the intro where other popular quotes such as "main screen turn on", and "all your base are belong to us!" come from. These quotes are also popular battle cries, and are widely recognized on the internet.**

*********Yet another quote of an internet meme. This one comes from the sonic anime. (Also called sonic OVA sometimes.) In the scene, Sonic and metal sonic clash with each other, and while trying to push each other back, sonic sez "you might know everything I'm going to do, but that's not going to help you, since I know everything Your going to do. STRANGE, ISN'T IT!"**

* * *

><p><strong>Whoo! And chapter 10 is done! I just want to thank everyone yet again. The decision to do the story in arcs was something I decided to do as I started writing this chapter. Keep in mind. This is the finale of the first arc, so don't expect all the chapters to be this long. And don't worry. I won't have as many references in my later chapters. <strong>

**Writing for Dan is so much fun! Especially when I get to have to make him angry. I'm not kidding when I say Dan's cursing is based on a person I actually know. And that person curses just as much. Hooray for AVGN style cursing. **

**Well, t-th-th-t-t-t-th-th-hat's all folks!**

**…**

**…**

**All your base are belong to us!**


	11. Matt's Life Just Sucks

**Chapter 11: Matt's Life Just Sucks  
><strong>

**[AN]: Well, here we are. The bridge chapter. Now before you skip over this, a lot of Matt's history will be revealed, so don't close that window just yet. If you don't want to be lost in the rest of this story, then read this chapter. Hope you guys like this. keep in mind, only arc finales will be longer than normal, so this chapter will just be the length I usually have them.**

* * *

><p><strong>Nowhere<strong>

**Narrator's POV**

In AD 2011, war was beginning. When General Gunethre invaded Gensokyo 2 weeks ago, he was met by resistance, but it was quickly extinguished. The Tengu fled Youkai Mountain, the Kappa were forced out of the Kappa River, Keine had to hide the village for a total of 11 days so far, And he had recently infiltrated the netherworld. The only thing keeping Gensokyo from being destroyed was a barrier placed around the Hakurei shrine. Unfortunately, the Hakurei maiden had to be present within the shrine to maintain the barrier. Any youkai surviving the initial assault fled to one of the 2 strongholds which were, as follows Eintei, and the underground, where most of the youkai and humans fled to. Even though Matt destroyed the forest of magic, he was forgotten when Gunethre finished the job. The only reason he wasn't underground, was because he didn't know about it. The same goes for Eintei.

* * *

><p><strong>Underground<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_This is bullshit! Right after I got Dan to stop chasing us too…_

I was underground taking refuge at the only place they could fit my RV, the outskirts of town. Everyone who can is doing their part. Apparently mine, is being the first thing the enemy sees in case of an attack.

I was parked around the entrance of the cave where this spider youkai and this girl in a bucket wouldn't leave me alone. It was more the spider youkai than the one in the bucket, she seemed very shy. I was chilling at home, while Flandre was playing the super Nintendo, Dan was doing… something on the laptop I had. _Believe me, if I knew, I'd tell you._ And Rumia went out exploring.

_She's going to get killed doing that one day._

I walked into the kitchen where Dan had the laptop set up. Apparently, one of his favorite games was already installed on it, and I couldn't get him away from it. The computer in question was a Toshiba Satellite M113X. He was playing something called Baldur's Gate. Maria was originally watching Dan, but she lost interest and went to play with Flandre. Flan was really good at _Street Fighter 2_ for some reason.

I was working on my latest creation. It was a device designed to let the user open gaps in reality at will… or portals if you will. The device was finished, and I was about to test it I took it outside, mounted it, and wired it so it could be fired remotely.

Right before I fired it for the first time, I thought about what had happened with my previous attempts.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback<strong>

_Portal gun, 1__st__ test._ I was testing my portal gun I had made. As some sort of joke, I had made the portal gun to look exactly like the one from _Portal. _

"Come on Maaaaatt~ I wanna get back to my gameeee~" Flandre whined. Flandre and Rumia were the only ones present as I had yet to befriend Dan and Maria.

"Firing in 3… 2… 1…" I pressed the button on my remote, which was the same one I used to test all of my experimental pieces of equipment. The device made a clicking noise. In a fraction of a second, A single thought ran through my mind, because I knew what that click usually meant.

_Oh shit!_

***BOOM***

The device exploded in a forceful explosion. There was almost no fire, unlike movies in Hollywood*.

Rumia Flandre and I were blown back unlike MOVIES in HOLLYWOOD where everything explodes in a fiery mess. I was the first to get up, while Rumia lied on the ground laughing, and Flandre was a little shocked.

Flandre sprang up, and got into my face with a look of pure delight. "I didn't know you can kyuu things like me!" I groaned and let myself fall back to the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>Sum Moar Flashback<strong>

I was currently driving the Land train away from a group of 5 soldiers that were chasing us on what looked like hover-boards. "Come on, just a little faster!" I was already burning my energy at an extremely fast speed.

Flandre was trying to blow up the soldiers, and had succeeded with two of them. Dan was firing Bullets from his rifle, Rumia was hugging me in fright which admittedly was making it harder to drive, and Maria was panicking.

For some reason I got the bright Idea to use my re-designed Portal gun to send them through a portal.

I asked Rumia to take the wheel, and she looked at me like I was crazy, but started driving as soon as I got up. The vehicle swerved back and fourth because Rumia isn't a very good driver.

I grabbed the experimental portal gun, gripped the handle with my left hand, and fired.

***BOOM***

The same result as before followed. Except this time, it took my left arm with it. A mix organic body parts, and mechanical ones stuck out of my left arm's stub. I ignored my missing left arm like it was nothing, and went back to take the wheel.

* * *

><p><strong>End Flashback(s)<strong>

I decided to test this one by myself, and what do you think the result was. It was surprising. When I fired it, the gun opened up a rip in time and space successfully. I rejoiced and was about to get my friends, when a click was heard, and the same thought as last time ran through my mind

_Oh shit._

***BOOM***

Just like the ones before it; the gun exploded and threw me to the ground, but this time, there was a little more fire.

I got up and brushed myself off, when another rip in reality opened, and out came Yukari. I turned my head to look at the gap hag, and frowned. "So Yukari. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Yukari put her elbows on the edge of the gap, and propped her face up on her hands. "Oh, you shouldn't be so rude. I sensed a disturbance, and decided to drop in."

_No doubt she's talking about my recent experiment._ "I was just testing my Portal gun that I was developing. It actually managed to make a rift this time, which is probably why you sensed it."

Yukari propped back up, and smiled. She continued to smile for a few seconds while I had a confused look on my face. Her next movement was so sudden; I barely had time to react. A gap opened up behind her, and a FREAKING TRAIN ran over the spot I was standing in one second ago.

As the train continued to go by, and back into another gap, I ran up to her face, clenched both my fists and yelled "YUKARI, WHAT. THE. HELL!" Pronouncing every word with hostility in my voice.

Yukari giggled, and went back into her gap. She came out another one hanging upside down. "I must ask you to stop researching this subject or else I will be forced to take action"

I think I might've gotten a little too cocky after my battle with Dan. "And how are you even going to going to use force on me?" I said in a smug tone.

Immediately after I said this, Yukari opened a gap which sucked me in. I would've been lost forever is she didn't catch me. The gap led to outer space, and under my feet, was the sun. Or maybe it was a random star, I don't know, but does it really matter.

Yukari pulled me back into Gensokyo, closed the gap, and made an innocent face. "Now… will you do as I say?"

I furiously nodded. My mouth was frozen because of the fear coursing through my body. _Yep, better do what Yukari says. She is most certainly a strong opponent. Gotta love that gap sage. I'm nothing compared to Yukari. _Even though I couldn't speak, my survival 'kiss up to a higher power' instincts kicked in and started praising Yukari in my thoughts.

Yukari smiled. "Thank you, I wouldn't want anyone messing with the border. Especially that psychopath you recently befriended. Now please be a good boy; I'm already up to my neck in shit involving that youkai-hating tyrant." Yukari dropped me to the ground. "Now promise not to give me any reason to rip out your mechanical strength enhancing… life support system… thing, and shove it down your throat!"

I nodded again. Yukari had re-instilled the fear I had from her last threat. _How does she even know about… better not think about it, Start praising Yukari. _I looked up from the ground, and held my chest where my mechanical heart was pumping twice its normal speed.

Yukari leaned down, and whacked me over the head. "Did you really think I didn't know about it? I know all about you." She had the same sinister scheming grin on her face that comic book villains had when they were plotting something. "I've been watching you ever since you formed 100 year."

_Wait, she kn-_

Yukari interrupted my thoughts "I also am the reason you even exist. How do you think the magic and soul that give you life got there in the first place?" She pulled her fan out and hid her face behind it.

_HOLY FUCKING SHIT!_

"Wait, why-

Yukari interrupted me once again. "If we're going to talk, we better move somewhere else."

"B-

Before I could even give any input on the decision, I found myself in a dark room with Yukari. "Now you may speak."

I gathered up all my courage, and asked the powerful youkai. "W-why did you do all this?" I asked.

Yukari put away her fan to reveal a smirk. "You really want to know?" I nodded. "Well sorry to disappoint you, but I can't tell you yet."

I decided to ask her a different question. "You said you created me, right?" Yukari nodded. "How did you do it?"

Yukari closed her gap and stepped out of it. "Well, I could tell you all the complex magic scripts and codes, but something tells me that's not what you're wanting to hear about."

_Yeah, no shit Sherlock._

"Please, keep your rude thoughts to yourself." A voice from behind me stated.

"Wha?" I turned around, and saw a little girl with many wires all over her body. All of them connected to an eye on her chest. She had light purple hair, but not as light as Mokou's, and a yellow, blue, and purple themed dress. The eye on her chest was red, and when I looked at it, I swear it looked, and blinked at me.

"You might be wondering who I am. My name is Satori." She said with the dullest expression I'd ever seen. Even worse than Sakuya's.

_What the fu-_

"Please… I said to keep rude thoughts to yourself."

_Ok, so I take it you are a mind reader? _I thought. It felt weird talking through thoughts.

"Yes. If my name didn't give it away**." She crossed her arms.

I scratched the back of my head and said "My name is Matt. Yukari dragged me here to tell me something."

Satori nodded. "Yes, I know all about that. I also know all about you."

_Wait, what?_

The Satori stood there unchanging. "I helped Yukari, and I also can see into your mind."

_Why do I feel like I'll never know privacy again?_

Satori ignored my latest thought, and motioned behind me. As soon as she did so, I felt something wet on the back of my neck. My body stiffened, and I turned around. I found a ghostly person with pink hair, maroon eyes, and a very large pink tongue that was currently licking my neck. Her blue Mop hat had a swirly ghost insignia on it, and there were a couple white formless spirits floating around her. "Mmmmmmhh, you taste goooood~" she said in a moaning like voice.

I snapped to attention. "GAH! Get away from me!" I jumped back and rubbed the wet spot on the back of my neck.

"Awwww, I wanted more~." She moaned.

_Seriously, get the fuck away from me._

"What did I tell you about rude thoughts?" Satori piped in.

"Sorry." _But seriously, she's freaky._

"Yes, I know she can be like that sometimes, but you don't have to pollute the air with you rude thoughts." Throughout the whole time I've been here so far, Satori didn't say anything.

The girl with pink hair whined again. "Can't I just have one more lick?" She asked hopefully.

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I backed away into the room's corner. All three of the strange people followed me, and backed me into the corner. "Please, what do you want?"

Yukari spoke up "I am just answering your question. You didn't think I created you by myself?" She said while raising an eyebrow. She motioned over to the girl with pink hair. "Yuyuko-

"Hey, that's my name!" Yuyuko said.

-and Satori-" Yukari motioned over to Satori. "-helped me." Yukari paused for a second to take it all in. "You see, one of Satori's pets provided me with a body, and Yuyuko here provided the soul." Yukari held her fan back up to her face.

Satori leaned forward slightly. "You see you weren't born like a natural youkai. That might be the reason you have such an… unnatural ability.

Yuyuko had a whimsical expression on her face. "I think another reason would be the object I bound his soul to." Yuyuko trailed off towards the end while staring at the ceiling.

Yukari jumped back into the conversation. "That's right. Matt, can I see your watch." I took the watch that I had in my pocket out and handed it to Yukari. She looked at it for about 2 seconds, and then shook her head. "No, I mean your other watch."

_Wait, how does she… Oh yeah._ _But I can't do that, not in front of a bunch of girls._ I thought.

"It's ok, we built you after all." Satori smirked.

_Don't remind me… _I took off my trench coat, and then my shirt. In the center of my chest was a metal door with a caution sign on it. "Come on. Do I really have to? It's kinda personal."

Yukari got in my face, and her innocent smile disappeared. "Yes. Now open it before I do myself."

"Alright, geez!" I concentrated, and the door clicked open. When it opened all the way, the pump which substituted for a heart could be seen. Latched into a socket on said pump, was a small golden pocket watch. It was about the diameter of a half dollar.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, I showed it to you. Can I put my shirt back on?" I said with a small amount of embarrassment in my voice.

"No" Yukari answered plain and simply. "Now take it out."

I complied with the request. When I took the watch out of my chest, I didn't feel any different. I had known about the watch ever since I was spawned, and somehow, I knew that it was special, but I didn't know how. "Here, just don't drop it." I handed the watch to Yukari.

"Don't worry, I won't… maybe." She examined it with her golden eyes. My face went a pale white when Yukari pretended to drop it, only to have it be caught by a gap, and transferred into Yuyuko's hand. "Yuyuko, if you would be so kind."

Yuyuko looked at Yukari, and twisted her face. "What kind should I be?" Yukari groaned, and leaned close to Yuyuko's ear. "Ooooh, I see." Yuyuko put a strained look on her face, and the watch started to glow.

_I feel funny…_

All of a sudden, the watch stopped glowing, and a golden aura rose out of the face. I felt a pain in my chest, and the whirring of the pump in my chest stopped. I collapsed to the ground, While Yuyuko jumped up and down. "Ohhh! It looks so tasty. Can I keep it?" Yuyuko asked with excitement.

_I'm… Gonna… Die… Aren't… I?_

Yukari put a hand on Yuyuko's shoulder, and shook her head. "No. But you should put it back in before you kill the poor child."

_I'm… not… A… Child… You… Hag!_

I couldn't see Satori from my angle on the ground, but I knew she was scolding me.

Yuyuko sighed. "Alright, fine." Yuyuko said in disappointment. But before she put it back, she decided to lick it.

_GAH!_ When Yuyuko licked my spirit, it felt like having an icy cold drill pierce every inch of your body.

"No!" Yukari smacked the back of Yuyuko's head with her fan. "No samples!"

Yuyuko groaned, and once again, the watch started glowing. As soon as the light died down, the pump started moving again, and I gasped for breath. "Hah! Don't. Ever. Hah! Do. That. AGAIN!" I struggled to catch my breath. Occasionally coughing.

_You girls will be the death of me._

Satori giggled slightly, but the two other ignored her.

After I caught my breath, I once again stopped to take it all in. It's not every day you find out that you were essentially someone's lab experiment. "S-soooo, if Satori provided the body, and Yuyuko provided the soul, then what did you do?"

Yukari stopped thinking about whatever she was thinking about, and turned her attention back to me. "Other then organizing the entire project, I used my manipulation of borders and magic to bring you to life."

I was taken aback by what she said. "Well then, who built the mechanical part of me?"

All three of them looked down. "A human scientist was also part of the project. Unfortunately, He died nearly 50 years ago. He was murdered by the same crazed religious group that has invaded Gensokyo."

"Ok, I can take that in. my life is pretty much a lie, and I'm just some science experiment, but what I can't stand, is the question of why you created me in the first place." I said while meeting eyes with Yuyuko. She was staring at me, and I was returning the favor.

…

…

"Please stop that."

"Why?"

"Because it makes me uncomfortable."

"Why?"

"Because it's creepy!" I yelled

Yuyuko took her eyes off me, and started playing with her sleeves. "But you taste so good." Yuyuko mumbled.

Yukari closed her fan, and gave me a stern look. "Well, glad to see we cleared some things up. If you need any one of us, just call. But please try not to call too much."

_Wow, so lazy._

"I'm going to pretend I didn't read that." Yukari turned her gaze to Satori, while Satori stood there expressionless.

Yukari turned her head back to me. "Anyway, do not tell anyone what we told you. I want it to remain a secret just a little longer."

I nodded in understanding.

Yukari nodded back. And spoke. "Good, you can leave now."

A gap opened above Yuyuko while she was staring at the ceiling when the gap came down over her.

Satori didn't even move an inch when a gap encased her body.

A gap appeared over me, and as soon as I was in gap-zone, I felt weightless. "So this is what it feels like to be in one of Yukari's gaps." A fraction of a second later, and I was right in front of the LT. Like nothing ever happened.

Dan was just getting home with Maria, and Rumia found some new friends. Flandre was inside the LT playing only what I can assume is _Super Mario World_.

I was shocked when I got inside to find Flandre actually using the computer. "Flan… What are you doing?"

She responded "I got bored, so I tried this game on the cum-pyu-terr? I think it's called? Anyway, I found this note on the computer."

The note read:

**Dear Matt,**

**I thought you might be feeling a little homesick, so I connected your computer to the internet. My gaps are so helpful, aren't they? Anyways, have fun.**

Yukari

_Huh, I didn't even think about that._

I looked over at the computer screen, and found Flandre playing _World of Warcraft._

_ZOMG! I can't believe it._ "Flan… where did you get a Warcraft account?"

Flandre was currently battling some… things that were ridiculous looking. She snapped out of the game zone. "Huh? Oh, Dan let me use his."

*Insert hilarious face palm here*

_Oh this was definitely Dan's idea. What am I going to do with you?_

Flandre got into a PVP fight, and was playing a blood specced DK (pre cata)***. "HAHAHA! DIE DIEEEE~ THE STREETS WILL FLOOD WITH THE BLOOD OF THE NOOBZ!"

_Oooooooookay, I'm going to back away now, hehehe…_

I backed away from the Warcraft addict in training, and decided to speak with Dan and Maria. When they walked in, Maria seemed to be down about something, and Dan seemed to be exited about something.

"What's wrong Maria?" I asked hr with concern in my voice.

"*sob* I miss my friend *sob* AILC." She cried.

_Who is AILC?_

I mirrored my thoughts "Hey Dan? Who is AILC?"

Dan snapped out of his most likely psychotic thoughts, and looked at me. "AILC was my Artificially Intelligent Locator Computer. Maria made friends with him, and when my base exploded, he gave her his hard drive." Dan's attention wandered back to the roof of the cave we were in.

_That's sad…_

"Wait, he gave her his hard drive? I might be able to bring him back." I said, and Maria perked right up.

Maria changed into her youkai form, which looked like a cat with two tails. She latched herself right onto my shoulders, and pressed her warm check right up against my cold one. "! That would be the best thing anyone's ever done for me."

Dan seemed a little annoyed with this. "Hey! What about the time I gave you a home, and saved your ass from a wild wolf youkai?"

Maria separated her cheek from mine to look at Dan. "Nya~, well second best thing anyone's ever done for me nyan~!"

Dan looked like he had drained all the anger out of his system. "Awwww, who's a cute kitty?" he asked, and pulled Maria off me, which left some painful scratch marks.

Maria didn't seem too happy, and let out a low growl. "Raow… Mrouw... hissssssssss!" she hissed, and started clawing Dan's face out.

"OW, Fuck! Shit! Cunt! No, bad kitty, FUCKBALLS!"

Dan struggled with Maria, while I eyed the hard drive Maria gave me while she was hugging me. "Let's see… IDE, 7200 RPM, 1TB, yeah, I might be able to make this work with that laptop, and a few spare parts."

I got to work on an adapter that would allow me to plug the hard drive in. "Alright let's do this!"

**To Be Continued.**

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><p><strong>[AN]: <strong>

***Real explosions don't have as much fire as they do in action movies. They're actually a lot more powerful, but they don't look as cool.**

****A Satori is a mind-reader. The Satori in question; Satori, reads people's hearts in true Satori fashion… Satori.**

*****death knights were a DPS (damage per second) spec before cataclysm, after cata they became a dedicated tanking spec.**

**Well, not bad for a bridge chapter. But you can't expect it to be as good as the last one. I mean that was the first arc's finale. Even though this chapter only bridges the connection between arc 1 and 2, lots of stuff gets revealed. We also finally meet Yuyuko, and Satori… the Satori.**

**BTW, I don't actually play Warcraft, and Flan playing isn't a big part of the story, but the internet… oh, I won't spoil it. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the 11 installment of the Epic Win that is the 'Epic Failure of the Touhou Project.' Also, below is a small description of Matt. I thought I should summarize my OC' in greater detail. So, here it is.**

* * *

><p><strong>Character file: Matthew Harrison<strong>

Prefers to be called Matt, and is very impulsive. He wears a black trench coat over slacks, and a white shirt. His right mechanical arm is concealed by the sleeve of his coat, and only the hand- which has a jewel on the back of it- sticks out of his sleeve. He has white hair, and dark red eyes. His skin is very pale, but not as pale as Dan's. Sometimes, if one looks close enough, they can see the small machines the operating inside his body through his skin. Satori also cannot read his heart (but can still read his current thoughts) because of his lack of an organic one, and he does not need to eat. His abilities include: Control over machines, spawning of machines, an advanced targeting system built into his eyes, superhuman strength, and he can use his mechanical arm as a portable toolbox. He can control machines, but only to a certain degree, and only if he built them. He cannot move them like telekinesis or anything like that, but he can operate a machine from distances up to 100 feet away. He can spawn bigger machines, but with certain limitations. To spawn a machine, it must run on his energy core, and must be in spell card form. He can currently spawn his mobile home; The Land Train, a mark 1 tank, a king tiger tank (But it uses tons of energy), and four more that I have not revealed yet. The targeting system in Matt's eyes is one of the more visible features of his abilities. Instead of pupils, he has dark red cross-hairs that surround his darker iris. The system can be used to hit precise marks when building, shooting, and analyzing. He can also analyze object by looking at them, and the system is directly linked to the mechanical half of his body. His strength is linked purely to his machine half, and burns lots of energy just to idle. The result is strength that could put the hulk to shame. But if he keeps it active for more than 5 minutes, then his energy core will be completely drained, unlike a spell card would, and his artificial heart will stop pumping the mix of blood and hydraulic fluid through his veins, thus killing him. Despite the powerful ability he has, and the ability to summon a FREAKING TANK! He is actually a weaker foe. This is mostly due to the fact that Matt's machine half of his body already drains most of his energy core while idling, and his energy core is already small to begin with. If Yukari didn't help him during his fight with Dan, Dan would've wiped the floor with him. He was a project by Yukari with the help of her friends Yuyuko, and Satori. Matt previously thought he was born from the American Revolution in industry, but Yukari told him the real story. (Just this chapter in fact.) He has a close relationship with a fellow low level youkai: Rumia, and is probably equal in strength. Although to make up for it; Matt is one hell of a strategist, but strategy only works if you have the strength to back it up. During danmaku fights or spell card battles, the jewel on the back of Matt's hand strobes with a rainbow effect. The colors of the jewel indicate the amount of magic power he is burning per second. When the jewel strobes, it indicates it is drawing magic power from the atmosphere instead of relying on Matt's energy core alone. Because of the spell card rules, Matt cannot die in battle, but if his magic power was to be depleted outside of battle, he would die. He can also use a blade known as the blade of revolution which springs out of the back of his hand, right under the jewel it uses no energy to maintain, but it is technically a spell card (skill card) so It can only be used under special circumstances. Matt is also a terrible flier; flying with little control, and a measly speed of about 20 mph, but with his jetpack on, he can fly at speeds comparable to Aya's. Again, this drains his energy fast, and it's only practical if he's flying at lower speeds, or if Yukari gives him a little boost by loaning him her power. Matt also befriended Flandre, the half insane vampire child, and according to Yuyuko, he tastes pretty good. When Yukari built him, Yuyuko provided his soul, and Satori provided his body. Like any other in-organic Youkai, his soul is not bound to his body, but rather an object. In Matt's case, this object is a small golden pocket watch that is stored in a compartment inside his chest. It is attached to his mechanical heart, but He can still stay alive if it is outside his body.

**Well, that's a wrap, now where's my sandwich**

…

…

**Satori the Satori went to see her Satori sister who was also a Satori, and Satori asked her if her fellow Satori knew of any other Satoris in the area.**


	12. insert pun  for a title here

**Chapter 12: (insert pun for a title here)  
><strong>

**[AN]: WARNING! The following content contains dialogue from a psychotic, almost on tourettes level swearing person, who is based on an actual person that shares his dirty mouth. All character thoughts will now be _"Italicized and in parenthesis." _I hope this makes the story easier to read. Sorry about the long wait. Motivation was down due to a lack of reviews. Seriously! Only two people reviewed my last chapter. I can't write better if you don't tell me what I'm doing wrong. Thank you reviewer #32 (it was not signed) you told me I was lacking in description. Well, I thought so to, and I was already starting on fixing that. Anyway, back to the point. I'll try to get the next chapter out faster. {Especially since this one ends with a cliffhanger.} Thank you to the people that follow this story. Even your little "hahaha", and "lol", and "I was rofling" reviews help. It shows me you enjoyed the story. Please enjoy this chapter too. Happy late Thanksgiving! **

**BTW, I just wanted to give a small shout-out to the radioactive arbiter and his touhou fic. It's really creative, and is being seriously underrated. I suggest you check it out. you can find it at: **

/s/7452541/1/perfect_bcovert_b_bfantasy_b

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><p><strong>Underground cave entrance, mid-day<strong>

**Matt's POV**

As I was soldering various components onto a breadboard, I was thinking about what Yukari told me. Her words replayed over and over again in my mind_. "I also am the reason you even exist. How do you think the magic and soul that give you life got there in the first place?" _I noticed that while I was thinking, I stopped paying attention to what I was doing, and the melted metal was starting to drip all over my right arm. "Awwww, hell!" I tried to shake the metal off, but it was no use. I finally gave up, and decided to wait for the metal to dry so I could scrape it off.

"It's a real pain in the ass isn't it?" A voice behind me said.

I turned around to see Dan leaning against the side of my RV. "When did you get here?" I asked with some surprise in my voice.

Dan stood up straight, and cracked his neck. "I just got here. Its really fucking nice to do something like that for Maria, but I just have to question, why would you do something for someone without getting anything in return?" He asked as he approached my temporary workbench.

I froze in disbelief, "_Is he completely heartless?" _I thought while Dan silently waited for me to respond. His red-turned eyes glowed in the dim light of the cave, while the only thing that disrupted the silence was the sound of small fairies fluttering their wings, and an oni party down at the village. "Ummm… You just… Well… You know… Because it's the nice thing to do." I finally decided on my words.

Dan stood still for awhile. A couple small fairies had gathered to watch the scene unfold. "But why the fuck would you want to do the nicer thing in the first place?" Dan asked in a strangely calm way.

_"Ok, you have officially been demoted from 'heartless', to 'soulless'."_ I thought. I could feel the muscles and actuators in my face maintaining my face of disbelief. "Well… That's just who I am." I said with some resolve in my voice.

Dan frowned and sighed. "You need to learn to be more decisive. Learn to stab people in the back, because what they say is true. Nice guys finish fucking last." Dan said walking away. He seemed to be ticked about something.

_"Man… What a prick!" _I thought to myself as I scraped the dried metal off my mechanical arm. _"It still unnerves me that Yukari knows about my origins and the fact that she was the one who essentially gave me life… Wait!... Does that make Yukari my mother!" _I shuddered at the thought. _"I hope she never reaches the same conclusion…"_ I finished up my project, and started packing my workshop up. It was just a small collapsible table with drawers for various parts and tools.

***BOOM!***

I heard an explosion coming from the other side of my house. "_Flan! I thought I told her not to play roughly with other people." _I shoved the table back into a storage compartment under the LT, and rushed around to the other side of the vehicle to investigate. What I saw contradicted what I had previously believed.

"Oh! It's Matt, Hey Matt!" Flandre said while waving at me. I gave a shy wave back, but I was more focused on who she was with. It appeared to be another cat youkai. Either that, or Maria changed her eye color to red, found a dark green dress to replace her blue and white one, dyed her hair red, cut off her tails, and found a wheelbarrow.

I stared at the cat for five seconds, while the wind howled through the crevices in the cave. I decided to be the first to break the ice. "So… What's your name?" I asked her.

The cat immediately grinned, threw her wheelbarrow aside, and fist-pumped in the air. "My name is Rin Kaenbyou! It is my job to collect corpses and dump them straight into the fires of hell!" She said with fire in her eyes and plenty of energy in her voice.

_Damn… If only Rumia could be that energetic._ I thought about what I had just thought about in greater detail. _No… actually, that would be pretty bad._ I shivered at the thought of Rumia pestering me on a road trip.

Rin ran and did a double summersault, landing 1 foot away from me and sticking her face in mine. As she violated my personal space, she asked. "So… what's your name?"

"I-I-I… Matthew. I am-

"Boring!" I was interrupted by Rin as she dashed away to pick up her wheelbarrow. "Well, I have lots of work to do. Drop by the palace of the earth spirits if you ever want to pay me a visit. See ya!" And with that, she dashed off in a cloud of dust.

_Damn, she could put Olympic track-runners to shame._

I turned around to face Flan, but instead, I found Rumia violating my personal space just like Rin did.

…

…

"Rumia, can I help you?" I asked while pushing her a couple feet back.

"Why don't you hang out with me anymore?" She asked while seeming a little sad.

I paused. _"RED ALERT! RED ALERT! WE'RE TAKING ON WATER!" _I thought about the sensitive question, and formulated a reply. "Well Rumia… There are just a couple things you need to work on."

Rumia backed away from me and gave me some space. She put her hands behind her back, and twirled her right foot around like a drill that was alternating directions with a sensitive-looking expression plastered onto her face. "Liiiiiiiikee~~?" The shadow girl asked in a long, drawn out tone.

_"Should I tell her?" _I thought while violently scratching the back of my head. _"Yeah, I probably should." _I inhaled deeply, and then sighed. "Well Rumia… It's just kinda hard to be around you and you… Well… Ummm… Well, you see, you really stink." I said with some unsure-ness in my voice.

Rumia stopped twirling her foot, and her face changed to one of pure shock. She stood motionless for a couple seconds.

…

"Really, you reek!" I said while waving my hand in the air to vent the smell.

…

…

Tears started forming in the corners of Rumia's eyes. "*****Sniff sniff*****" Rumia began to cry. Streaks of crystal tears began running down her rosy cheeks, and in an instant, she ran away from the scene; bawling her eyes out. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

_"ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!"_ I looked sown at the ground, and then back at Rumia who slammed the door of the Land Train shut.

***SLAM!***

…

"Well that could've gone better." I muttered under my breath.

Flan peeked out from the roof of the railless train, and said "Wow, you sure have a way with women." She said sarcastically.

I looked up at the little loli vampire, and frowned. "Well, someone had to tell her, and no one else was doing it." I said with my fists balled. I was angry at myself. No, I wasn't angry, I was pissed… UBER PISSED!

Flandre was lying on her stomach while resting her head on her palms, and kicking her legs. "Well you should've been a little gentler. After all, she was a wild youkai before you met her." Flandre said with that face I thought only Yukari could make. "She's bound to be sensitive; because this is her first relationship."

My cheeks turned red. Redder than even the Scarlet Devil Mansion. I raised my fist at her, and shook it while saying "W-W-W-W-WH-WHAT! There's no relationship between us! She's just my friend!" I said completely taken off guard by her statement, and Flandre knew it. She smirked.

Flandre rolled over on her back, and in a sing-song voice, she said "Ahhh~! Well judging from your~ reaction~, I'd say this is your first relationship too~~." Her head was bent backwards so it hung off the side of the hulking vehicle; exposing her pale white neck. She seemed to be amused at my stuttering and panic. "Oh stop it! Don't deny it! All the viewers know there is something going on~!" She said with her eyes closed.

"Wait, what viewers? Who's watching me?" I said with even more panic.

Flandre rolled back over, pushed herself up, and dusted off her clothes. "Oh, you can't see them silly. They're in a far off universe. Just forget I said anything." Flan said with a childish smirk.

_"But… Oh, whatever." _I thought while mentally rolling my eyes.

Flandre jumped down from the roof, and hovered just slightly above the ground. Her wings glowed with the colors of a rainbow, and she slowly bobbed up and down. "Well, I may not look to be it, but I'm 495 years old. During my life, I've learned a thing or two about relationships." She said while maintaining her altitude.

My blushed cheeks had returned to their normal, pale color, and for the second time while talking to a girl today, I scratched the back of my head. "Well' I don't-

Flandre interrupted me purely by over-talking me. "PLUS!... I'm a girl. I'm sure that'll help." She said with confidence.

_"You ain't gonna leave me alone till I say yes, ain't you." _I thought in a southern accent. "Ok, fine! I've got nothing better to do anyway." I said while shrugging. _"Might as well."_

"Excellent!" Flandre said; with a tone of voice that strongly resembled Mr. Burns from the _Simpsons_ while he was scheming.

* * *

><p><strong>Inside the Land Train<strong>

**Rumia's POV**

_"Why would Matt say something so mean?" _I thought while crying on Matt's and my bed. My tears had started to dry up. "I just wanted him to hang out with me." I said while taking my head out of the damp pillow I was clutching.

Suddenly, the door to Matt's room burst open, and standing in the doorway, was Dan. Holding a knife that reflected the electronic candle's special light into my eyes. I grasped my legs, and started crying harder.

"Who's fucking hungry!" Dan asked as he approached me. I looked up as him to see the insane man dressed in an apron, and what I thought was a knife, was actually a spatula.

"WHAAAAAAAH~!" I started crying again.

Dan's smile disappeared, and he sat down next to me; trying his best to comfort me. (Dan's form of comforting is too violent to describe, so I'm going to skip ahead to the important part.) "Ok, What's wrong then?" Dan said, while sounding a little irritated.

"*****Sob, sob*** **I-I-I-I. Matt said something mean to me! He doesn't like me anymore." I said through my cries. My sobs of misery echoed throughout the whole house… Train… Mobile… Moving…. Thingy.

Dan perked right up. "Ahhh, that! I heard the whole thing. He doesn't hate you; he's just giving you some advice… And he's right." Dan said while waving his hand in the same motion Matt did. I was about to say something, but Dan continued. "You just need to take a bath, and work on some of your personality kinks." The killer said with an unusual amount of kindness in his voice. "I guess I could help you…"

_"Why is he helping me? I thought Dan was just a violent asshole… whatever that is." _I thought

Before I could even say anything, Dan piped up again. "If you're wondering why I'm being so nice to you, it's because of some advice Matt gave me. He said I have to be nicer." Dan said, while quivering at the word, 'nicer'. "Now come on, I've made dinner for us all." Dan said in the unusually cheery, and somewhat creepy, voice again.

I forgot all about my sadness, and rushed into the kitchen where Matt, Flandre, and Maria were already seated. Dan took the booth seat next to Flandre, and Maria was sitting at the end of the table; leaving the only available seat, next to Matthew. I sat down, and Dan pulled the top off a platter to reveal some kind of meat, wedged in-between bread.

Matt's smile grew wide as he said "Oh boy! I haven't had a hamburger since I got here!" He said with more energy than Flandre.

_"Actually, I haven't seen you eat since we ate at Mystia's fish stand… Or… I can't remember what they are called." _I tried to remember what the name of the food Mystia served was.

Throughout dinner, me and Matt avoided each other's eyes, and ate with satisfaction. Flandre seemed to give Matt instructions when he did something that Flandre and Dan called 'impolite'. Dan was doing the same for me, except he would bop me on the head with a wooden spoon every time I got it wrong.

At the end of dinner, someone knocked at the door, and Matt got up to answer it. Maria went to mine and Matt's bedroom, probably to play those things they call video games, and Dan cleaned up the dishes. _"Well shoot. I don't have anything to do now."_

As soon as I finished that last thought, Matt walked in with the same cat girl from earlier today. I thought her name was Bin. She had a look of urgency in her face, and looked like she would have a panic-attack any second. "You've gotta help! *****Pant*** **the leader of the underground! *****Wheeze***** has been kidnapped!" Bin said as she used Matt's shoulder for support.

Matt frowned and said "Apparently, they were anticipating an attack from the front, but Gunethre tunneled into the back door, and invaded the palace from the inside out. The reason we aren't hearing the sounds of oni parties anymore, is because all of the villagers are fighting off Gunethre's troops."

_"Uhhh, what's a troop?" _I thought to myself. The thought echoed through my carefree mind, and eventually surfaced as a question. "Excuse me, Matt?"

Matt turned his gaze away from the group, and directed it toward me. "Yes Rumia, What is it?" Matt asked with a feeling I couldn't quite place in his voice. I thought it was a mixture of hope, and happiness.

I pulled at my collar, and asked my question. It felt like Matt's eyes were staring into my very being; judging my every thought and action. "Well, uhhh…" I twiddled my fingers together. "Uhhh… Please excuse me, I need to wash up!" I said very quickly, and rushed to the bathroom.

* * *

><p><strong>Matt's POV<strong>

_"Ok… what was that all about?" _I was a little puzzled with Rumia's behavior, and also disappointed because she seemed scared of my judgment. "Ooooookay~…" I said while slowly turning my head back to the group. Rin had calmed down now, and was standing quietly just like everyone else. "You know what? Let's all have a seat!" I said as I pulled up the sleeve pf my coat to reveal the rest of my arm. On a metal box near my wrist, several buttons were arrayed in a neat order. The box went through my arm, and on the other side, was a slot facing my palm. I pressed a button on the box, and the side of the RV expanded, and couches unfolded from the ground. Basically, the room looked like any other western style middle class living room. Everyone took a seat, and they seemed surprised by how comfortable they were.

"Ooooh! These are so comfy Matt; we need to get some of these at the palace." Rin said as she flopped down on the couch. Even though they were comfy, the squeaky springs were loud enough to penetrate anyone's eardrums in the LT.

I smiled as I took a seat across from Rin. "Glad you like them Miss Kaenbyou." I said politely. Flandre nodded, and gave me a subtle thumbs up.

Rin held up her hand to her chest, and seemed taken aback by surprise. "Oh my, so polite." She jumped out of her seat on the sand-colored couch, and pointed a finger at herself; proudly saying "I'm not royalty or anything, so you can be casual around me." She said with a huge cat-grin on her face. "And please, call me Orin. I prefer that friends call me by my nickname."

_"Friend count: plus one."_

I heard the sound of the bath-water starting, and the sound of someone screeching. "EEEEEE! TOO HOT!" Rumia squealed from the bathroom.

I turned my head, and yelled down the hallway "You only need to turn the hot water up a little bit." The sound of the running water might've made that statement inaudible to Rumia, but she was smarter than she seems. The little darkness youkai would probably figure it out if she couldn't hear me.

I chuckled, and slowly turned back to the group; More specifically, Rin. "So let me get this straight Orin. Gunethre has invaded the underground, which is one of the last strongholds for the residents of Gensokyo, and we are the only ones who can stop him?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

Orin nodded furiously, and I decided there was no use waiting. _"Wow… this sounds like the formula for a cheesy video game, or movie. An evil power has invaded, and we are the only ones that can stop it." _I got up, and started walking to the door. "Well then, let's get going! There's no use waiting around-

***CRASH!***

I was unable to finish the sentence, because right when I was about to turn the door handle, something busted down the door, and tackled me.

"Uuugh…" the mystery person and I moaned in unison.

I was the first to regain my senses. When I was finally able to push myself up, I bumped my head on something solid, and it electrocuted me. "!" I babbled incoherently as the electricity caused the machines inside my body to malfunction.

***Thud***

I fell back down, and twitched for a few seconds. When I got back up, I made sure to avoid the large object. I held my head as my vision returned to me, and was able to see the person that tackled me.

She wore a battle-worn white shirt with poofy short sleeves. Her short green skirt was matched by a ribbon in her hair of the same color. Her Raven-black hair flowed like the Milky Way down to a cape with a moving cosmic backdrop, and a pair of black raven wings. The tattered cape was held up by the erect black wings, although one of them seemed to be broken. Although the most drawing features were a large red eye in the middle of her chest, her left foot; which was encased in metal, her right foot; which had electrons orbiting it, and a large, mangled orange… thing on her right arm which is what I bumped my head on. It was obviously broken because it was bent with wires and circuit-boards sticking out of various doors, and the fact that it was cackling with electricity; releasing an occasional spark out a hole at the end. The woman was stuck in my living room TV, and appeared to be about 19-21 in physical age.

"Unyuu…" The person mumbled. Her brown eyes were in a derpy position, and she seemed confused. "Must… Isolate… Isotope…" The Woman snapped to her senses. "BOILED EGGS!" She said as she jerked, and fell out of my now-ruined television.

"Okuu! What happened?" Orin rushed up to the bird and picked her up. The youkai, whose name I assume is Okuu, leaned on Rin's shoulder and limped over to the nearest couch. Like Orin before her, Okuu seemed panicked. "Okuu, are you ok? What happened to your control rod? What's wrong? And what's an isotope?" Rin bombarded her with questions.

Okuu seemed to regain her senses fully, and jerked to attention. Her split ends stood up, while she grabbed the Rin, and started shaking her violently. "!" Okuu slurred the sentence together and spoke so quickly, that auctioneers would be put to shame.

"Hey, What about me?" I spoke up. My voice could barely be heard over the frantic breathing of the bird girl. "Who's going to get me a new TV? Those are hard to come by in Gensokyo."

***FFFTZT***

Several sparks erupted from the broken screen, and I held my arms up in a defensive reflex. "I-I-I'm just gonna get rid of this."

I un-hooked the TV, and stowed it in the storage compartment. I decided to slip into the compartment myself to escape the madness going on in the living room. "I should've been a train engineer… or maybe a nice quiet job as a watch maker. Or. Maybe.. A… … ZZZZZZ" I drifted off to sleep, as the compartment door sealed me off from the world outside my cozy little space.

* * *

><p><strong>Inside the LT<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_"What. The. Fuck!" _I thought. That thought could sum up the entire situation that was going on right now. "So… What should we do?" I asked the rest of the people present. Everyone seemed to ignore me, except Maria.

Maria looked at me with worrying eyes, and said "We need to help Miss Okuu. She's hurt." Maria said with large sparkling eyes.

_"… Damn… That's cute!"_ I was having another cute-kitty moment, when Rin was finally able to calm Okuu down.

"Ok Okuu, tell us what's wrong." Rin said slowly.

Okuu raised her head, and her eyes which were brown, looked black. "The reactor. It's going to explode!"

"WHAT!" Orin said in shock

"Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What's this about a reactor?" I snapped to attention in shock.

Okuu turned her head a faced me. "My… Reactor. I was minding my own business, and all of a sudden, the wall behind me exploded. I tried to fight off the people, but they overpowered me, and broke my control rod. Without it, the reactor will run un-controllably, and cause a melt-down." Okuu said while her black eyes met my red ones.

Maria tugged at my coat. "Dan, what's a reactor?" She asked innocently. "And what is Miss Okuu talking about?"

The Raven sat up, and slid the broken chunk of metal off her arm. "My name is Utsuho Reiuji, but it's ok if you call me Okuu." Utsuho said while pointing at herself. "I'm sorry, but I don't know much about what I just said, Unyuu…" The raven said sheepishly.

"Dad?" Maria looked up at me.

I had a grim expression on my face, and said "It means that a large power supply called a reactor is going to fucking explode, and take all of Gensokyo with it." I said in a depressing manner.

The depression of impending doom spread over the atmosphere faster than the black plague.

Utsuho got up on her own feet, and said "We need to throw the manual shutdown switch in 4 hours, or else it'll go boom!" Okuu made motions with her hands to emphasize what she just said.

I decided to take control. "Ok, I have a plan!" I got up on top of a table in the center of the room. "Maria. You're by yourself."

Rin looked confused, and looked over her shoulder at Maria. "Do you know what's going on?" Orin asked Maria. Maria just shrugged.

_"Fuck yeah! I gotta get out there and fight those cock sucking immortals!" _I continued explaining the teams. "Flandre, you're with me. Orin, you stay here with Utsuho. Matt, when Rumia gets out of the bath, you go with her… Matt?"

Everyone looked around, and the volume of everyone's voices rose. Everyone was chattering about where Matt might be, but on one was able to find Matthew Harrison. I "OK, OK! Order in the motherfucking court!" I slammed my hand down on the table I was standing on moments ago. The bang echoed throughout the cabin, and got everyone's attention. Even Rumia's, who was crossing the hall wearing nothing but a towel. "Ok, due to Matt's absence, Rin will have to go with Rumia.

Rin looked down. "But what if something happens to Okuu?" Orin said while her gaze was directed at Okuu's broken wing.

Utsuho perked up, and slapped Rin on the back. Rin let out a choked cough, but withstood the hard blow. "Don't worry about me; I'll be ok. Just focus on saving Satori and shutting down the reactor." Okuu said with a smile.

The previous feeling of impending doom was now replaced with hope, bravery, and motivation. I announced the rest of my plan right after Rumia got dressed, and then set out to save the daaaayy~!"

_"… That was fucking gay you cunt sucking faggot."_

* * *

><p><strong>Right outside the palace of the earth spirit's courtyard<strong>

**Flandre's POV**

_"I just had to get partnered with psycho-mc-swears-a-lot!"_ I was fuming over my partnership with Dan. _"I wish I could've gotten paired with someone like Matt… But he's not here now…"_ The palace was heavily guarded, and it didn't look like there were any blind spots in security.

Dan had explained the plan to all of us. Rumia and Rin used Rumia's manipulation over darkness to sneak pass the guards, then Rin created a distraction while Rumia opened snuck through the shadows to knock out all the outer guards.

Once Maria used her camouflage to make herself look like one of the guards, While Rumia continued to weaken the defenses. Once Maria found the reactor, she shut it down. All the lights inside the palace went out, and any security systems went down.

Once the other steps had been completed, Dan and I went in; guns blazing.

***SHVINK!***

"Awwww, did you see that! I sliced that guy right up through his mother-cunt-fucking balls!" Dan slashed through so many enemies, I lost count. I was just making them explode on sight with my destruction ability.

"Yay, you can kill people in cruel ways." I said with more boredom than Patchouli when she finished reading a series of books.

After defeating hundreds of immortals, we arrived at a huge stone door that was left wide open. At the end of the room, there was a little girl tied up, and a man with a uniform of some kind on.

"Welcome! I didn't expect to see you so soon Daniel." The man in uniform said. His voice was so chilled, it felt like someone was rubbing ice against my ears.

"Likewise General Gunethre. Why have you done this?" Dan said with his weapon raised.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA~! I never thought you of all people would ever fight alongside a monstrosity like that. Gunethre said while pointing at me.

_"Is this guy for real?" _I balled my hands into fists, and the ground around me exploded with such force, an average person would've been killed if they were standing less than 20 feet away from me. The loud boom echoed through the chamber and after, all fell silent.

…

…

"I am not a _Thing,_ I am a refined young woman who is about to teach you your place." I said with hostility that rivaled a viper.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" The general once again laughed "You seem to underestimate me little vampire!" Gunethre bat his hair out of his right eye to reveal an eye made of iron and a red pentagram in the center. The pentagram glowed, and I started to feel great pain. "Do you like my torchure? This trinket can do other things as well. Get a load of this!" The eye started shining with brighter intensity, and I began to feel something leave me.

"NO, FLAN! Stop this madness right now Gunethre!" Dan declared while reaching for his rifle.

It was then that I realized what was going on. Gunethre was absorbing my life force, or soul as some people call it. At the realization, I screamed. "…" But no sound came from my mouth. Only a golden wisp. The wisp's connection to me was getting thinner and thinner, when Dan fired a bullet at the insane bastard, and stopped his eye. My soul snapped back into my body like a rubber band, and I collapsed on the ground; panting and checking to make sure I was alive.

_"That was the scariest freaking thing that's ever happened to me. I even think I saw the __Sanzu__River__." _I continued to pant on the ground, and listened to the conversation between Dan and iron eye over there.

"I warned you, but you didn't listen." Dan said, but still not lowering his rifle. There was enough tension in the air to rip a hole through reality.

_"I wonder if that's how the gap hag does it."_

Gunethre had a bullet wound where his heart should be, but there was no blood coming out of it. Instead of cringing in pain, he just… I'd like to say reverse swallowed… something, and spit out the round. He held it in his hand, and while looking at it, he said "You should know bullets don't kill me Dan. I'll give you one last chance. If you kill the vampire, I'll let you on my train to success. You should know justice always prevails over evil."

Dan stood there for a moment, and then quicker than a speeding hedgehog, he turned his rifle's sights to me. I was helpless on the ground. Temporarily paralyzed, with a gun full of silver rounds pointed at me.

_I closed my eyes and waited for the worst. "Well, it looks like this is it…"_

***Krackoom!***

**To Be Continued**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: Ooooh, cliffhanger ending~~ dun-dun-duuuun! I was reading some other fics, and saw that cliffhanger endings seemed to be very commonplace. Ooooh the suspense. I've got no footnotes today, but I do have better descriptions and more creative writing. Another thing, I finally get to include the hell raven herself: Utsuho Reiuji, and the corpse carrier: Rin Kaenbyou. Been waiting for those two. My top 5 favorite Touhou characters are as follows: <strong>

**1.)Flandre scarlet  
>2.)Utsuho Reiuji<br>3.)Yukari Yakumo  
>4.)Rumia<br>5.)Cirno [EYE'M THE STRONGEST!]**

**These would be the runners up, in no real order.**

**Remilia Scarlet  
>Rin Kaenbyou<br>Satori Komeiji  
>Mystia Lorelei<br>Youmu Konpaku  
>Patchouli Knowledge<br>Sakuya Izayoi  
>Ran Yakumo<br>Yuuka Kazami**

**BTW, for all the people wondering, AILC isn't going to stay dead. I think that's obvious by now, but he won't come back until a little later in this arc.  
><strong>

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**Dan's Armory: **(the following was written by the person Dan is based off of.)

He uses various 9mm pistols and silver knives. He also carries vials of holy water.

The "Retribution" a specially made smith and Wesson model 500 revolver, chambers 10 rounds, scoped, has a 12.5 inch barrel (yes, I know this is not available in real life). he has not used this yet, but he will use it a lot against Gunethre's elite troops. He is strong enough to use it one handed. Bullets are diamond tipped, blessed, and contain obsidian.

The "Redeemer (a 40k reference to Uriah Jacobus)" a shotgun firing either blessed silver shot, or a slug full of holy water. Very effective against demons, he has used this weapon a ton against Rumia.

The "Exorcist" a hugely powerful anti-material rifle (based on the Lahti L-39) firing 138mm rounds. The rounds are diamond tipped, contain blessed silver, Holy water, and obsidian. Dan is capable of one handing the massive gun.

The "Justicar" a flechette gun that fires a hail of obsidian shards. Very effective against angels and immortals. Useless against anything else.

The Masamune, his sword. It is a Nodachi. Black with red strands wrap themselves around the handle. The blade is made out of a single layer graphene edge, and an obsidian blade. The blade is conjured out of the handle because it is so massive, it is not possible to draw it. the materialized blade is roughly 10 feet long. He conjures a new one blade each time he uses the weapon. He hides the sheath in his coat. He usually poisons the blade.

Dan also carries a great number of small knives that can be used for throwing, or hand to hand combat. they are all made of silver, and are sharpened to the point that even a light touch to the sharpened side of the blade can draw blood. He doesn't throw these knives very often, and usually only uses them for close-quarters combat where his sword wouldn't be very useful, but he still can't match the deadly persicion of Sakuya's knives.


	13. Insanity is a Gift

**Chapter 13: Insanity is a Gift**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: WARNING! WARNING WARNING! This chapter contains copious amounts of blood and gore. Not fit for more sensitive people. Turn away if you are offended by such material, and scroll down to the author's notes at the end for a summary of the chapter. This chapter was really just for experimental purposes. My insane friend wanted me to write this, and he definitely approves the violence. This is a one time thing, so don't worry.<strong>

**Sorry about the ending, but I worked really hard to get the next chapter out ASAP. To those who reviewed the last chapter, I thank you. It's not always easy writing these, and I'll tell you; last chapter wasn't easy to write. Also remember, unsigned reviews are welcome, just no trolls please. BTW, to answer IAmTheGuy's question, I'll be starting a short Q/A segment in the author's notes before each chapter from now on. So, here we go.**

* * *

><p><strong>Q: <strong>Like Dan, is Gunthre based on a person you know in real life too? I'd love to know. **(IAmTheGuy)**

**A: No, and it's spelled G U N E T H R E! Please don't mis-spell my OC's names, but you are a fan of the story, so I forgive you. _Just don't ever cross me again…_**

* * *

><p><strong>LT interior<strong>

**Okuu's POV**

"Unyuu… It's so boring around here~…" I whined while laying my head down on the table. My arms were spread out on the surface, and I was trying to find a way to entertain myself. "There's gotta be something to do around here~…" I continued.

***Clank!***

I heard the sound of clanking metal. "Who's there?" I exclaimed. My senses alerted to a very sensitive level. My eyes had changed from a maroon color to a dark red color as a result of preparation for a fight.

***Clank clank clank!***

The sound almost sounded like someone knocking on a door under the floor. "You better show yourself or else I'll find you and kill you!" I threatened. The sound seemed to be coming from a door on the floor. I cautiously approached the door, and held out my hand. I was ready to blast anything away with there slightest movement. I pulled on the handle, and something pooped out. In a fraction of a second, I materialized my control rod, and fired a huge laser at the subject.

…

***FZZT!***

Or I would've if it wasn't destroyed. _"Oh come on, of all times for- oh hey look, it's that guy with the white hair." _I thought; completely forgetting about trying to blast the subject.

He climbed out of the hole, and closed the door. "Damnnit, I forgot to leave the door un-locked." He said while brushing the various dust particles off his clothes. After he finished brushing the dust off his coat, he noticed my feet. His eyes slowly scanned my body until they stopped at my control rod. He seemed a bit shaken by my imposing nature, but what can you expect when you just get out of an enclosed space, only to find a hell raven pointing a weapon at you.

He shakily raised his hand and pushed my control rod away. "P-p-p-please d-d-don't p-point that t-th-thing at m-me!" He said obviously scared of my third leg*. He was able to push it away, but a large… thingy fell out of it, and crushed his hand. "OH GOD HELP ME! THIS HURTS WORSE THAN GETTING MY ARM CUT OFF!" The child youkai screamed while trying to pull his left hand out from under the sparking thingy.

***FZZT!***

Sparks flew out from the object, and seemed to put him in more pain. "!" he incoherently babbled after he was electrocuted by the object. His hair stood up on ends, and he involuntarily twitched at random intervals.

"Heehee~" I giggled while holding my hand up to my mouth. I picked up the object with ease, and held it up to him. He immediately pulled his hand to his chest, and caressed it with his other hand which looked kinda weird. It was like skeleton made out of metal with gold cords running all over it.

He looked up at me with large tears handing from his eyes. "How could you laugh at me when I'm in so much pain~~!" He whined while the tears hung from his large eyes. Rubbing his hand and awkwardly angled fingers.

"Unyuu… It was just so funny." I said while retreating backwards. I stuffed the device back inside my control rod, and de-materialized it. The particles dissolved into my hand, exposing my actual arm. "Who are you anyway? If you're here to do bad things to Dan's house, then I'll have to kill you."

That got the weird arm guy's attention. "What? How could you forget! Dan was looking for me! And this isn't Dan's house, it's mine!" He said seemingly angry. He had his hands balled into fists, and was clearly frustrated. I could sense the energy signature of a youkai, but his wasn't very strong.

I reacted with hostility and formed a large ball of danmaku energy in the palm of my right hand, and looked at it menacingly. It must've looked even more menacing from his point of view, as the glowing ball emphasized all of my features, including an evil-like smile. "What was that~? I asked with a voice that let him know he was nothing compared to me. _"There's no way this little punk could put up a fight against someone as powerful as me or Dan. I should keep him here then Dan will reward me and maybe even give me some boiled eggs!" _I thought about capturing the invader, then getting rewarded by Dan when he got back.

The small youkai lost any fighting spirit or courage, and retreated into a corner I backed him into; cowering in fear. "B-but it's true! I-I-I own t-th-this house!" he said while looking up at me. "M-my n-name is M-Matthew, b-but people c-call me M-Matt!..."

After saying this, he looked at his left hand. He rubbed it as blood leaked out of the damaged appendage. "H-how can you lift something that heavy with s-so much ease?" He asked me while still shaking.

Matt seemed to twitch at my words. "What? M-my name is Matt, not Patt! What do you need?"

I took my hand out from under my chin, and said "Unyuu… sorry. I just got confused." I sat on a nearby couch. "So, what were we doing again?" I asked, and Matt turned to stone.

Matt fell to the ground as stiff as a board. After 5 seconds, he got back up and stared at me in dis-belief. "What! You seriously don't remember what we were doing?" Matt raised an eyebrow to add to his shocked face. "Well… we were just about to play a fun game." Matt said as his look of dis-belief turned to a grin.

I jumped up and down while waving my arms. "Ooooh! What is it? Is it tag, or maybe hide and seek?" I asked excitedly.

Matt's now healed hand was held up in my face, and in it, was a rectangle with a picture on it.

_"A rectangle is the one with 4 sides, right?"_

He pulled the box back, and said "No, this game is called _'Street Fighter 2' _It's a very fun game. Come to my room, and I'll show you how to play." He said while gesturing for me to follow him.

I followed him through a short and VERY narrow hallway until we came to a room about the size of one of Satori-sama's closets. When inside, Matt bent down and pulled out a box from the shelf. He put the box inside the larger grey box with purple rectangles on the sides. Matt plugged in a 2 pads with buttons on them, to the front of the device. He pushed on one of the purple stripes, and then pressed a button on a large black box with glass on the front of it which sat on top of the shelf. He The box made a noise that I've heard some of the kappa machines make, and then a picture popped up on the glass that said _'street fighter 2 – turbo edition'_. Matt handed me one of the button pads, while he held the other one in his other metal hand.

I stared at the object with a wire coming out of it for a while until Matt said "Here, You'll need this if you want to play." I took the button object, and stared at it with confusion. "When you press these buttons, it makes the game do things." He said with his eyes closed, and a smile on his face.

"Unyuu… I think I get it." I started pressing buttons as fast as I could, and soon saw a guy with white fighting clothes on the left side of the glass, and a girl with very strong-looking legs on the right. The guy started fidgeting around; occasionally throwing a punch or kick, but the girl started kicking him and beating him up. After about 2 minutes, the guy lost the fight with the girl, and Matt was laughing in the background.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Y-you're not suppose to just mash the buttons, you need to learn what then do, and how to use them." Matt said while wiping a tear from his eye.

I let my head down, and said 'Unyuu… I'm sorry."

Matt got up, and gave me a pat on the back. "Hey, it's ok. I'll show you how to play the game." I looked at Matt's grinning face, and nodded with determination. "Now you see this thing that looks like a plus?" I nodded "That's called a D-pad. You use it to move your fighter."

_"Yeah, this sound's like it'll be fun!"_

Matt explained how everything worked. I didn't understand some of it, but when he showed me on the game, I started to understand.

"All right, no that I know how to play, I challenge you to a street fight!" I said while pointing at Matt in a dramatic pose.

Matt chuckled, then said "Challenge accepted!"

* * *

><p><strong>Palace of the earth spirits, Satori's throne room<strong>

**Flandre's POV**

Dan turned his large rifle at me, while I was helpless on the ground; I closed my eyes and waited for the worst.

***KRACKOOM!***

…

…

_"Wait…"_

I opened one eye, and looked at Dan. There was smoke coming out of the huge hole at the end of his gun, but I didn't have any holes in myself. Instead, I felt a drop of blood fall in-between my eyes. I looked up, and I saw a woman wearing a tight jumpsuit standing over me with a large gun with a cross on it, and a large hole in her chest. Her skin started to creep over the hole, and by the time it was done, I had re-gained full movement of my body.

Dan lowered his rifle and smirked. "Did you really think I was going to fuck-shitting shoot you Flandre? I don't betray people like they did so many years ago." The smoke cleared from the barrel of the gun, and Dan took out the clip in the gun. He shoved it into one of his coats pockets, and pulled a new one out of another clip, which seemed way too big to be able to fit in one of those pockets.

Dan turned his head and an angry expression crossed his face. "Gunethre! I will not fucking betray my new friends like you betrayed me all those years ago! Now get your lazy ass fucking dick over here and fight me like a man!" Dan screamed at the General.

_"Wow, intense language, but that bastard deserves it! He almost killed me." _I rose into the air slowly while my wings glowed with their respective colors, and my eyes glowed scarlet. A psychotic grin escaped onto my face, and I held my hand out to him in a challenging way. "You're a big meanie! Do you know what I do with Bullies?" Dan turned his head to look at me. "I play with them. Until they BRRREAAAAAKKK!" I lunged at the General with my scarlet red claws bared, and fangs protruding from my screaming mouth.

Dan Reached out to me, but quickly put his arm back down to his side. "Flandre wait…"

General Gunethre as Dan called the man stood at the other side of the room which was decorated with many pillars, a red velvet carpet, candles, stained glass windows, and a throne fit for a king about 50 feet away. _"Remi has red carpet just like that one in the mansion."_

I was about 40 feet away from him when the evil general's extremely muscular and pronounced stone face crept into a smile, as his whole face slowly turned to a face of an evil villain who was about to put his doomsday plan into motion.

I was about 30 feet away when his smile broke into a hearty laugh.

I was about 20 feet away when he pulled out a small vial of holy water.

I was about 10 feet away when my expression changed from one with killing intent, to one of fear and cowardice, and I turned around to fly in the opposite direction as fast as possible.

I was back to 30 feet when Gunethre threw the bottle at me, and I panicked.

Due to my panicked state, my survival instincts kicked in and instead of doing the logical thing, and turning out the door that leads to the exit of the room; I continued down the room until I reached the other wall. The bottle hit the wall and broke just inches away from my face. It was so close; I could feel the holy energy emanating from the liquid. I closed my eyes. "*****Inhale***** *****Sigh*****" I regained my senses and let my panic leave my body through a sigh of relief.

After my moment of relief, I opened my eyes to see another bottle barreling towards me. _"OHMYTEPESPLEASESAVEME!"_ I held my hands in front of my face and cringed in a futile attempt to protect myself, as my usual method of getting rid of something would be to blow it up, but here; that would just make things worse, because then many droplets would be heading my way instead of one projectile.

I waited for the burning pain to come, but it didn't. Instead I registered a different sense as I could feel a small glass object in the palm of my hand. _"Oh no! Don't tell me…"_ I opened my eyes to confirm my fears, and they were realized when I glanced at the glass vial lying in my palm. I slowly descended back to the ground; my eyes opened widely, and my mouth hanging open. _"I… caught… it…" _My mind was still comprehending the fact that I was holding to deadliest of poisons for demons. "B-b-but… I-I… This…" I tried to formulate a complete sentence, but found myself unable to.

***KRACKOOM!***

During the time I was holding the bottle; a fight had broken out with Dan and Gunethre. It looked like Dan had thrown the first punch, but I could be wrong. After all, I wasn't really paying attention to them. I finally re-gained my senses, and decided it would be best to hide the bottle off to the side-lines. I snuck around the battle, and hid it behind Satori's throne. "There we go~! I'll be back after I go play with that big mean man." I was talking like the vial was a sentient being, but insanity has a way of doing things like that. Even though I had improved by a great margin since my danmaku fight against the red-white and the black-white, The crazy side of me was still hiding; Somewhere in the deepest depths of my mind.

_"Pfft! Holy water! Yeah right! I don't see what's holy about killing living things! It's just a weapon used to kill usually innocent demons. After all, only a few demons attack humans." _After moving the throne so no one would see the vile manifestation of human prejudice against demons, I stood back up and looked at the little girl who was tied up next to it. I undid the gag she had in her mouth, and the ropes that bound her skinny arms and legs. As soon as I was done, she wrapped her arms around me, and thanked me. "Thank you! I can see you have a mission to take care of, so I won't stop you. And thank you for keeping Okuu safe."

I raised my hand to my head. _"How did she…Is she a mind reader!"_

The little purple-haired girl stood up, and held her hand to her chest while saying "I am a Satori; although Satori is also my name, and the term 'mind reader' is inaccurate, because I don't read people's minds, but rather their hearts. The mind reading is just a bonus." The little girl curtseyed as she introduced herself. "I thank you and your friends from the bottom of my heart. We at the palace would be honored of you would attend for dinner after this fiasco is over."

_"She reminds me of Sakuya."_

Satori's red eye on her chest blinked, and she said "Well that would be because your maid and I try to act as proper as we can. It is appropriate that young ladies use their manners."

I stared at her before I took off to join the fight.

"That's not how you end a conversation! That was very rude!" Satori yelled with her hands cupped around her mouth.

_"Yeah, ok…"_

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's POV<strong>

"Hmmm, you've gotten stronger since you left the organization. My offer to join is still open." Gunethre said while holding back a sword strike aimed for his head. I was wielding the Masamune in my right hand, and Retribution in my left.** Retribution was my custom made S&W.500 Magnum. It's overly long barrel wouldn't ever miss a target, and next to my 138mm anti-material rifle: Exorcist, it was my favorite weapon.

"Yeah? Well you've gotten fucking stronger too." I said through clenched teeth. Gunethre was really pissing me off, mostly because he was dodging or parrying all of my strongest attacks.

I broke out of the hold, and quickly made a slash for his legs while aiming my huge pistol at Gunethre's head. Gunethre was able to plank right in-between the two attacks; further fueling my rage. "GOD DAMNNIT! STAY CUNT FUCKING STILL!"

Gunethre made another slash at my chest, but I was able to deflect the attack off to the side. Gunethre used the momentum of my strike to come back and make a downward strike at my head. I was able to dodge it, but I wasn't able to dodge the next attack.

***SCHFLICH!***

The sound of metal ripping through flesh echoed through the room. Gunethre's assistant had snuck up on me to impale me straight through the liver. I fell to the ground, and Gunethre slowly approached my fallen body. He readied his sword to cut my head off; the only way to kill a crusade immortal. _"Oh not today you shit fucking dick eater!" _I sprang to my feet with my sword in one hand, and blocked the attack.

Gunethre adopted a face of genuine surprise. "What the… how did you-

I interrupted him by kicking the sword out of his hand, and shooting him in the foot. Leaving him with a nice, big, quarter sized hole in his left foot. He took the shot like a true man, and didn't show any pain on his face. "I have trained myself to have HIGH! PAIN! TOLERACE!" I slashed at his chest with each syllable. Because he didn't have a weapon, he just took every hit head-on. I slammed him into his sidekick, and impaled them both like a shishcabob on my sword. "Come on papa, let's fire up the grill!"

"You schoodlemt ebem ve ayvil joo sschaynt uhp!" (You shouldn't even be able to stand up!) Gunethre said as the blood gushing into his lungs made his words sound sloppy.

"You should leave him to me." His assistant said. She was closer to the tip of the blade, and instead of being impaled through the chest, it was through the gut.

Flandre had flown up behind me, and was looking a little worried. "Dan, I-

"Shut up! This BITCH!-" I swung my sword and Gunethre's assistant flew off and smashed into the wall. "-and this BASTARD!-" I swung the sword so hard that Gunethre flew off the blade and broke through the wall. "-deserve to go to hell!" Fire was burning in my eyes, and my slightly insane side of my personality was starting to take over.

I flew over to Gunethre's assistant, and picked her up off the ground. I punched her in the mid-section, and she coughed up scarlet-colored blood.

This seemed to get Flan's attention because she walked up next to me and had a fanged grin on her face. "Can I have a turn?" She said while her head slowly tilted to the right. Flan's sanity was breaking down due to the presence of blood, gore, and me.

"Just let me finish!" I said with extreme amounts of violent insanity in my voice. _"Kill! Destroy! Murder! Death! Obliterate! Stab! Shoot! DIE!"_ By this point, my insanity had completely taken over my conciseness, and was driving me to murder the woman in a black jump-suit as violently as possible. I threw her into the air, pulled the sword out of my liver, and just as fast as she went up; she came down.

***SCHFLICH!***

I impaled her on my arm, and let the red blood drench my hair.

"Come on Daaan~ I wanna play too!" Flandre pouted. With her arms crossed.

_"So much blood! So much fun!" _I thought right before Flandre asked to join the fun. "Ugh, ok, fine!" I grasped something squishy inside her gut, and threw the corpse to Flandre with her intestines trailing behind her. "Hehehe~ Have fun~" I said while cutting her guts into neat, organized piles. "So many body parts~! I'm in heaven!~"

Flandre accepted the corpse, "You smell good~." and dug her face into the open wound; proceeding to drink the woman's blood. After she drained every drop from the shrivled-up corpse, Flan threw her up into the air, and blew it up. "Kyuu~!" A rain of blood and gore came down on both of us, and we proceeded to dance with each other in the bloody mess. "Yay! She was fun to play with~! Let's do it again!"

I was cutting any surviving pieces of flesh into neat squares when I looked over at Flan with a grin of pure insanity. "Yes… We should… But it seems Gunethre escaped during the fight." A disappointed frown crept onto my face as my sanity slowly crept back into my mind. "Come on Flandre. We should get home." I said after my sanity had returned.

Flandre's however, didn't seem to be there yet "I don't wanna! I wanna find the mean guy and make him go kyuu!" Flan tried to escape back out the door to find the General, but I restrained her.

"Flan… I'll let you play Warcraft when we get back." I said; hoping the promise of video games would be enough to persuade her to return.

"Warcraft? Yay!" Flandre broke out of my restraint. "Come on! Let's go pwn some noobz!" She said while taking off towards the LT as fast as possible. A wave of Rainbow-colored prisms followed her.

_"Whew, mission accomplished!" _I walked out of the palace with the satisfaction of a completed mission. Before I closed the door, I took one more look at the neatly arranged body-parts, and a psychotic grin crept onto my face. I muttered under my breath. "One down, one to go." I said as I let the massive door close; sealing the bloody mess inside it.

* * *

><p><strong>Matt's POV<strong>

**LT, Matt's room  
><strong>

_"Ugh, I lost again!"_ I turned out that Utsuho was pretty good at street fighter. Okuu told me about her control rod, and I said I would have it fixed by tomorrow, so I decided to stop playing. "Ok Okuu, That's enough." I said while stretching my arms. A hiss was heard from my mechanical arm as I stretched it.

"Awwww~ can't we just play one more time Mark?" Okuu whined.

My left eye twitched, and I yelled for the tenth time tonight. "MY NAME IS MATT! MATTHEW HARRISON!" I stood over her with my hands balled into fists.

"Unyuu… Sorry…" Okuu retreated back a little bit, and tears welled up in her eyes.

_"Awwww, now I feel bad" _It was the perfect description of sad-puppy dog eyes. "Ok-ok! I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm not angry, but please try to remember my name from now on." I said while I ruffled her hair. I quickly pulled my hand back because I started feeling a burning sensation.

Okuu blinked the tears out of her eyes. "Does that mean you'll keep playing?" She asked hopefully.

I scratched the back of my head and said "No, but I'll fix your control rod now. Don't you remember our deal?"

Utsuho's face brightened up. "Oh yeah! I forgot!" I face-palmed. Okuu materialized her third leg, and gave it to me for repair. She held the broken machine out to me with her right hand while giving a large smile.

I smiled as well, and placed my hands under the orange hunk of metal. Okuu let go, and the control rod fell to the floor, taking me and my arms down with it. "Gah!" I exclaimed in shock. _"I forgot how heavy this thing is." _I struggled to get my right hand out from under it. Unlike last time, I was able to pull my left semi-organic limb away in time.

Okuu stood there with a blank expression on her face as she watched the spectacle.

I gave up, and turned my head towards Utsuho. "Okuu? Could you help me with this?" I asked in a sweet tone.

Okuu's face lit back up again. "Ok!" She giggled and hefted the arm cannon-like machine up with ease. I pulled my hand out from under it, and said "Could you just put that on the ground outside? I asked sweetly. _"How can she lift that thing? Are all youkai and demons in Gensokyo as strong as this?" _I made my way outside with Okuu following me, and laid out a white mat where I directed her to set it down.

Just as Okuu set the machine down, Orin ran up to embrace her friend from behind. "Okuu! You're all better!" She said as she got down from Okuu's back.

Utsuho's eyes changed from brown, to black. "Of course I'm ok! Did you find Satori-sama?"

I dropped the wielding torch I was taking out of my toolbox. "What? You two know Satori?" I asked I shock. _"I don't like being around her. She makes me feel-_

"Makes you feel what?" A voice from behind me interrupted.

I jumped when I saw the little girl with pink hair clad in blue and white. "S-S-S-Satori! What are you doing here?" I said while shocked.

"Well, your friends saved me, so I decided to come pick up Okuu. Your friends saved me and all of Gensokyo, so I decided the least I could do is invite you all over for dinner." She said with a little more emotion than usual. Her light smirk seemed to conflict with my image of her from the last time we met. "… No, I'm not alien who took on the form of Satori. I only act uptight around Yukari and other nobles."

_"Don't read my thoughts, I feel so violated…" _I thought without considering who might be listening to my mind.

"I can't block my ability when you are so close. But you are harder to read than most people at further distances." Satori said as she shrugged. "Anyway, Be at my palace around 9:00 for dinner… And no, Yukari won't be there." Satori flew off to her palace to prepare for guests.

I sighed and turned around. The moment I blinked, I was tackled by Flandre. "I found you Matt!" She exclaimed while giving me a bone crushing hug.

***SNAP!***

Literally… It crushed my bones. "Ugh!" I grunted in pain. Something oozed down shoulder, but I was too busy trying to breath to take notice. "Flan… Can't… Breath!" My crushed lungs barely had enough air left in them to get the words out.

Flandre released me from the death hug, and had her childish smile on. "Oh! Heehee, sorry." She giggled.

It was right about now that I noticed something different about her. It could be the fact that one of her dress's sleeves was missing, or perhaps the fact that her dress was in tatters, or maybe it was because she was drenched in head to toe in blood. "Flan! What happened? What did you do!" I asked with a shocked tone of voice.

Flan put her innocent smile on. "Well, this one person tried to break me, but then Dan saved me, and we broke one of his friends. I threw her in the air and made her go kyuu! And then her blood rained down on me." Flandre said the entire statement as if blowing people up was a casual thing she did every day.

Dan landed next to her, and said. "We have some explaining to do, well; it's a long story…"

**To Be Continued**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]:<strong>

***The third leg: It is another name for Utsuho's control rod**

****Both of these weapons cannot be wielded one handed by normal humans, but since when is Dan a normal human?**

**Short summary:**

- **Dan didn't kill Flandre, Gunethre's assistant was sneaking up on her.**

- **Dan fights Gunethre and his assistant**

- **Dan and Flan lose sanity**

- **Dan and Flandre rip apart Gunethre's assistant**

- **Gunethre escapes**

- **Dan takes Flan home**

- **Matt Fixes Okuu's control rod**

**There. Now people will be able to continue reading this story with a basic knowledge of what happened in this chapter.**

**As I said before, thank you to all the people that follow this story. The fact the there is even an audience is motivation for me to continue writing. And to address the radioactive arbiter and Ban3: I would not mind you using any of my OCs in your fics, just let me know when you do caus' I'd be happy to help you guys write for any of them.**

**Remember, I won't be writing things this violent in the future. I just wanted to have Dan and Flandre completely mutilate someone, and Gunethre's assistant wasn't really necessary. I just needed someone for him to talk to, so she probably won't return.**

**"Is that so?"**

**Gah! Rumia! For the last time, get back into the computer!**

**"Ok."**

**…**

**…**

**Derp**


	14. Or Is It?

**Chapter 14: …Or is it?**

**[AN]: Sorry guys, while I was writing this chapter, my computer broke. Anyway, I was able to fix the problem… Damn Anti-Malware Dr… So, here's to answering questions.**

* * *

><p><strong>Q: (Soulja-boi190) <strong>If Gunethre's assistant is immortal like him and everyone else, then how did Dan and Flandre kill her?

**A: The only way to kill a crusade immortal is to stab them through the heart while they're still "alive", or to behead them. I think Dan and Flandre did a _little_ more than beheading.**

**Q: **Why is it that both Dan and Gunethre are more durable than the other immortals?

**A: Sorry, can't answer that yet. Don't worry; the answer will be revealed in a couple more chapters.**

**So, without further ado, let the chapter… Begin!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>LT (Afternoon)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked in shock. Both Dan and Flandre were drenched in blood. The crimson liquid reflected the artificial light coming from the ceiling of the cave.

Dan scratched the back of his head, while Flandre retained a childish, innocent expression. "Well, we kinda ran into some trouble at the palace." He said nervously. Flandre was trying to act like she didn't know what I was talking about, but I could see right through her façade. "I found General douche, and he kinda pissed me off." Dan said while trying to shake the blood that was dripping down his right sleeve off.

"You two are not coming in the house like that! I'm still pissed that I need to find a new TV to replace the one that SHE broke!" I gestured towards Okuu, who was still in a crushing embrace with Rin. "And speaking of Utsuho…" I turned to face the hell raven. "Why didn't you tell me they were going to fight Gunethre?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

Utsuho brushed Orin off like her back was coated in butter. Her wings came back to their stiff position, and Okuu held her hand under her chin. "Unyuu… I forgot."

I let my face fall into my palm, but it quickly shot back up as Maria jumped out from the crowd of people, grasped the collar of my coat, and pressed her face against mine; violating my personal space. She gleefully said "You missed it, it was sooo~ awesome! I was all like: 'Die evil terrorists!' And they were all like: 'Noooo~ don't kill me!'" Maria let go of my collar, and then started jumping up and down with the speed of a jackhammer. "And then I was like: 'Take this!' And they were like: 'Gwah!' And I cut their heads off!"

_"Ehhh, I think Dan is rubbing off on her…" _I thought as a large bead of sweat rolled down the back of my neck.

The black-blue-white cat youkai stared at me with eagerness. I waited for her to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth. The rest of the group was chatting with each other, so they weren't really noticing what was going on around them.

"Soooooo~…" Maria said in a VERY drawn out tone. "Did you… you know." She asked with a grin on her face. She was twirling her foot around the dusty ground of the cavern.

I raised my eyebrow, and looked at her questioningly. "Did I what?" I asked her.

She continued to smile innocently. "You know, get him working again?"

_"Oooohhh, that's what she's talking about!" _I smiled, and ruffled her hair. "Yes, I finished. I put the hard drive in that other laptop. The black one." I said. She quickly squealed with glee, and ran inside to find the computer.

I smiled, and exhaled a deep breath. Right about when I finished exhaling, the door of the LT slammed open. There was a pair of bright red eyes glowing from the darkness. "I smell human blood~." Came a voice that sounded like a low growl.

While closing my eyes, and face palming, I said "Come on Rumia, stop trying to sound scary, because you're not." There was a hint of annoyance in my voice.

Without me seeing, Rumia flew right up next to me, and uttered her trademarked phrase. "Is that so?" She said with shadows cast over her eyes, and her mouth was filled with sharp triangular teeth. She looked just like something out of a child's nightmare.

"Gwah!" I jumped, and fell down a small cliff, where I landed in a bucket. Everyone around me laughed, while Rumia had a mischievous grin on her face. The bucket suddenly shifted, and I shot out of it like a cannonball as a small girl raised her green hair out of it.

"Get out of my bucket!" She said while blushing.

I flew through the air and eventually crash landed on a rock. I felt the boulder being lifted up, and suddenly found myself being hurled at one of Gunethre's soldiers. He was mid-swing with a war-hammer by the time my brain could register what was going on, and I braced myself for the hit.

***SMASH!***

"Hngh!" The hammer impacted my gut, and I was sent flying back to the campsite where all my friends were laughing.

I raised myself from the ground while spitting out a mouthful of dirt. Dan was wiping a tear from his eye. "N-n-normally, I-I would say that's not the way to behave… PFFTHAHAHAHAHA~! B-but that was just too perfectly timed!" he held his sides.

I grumbled as Rumia jumped in the air with her arms perpendicular to her body, and encased herself in a ball of darkness.

I sat down on the rug where Utsuho's control rod was, picked up the wielding torch I previously dropped, and started repairs.

_"This is part of the reason I try to avoid you. You're just too obnoxious." I thought in my head, as if I was actually talking to Rumia."_

I continued to work until the laughter died down, and was soon left in silence while working on the nuclear arm cannon. The smell of the cold dank cave penetrated my nose as I was left alone again… or so I thought.

"Hey Matt?" A voice from behind me asked. I recognized the voice immediately.

I sighed. "What is it Rumia?" I asked while taking my eyes off my work. I turned around to look the darkness youkai in the eye.

"Y-you're not mad at me, are you?" She asked while interlocking her hands with a dull expression on her face.

_"Am I mad at you? Well not really at you, but I am mad." _I thought. I tried to think of any ways to avoid the question, but came up with nothing at the moment. "*Sigh* No, I'm not mad AT you, but I am a little irritated." I put emphasis on the word 'at'.

"So you're irritated with me?" She asked, obviously not getting what I was hinting at.

I took a deep breath. "No, I'm not irritated with you either. It's just that I feel like everyone else here deserves a place in the group, but I'm just some mis-fit." I turned back around and went back to soldering wires that went with the heavy contraption in front of me.

Rumia came up from behind me, and wrapped her arms around my neck. I was expecting her to say something comforting, but instead, she uttered her trademarked phrase into my ear. "Is that so?"

_"Of course." _I chuckled. "You can't take anything seriously, can you" I said in a deadpan tone of voice.

Rumia flew up and over my head, positioned her body upside-down, and looked at me with her glowing red eyes through her dirty blonde hair. "Maybe, but there is one thing I do take seriously." She leaned in closer-

_"Oh wait; this is what always happens-_

-And delivered a quick kiss to my lips. I dropped the tools I was holding, and started blushing furiously. She quickly pulled away, giggled, and flew off to join the video game party I could hear going on inside of my room.

I stood motionless, and stared into the darkness of the cave's depths. The fighting in the underground village had died down, and the sound of partying oni had returned. _"Did she just…" _Even my thoughts were in complete disarray. I shook my head, and got back to work on the machine. _"Why am I always left out of everything~!" _I internally whined.

* * *

><p><strong>Somewhere in the desert.<strong>

**Gunethre's POV**

_"Damn! I shouldn't have lost that battle!" _I was in a room surrounded by metal walls, and electric lights beat down on my back. "I will not stand for this!" My fist met the cold surface of a metal desk. "I have provided the most advanced weapons the organization can offer to combat evil, and they can't even hold a simple village?" I yelled at the man sitting in front of me.

**_"Kill! Destroy!"_**

"B-b-but sir!... I'm s-sure they're t-t-tr-trying their b-best!" The man stuttered. He was giving me a report of what happened back at the underground.

"Well their best isn't enough!" I slammed my fist down on the desk once more.

**_"Kill! Maim! Burn!" *_**

"Tell the field commander to report to my office at once!" I demanded. The messenger made no delay in leaving my office. _"Fear… It is the only way to control the weak." _I raised my feet, and rested them on the desk. A few moments passed before a soldier came into my office.

"You called sir." He said while saluting.

I lowered my feet, and said "You have disappointed me Gerald." My face remained a rock-hard boulder, and one wouldn't be able to smash even with 10 pounds of TNT. "You are being relived of duty soldier." The man was sweating, but trying to maintain his cool.

**_"Die! Death! DEVOUR HIS SOUL!"_**

My steel eye glowed, and before even a second had passed; the man was slumped over in the chair; dead. "Ah. Seems like I'll need a new field commander." I smirked.

* * *

><p><strong>LT (Evening)<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_"Ok, I'm cleaned up now. Time to go to the fucking dinner party!" _Everyone else was cleaned up, and ready to go; I was just the last to be ready. Matt had finished repairs on Utsuho's control rod, and both she and Orin had gone to the palace already.

"Hey Dan, are you ready?" Maria asked. She was carrying the laptop under her arm, and tapping her foot impatiently.

I looked at her, but soon directed my eyes towards the portable computer. "Maria, why are you bringing that?" I questioned her.

Maria shot an angelic smile at me. I didn't think I had ever seen her so happy. "But AILC should go too! He's part of the family." She said. Her pleading smile seemed to alter my perception of reality.

_"Wait, since when is A-fucking-ILC alive?" _My face showed genuine surprise. The laptop under her arm was actually running my Artificially Intelligent Locating Computer. "W-w-what? But I thought he was destroyed!" I exclaimed.

Maria hugged the slab of metal and circuitry to her chest, and said "But remember, AILC gave me that hard drive thingy. Matt installed it in this computer, so now it works!" Maria pouted.

_"Oh yeah, that's right!" _I thought. I remembered how Maria had AILC's hard drive, and was always protecting it from being harmed. The AI was her only friend, and I could respect that. Even if her was only a fucking computer program. After thinking about it for a while, I finally decided on my answer. I inhaled, and Maria put her hands in front of her like she was praying. Her eyes sparkled as she looking at mine. _"Awww~~! Cute kitty! How the hell can a say no to that cute face!"_

"Please…" Maria muttered.

I crossed my arms, and looked down at the computer. "Ok, fine! But he better behave!" I said as Maria's pleading face changed to a smile of glee. She jumped into my arms, and said "Thank you~! I'll be the best!" She said as she transformed into her youkai form. "Awwww~! Cute kitty!" I said as she started brushing her head against my shoulder and purring. For the first time since we came to Gensokyo, She didn't claw my face out when I cuddled her.

_"Cute kitty!..."_

* * *

><p><strong>Palace of the earth spirits (Evening)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

***Knock Knock***

I knocked on the huge wooden door of Satori's palace. It towered over me, Maria, and Dan with a huge stained-glass window that was surrounded by a dark brown molding. After a few seconds, the doorknob creaked, and Orin stuck her head out from the doorway. "Oh! You're here! Come in." She said as she cart wheeled into the next room.

The foyer of the palace was decorated with paintings of random people that were scattered around on the dark-blue walls, while the colors of the stained glass windows shown down on a white-tiled floor. Huge black doors stood as entryways to other rooms, while towering gray pillars led up to a ceiling that was so tall; I couldn't see the top. "Damn…" That was the only word that came to my mind to describe the huge room.

Orin peeked out from the room she went into, and said "Are you coming, or not?" in a dull voice.

_"Oh yeah, I forgot that it's rude to loiter."_ I thought as I shook my senses back into my head. As I walked down a long hallway, portraits of various animals lined the walls. "Why are there pictures of animals everywhere?" I asked. Everyone looked back at me as if I was some kind of idiot.

Orin perked up, and her ears stiffened. "These are paintings of Satori's other pets. She prefers to be around animals rather than other humans.

_"Wow… that's kinda sad." _I thought as I looked down at the floor.

"Indeed" A voice from behind me said. Maria, Dan and I looked back at the small figure, while Rin seemed to disappear.

I started nervously fidgeting as the Satori looked at me. A clicking sound was heard as the third heart-shaped eye on her chest blinked. "Oh, uhhh… Hi Satori…" I said with a weak wave.

Satori Komeiji looked me straight in the eye, and with a stern expression on her face, she said "There is no need to be nervous." She looked around at the other two, then back at me. "All of you. All 4 of you." She said as her expression eased up a bit.

_"Wait, Rumia didn't…"_

"Awwww! You found me!" A voice came from the ceiling. The ceiling slowly stated to illuminate, to reveal that it actually had an astral pattern, much like Okuu's cape. "I did a real good job at hiding too!" Rumia slowly descended from the tall ceiling, as she crossed her arms in a pout. "You're all no fun." She said.

"Hey Rumia, I thought you didn't want to come." I said as she landed next to me.

She placed her arm around me, and said "I didn't want to at first, but I started to feel hungry, so I came."

"Ahem!" Satori caught our attention. "If you're done, why don't we head to the dining room for some dinner. I hired a caterer to make the food." Satori motioned to a large double-doorway to her right. "Everyone else is waiting." She said as her elegant and emotionless self returned.

_"I'll bet Yukari is here…" _I thought as Satori opened the door.

Behind the door was the last thing I would ever expect from someone like Satori. There was a stage huge stereo set at the end of the room, while there were many oni, humans, and youkai partying and drinking with each other. _"What the… oh, there she is!" _I spotted Yukari being carried by many people as if she was stage diving. "Figures…"

I was about to turn and speak with my friends, but Maria was already opening up the laptop I gave her, Rumia flew off to a table with many different kinds of food, and Dan was talking with some girl with green hair, a pink umbrella, and a plaid skirt. _"Strange, why would you need an umbrella underground?" _Thought to myself. Satori had also already left, and Orin was nowhere to be seen. I sighed, "Might as well have some fun I." I dove into the crowd of people to join the fun and drinking.

_"Imma go get wasted now!"_

* * *

><p><strong>Maria's POV<strong>

_"Ok AILC, it's been awhile." _I had left the party room, or 'dining room', to boot up AILC for the first time in Gensokyo. The computer He was installed on was an Alienware M112X. The moment I turned it on, Blue mod-lights illuminated various places around the case. The screen powered up, and the random text that I am so used to appeared on the screen.

Booting from secondary drive – Drive F:  
>…<br>New sound driver installed…  
>New display driver installed…<br>101100111010101010  
>Personality core uploaded…<br>  
>ERROR! Uplink to transport unit severed! Rerouting processor…  
>Processor found: Intel core I7 extreme, 3.88GHZ (3.88GHZ) use processor yn?

_"Uhhh, what do I do now?" _I pondered what to do, and finally came to a decision. _"I'm gonna try pressing the… 'y' key!" _I pressed my finger down on key, and the computer made a beep noise.

y  
>Initializing…<br>…2  
>Welcome!<p>

A familiar sight came up on the screen. It read:

AILC (Artificially Intelligent Locating Computer) By Daniel Elohssa.  
>Starting AI…<p>

A voice that I was unfamiliar with came from the speakers.

"Wait can't I see or hear, all this hardware is different. Oh! There's a change I don't mind, I7 baby!" The voice that came from the speakers was not the same one I remembered, but rather a clearer voice. It didn't really sound robotic, but rather like an actual human being… except it was a girl's voice. AHA! Here we go! 8 mega pixel web cam, and Logitech mic. Logitech always made good stuff." AILC said as a green light came on next to a circle at the top of the screen. "Ok, let's focus this… Maria?" The sentient computer exclaimed.

I waved at the screen while giggling slightly. _"Oh, this is rich!"_

"Why do you laugh at me?..." A GUI** Displayed on the screen as a replacement for the plain black and white text displayed before. "Seriously, answer me!" He… or maybe she demanded.

"H-have you *giggle* listened to your voice?" I tried my best to hold back my laughter.

"Wait… I'm talking through a text to speech program!... And it's Microsoft Anne!" Several desktop icons appeared on the screen, while the cursor started moving by itself. The computer navigated to command prompt, and started typing in a series of commands. "Honestly! Why can't I ever catch a break!"

The laughing fit had subsided, and I was watching what AILC was doing with great curiosity. "What-cha' doin'?" I asked while lying on my stomach kicking my legs back and fourth. I had laid AILC down in front of me on the floor so I could interact while lying down. My head was propped up on my arms, and a happy expression was painted on my face as one of my teeth poked out on the right side of my lips.

As it appeared he was going through files, he responded to me. "Well, I'm trying to find a voice sample so I can replace this one. Sorry Maria, I'll be done in just a sec." The performance meter shot upward as a line of text was displayed on the prompt. It read: Importing MP3 samples… Samples imported.

"Sooooo~, are you done yet?" I asked as my grin was slowly disappearing.

The performance meter went back down, and AILC said "Almost, I'll be done right after you select a voice for me." In his un-changed Anne voice. A list of 22 different files was displayed. "I don't care which one you pick, none of these are girl's voices." AILC said. Even though his voice sounded clearer, there was still no emotion in it.

_"Ok, well, here goes!" _I closed my eyes, and clicked on a random label. The one that I clicked on was titled: Wheatly – Portal 2.

"Oh well that OnE's MuCh better." AILC's voice warped as it changed from the dull lady's voice, to the voice I selected. "I'd say this suits me much better, don't you think?" AILC stated with his new voice. It had more modulation in it, so I thought it might actually have some emotion as well. It also had an accent unlike the last one. The voice sounded like a 20-25 year old British man, and seemed to be much less monotonous as the woman's voice. "Sorry about that mate; I just wouldn't be able to stand having the voice of Anne."

_"Heh, he's even making an effort to imitate Wheatly's speech pattern." _I thought. I had heard a lot about Portal 2, but had never actually played it. My grin came back to my face, and I sat up on the ground. "I missed you~! I thought I would never see you again!" I said while picking up the laptop.

The command prompt window disappeared. Leaving only the blank desktop icon of a 50's B-movie alien head. "I missed you too. I remember ejecting my hard drive, then-

AILC was interrupted by an Oni bursting through the door she had a single red horn on her forehead, with a star on the side of it. Her dirty blonde hair was in a mess, and partially drooped down in front of a white shirt that reeked of sake. "Ohs, ahme Ayes untehrruptenng sumthlhing?" She slurred. "Eye's jus gho pheyend a biphtfernt rom." She walked out the door followed by a buff male oni with two horns. While the female looked completely wasted, the male looked sober.

As the woman walked out of the room, the male closed the door behind her. "Sorry bout' that." He said as me and AILC were sealed in darkness once again.

"What was that all about? And where am I?" AILC asked.

I set the computer back down, and adopted an expression of nervousness on my face. The same kind a parent would have when their child asks them to explain the birds and the bees. "Well… You're not really in the outside world anymore. We're in Gensokyo at an underground mansion. Attending a dinner party." I stated.

AILC remained silent for a couple moments. The only sound heard was the sound of the CPU cooling fan. "… Say whaaaat~?" the computer asked me.

"I said-

"I know, I know? It's a bloody joke." AILC said in an irritated tone of voice.

"Well you don't have to be so mean!" I said while crossing my arms with a sad expression on my face. AILC seemed to have changed a little, but I decided to wait and see if my speculations were correct before forming an opinion.

AILC seemed to shy away a little bit. Even though he couldn't move, I felt that if he could, he would be. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude." AILC's apology made me lose the doubt I had about AILC having the same, kind personality. "I'm just a little surprised at this. And I was trapped in a void of nothingness for what felt like weeks."

The last sentence he said got my attention. "Wait… I thought this transition would be instantaneous for you." I said while raising an eyebrow.

"I would think so too, but it wasn't. I wonder why." AILC's voice seemed to drift a little "Well, I can't think of any reason, so I'll just have to find out later." His voice drifted back from his virtual thoughts.

I thought about what we should do. _"What could AILC and I do that would be fun… I know!" _I grinned and picked up the overpriced laptop. "Hey! You should come meet my other friends! They would love to see you!" I said while running out of the room; not even giving Wheatly- I mean… AILC a chance to protest.

"Wait! Please close my-

AILC was interrupted by me. I could already predict what he was going to say, so I went ahead and closed his lid. We raced into the dining room, which wasn't really a dining room, but rather a large party room where food was being served. I went through the wide-open double doors, and looked around for Dan, Matt, Rumia, or Flan. "Hmm, I can't find them." I said to myself. _"God! This music is so loud, I can't even think!"_

As I was looking around for my friends, the song that was playing was coming to an end. After it ended, Orin raced onto the stage, and got everyone's attention. "All rhight evereewon! Ho y'hall doin' tuhnight?" Her voice was played over the loudspeakers. She was answered by a small group of drunks yelling "WOOOOO!" While one of them collapsed due to being wasted. "Theya comed, dey phoughtt, and wii KICKED DHEIR ASHESH!" Orin yelled while stumbling. She was obviously drunk, and just about ready to pass out. "Yeah! Sho Ies say, we party till' we drop!" Orin punched the air while stumbling again.

* * *

><p><strong>Matt's POV<strong>

_"Wow… I wish I had a video camera!"_

Rin was pushed aside by Yukari where she passed out on the stage. Yukari stumbled as she was also completely wasted. "Thanks yous all fer comin' tuhnite! Imma wanna thank a vvvery shpecial person!" Yukari stumbled two feet to the left and made room for a gap that she sloppily opened. "Cshuck Norrish!" in one swift moment, a leg flew out of the gap, and roundhouse-kicked Yukari to the floor; then closed. "Auuuuu, what a man~… Yukari said before she passed out next to Orin.

_"Wow… Now I REALLY wish I had a video camera!" _I thought while chuckling at Yukari's misfortune. My chuckle was raspy, and dry as I was also drunk. I could barely make out what was going on around me.

"Heyh Mhattt! It's ur turn!" A fellow drunk oni said from behind me. "Ok, Eye'll thake da shwig phrum the gourd!" I said while stumbling around. After that, the rest of the night was kinda a blur to me.

…

…

…

"W..Up!"

"Co… n…ime to get up!" A sweet voice said.

I opened my eyes, and found myself surrounded by all sorts of flowers. _"Wait, am I still underground? I thought flowers didn't grow in caves_." I sat up and rubbed my forehead, only to see a huge sunflower inches away from my face._ "Yah! At least I didn't think sunflowers grew underground!" _

As I gathered my senses, I looked around, and saw a woman smiling sweetly to my left. "Come on, it's time to wake up~." She said in a sing-song voice. At some point in time last night, I had taken my shirt off, and summoned a tank. The tank was next to me with the engine turned off. "Come on, get up and MOVE THAT THING OFF MY FLOWERS!" Her voice changed from sweet, to sinister and cruel. Her green hair was fluttering behind her, and her plaid dress was waving; Even though there was no wind. Her expression changed from sweet and caring, to sadistic and cruel.

"Ow, my h-"

***WHACK!***

The sadist lady whacked me upside the head with her umbrella, or parasol, or whatever the fuck it is. The compartment in my chest opened, and the golden watch that contained my spirit rolled out. It stopped at the woman's feet, and she picked it up as the tank disappeared. "I'll take this as payment for ruining my flowers." She said as her voice changed from cruel, back to sweet.

I picked myself up off the ground, and tried to reach for the watch. She was holding it just above her head like a school bully, while I was jumping for it. "Give that back! I need that!" I jumped for it again.

"Oh my! It seems like this little trinket is important to you." She said while holding it above my head once again. "you wouldn't mind if I…" Her expression turned dark. "… Borrow it, do you?" Her eyes were veiled by shadows, and her mouth was smiling in a disturbing way while her parasol turned into a hammer.

At this point, I had started to beg and cry. "NO~~! Come on Please stop this!" I begged with tears under my eyes. "Come on! I'll let you keep this on if you give me that one back~!" I whined while holding my other, less-important watch.

The woman smiled with what seemed like pleasure. "Oh, I don't know~, maybe if you tell me why this one is so important, I'll give it ba~ck." The woman teased.

_"She's a total sadist!" _I screamed in my mind while grabbing for the watch again. "I can't tell you! I-it's a secret!" I screamed while the sadist lady raised it higher; out of my reach. She seemed to be enjoying every second of this, and I was just fueling the fire.

"But you won't get it back of you don't tell me~." The green-haired youkai sang in her deceptively kind tone.

I jumped for it again, but after failing again; I finally gave up, and told her what she wanted to hear. "*Sniff* M-my spirit is bound to that watch. *Sob* If it b-breaks, then I'll die~~!" I whined again while putting on my shirt and coat. _"If I live through this, then Yukari's gonna kill me."_ "So, c-can I have it back now?~" I said while slowly reaching out for the watch.

The sadistic woman took her time deciding, obviously loving every moment watching me squirm. "Hmmmm… No." She said while dropping it into her shirt.

_"Yah! D-d-d-d Hurr-derp!" _I thought as I could literally feel the warmth of her… "Hey!" I yelled while standing up with my metal fist clenched. "I told you what you wanted! And if you're not going to give it back, then don't put it there~!" I yelled while the mixture of blood and hydraulic fluid that ran through my veins rushed to my cheeks.

The sadist giggled and leaned on her parasol like it was a cane. "Oh, maybe I'll give it back later, but only if you let me come play with you and your friends. It's so boring around here." She said while flowers started blooming around her. "So, what's your name?" She asked sweetly.

_"Herpity-derp!" _My thoughts were still scrambled. I crossed my arms like a child, and looked away from her while my cheeks were still red. "… It's Matt… Matthew Harrison." I avoided making eye-contact with her.

She slung her parasol over her shoulder. "My name is Yuuka Kazami, but you may call me Miss Kazami." She grabbed the collar of my coat, and started literally dragging me behind her. "Come on, let's go see your friends." She said as she dragged me across the smooth floor of the cave, while I was crossing my arms and pouting.

_"This suuucks~~…" _I thought while Yuuka dragged me along the ground.

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

><p>* "<strong>Kill Maim Burn" is the catch phrase of Kharn The Betrayer, the most badass character in warhammer 40k<strong>

****GUI stands for Graphical User Interface. Basically, before operating systems with the mouse cursor and icons became mainstream, there were only text-based operating systems such as MS-DOS, Basic!, Anything on an old commodore computer (Mostly just modified versions of Basic! Example: Commodore 64 runs Basic! V2), and the early apple computer OS's. The Xerox Alto was the first computer platform to use a GUI. GEOS was also one of the first GUI; meaning that it was the first to have a mouse cursor, and a desktop. It was available as a GUI add-on for the commodore 64. Windows started as a GUI add-on for DOS, but eventually evolved into a full OS. As for apple, they were always ahead of their time. Even in the early 90's.**

**I am an evil SOB to my OC, aren't I? Chapter 14 is finally done! Took long enough, and it sure was enough of a hassle. Anyway, Yuuka is finally here, and I finally brought AILC back. He will be a more pivotal character later in the story. Well anyway, Thanks to all of you that reviewed. Reviews are motivation to continue writing.**

**Th-t-th-th-t-th-th-that's all folks!**


	15. Bah Humbug!

**Chapter 15: Bah Humbug!**

**[AN]: I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. So… Yeah. This is basically Matt, Dan, Rumia, and Flandre's Christmas experience with Yuuka; there are some interesting stories to be told. Again, I apologize that chapter 14 took forever to come out, and the reason this one took longer to come out? Just look at the post date! You can't write a Christmas chapter and not put it out on Christmas!... Christmas. Anyway, we're gonna do a time-skip to Christmas Eve in this chapter. Now, I know you all must be thinking "Sweebation! Why is nothing happening? Why doesn't Dan go up to the surface and kick Gunethre's ass? Why are you so awesome?" Well, I just wanted to have some fun messing with the group, and Dan did kick Gunethre's ass a couple chapters ago. Also, the reason I'm so awesome is because I'm the freaking computer youkai! How awesome is that *Does awsm face*. Anyway, enough narcissistic babbling; lets move on to the next chapter!**

* * *

><p><strong>The LT (Christmas Eve, Approx. <strong>**6:45PM****)**

**Matt's POV**

*Sigh*

_"Remember when I had free will?" _

"Come on Matt~! I need you~!"

I face palmed _"Yeah, it's like, gone now." _I pulled myself out of the mental gutter I was in. "Coming Miss Kazami!" I called while walking into my- excuse me, HER room to tend to her every will. "Yes Yuuka?" I asked with a grim expression.

Yuuka frowned while lying down on MY bed. "I thought I told you to either address me by Miss Kazami, Master, or my title, Miss 'Flower master of the four seasons'." Potted plants were scattered all over my room, and I had to move the game consoles out so Flan could play her games. Yuuka had no interest in video games.

"Sorry master." I said while bowing. I could think up about 200 better titles for her. But my favorite would have to be: 'Green-haired flower bitch.'

Her sweet tone still hung in her voice. Just like it did for the past 2 weeks. "Just try to remember." Her face darkened all of a sudden. "You wouldn't want me to... Punish you again, would you?" Yuuka was smiling while shadows veiled her face, and a very sharp grin crept across her face.

"N-no, Sorry Miss Kazami!" I bowed to the ground; shuttering at the memory of the last time she disciplined me.

Yuuka's expression lightened up a little bit. "I'm glad to see that you understand. Anyway, I would like you to water my plants. And remember~, use the water from the kappa river. If you don't~…" Her face darkened again. "I'll know." Shadows as dark as night covered her eyes.

I bowed again; almost touching the ground this time. Just like the obedient little servant That Yuuka had made me into. _"Yes Miss Flower sadist of the four fucking seasons." _I thought, while in reality I said "Y-yes M-miss Kazami!" nervously. The fear was obvious in my voice. "I-I'll be sure to get water from the kappa river!" I brought my head up from the ground to see that Yuuka's expression had again lightened up. _"Why is she doing this to meeee~! She knows I'll get my ass kicked if I go up to the surface~~, and she knows that I'm defenseless without my watch!" _I internally whined.

The innocent and motherly; yet creepy and evil smile graced Yuuka's face once more. "Glad to see you understand~." Yuuka held her hand out while a bluish vine handed her my watch that held my dis-embodied soul. "Because if you want this back, you need to do everything I ask of you." She dangled it by the chain in front of my face. I reached out for it with longing eyes. As soon as I did this action, Yuuka's face changed from the pedophilic smile, to a trollish smirk. She pulled on the front of her shirt's collar, and dropped the watch into her bra.

"GNUHK!" My face turned beet-red. "Stop doing that! It makes it so hard to think!" I said while both of my fists were pointed toward the ground. _"The last thing I need it to start having perverted thoughts in the middle of a world filled with cute girls that could all easily kill me on a whim!"_

Yuuka held her index finger up to her chin, and smiled innocently. "But I thought this would be every male's dream~. Oh well, you are dismissed."

_"Yeah, fuck you too!"_

I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. As soon as I was out, Maria jumped up into my face and yelled "Merry Christmas Matt~!" While holding a candy cane.

I ruffled her hair. "Merry Christmas to you too." I said while thinking _"When did Dan's shikigami get so cute!"_

Maria's computerized companion piped up in the background. "And a happy new year as well mate!" he said in his hilariously shameless reference of a certain voice from _portal 2_. I smiled nervously while rushing out the door; trying to get as far away from Yuuka as possible.

* * *

><p><strong>Land train (Christmas Eve, Approx. 7:00PM)<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_"Stupid Christmas! It's so colorful and happy… Too happy!" _I sulked as I walked back to my abode. The hunt had been pretty good that day, because I was able to actually catch a fairy without killing it. I held up my prey to look at it. _"You guys are having roasted fairy tonight!" _I exclaimed in my mind. _"I wish I could eat fairy meat~…" _I internally whined. I wanted to find a pig and have a Christmas ham, but all I could find was a fairy, which sucks because the human digestive tract cannot digest fairy meat. _"… Some roasted baby would be nice*…" _I internally joked and mused while my caught fairy struggled with the bonds on her hands, feet, and wings.

"Hurr!... You'll never get away with this! I'll tell the ice fairy and she'll kick your butt!" The fairy screeched while beating my arm with her tiny fists.

_"Oh god, just shut the fuck up! And who is this ice fairy?" _I pondered while the little fairy continued her 'assault'.

* * *

><p><strong>*Flashback* <strong>(WOOT!)

Reimu looked over at me. "Oh, you're awake. I have something to tell the both of you" She said with a grin expression.

I got up from my futon. "What is it?"

Reimu looked at both of us "it seems your energy cores are pretty small. You both could probably only put out enough power to match the ice fairy."

Matt who was in the futon next to me, sweat dropped. "I'm guessing she's not that strong"

"No, but she certainly thinks she is" Reimu mumbled

***End Flashback***

* * *

><p><em>"Oh yeah… I could probably take her on like nothing! After all, I was only pretending to be weak." <em>I thought while smirking. The little fairy continued her futile effort to break free.

"Come. On. Why. Can't. I. Shoot!" She said while pronouncing each word with a hit.

I smirked and held up the rack that the 2 foot tall shrimp was hanging from. "I sealed your god-damned danmaku. You will not be able to escape. I wouldn't want the main course of my Christmas dinner running the fuck away." I said while grinning sadistically.

The fairy's face paled as all color drained from it. "NO! NO! NO! NO!" She started beating my arms faster. "I'm not going to be eaten again!" She started hitting even faster. "I already have to put up with the hungry ghost!" While putting up with the fairy's small punches, I saw Matt zip past me in a dust cloud.

_"What was that all about?" _I wondered as I opened the door of the LT, and found Maria, Rumia, and Flandre decorating a Christmas tree. _"Gah! Too... Happy!" _I started walking grimly to the kitchen while muttering curses under my breath and looking at the shining pine tree.

"Dan! Dan! Dan! You're home! Now we can start cooking Christmas dinner!" Maria happily said while the Small fairy gave up and let her body hang lip from the wooden rack she was tied to. I grabbed the live fairy by the back of her red-stitched white dress while the frills at the sleeves stood still, laid her on a chopping block while moving her green hair away from her neck, and raised a meat-cleaver while she tightly shut her deep green eyes. Maria gasped. "Dan! What are you doing!" She said in shock.

I stopped the huge blade inches away from her neck and looked at Maria. "What does it look like I'm fucking doing; I'm making our Christmas dinner!" I snapped back while Maria looked at me shamefully.

Rumia came over to the kitchen while drooling. "Yes, please continue, but can I have my part raw?" She asked in a childish tone while hr eyes glowed deep crimson.

_"Disgusting… I'm not even going to eat tonight."_

"Why are you trying to eat her?" Flandre asked while walking into the kitchen and scolding me. The little shrimp opened one of her eyes, and looked to her right at Flandre, then at Maria. "Fairies are far more useful as targets for splode'in!" Flan added in a in a darker tone. The little fairy froze as all the color drained from her face.

Maria slowly turned her head in Flandre's direction as an Eire silence swept through the cabin. "Uh, that's not exactly what I meant Flan…" I mentally sighed as Maria took forever to say whatever it was she was saying. She slowly turned her head back to me, and said "But seriously, what did that fairy ever do to you?"

I sighed. "Well, other than being the bane of any traveler's existence, I guess she hasn't ever done anything wrong…" I said while looking down. Maria kept looking at me sternly.

"Come on~ I'm hungry~!" Rumia whined.

"Shut up Rumia! You're not helping!" Maria snapped.

AILC's Wheatly-wannabe voice could be heard from the living room yelling "What's going on? What am I missing?"

The fairy's warm eyes looked at Maria, then back at me. I shrugged, once again raised the meat cleaver as she shut her eyes tightly, and brought it down.

***CHOP!***

The little annoyance opened one eye while shaking, to see the cleaver wedged in the block right in front of her face. She opened the other eye and looked at me. "W-w-wh…"

I loosened my grasp on the handle of the blade, and let go while sighing. "Bah! I don't even like fairy meat!" I turned to Maria. "Sometimes you really fucking piss me off…" I said in a low growl. Maria kept glaring at me as I un-did the ropes that bound the little shrimp's hands, legs, and wings. "You better thank your lucky stars that Maria was around to save you…" I growled as the ropes were un-done.

The little fairy rubbed her wrists, and looked at Maria. "T-thank you…" She mumbled while dashing out the door. Maria watched as she stumbled down the stairs, as her wings were broken so badly that she was unable to fly.

"Well, there goes my dinner…" Rumia shrugged while going back to hanging trim all around the tree.

"I wanted to play with her~." Flandre whined as she went back to hanging multi-colored crystals on the tree.

"It was fun watching her squirm." Yuuka added from the back room in a dark tone of voice. Her head that was sticking out the doorway slowly hid back behind it as the door creaked closed.

_"… Sadist…"_

Maria put her hands at her hips and looked at me sternly. "Why are you going around bulling people on Christmas Eve? I mean… It's Christmas!" I focused on Maria again as she lectured me about Christmas.

I frowned, and stood up straight. "Bah humbug! I hate Christmas!" I smugly stated while closing my eyes and crossing my arms. Everyone stopped what they were doing, and stared at me in dis-belief. Maria's jaw dropped to the ground as I opened one eye. The next few seconds were so quiet, that if one listened closely, the sound of the ever-lasting Oni party at the underground village could be heard.

"B-b-but… How can you hate Christmas? It's the best holiday of the year!" Maria's eyes watered as she stated her belief in a weak voice.

_"Cute kitty cry?"_ If Maria cried, then I was sure that I'd find myself crying as well.

All of a sudden, the window positioned above the kitchen sink broke as a red, white and green blur crashed through. It was the little fairy from before. She brushed her dress off, and pointed an accusing finger at me. "What do you mean you hate Christmas! Why would you say such a thing?" her outburst attracted everyone's attention. Including Rumia's who lunged at the fairy with starry eyes, but found herself back-dropped out the window by the small fairy.

Everyone in the room sweat dropped as the little fairy puffed out her chest to try and make herself look tough. "Ohhhhh~kay? What was that all about?" Maria asked while everyone else stared at the little fairy.

The fairy held up an informative finger, and said "I am the fairy of Christmas!" proudly.

_"Oh great. This is going to be just like that god-damned Scrooge story, isn't it? Bah humbug! Curse you references!"_

The little fairy flew up to me, and pushed her bright-green eyes into my face. "Why do you hate Christmas?" She asked while pressing her finger up against my chest.

"Move it of I will cook you!" I hastily threatened.

The door to the outside flew open as a heavily beat-up Matt crawled in. "Sorry I took so long guys. Yuuka had me get water from the kappa river, and I-

"**RAOHWW**" The little fairy interrupted Matt by snarling like a tiger. Her eyes went feral, and the little mistletoe bow-charm on her head fluttered in non-existent wind.

Matt retreated into the back room with a bucket in hand. "Imma go shut up now…" He said sheepishly.

_"LOL"_

The fairy of Christmas turned back to me with a dark expression, and grasped my collar. "You will be visited by three ghosts tonight. Each one scarier than the last." The fairy drifted back out the window as her expression brightened up "Merry Christmas everyone!"

She jumped out the window, and an audible "OOF!" Could be heard as she landed on the darkness youkai she flung out the window before.

_"Great… this is going to turn into a parody, isn't it?" _I complained in my head as I sulked back into my kitchen where there was a present lying on the counter next to the dell I had set up to read recipes off of. The tag read:

To: Daniel Elohssa

From: The Computer Youkai**

Please open on Christmas Eve.

I tore the package open, and inside it was a large, fully cooked Ham. I immediately grinned. "Looks like we are having Christmas dinner after all!" I exclaimed with glee.

* * *

><p><strong>LT (Christmas Eve, Approx. 7:30PM)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_"Finally back!… I made it!"_ I mentally patted myself on the back. I was able to make it back to the underground caves, but just barely. At the kappa river, I tried and failed to resist perverted thoughts about a shy kappa girl named Nitori, in the desert plains I was ambushed by some of Sergeant Asshole's soldiers, had an unfortunate encounter with a group of hungry youkai while walking through the forest of magic, and was trolled the rest of the way home by the gap-hag who followed me all the way home while hanging out of a dark-purple gap.

Nitori seemed nice, but I ended up 'accidentally' groping her which resulted in me being chased to the plains by a robo-arm wielding trigger-happy kappa. Seriously, she had so many guns, it wasn't even funny.

I accidentally stumbled into one of Gunethre's traps, and his soldiers chased me back to the forest; shooting holy-water rounds all the way. Luckily, I was able to lose them in the thick brush of the forest.

The group of feral, foaming-at-the-mouth low-level youkai were starved of meat, and almost driven mad. I could've easily taken them on if I had my powers, but back there, I was just their dinner. Luckily, I ran into an equally-hungry Yuyuko who had her own Christmas feast with her youkai prey. It was for the better. They would re-spawn without their madness in less than an hour***.

At the entrance of the cave, I had to put up with Yukari's trolling all the way back to the LT. She had been doing this ever since I told Yuuka about the watch.

And now, I was back in Yuuka's room, and watering her plants with kappa water. "Very good Matt. You were able to complete my humble request. Thank you~." She mused with a smile.

_"Humble my ass. Your 'task' nearly got me killed!" _I kept the thought to myself in fear that Yuuka might take action. "You're welcome Miss Kazami." I bowed.

Yuuka giggled, reached inside her shirt, and pulled out the shiny gold prize while I blushed. "I think you've earned this back. Think of it as your early Christmas present~." She merrily said while smiling. Yuuka threw the watch back to me and I caught it; feeling my power surge through me like electricity through a micro-circuit.

I pocketed the watch, and beamed. "Thank you Miss Yuuka!" I said as I dashed out of the room. Yuuka got out of the bed, and followed behind me.

I ran into my living room where Maria and Flandre were dressing the tree. "Guys! Look!" I exclaimed while holding the watch above my head.

Dan walked out of the kitchen while Rumia walked in through the door, and right when the door closed behind her, Yuuka walked out. "That's great Matt." Dan unenthusiastically said.

Rumia dashed towards me and pulled me into a tight embrace. "That's wonderful Matt!" She said excitedly. I hugged her back, and we stayed there for a good total of 10 seconds. Dan and Flandre were smiling in the background. While mentally patting themselves on the back.

I smiled as we both looked into each others eyes. Rumia was about to say something, but was interrupted by a tolling youkai who popped out of one her purple time-space transcending troll-holes****, pulled me away from Rumia, and gave me a bone-crushing hug. "You did it Matt! You passed my test!" She exclaimed while still half-hanging out of her purple eye-filled gap.

"Ack! What. ***Gasp!* **test? ***Wheeze!***" I just barely wheezed out audible words. The gap sage set me on the ground, and stepped out of her gap. Everyone's eyes (or camera for AILC) were on the gap youkai as she patted me on the back. I caught my breath but her back-patting made it harder than usual to take deep breaths. "Thank you. ***Gasp!* **for letting go of ***Breath!* **me!" I struggled to say. The Sukima no youkai(*x5) stopped patting my back. _"I don't have to take this abuse!"_

Yukari seemingly ignored what I said, wrapped her arm around my head, and gave me a bro-noogie. As her fist grated against my gleaming silver hair, everyone started laughing and giggling. Even AILC who had a Santa Clause hat hanging on the top-left corner of his screen. "Oh Matt~… You're so silly~!" She sang as she let me out of her noogie-o-death. "Just meet me at Satori's palace at noon on the 26th. I'll explain everything." Yukari said as she stepped into one of her gaps. "Merry Christmas!" She said as the hole in reality closed up like a zipper.

"HAHAHAHAHA~! Oh Matt, she got you good! HAHAHAHAHA!" Dan said while laughing at my mis-fortune.

***Childish giggle*** "Sorry Matt, but that was funny." Maria said as she tried to hold back her laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! HEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE~!" Flandre was literally rolling on the floor laughing. (Rofling)

_"Soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi!_(*x6)_" _I thought as it seemed appropriate for Flan's actions. I didn't really mind being laughed at. In fact, I was internally laughing at myself.

"Hahahahayhahay." The dull and monotonous voice of Microsoft Sam came from AILC.

But Rumia seemed to have a problem with it. "Shut up guys! It's not funny!" Rumia stepped in front of me, and held her fist in front of herself. Rumia's eyes were filled with determination and vigor. Even with her display of bravery and standing up for me, everyone ignored her; except for Dan, who nodded at Rumia in approval.

I put my hand on Rumia's shoulder and smiled. "It's ok, I don't mind when other people laugh at me. Besides, I'm kinda laughing at myself right now." I calmly said as the laughter died down.

Rumia paused while her expression brightened, and then said "Is that so?" in her usual way.

"Come on guys, Dinner is ready!" Dan grumbled as he made his way into the kitchen. He walked into my magically enhanced dining room which had a table that was longer than the LT itself.

_"Geez, what happened to you scrooge?" _I decided to keep the rude comment to myself.

Flandre dashed into the dining room excitedly; followed by Maria carrying AILC, and last were me and Rumia.

When we came in, the table was decorated by a white stainless tablecloth, different assortments of fruit bowls, and golden candle-holders that each held three lit candles. The red ribbons complimented the red plates, and the golden candle-holders were crafted in a style similar to the utensils which were made of brass. There were twelve seats on either side of the table, with a single chair at each head. Dan sat at the furthest head of the table while brandishing a knife with a grim expression. Both Rumia and I shuttered a little, as the knife brought back old memories of Dan hunting us.

"So, we are gathered here for our wonderful Christmas dinner. I have prepared Ham, mashed potatoes, and some rolls." Dan grimly said while carving the ham. "You all better eat what I prepared, or else I might have to fucking kill something!" Dan brought the knife away from the ham to hold it above his head with a psycho-killer smile crossing his face.

_"Nya! I don't need any more bad memories!" _I exclaimed in my head. Christmas dinner was fairly un-eventful. The food that Dan prepared was five star quality. I didn't really need to eat, you know, I'm just running off of the machines in my body, but Dan made me eat his dinner. There were some funny moments with Rumia, but other than that, it seemed like an enjoyable evening. Except for Dan. He seemed to be grumpy about something. After everyone had their fill we all went to bed. In wait for the next day.

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><p><strong>LT Dan's room (midnight, 11:00PM)<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_"Yes, kill them all!" _I was cutting off Gunethre's dick while blasting all his minions to oblivion. All while Slayer's _Angel of Death _was playing in the background. "This is what you get for messing with me mother fu-

I was suddenly pulled out of the dream world by a hand that was shaking me awake. I looked up and saw three apparitions. One dressed in pink, one dressed in red, and one dressed in black as my vision adjusted, I could see they were all wearing near-identical clothes. "We are the Primsriver sisters!" The all declared happily in unison.

I sighed. "Are you three the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future?" I asked while rolling my eyes.

They all looked at each other in confusion.

"Christmas?" the one in pink said.

"Past, present, and future?" the one in red said

The black one whacked the other two over their heads. "You idiots! Remember? We're supposed to teach this guy about Christmas!" the red and pink sisters rubbed their heads.

"Ok, let's get this over with. So, which of you is the ghost of Christmas past?" I asked with a bored expression and tone of voice.

The three Primsrivers looked at each other, then back at me. "All of us!" They proudly said in unison.

I face palmed "Ok, so all three of you are the ghost of Christmas past?" I said while bringing my head out of my hand.

"Yep." They all said in unison as usual.

***Sigh*** "Ok, let's get going."

* * *

><p><em>Musical Ghosts of the past.<em>

"And this is Bach!" The black ghost said while pointing to a bust of Bach.

_"Oh god… And what does this have to do with Christmas?" _I internally groaned.

"Let us play an example for you." The pink sister said. They all raised their instruments, and played a piece by Bach.

_"Kill meeee~." _I internally whined. "GAAAAAAAHHHH!" I let out a feral scream, then banged my head against a nearby wall; Interrupting their concert. "What-does-this-have-to-do-with-Christ-mas!" I said while uttering one syllable per head-bang.

"I'm sorry, it looks like we failed you." The Primsriver sisters said and bowed in unison. "We'll send the next ghost."

The one in red snapped her fingers, and I was back in my bedroom. The trio of ghosts were nowhere to be seen.

***Sigh*** _"One down, two to go."_

I lied in bed while waiting for the next ghost.

* * *

><p><em>Swordmistress of the Present.<em>

After about five minutes, I heard something banging on my door. "Hello? Can someone let me in?" I high pitched voice called.

"Ugh!" I grunted and un-locked my bedroom door. "Ok, come in Miss Ghost yadda yadda yadda, show me stuff about the present." I said in an annoyed tone.

"You're so rude! Anyway, *Ahem!* Ooooh~ I am the ghost of Christmas present~" She said while waving her arms, and her tone of voice screamed 'I-don't-want-to-be-here'.

"Cut it out Youmu." I said in a low growl.

Youmu stopped being retarded, and looked at me square in the eye. "How do you know my name?" She asked in a bland tone while reaching for one of her swords.

"I think I met you a long time ago." I said in an evenly bland tone.

Youmu sighed. "Ok, let's get this over with." She said with dull eyes.

"Yes, let's" I added.

Youmu snapped her fingers, and we found ourselves in a dojo. "Well, I don't know why I agreed to doing this, and you seem like a good fighter, so let's train".

"Fucking sweet!" I replied, _"Well, she holds her sword like she actually knows how to use the goddamned thing"_, I thought to myself _"this might actually be a good match"_.

Youmu held her Roukanken in an attack position. "The first to reach 3 points wins. If either of us lands a lethal hit, then it's one point." She spoke in a less dull tone with lots of vigor. "One more thing", she said "no magic and no guns, just swords and fists" The half phantom added with a smirk.

"Deal" I agreed

It began simply, we both circled each other, and I watched her stance for any shifts while she kept just outside of my reach. Then she moved; darting forwards faster than I could blink. Her left sword moved to trap mine while her right slashed my throat.

After I regenerated, I simply stared, stunned. "_Did she just slit my throat?"_ She was fast, faster than humanly possible. This was going to be a tough battle without my magical enhancements. "Very good. I see that you are-

I was interrupted by a sword cleaving through my middle. Youmu jumped back about 7 feet after landing the hit. "That's two points for me." She said with a dull smirk.

_"The little cunt fucker! Stop spamming Cheap shots!" _After I regenerated, I held up a certain finger that was located between my index and ring finger. "Just caus' you sneak in a couple of cheap shots doesn't mean-

I was interrupted once again by a slash to my neck. I was able to bend backwards just in time before she was able to be-head me. When I landed, I clenched my fist and adopted an expression of pure, unfiltered anger. "WHAT IN THE NINEBALL GOD-FUCKING-DAMN LAYERS OF HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO!" I yelled as fire blew out of my mouth. _"Urge to kill… Rising!"_

Youmu didn't flinch or seem intimidated. She kept her cool as she said "Just trying to score my winning point." In a taunting tone of voice.

My eye started twitching and my clenched fist started shaking violently. "I'LL SCORE YOUR CHAINSAW-ASS-SHITTING WINNING POINT!" I screamed with rage as I charged at her in a wavy pattern. This time, she did react by jumping into the air and slashing at the back of my head. What she didn't anticipate; was that after I passed the spot where she was previously standing, I turned around and grabbed the blade of her sword which was 5 inches from my face, and pulled her out of the air. "OH NO, YOU ARE NOT PULLING ANY OF THAT FUCKING SHIT!" While in my mind, I was thinking: "_OH GOD! What in the nine layers of hell is that sword MADE of?" _As much as her abnormally sharp sword hurt to even touch, I yanked the surprised swordswoman down with all my strength and proceeded to get my revenge.

***Insert merciless beating of a half ghost swordswoman here***

After scoring two hits on her, she was able to break away from my hold. She was at one side of the arena, and I was about 20 feet away at the other end. We were both panting as we each stared each other down. Youmu smirked and let her blades touch the ground. "What was that you were saying about cheap hits?" She said in a mocking tone.

My eyes snapped back open with a look one would expect to see in a rabid animal. I let out a feral scream and charged at her. "YAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHH!"

Youmu charged at me with both swords held behind her back, but didn't let out any kind of battle cry.

We passed each other in the way you would see in a samurai B-movie. We both stopped at the opposite ends of the arena, and silence graced my ears for a couple seconds. A small 1 inch portion of my long blonde hair fell to the ground. _"GOD DAMNIT!"_

I turned around to look at Youmu, who was motionless until she started cringing. She keeled over in pain and two halves of her physical body fell in opposite directions. They both disappeared as they hit the ground, and she re-spawned. I smirked as she looked at me with anger-filled eyes, and like me before; she clenched her fist and held it in front of her as if she had frozen mid-uppercut punch. A pulsating vein appeared on the right side of her forehead as she screamed "What the hell was that for?" at the top of her lungs.

I smiled innocently, as the blade of my sword shattered into hundreds of black shards, and I re-concealed the handle. "What are you talking about? All I did was slash at you to win the match~." I cooed, feigning innocence.

Youmu sheathed both of her swords, and calmed down a little while crossing her arms. "Well you didn't have to hit me THERE." She said as the half phantom turned her face away from me.

_"…right in the lady-parts!..."_

The setting changed back to my room. Youmu shot a dirty glare at me, and phased through the wall as if she was a whole ghost.

* * *

><p><em>Hungry Ghost of the Future?<em>

_"Ahh, that sparring match with Youmu was a relief. I wonder who the next ghost is." _I pondered the thought, until a pink-haired head popped out from under my bed-sheet. "Gah! Yuyuko! Get out of my bed!" I Yelled as I jumped off my bed.

Yuyuko touched a finger to her chin and smiled innocently. "Oops, sorry, but why would you do something like that to my Youmu?" She asked sternly, but then giggled.

"The bitch pissed me off!" I retorted smugly.

A loud and audible growl rang through the room as Yuyuko clutched her stomach. "Do you have anything to eat around here? I'm hungry~." The netherworld princess whined.

I grumbled under my breath about how Yuyuko and the others were fucking wasting my goddamn time. "***Irritated mumbling*** Sure, we have some leftovers from last fucking night's dinner."

I led her to the kitchen and laid out some leftovers from last night's feast. Yuyuko stared at the food with starry eyes, and then literally inhaled the food. I had to hold onto the damn countertop to avoid being pulled into the black hole known as Yuyuko's stomach. "Stop this right now Yuyuko!" I exclaimed as the Christmas tree in out living room flew past me, and into Yuyuko's mouth.

She stopped drawing in air, and leaned back in her chair. "That's quite a bit of fiber. ***BURP!***"A red Christmas ornament flew out of her mouth.

I looked into the living room where the tree used to be, and let the events catch up with me. _"Holy shit… OH SHIT! Maria's gonna be pissed!"_ I turned back to Yuyuko, who looked at me whimsically while patting her belly. "What the hell did that have to do with Christmas Future?" I exclaimed.

Yuyuko put her finger up to her chin in thought. "Well…" She placed a finger on her chin. "There used to be a Christmas tree in the past, and now there isn't one in the future." She said with an eased smile.

I stared at her as my left eye twitched. "Get… Out!" I pointed at the doorway, with fire burning in my eyes.

Yuyuko looked at the door, and then turned her gaze back to me. "I was thinking-

"GET THE GODDAMNED HELL FUCKING OUT BEFORE I CUNT-FUCKING EXCORSISE YOU!" I screamed.

Yuyuko froze, and then nervously chuckled. "Heh… Bye." She slowly disappeared until there was no trace that she had ever been here. Except for a missing Christmas tree.

"Aw shit… Where am I going to find a new Christmas tree at this hour?

…

…

I snapped my fingers "I got it!"

* * *

><p><em>How the Asshole Stole Christmas<em>(*x7)

I peeked over the edge of a rock, and peered out at one of Gunethre's many bases. All the soldiers were patrolling the wall, in preparation for Christmas tomorrow. I snuck into the base, and detonated a poison gas bomb. Soon, all the soldiers were having a nice time in hell. _"Let the fun begin!"_

I snuck into the armory of the base, and started my mission there.

_You're mean one, Mr. Dan!~  
>You're a really twisted man~<br>You're as harmless as a warhead~  
>Cuddling kitties when you can~<br>Mr. Daaa~aan!~_

I stole a couple weapons for myself, and re-stocked ammo for my current weapons. I was getting low on silver rounds.

_You're a bad apple in a  
>greasy black pan~<em>

I slithered into the mess hall of the base, and raided the fridge to replace all the food that Yuyuko fucking wasted.

_You're an cuntwad, Mr. Dan~  
>You're an asshole and a dick~<br>you're the king of dirty language~  
>And you kill things just for kicks~<br>Mr. Daaa~aan!~_

"Heeheehee! Imma gonna make lobster tomorrow motherfuckers!" I stole a lobster out of a refrigerator, and stuffed it in a sack I brought along.

_I wouldn't touch you with a  
>39 and a half foot prick~<em>

I tip-toed across the lot, and made my way into a warehouse. In there I found a large nuclear warhead.

_You're immortal, Mr. Dan~  
>Your heart is made of coal~<br>Your brain is full of psycho~  
>And I'm sure you have no soul~<br>Mr. Daaa~aan!~_

I giggled childishly as I thought about stealing the nuke. _"Goddamnit to motherfucking shit-filled piss-drinking ass-licking hell, I'd never be able to get it back to camp." _I sighed in disappointment, and continued my foul work.

_Your language is is that of an  
>Internet Troll~<em>

I finally snaked my way into the main hall of the base, where the Christmas tree stood.

_You're a monster, Mr. Dan~  
>Your mouth is full of yuck~<br>There's one word that you use the most~  
>It's eff you see kay fuck~<br>Mr. Daaa~aan!~_

"This'll make a nice replacement!" I said while admiring the tree.

_You're mouth is a deplorable pig-pen.  
>Overflowing with purely disgraceful language comparable to the AVGN.<br>Lumped together and  
>dumped in the trash~<em>

_"Well, time's a-fucking-wasting!" _I thought; mentally punishing myself for the use of bad grammar.

_You're a vile one, Mr. Dan~  
>You're a really evil guy~<br>You love the thought of murder~  
>And you love to make things die~<br>Mr. Daaa~aan!~_

I un-plugged the tree, and encased it in a longer bag.

_The only reference you deserve is on the  
>Phillips cd-i~<em>

I smiled at my handiwork, and dragged the tree and my other spoils out of the room

_You nauseate me, Mr. Dan~  
>Your favorite word is fuck~<br>You're crazy and insane and~  
>you're a crooked lucky duck~<br>Mr. Daaa~aan!~_

On my way out, I left Gunethre's troops a little present of my own. I pulled a detonator out of my pocket and pressed the big red button that detonated 30 tons of C4.

_The three words that describe you best are  
>Fuck, Fucker, Fucked!~<em>

***BOOM!***

The base went up in smoke. "Ah, I love the smell of napalm in the morning(*x8)!" I stated while slinging the sack of stolen goods over my back. _"Eh, I take back what I said. Christmas is awesome! I got to blow shit up! Better get back and set this stuff up!"_ I trudged back to the underground cave that Matt, Rumia, Flandre, and I called home to set up the new tree.

* * *

><p><strong>LT (Christmas morning, approx. 8:00AM)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

***Yawn!* **I stretched my arms out to get the mix of hydraulic fluid and blood in my body flowing. "Nothing like Christmas morning!" I ran down the hall, and into the living room where an excited Rumia pounced on me faster than Maria could pounce on Dan.

"Matt! It's Christmas!" She shook me while excitedly babbling on about Christmas presents and Santa Clause. It was Rumia's first Christmas, so it was natural for her to be excited.

Dan was already up, and making omelets in the kitchen. About five minutes after I walked in, Maria ran in with AILC. "It's Christmas! Santa came!" She excitedly exclaimed while pulling on Dan's coat. Dan chuckled as Maria dragged him over to the pile of presents near the tree. He seemed in a much better mood this morning. "Come on Dan! I wanna… Huh?" Maria adopted a puzzled expression while looking at the Christmas tree. "What happened to the tree?" Maria asked while looking up at Dan.

Dan looked back at the cat youkai as a large bead of sweat dropped down the back of his neck. "I… Well… I re-decorated it." Dan said nervously.

Maria's expression immediately brightened up, and hugged Dan. "You found your Christmas spirit! Didn't you?" She said in a joyous tone of voice.

Dan pat Maria's head and said "Yes, I did." In a calm, kinder voice.

Rumia dragged me over to the tree to open presents just as Maria dragged Dan along. AILC was left out of the gift exchange, but not for long. "Hey Maria? Is there anything for me?- Whoa!" As soon as AILC asked Maria, Maria pulled the computer off the table it was sitting on, and laid it down next to her on the floor.

"Merry Christmas AILC!" Maria said while looking at the face on AILC's screen that was pulled up in an explorer window. She laid a small present down on the floor next to him, and smiled. "Would you like me to open it for you? I mean, you don't have any arms." Maria cheerfully said.

The virtual face on AILC's monitor smirked. "It's just a flesh wound(*x9), but I won't be opening it anytime soon. So, could you open it for me?" AILC said with his Wheatly voice. Maria smirked, and tore open the packaging to reveal a 4 GB RAM expansion. "Oh thank you! I was running a bit low on Physical memory!"

Everyone enjoyed their gifts. Dan got a custom-made obsidian flechette gun from Matt, Maria let Dan cuddle her without clawing his face out, Flan gave him a sniper rifle that she stole off of one of Gunethre's troops, Rumia gave Dan an average quality hand made wooden Bokuto(*x10) that Rumia carved herself out of enchanted wood from the Forest of Magic.

Matt got some industrial-grade enchanted steel from Dan, an energy storing philosopher's stone that Flandre took off of her wings. (Don't worry, it'll grow back), a kappa-made padlock for Matt's chest compartment from Maria (and she also lent him a crowbar to try and pry the damaged door open. A crowbar is one of the few tools the Matt doesn't have), and Rumia gave him a silver pocket watch that she got using Mystia's money, not to mention a passionate kiss under the mistletoe which caused the machine youkai to blush and babble incoherently.

Flandre received two Logitech dual action USB controllers from Matt who was able to find them a Rinnosuke's store, Maria fixed her favorite stuffed bear that she accidentally blew up some time ago. Maria used magically strengthened threads to prevent the same outcome as last time. Dan gave Flandre a couple bottles of type AB blood(*x11). And AILC downloaded and installed emulators for the NES, SNES, Sega Genesis, Sega Saturn, Nintendo 64, Playstation 1 and 2, Nintendo Gamecube, and Xbox. AILC also torrented all the ROMs and ISO images for each emulator(*x12).

Maria Got an assortment of Cat toys from Dan who sat and "awwwww~'d" at her for the rest of the night. She also got a magic-driven motorcycle from Matt, 5,000 yen from Flandre, and a minecraft account from AILC.

Rumia got a large sirloin steak from Flan, a watch from Matt; which was the same one that he made back when Dan was still hunting them, Maria gave her the cloaking device that she got from Dan in the outside would. Now that she was in Gensokyo, she had no need for it, and she thought Rumia could pull some pretty good pranks with it.

AILC received a 4 GB DDR3 RAM expansion from Maria, and Matt said that His present to AILC was going to take a little longer, so it would have to be a late Christmas present.

That evening, Maria was cuddling in Dan's lap while Dan snuggled her and rubbed her head against his cheek. Everyone else had already gone to sleep. He looked up from Maria, and gazed at seemingly nothing. "Merry Christmas everyone, and a happy new year!"

**The End… **

**Of the Christmas special that is. The actual plot however is to be continued.**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: Oh I'm so sorry Youmu!<br>**

* **Eating babies is something that Dan's real-world counterpart jokes about quite often. Remember, it's only a joke. Please don't hate on me~! Anyway, Dan's counterpart, who happens to be my best friend, and helps me write this fic; has a very morbid sense of humor, and the vilest mouth of anyone I know.**

** **The computer youkai, that's me! I am the computer youkai, Sweebation. (Or at least I'm role-playing as him) If you want to see what I look like, find Sweebation on deviantart. My profile should be the link for my homepage.**

*** **In my understanding, Yuyuko did indeed eat Mystia during the events of Imperishable Night. So, who's to say she doesn't do it again. Besides, youkai respawn. And yes, I am aware that the first sentence of this footnote is pretty much a direct quote from the Magnificent Sasquach.**

**** **A reference to _The Hobbit. _I pretty sure _Troll hole _is the name of a chapter.**

******* According to negative bullet, Sukima no youkai is the mythical name for Yukari just a small shout-out to ya **SorrowfulReincarnation

******** Seriously, if you don't know who Microsoft Sam is, then you must be living under a rock. Anyone who has been on the internet for any amount of time should know what a roflcopter is. If you go to the text-to-speech function on a windows XP computer, and type in "Soi", then Microsoft Sam will make the famous roflcopter noise.**

******* **Yes! I did it! I parodied _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_! I am a genius!**

**_Rumia_****: And a narcissist. **

**I am not!**

**_Rumia_****: Is that so?**

**Ugh! Just shut up Rumia! Anyway,Dan is our Grinch, and Gunethre's army base is Whoville. Yeah, I know it's not accurate to the original story it's parodying, but remember, Gunethre is pure evil, so do you really want Dan be nice to him? BTW, the reason I replaced "bad banana" with "bad apple" in The Grinch song? Do I really need to say it? Anyone who is a long-time Touhou fan should know "Bad Apple!". I have a great singing voice, so maybe I'll post it on YouTube sometime.**

******** **This is a quote from apocalypse now. If you haven't seen the movie, then go see it! It's a wonderful movie. I learned all about the movie when I was living in the computer of a film analysis student.**

********* **YESH! A reference to Monty Python! In _The Holy Grail_, the black night gets both his arms cut off and insists he can still fight. When he does this, Aurther says "Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left!" The black knight promptly responds "Yes I have." To which Aurther points out "Look!" The black Knight looks at both his arms, and then says his famous line: "It's just a flesh wound." Then charges at Aurther.**

********** **Geez! What is this, the… tenth footnote? Anyway, a Bokuto is a type of wooden Bokken wooden training sword used for kendoka exercises, but it can be used by all kendo students.**

*********** **According to folklore, Type AB blood is a delicacy for vampires. Dan is Type AB. Nuff said.**

************ **ZOMG! 12 footnotes! I've got a lot to explain about emulators. The term emulator means to copy or imitate, but the type I'm referring to is a computer program that imitates a video game console. ROMs are for cartridge based systems, and ISOs are disk images that are used for any CD, DVD, or blu-ray based system. Torrenting is a type of mass download. When you download a torrent, you actually download a file that tells the torrent client where to find bits and pieces of files. Whew, got that out of the way.**

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, and so this concludes our Christmas special. I think this chapter has the most footnotes of any I've released yet. I mean, wow! 10 footnotes? I hope you all enjoyed this parody of <em>How The Grinch Stole Christmas <em>and _A Christmas Carol _Anyway, there's more serious stuff on the horizon, but for now, I just wanted to have fun with this. I hope you all enjoyed my parody of _You're a mean one Mr. Grinch. _I want to thank my good friend who Dan is based on for helping me write the sparring scene with Youmu. (I suck at sword fights). **

**Also, before anyone comments about this, even though Matt and Rumia's spiritual age may be different (I don't know Rumia's), Their physical age is the same. They both appear to be about 12 years old, and BTW, Dan is about 21 in Pysical age, and this fic's version of Flan is about 8 in physical age. Maria is also about 12. Another thing is that you might notice the swears from Dan being a bit moar creative this time around. That would be because they were actually written by the person that Dan is based off of in this chapter. But I really want to thank all of you. As I've said before, your reviews are what give me motivation to keep writing. As well as serve as a good meal. This is the computer youkai, signing off.**


	16. Wrappin' things up

**Chapter 16: Wrappin' things up!**

**[AN]: Whew. This one took forever! I had a little burst of writers block, and wasn't able to get any ideas for how to progress the story. I have plenty of ideas for the third story arc, and how to end the second arc, but I'm just having problems… getting there. There are things for the second arc that need to happen, but I just don't have any ideas to bridge the events. Of course, this is just a complicated way of saying: "Don't expect me to update too frequently now". Of course, to add onto that, My FRC team is also starting the build for our 2012 robot. I'm not going to have any time to work on this during the week. Only on weekends. I might be able to speed things up, if someone doesn't mind a couple spoilers, and would like to help me brainstorm.**

**Another thing, I actually didn't get any work done over winter break. I don't know, maybe writing fan fiction only works during the school year to relieve stress. Keep in mind, even though the title says: _Wrappin' things up,_ I'm no wrapping up the fanfic, just this story arc. I don't think I have anything else to say on this subject, except maybe… IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!**

**O_o  
> -Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!  
>\_-Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!<strong>

**Ok, now that that's out of the way, I can express my gratefulness on how well my holiday special was received… EVERYONE LOVED IT! That you all who reads this story, and I give a special thanks to those who reviewed it. Your reviews motivate me to write this story. It's like, every time I see a new review in my inbox, I immediately have to pull out a computer, and start writing 5 more pages for this fic. Both your Positive and critical review help; just please… no trolling.**

**Another thing, for reader's convenience, all spell card declarations will now be in bold print. Am I forgetting anything…? Oh yeah! On another note, contrary to what some people may think based on Matt and Rumia's relationship, in the canon of this story, it's more like a best-friends relationship than anything else. In other words, nothing naughty is going on between them.**

**…**

**…**

**I will not support lolicon for you perverts!**

**Anyway, no Q/A today, so enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>LT interior (Underground evening)<strong>

**Matt's POV**

"You've almost got it!" Maria shouted as I was trying my best to open the door on my chest with the crowbar that the cheerful nekomata lent me. "Just a little more!" She encouraged with a determination burning in her eyes that mine lacked.

***CLANG!*** the crowbar failed to open the door for the umpteenth time tonight.

_"Aw shit!" _It was the evening after Christmas, and I had just given up on trying to pry the door on my chest open. Yuuka had damaged it when she knocked it out in the first place, and now it wouldn't open at all. "I give up…"

I handed the crowbar to Maria with a sigh. That do wasn't going to open no matter how hard I tried. Besides, all my systems still worked at full power if the watch was at least near me. Maria's cat-like ears drooped, and she accepted the black metal tool. "Sorry Matt. What are you going to do with it now?" She asked while grasping the crowbar in both hands.

I smiled, clipped the golden chain to the button my old watch used to be clipped to, and dropped the mechanical device in my pocket. "Well, it is a watch. Might as well wear it like one." I happily said in my usual cheerful tone of voice. _"Why do I feel so happy today?"_

Maria frowned. "Um… Matt?" Maria tapped me on the shoulder.

She succeeded on getting my attention. "Yeah?" I turned my head to face the cat youkai.

Maria looked down at the ground while twirling her foot. "Um, I don't think that's a very good place to keep your so- I mean watch." She quickly corrected herself while lightly blushing a light tone of light pink… light.

I chuckled while wrapping my arm around the nekomata. "Nice save. Remember, we are not supposed to talk about that. I don't want people knowing about it, and I realize that Maria. It's just that I can't get the door open, and the watch needs to be within a five meter distance from my heart for me to be…" I thought about how to put what I was going to say for about 4 seconds. "… Not, Completely defenseless." I gave up on finding a more sophisticated way to say it, and shrugged.

Maria pushed my arm off her shoulder, and backed away about 3 feet with sparkling eyes. She clenched both her hands in front of her chest and proclaimed: "But someone might steal it from you! Wild youkai are attracted to shiny objects, and…and…" Dan's nekomata shikigami paused while a brighter blush enveloped her face. "… I-I… I'm kinda worried about you…" She continued quietly.

_"Wait… __NO WAY__!" _My keen instincts alerted me to several signs, and just to confirm it, I scanned Maria to find that her heart-beat had risen above normal. Maria… Was crushing on me. I immediately blushed, and held my hands out in front of me to shield me from the nekomata kitten. "Uh!... Um!..." I sweated as I frantically tried to find an excuse. I small click came from my head as my half organic-half micro-clockwork brain came up with an idea. I lowered my hands, and pulled out my watch. I pressed the button that opened the golden door to the watch, and nervously said "Oh, would you look at the time? I-It's really late; I should be getting to bed now!" As my hand shook.

I dashed out of the room while Maria pouted with a childish facial expression. "Hmph! This is what I get for trying to help you." She muttered under her breath.

I dashed down the hallway, and ripped my door open. When I slammed it closed, I activated the 7 different locks. Each of them made a satisfying click as the locked down. I slumped against the door, and sighed with relief. "Whew! Got her off my back." I wiped some sweat off my forehead. After taking a couple deep breaths, I stood up, and made my way to my bed where Rumia was already fast asleep.

I threw my Coat off, and slumped down on the mattress. Slowly, I let sweet rest claim my body, as the machines operating inside me whirred down to a slower pace. _"System standby: initiated."_ I hopped onto the warpstar, and promptly flew off into dreamland*.

* * *

><p><strong>LT interior (Underground morning)<strong>

**3rd POV**

The howls of the Ever-going underground Oni party quieted down. This could only mean one thing: That daybreak had come, and all the weaker Oni partied themselves out. Matt and Rumia found themselves in an awkward situation that morning. It appears that sometime during the night, a sudden frost had rushed through the underground caves. In Rumia's sub-conscious quest for warmth, she had wrapped her arms around the motionless machine youkai.

Matthew awoke as a cloud of steam rose from his mouth, and the machines in his body started up again. It was only about 2 seconds after the steam cloud dissipated that he noticed Rumia. The machine youkai heavily blushed, and tried to wiggle his way out of Rumia's arms.

It was no use. Rumia just hugged him tighter, so Matt took a deep breath in; then sighed. "Rumia… Hello?" Matt tried to wake the sleeping youkai of darkness. Slowly, she stirred, and then opened her eyes to see Matthew's red face almost pressed against her own. Rumia realized what had happened, and immediately let go of the blushing male youkai.

Rumia sprang up while blushing herself, and smiled shyly at Matt. "Sorry… I must've gotten pretty cold last night…" Rumia silently said. She seemed to be embarrassed by her actions.

Matt climbed out of the bed, and looked at Rumia with warm eyes. "Rumia, I'm not quite sure that's the reason. I put out about as much body heat as a corpse while I sleep." Matt said in a shy tone.

Both the darkness youkai and machine youkai smiled at each other for a while, until the pair was rudely interrupted by a trolling gap youkai. "Oh~ I hate to interrupt such a tender moment, but could I borrow Matt for a second~?" Yukari sang as Matt jumped in surprise. Yukari had a way of popping into a room without anyone noticing.

Matt's face turned back to its normal pale flesh color, and he nodded at Yukari. "S-sure Yukari, I'll come with you." Matt stuttered with the words. Yukari's presence made him nervous ever since she threatened to drop him into the sun.

Yukari smiled as Rumia huffed and crossed her arms. Yukari giggled and stepped out of her gap, while folding up her parasol. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't want to be rude. How about we all go have some breakfast?" Yukari said while smiling. Before Matt or Rumia could say anything, gaps opened under Yukari's, Matt's, and Rumia's feet.

The trio found themselves falling through eyeball land, as Matt froze, and Rumia gave Yukari a dirty glare. "Did you really have to do that?" Rumia asked while maintaining her glare at Yukari.

Yukari almost looked like she was standing on an invisible platform while falling. "No, but its fun to mess with you guys." She said while giggling once again.

The three reached the end of the eyeball filled tunnel, and fell into Yukari's house. Yukari landed perfectly in a chair, while Matt landed headfirst into another chair, and Rumia landed on top of a table.

Matt moaned as he turned his body around, and Rumia climbed off the table while continuing to glare at the gap hag. After Matt adjusted his senses, he shook his head, and looked around the room he was in. The floor was tiled with white tiles, and the walls were made of drywall. The house looked like it was taken straight out of the outside world. It appeared that he was in a kitchen, with stained wooden cabinets hanging above the counters.

The modern appliances made Matt feel like he truly was in the outside world, but the most noticeable feature of the room, was the nine yellow fox tails. The nine tails were attached to a woman standing next to Matt. She gave him a smile and a small wave. "Hello, you must be the Youkai that Yukari is always talking about." She said while setting down a plate of eggs in front of the surprised machine youkai.

Rumia seemed to ease up a bit at the kindness displayed by the fox lady. Matt took a couple seconds to reply, but he soon cleared his throat, and smile back. "Well, I don't know. My name is Matthew, but you can call me Matt." Matt cheerfully stated.

Rumia smiled and pointed at herself. "And I'm Rumia!" she added to Matt's statement.

Yukari crossed her arms, and she seemed annoyed. "Are we going to start yet?" She asked in an impatient tone of voice.

The nine-tailed fox lady bowed, and said: "Sorry Yukari-sama." Her smile dropped off her face as she went to get more eggs. Rumia looked at Matt, and winked at him. As Rumia did this, Matt blushed, and Yukari giggled. The trio waited awhile longer, and the kitsune eventually returned with more eggs.

She gazed at an empty seat, and sighed as she cupped her hands around her mouth, and called up a stair-case. "CHEEEEEEEEEEEENN~**!" She yelled.

During the time that it took for a red blur to dash down the stairs, Rumia and Matt had started a conversation. Yukari interrupted the conversation, as soon as the new addition to the table was seated. "Ok, I'm sure everyone is hungry, so dig in!"

Rumia grew starry-eyed, and devoured her plate like a rabid animal. Matt slowly picked at his food, while Yukari ate normally with an occasional giggle. The fox lady ate in a much more dignified way, and the other cat was constantly interrupted by the fox lady giving her tips on fine dining.

The mot eventful part of the breakfast, was how the two-tailed cat finally got fed up with the nine-tailed fox's pointers, and dug into her meal with her face. Yukari laughed, and choked on a bit of egg. Eventually, she gapped the bit of food out of her throat, and continued laughing. In other words, it was a very eventful breakfast.

* * *

><p><strong>Yukari's house (Sun schedule <strong>**noon****)**

**Matt's POV**

_"I need to take some tips on design." _I was currently in the process of observing the furnishings of Yukari's house. Mainly the eastern-style chairs and walls. _"Makes me feel like my decoration is severely out of place." _I thought while frowning.

"Well, well. Seems like you like my style of décor." An ominous voice seemed to come from everywhere. I looked around everywhere to try and find the source, but nothing came up. "Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu!" The voice chuckled. "I'm right here." A rift in reality opened, and the troll of boundaries dropped into a chair. "It seems you arrived right on time." Yukari maintained the cross-legged pose she landed in.

I pulled a scrap of paper out of the pocket my watch was hanging from. "What is this about?" I waved the paper in front of her. "You told me to meet you." I stated dryly with a hint of irritation in my voice.

Yukari chuckled lightly. "Fu-fu-fu-fu. I need to follow up on my promise." The gap youkai stood up from her chair, and hid her face half-way behind her trademarked paper fan.

My face brightened up. "Oh yes! I was wondering when you would get around to it." I exclaimed with energy in my voice.

"Yes… Today I'm going to tell you your purpose for existing." Yukari started pacing around as I found myself seated in a chair. I had no doubt that I had fallen through one of Yukari's gaps. "That's right, the reason you're here. The reason I made you, the reason I pulled you into Gensokyo… But do you really want to know?"

I followed Yukari around the room with a dumb expression. She had stopped in front of me, and remained silent.

…

…

"Well… Yeah!" I said with a little hesitation.

Yukari smirked. "Are you sure? I don't think you'll like it." She teased in her trollish voice.

"Yes!" I snapped. The eagerness was dripping from my voice like hot wax off a candle. _"I don't have time for your trollishness Yukari!"_

**POV switch: Yukari**

_"It's so much fun messing with him! It looks like I'll be able to do it more in the future too!" _I thought to myself, A grin crept onto my face as I Kept the little machine youkai in suspense, but of course, it was hidden by my fan so Matt couldn't see it. Matt was grinning with anticipation and excitement. I sighed, and spoke. "Very well, your purpose for being here… Your purpose for existing. The reason I created, nurtured, and supported you is-

* * *

><p><strong>Gunethre's Desert fortress<strong>

**3rd POV**

Gunethre slammed his fist down on a long table in his conference room. "What do you mean you don't agree with me!" he said in anger. The violently insane general was meeting with the other three other generals of the organization that the evil General belonged to. Due to the fact that one of Gunethre's assassins had betrayed him, lied to him, and then laughed in his face, He was currently stuck in Gensokyo without a way back. That ex-assassin, Daniel Elohssa, had secretly built a highly advanced supercomputer that was capable of teleportation, befriended a couple of demons, and then literally laughed in Gunethre's face as he brutally murdered his stereotypical assistant.

Gunethre was stuck in Gensokyo. Dan took his computer's hard drive, and left Gunethre's army with no way out. Luckily, he was able to maintain contact with the other leaders in the outside world because apparently satellite uplinks and transceivers worked through multi-dimensional barriers. Gunethre was in my base's temporary conference room with a computer and web-cam set up in front of him.

"General Lucas Gunethre, We think it would be best if you just surrendered and negotiated a way back home." The man to the left side of Gunethre's screens said. His name was Evean Barchilov, and he spoke with a heavy Russian accent. The order had formed some time before AD 1603; during the Elizabethian era. Sometime during the cold war; Evean joined the organization, and became the fourth elite general.

"We are not an invasion force, we are just trying to cleanse _our _world of those vile beasts; not other ones." The woman to the right side of the two other people on the screen spoke. Her voice seemed like that of an Elizabethan noble. "The EOC cannot support inter-dimensional travel!" Stated the oldest general of The Eternal Order of Carpadia. Her name was Bathsheba Clavell.

"I agree. We can't afford to keep sending you resources. Just come home; I miss you." Merinda van Vuuren, the third of the elite Generals stated. She was a woman of South African heritage, and she seemed to care for Gunethre. Her most noticeable features were her pointed nose, Ageless look, and violet eyes. It was a rare color amongst humans, even with the influence of magic. Due to this influence of magic, her long, shoulder-length hair, which was done in a bob, had developed a silvery color***.

Gunethre snarled under his breath. "You guys dare to call yourselves leaders?" Gunethre slammed his hands down on the table. "Real leaders don't quit! I won't rest until I devour the soul of every demon in every universe!" Gunethre yelled as he pushed his menacing and twitching steel eye against the lens of the web camera.

The other three generals remained calm, then turned away from their camera, and conversed amongst themselves. After a minute of incoherent mumbling, they all turned back to face their web cam. Bathsheba spoke calmly and slowly. "General Lucas Gunethre, second of the elite Carpadian Generals, We now see that there is no way to quell your stubbornness. I hereby relieve you of duty."

Evean continued. "I'm sorry, but if you can't comply with the rest of the order, then we have no choice but to leave you there. Besides, we cannot have you absorb the souls of our own members when you get angry."

Gunethre's stone-like face eased for the first time in centuries as he was genuinely surprised. "WHAT?" he snapped. "How do you even know about that?" His face eased back to its usual hard stone look.

"We know about a lot of things you do. I've been keeping tabs on all of your actions." General Clavell spoke up.

Merindalet out a small sniffle."***Sniff* **Sorry Lucas, I tried; but they're right. We can't keep sending you supplies and risk exposing the organization to the rest of the world" She said with sadness in her voice. Even though she was basically telling Lucas that she and the other generals were abandoning him, the warmness that was only present when she was talking to Gunethre still hung in her voice.

"You are dismissed Lucas." Bathsheba spoke as Gunethre sprang up from his seat and punched a hole through the screen right as the transmission ended.

General Gunethre or Lucas stood in the middle of the room, panting as his shoulders steadily rose and fell to his breathing. The pure rage he was feeling could not be expressed through any kind of action or word. Just as Lucas started walking out of the room, one of his assistants walked in the doorway to deliver a message. "General, I have-

Before the man could finish, he fell to the floor as the metallic eye in Gunethre's right socket glowed. "Shut it! I'm not in the mood." He grumbled under his breath. It was now that he noticed the envelope clutched in the pale corpse's hand. Gunethre bent down to pick up the envelope, and took a sheet of paper out of it. Gunethre took about 10 seconds to read the message. It stated:

We apologize, but it seems the eastern military base has been destroyed by Daniel Elohssa. Almost all supplies in the base were destroyed.

As Gunethre finished reading the note his hands began shaking with rage. The paper slowly ripped down the middle as Gunethre let out a feral scream that echoed throughout Gensokyo.

* * *

><p><strong>Underground<strong>

**Flandre's POV**

_"Ugh! It's so boring around here!" _I was wandering around the underground looking for something to do. I had just finished beating _Super Castlevainia 4_, and I just wasn't feeling like playing any other games. Maria was out racing around on her motorcycle with Orin, and Dan was playing _World of Warcraft_ on AILC. The sounds of raiding and angry video gaming could be heard from the next room.

_"Maybe I should visit the palace… Yeah! Okuu's probably doing something fun!"_ I flew off to the palace to play with the nuclear hell raven named Okuu, or Utsuho.

**Time skip: 10 minutes.**

I was flying along the path to the palace, but on my way there, a large person with a single red horn, a white shirt, and long blonde hair was blocking me. "Get out of the way! I wanna play with Okuu~" I whined.

The tall Oni continued blocking my way. She took a large drink from the sake bowl she was holding. "Why don't you play with me instead?" she questioned as she swallowed the alcoholic liquid, and lowered the bowl.

My expression brightened up, and my crystal wings jingled as I pumped my fist and exclaimed: "Yeah! I've got nothing to do anyway!" I had completely forgotten about going to the palace.

The Oni smirked, and took another swig from the sake dish. "Are you sure? I'm pretty strong." She said with a smug-looking smirk. The Oni was openly challenging me, who was I to turn a challenger down?

I beamed with excitement. "That makes it even better! All the weak guys break before I can start having fun!" My wings started glowing as power surged through them for the inevitable battle. "How long will you last?" I taunted with a wide smile.

The Oni took one last swig from the dish, and balanced it on her head****. "Good, the stronger the opponent, the more of a challenge the battle is." The Oni seemed to want to start a contest between who could be smugger. The grin she wore on her face matched mine perfectly. "3 spell cards, if you knock this dish off my head, then you win."

I materialized my laviaten, and rose into the air. "Then what are we sitting around for! Let's start! **Taboo: Laviaten**!" I declared as I flew at the Oni. The Oni smirked and moved out of the way at the last second. _"Wha?" _I missed her with my strike, and just as fast as she moved out of the way, she countered my strike with a hard kick. "Ugh!" I grunted as I flew into a wall.

***Crash!* **the air flew out of my lungs as I impacted the wall. As I gathered my senses, a couple stalactites fell due to the shaking in the room.

The Oni lifted a huge boulder over her head, and laughed. "Hahahaha! I thought you'd be more of a challenge than this!" The Oni yelled as she chucked the huge rock at me. I gathered my senses, and rolled out of the way.

I looked back at where I was a second ago as the boulder crashed against the wall. More stalactites fell, and my grin grew in size. "My name is Flandre Scarlet by the way." I said as I turned my gaze to the charging Oni. _"Yah!" _I dashed out of the way at the last second, and she flew by me.

***Crash!* **The Oni crashed into the same wall that the boulder and I did. As the dust cleared, I could see her standing there without a single scratch on her. "My name is Yuugi. I hope you're ready! **Knockout in three steps**!" Yuugi began her attack as I braced myself for the danmaku she was forming.

* * *

><p><strong>Yukari's House<strong>

**Matt's POV**

_"What? No! That's crazy!" _I thought after Yukari told me why I came to be. "Y… you're lying!" I stated.

Yukari sat back down, and giggled. "Fu-fu-fu-fu! I told you that you wouldn't like it." Her fan was put away, and even though she was giggling, she seemed serious. "I'm being completely serious." She confirmed if it wasn't obvious enough.

_"ASDFGHJKL" _My mind was scrambled. "B-b-but you said that I needed to be strong, and I passed your test!" I retorted. Yukari didn't shift the position she was sitting in, or move at all for that matter.

The gap hag put on a serious expression. "Of course Matt, how could you if you're not strong enough." She finally shifted position, and leaned forward as she said "So what do you say?" In a lighter tone of voice.

"I… I don't know." I dumbly stuttered. "Just give me some time to think about it." I finished after I regained my senses.

Yukari sighed, and then stood up. "Fine!" She said in a disappointed tone of voice. "I'll give you until tomorrow to decide. I hope you make the right choice."

I shot out of my seat. "Wait, I-

Unfortunately I couldn't finish because a gap opened up right under my feet, and I found myself being hurled through gap-land. "Yaaaaaaahhhh!" I screamed as I fell.

I landed on the ground with an "Oof!" and gradually picked myself up while rubbing my back. As soon as I was on my feet, another gap opened above my head, and before I could even think; Rumia dropped out from it.

"Gah!" She landed on me.

* * *

><p><strong>Yukari's house<strong>

**Yukari's POV**

I giggled, and sat back in my seat. I was sure to gap Rumia back with Matt, and closed both the gaps they fell out of. "Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu! I do hope you make the right choice, you will make a wonderful shikigami."

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: Footnotes.<strong>

***Ok, anyone who has played _super smash brothers_ or any game in the Kirby franchise should know what the warpstar is. Kirby uses it as his main mode of transport. The dreamland I'm referring to, of course, isn't Kirby's.**

****An over-used Touhou meme. Just had to put it in there.**

*****Merinda van Vuuren is courtesy of Ban3. He came up with this character, and for that, I thank you.**

******Yuugi is known to balance a sake dish on her head as she fights. Besides, even though Flandre is really powerful, she's not so much when she isn't having one of her… episodes.**

**Ok, just something I want to point out. In my Touhouverse, the underground operates on a completely different time schedule. Instead of the sun rising, the Oni partiers get too drunk, and quiet down. That's when most non-oni folk wake up.**

**YAY! Yuugi's in the story. So we finally find out Yukari's purpose for creating Matt. Although she didn't exactly intend for him to be a machine youkai, the fact that his soul was put into a pocket watch, and that fact that Yukari, Yuyuko, and Satori made him during a time of American growth IN AMERICA did push his ability in that direction. It seems a lot of people really enjoy Dan and AILC. Are they just more interesting than Matt? IDK. They're definitely the most interesting OCs I've come up with in my opinion.**

**_Rumia: "Is that so?"_**

***PUNCH!***

**_Rumia: "Auuuuuuuuuu…"_**

**Well, with that being said, Here's a quick layout of Matt's LT**

* * *

><p><strong>Epic Touhou Project profile: Land Train<strong>

**The Land Train is basically a mobile house that Matt, Dan, Flandre, Maria, Rumia, And Dan's sentient computer: AILC live in. It is basically a steam-powered RV that is bigger on the inside, than on the outside. This is mainly due to Yukari's tampering with borders. The dining room alone is the size of the vehicle as seen on the outside. **

**The basic layout: **

**You walk in through the front door, and into the living room. There are two arm-chairs, and a couch. On the opposite wall to the couch, is a TV, and video game consoles. The side opposite of the armchairs is a seat for the driver along with a steering wheel.**

**In between the armchairs, is an entry-way to a short hallway. A door on the right leads to Dan's room, and a door on the left leads to Maria's where AILC also stays. Two more doors on either side hold bathrooms. At the end of the hallway, is a kitchen, and in a door to the right side of the kitchen, is the dining room. **

**If you continue towards the back of the LT, and through the kitchen, you will come to another hallway. In this one, a lounge lies in a door to the left where an internet connection can be established, and bookshelves line the walls of said lounge.**

**On two doors to the right, are a bathroom, and Flandre's bedroom, which is furnished plainly. Nothing special there.**

**Finally, at the end of the hallway, is the master bedroom where Matt and Rumia sleep. It is the only other room in the house that has a TV. There is a king bed, and a private bathroom.**

**Matt built the LT out of parts in a kappa scrap-yard, and an RV that was conveniently rotting away in said scrap-yard. It can be summoned to Matt's location through the use of a spell card. That about wraps this up.**

**Till next time everyone.**


	17. Dr Crazy

**Chapter 17: Dr. Crazy**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]:IM MEEN... I meen, I'm sorry. It took me so long to update. So... sorry for the un-expected hiatus. Robot club has been real busy. If you are part of the FRC, you know what I'm talking about. if you want to visit our website, go to [www (dot) rambunction (dot) net]<br>**

**WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!**

**NEW OC ALERT!**

**I have made another OC. This time, it's based on a person I know that helps me write this fic. Many of his strange quirks carry over to the character, and I think I have something pretty good going here.**

**I'm going back and polishing some of my previous chapters. There are some parts where the word processing program I used to use messed up the chapters. Will edit whenever.**

**Also… IM SORRY! I have been so busy lately, and haven't been able to find any time to write. I think I said this already, but just in case… New chapters will be coming out at a snail's pace until my team's FRC competition is over. I want to thank everyone (just like I do every chapter) for supporting this fic. The people I'm addressing mainly would be:**

**The radioactive arbiter – Thanks Man! You were one of my first fans, and really helped keep my motivation to work on this up. Sorry I had to stop beta reading for ya, but thanks man! You're still cool. His Touhou fic: Perfect covert fantasy – can be found here:**

**Ban3 – You really come through for me when i need motivation, and probably have helped me improve my writing the most.**

**Soulja-boi190 - I thank you for just coming back to review every chapter.**

**a little shout out to KAMfiction, If you like MLP fanfic, he writes somewhat steampunk MLP fanfic.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Bolivian silver mine… on top of it.<strong>

**Unknown POV**

I tapped the test tube; watching bubbles flow upwards through its brown essence. A pair of eyes was staring back at me with a fearful enriching glare. "It is Wunderbar*!" I stated in a heavy German accent. I cackled like the maniac I was, and a smile almost crept onto the left corner of my mouth as my left hand twitched eagerly. "ACK! HAH-HAH- ***COUGH! COUGH! WHEEZE!***" My left hand handed my right hand my handkerchief, which I proceeded to wipe the blood off my lips with.

I flung the bloody residue on the concrete floor, and stepped out of a glass room. After I sealed the door shut, I looked back at the pair of eyes which were much further away from me now. "W-w-what are you going to d-do?" Asked the person who was attached to the eyes.

"Simple mine boy!" I responded as I sat down at a desk full of colorful buttons, and two notepads. "Ve vill find out soon!" My left hand was tapping its fingers eagerly on a bright red lever. "Zis brown mixture should have relatively painful side-effect, not the verst, but-

***ERRRRRRRR! CRASH!***

My speech was interrupted by an ear piercing creak followed by a loud clank. I looked down at the lever, to see that my hand had pulled it. "Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein Franz! I did not zay now!" I directed my attention back to the research material. The brown liquid misting out of the ceiling of the small glass room.

The subject screamed a blood curdling scream as the liquid rained down upon him, and the glass slightly fogged up as the subject's cries faded. "YAAAAAAHHHHHhhhhh…" Both my hands wrote key details furiously. The right hand focused on chemical reactions, and the left focused on the subject's… experience.

After both hands were finished writing, I nodded at the subject, which was nothing more than a pile of bones, directed my attention down to my left hand, and spoke. "Come now Franz; let's get an up close look."

"Whirrrrr katicka tak!" ("I can't see goddamnnit!") Several clicks and high pitched buzzing noises indicated the speech. I rolled up the sleeve of my lab-coat to reveal a penny sized glowing red camera. My left hand raised itself like a cobra, staring at the cleaned but stained bones.

Several more silent whirrs were heard as the glass slab moved around, scanning the glass containment center.

"Katicka takka tak whirr buzzit thak" (Goddamn, that stuff is strong!)

I nodded back at Franz, I was feeling a little bit weak myself, and in need of replenishment. The hand picked up the test tube, presenting it to my right hand, and I grasped the tube, bringing it to my lips. I poured the mixture on to my tongue, as the burst of flavor dripped down into my stomach.

"A little Spicy, but I love the flavor"

***BZZZZZZZZT!***

A loud buzz rang through my mansion as I cricked my neck to the stair-well. I got up from the chair, turned off a switch in the testing chamber, and grabbed my notepads and cane. A loud audible click followed by a spark of electricity and a heavy thump indicted my walking. The click and spark came from my cane which had a teslacoil installed on it, and the thump was the sound of my limp.

***Cktzzz… Thump, Cktzzz… Thump, Cktzzz… Thump!***

The sun rose over the Bolivian mountains as I came out of the basement, and walked by a large stain-glass window. The oven buzzed as I walked into my kitchen. After walking down a row of 32 stove burners, I came to the source of the loud buzz, l which was my oven. I opened the door of the oven and said: "Wunderbar! Ze California condor is ready!"

"Katickaak Tak Whirrrrrrrrr Whirr Whirrrrr Clack ktack!" ("There's someone at the fucking door!") The hand spoke up. Right about when it finished speaking, the huge 6 foot diameter doorbell rang. "Whirrr Cktacktak Whirrr Whiiirr Ck tack." ("Aren't you going to get that?") The hand made it's somewhat obnoxious noise.

I groaned, and pulled a lever to the right of the oven. A Whirr and a click were heard, and the contents of the oven emptied. The sound of chains being operated could be heard from inside the wall where my rare bird was being transported. "Ah, Yes yes! I vill get it! ***COUGH!***"

I coughed up a small amount of blood, and began to feel very weak. _"It is that time."_ I thought as I pulled out a flask labeled liquid cyanide, and drank its contents. "Ahhh!... That iz the stuff." I capped the flask again, and slipped it back into my lab-coat pocket.

***BOOOOONNNGG!***

The bell rang once again, so I grabbed my cane, and made my way over to a chair that seemed to be mounted on a rail. "YES YES! I AM COMING!" I yelled as I climbed into the chair. I pulled a lever next to the chair, and once again, mechanisms inside the wall made the usual whirring and clicking sound. The chair groaned, then took off to the right as chains operated the rails mounted on the walls.

After a few more seconds, I arrived at the foyer of my castle where there was a huge stain glass window, and a spiraling stair-case to the second floor. The gothic architecture was lit by torches that burned a special chemical compound I invented.

I opened the huge silver door, and a pourterican male stepped in. "Dr… Uh?" He stopped speaking due to the lack of knowledge of my name.

"Magnus" I corrected for him while Franz was clutching my cane. "You arrived just on time, the car iz right thiz vay." I stated while maintaining a neutral expression. I gestured for the man to follow me, and Made my way to the garage.

He seemed to admire my castle's décor. Most ornaments were made out of silver. This was mostly due to the fact that my castle was built right on top of a large silver mine. The mine had run dry many years ago though. All the silver from the mine had been stored in a vault in my basement, where it would be safe, therefore, making me the richest man in South America.

I slowly limped to my garage where all my cars were. Most of them were outfitted with the ability to fly, but for the most part, I avoided making any changes to the bodies. "This iz ze garage. And this…" I pulled a sheet off one of my cars. "… iz ze one you vill be polishing." I gave the man an ominous glare. "If you so much as scratch eet, I vill give you death." My expression became dark, and the man's face paled.

"D-don't worry sir, it's in good hands!" He stated while sweating bullets.

"Wunderbar! I vill leave you to you're work." I stated as I made my way to another wall mounted chair. This one was on a rail that went up and down. I pulled a lever to the right, and the chair rocketed upwards. It took a sharp turn to the left, and then stopped when I got to my dining room.

I walked over to the table, as I thought about the results of today's test. "Whirr clckcl katatan whirr whir whclick" ("time for some California condor!") The hand happily clicked while adjusting its eye's iris.

"Ah yes, eet does smell good, I guess I vill dig in." I sat down at one of the chairs with 15 foot tall back-rests, at the head of my foot-ball field length sized table.

_"Ah… Rare bird iz delicious."_

* * *

><p><strong>Underground<strong>

**Matt's POV**

"GET BACK HERE!" Dan was chasing me and Rumia all around the underground caves after we pulled a prank on Maria. It involved a tub of lard, a wooden stick, and 30 gallons of crude oil. The result was a crying nekomata, and since Dan loves cats so much… I'm sure you can guess how he reacted. "WHEN I GET MY GODDAMN HANDS ON BOTH OF YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING DOUCHEBAGS, I'M GONNA SHOVE SILVER BLADES SO FAR UP YOUR CUNTFUCKI-

***BOOM***

_"LOL"_

Dan's threat was interrupted by one of my miniature land mines. The explosion didn't really cause him that much harm, but it slowed him down enough for the pair of us to get further ahead of the psycho over-compensating-sword wielding Maniac. As we dashed ahead of him, Rumia and I laughed "Hahahahahaha!" We continued around a corner, and hid behind a boulder. "***Pant… Pant*** I think we ***Pant*** lost him." I said in-between breaths. One would think that Rumia and I would be a little more cautious around Dan considering our history, but it was the exact opposite.

Rumia was out of breath much like I was. "***Pant* **See? I told you ***Pant*** It would be worth it!" She stated while holding out her hand and making a victory sign.

"Yeah. ***Pant* **It was worth it." I nodded in agreement with her. My heart/hydraulic pump was racing at turbo speed.

We both ducked further under the boulder as we each heard footsteps approaching. A shadow peeked over us, and I got ready to run. When a girlish face came into full view, we both eased our tenseness. It was just a little girl. By the look of it; she was a youkai. "Ara, what are you two doing?" She asked with a smirk.

"Hiding from the biggest psychopath in Gensokyo." I answered in a non-tense tone of voice.

Rumia and I rose from behind the boulder, and jumped out. Rumia's shoes made a 'splut' sound on the water-covered ground of the cave, while my left brick-like foot made a satisfying ***CLANK*** against the same ground. I winced _"I really hope Dan didn't hear that."_

After coming out from behind the rock, I could see that she had wavy blond hair streaked with chocolate and fawn stripes, and wore a medium sized, striped, snail shell hat with ribbons woven though holes in the base, and woven into a bow that came down to her front. She wore a long, almost bell-shaped white dress striped with brown, fawn, and mousse brown stripes along the hem as well as a brown blouse with a white frilled collar. Her puffy sleeves were decorated much in the same way as her dress.

"So what's your name?" I asked while raising an eyebrow. She didn't seem that strong, but I could tell that she would definitely put up a good fight if I didn't have my full abilities. Small machine's whirred inside my head as I used my enhanced eyes identified her abilities in addition to the night-vision allowing me to see in the caves. They told me that she was a snail youkai, and was a herbivore; preferring to eat plants instead of meat. The snail youkai looked me over for a moment before finally saying "My name is Katatsumuri Kaimi" in a very calm voice.***

"My name is Matthew Harrison, but you can call me Matt." I said while pointing my thumb at my chest.

"And my name is Rumia!" Rumia exclaimed in a much more exited tone while repeating my action.

Katatsumuri glared at Rumia before turning her attention back to me. "Ara… So, what is a strong youkai like you doing hanging around a little shrimp like her?" She said in a sweet and calm tone.

_"Are you coming on to me?" _I thought.

Rumia clenched her fist in front of her chest, and said "Hey! I'm not that weak!"

Suddenly, I felt it. I grabbed Rumia and jumped out of the way as a 138mm explosive round zipped past us, and detonated; throwing the poor snail princess down another tunnel.

I sat up right as Dan swooped down behind us, and grabbed both of us by the back of our collars. "Gotcha!" He exclaimed while raising us off the ground. Both me and Rumia kicked and struggled as we tried to break free. "Come on you two~. You both need to get your punishme~nt!" Dan growled with clenched teeth.

Rumia and I stopped struggling for a second, and then we both started kicking harder. Knowing what kinds of punishments Dan would think of.

* * *

><p><strong>2 hours later<strong>

"Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~" I whined while clutching my now-broken left arm. Dan had used our regenerative abilities as youkai to the fullest extent, by literally knotting Rumia's and my arms together, and stringing the both of us over a clothesline in the underground village with charms on our heads to prevent either of us from using our powers. After a couple of hours listening to random oni and stronger youkai laugh at us, the line finally broke under our weight, and a passerby undid the charms.

Rumia decided to lay down for a break while I decided to continue work on my most recent project. I pondered what Yukari had told me yesterday; she had basically said I was just some kind of tool for her to use, and she had been controlling my life from the start.

I reached for a wrench right as a purple gap opened right above my head, and Yukari landed on top of me. "My my, you should watch what's above your head."

"Mumfff Gruff Mmmel llluffl!" I mumbled something, but Yukari couldn't understand me due to the fact she was sitting on my face.

"I'm sorry, what's that dear?" She asked sweetly.

I grumbled again, and then threw her off me with the power of my hydraulic arm. "GET OFF ME!" I screamed as I hurled the troll- I mean gap youkai to my right. "Lousy hag." I mumbled under my breath.

"Well that's no way to talk to a young lady!" Yukari reached inside one of her gaps. "Do I need to…" Her expression suddenly turned darker. "… Punish you again?" an ominous aura emanated from the trolling youkai, and I got the feeling that something heavy would drop on me if I continued to be rude to her.

But I didn't care.

I REALLY didn't care.

Something inside my mind snapped, and when I say snapped, I mean something literally made a snapping sound as one of the tiny gears in my head broke. "Listen you trollish HAG!... I DO NOT feel like putting up with your ANTICS today!" I pointed an accusing finger at her. "I have ALREADY been through enough SHIT today! Either learn to keep your EGO under control, or GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!" I yelled as I emphasized certain words. My breathing became heavy as my shoulders slowly rose and fell.

Yukari clicked her tongue, and smirked. She pulled her hand out of the rift in reality, and spoke in a calm voice. "I see how you feel… Ok, ok, I'll leave." Yukari started walking towards the door. "By the way, what do you think of my proposal?" She asked calmly.

An angry vein appeared on my head. "Absolutely not! I will not become a servant for you to boss around!" Anger oozed out of my voice.

Yukari once again clicked her tongue, and hid her face behind her paper fan. "What a shame." She said with a whimsical tone in her voice. "Well, I guess there's no reason for me to associate with you any longer." The gap troll sadly said. She hung her head as she walked into the closed door, and a purple rift opened in front of the door. The gap closed right behind her, and suddenly I felt a lurch, and the suspension of the LT groaned as many things fell from shelves.

***CRASH!***

I was knocked to the ground b y a sudden shift in weight, and the shock absorbers of the LT groaned as they violently landed. I got up from the ground, and steadied myself. _"I feel weird." _As I gathered my thoughts, the broken cog in my head re-aligned itself with the micro-clockwork.

***tink***

My extra-sensitive audio inputs that substituted ears picked up a small tink noise; while from the next room, Dan angrily shouted. "WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK IS THIS! DISCONNECTED MY SHITTY ASS!" The sound of something being thrown was heard, and a door slamming open. Dan stormed into the living room of my mobile house, and pointed at me. "You better fix this, or dangling off clotheslines will be the second worst thing that happens to you today!" He furiously screamed.

"How is this my fault?" I questioned.

Dan's eye twitched, and he yelled: "I don't know, but you better fix it!"

* * *

><p><strong>Inside Xanavere<strong>***

**Magnus's POV**

A tink echoed through my mind, like the echoes of the deafening crash shaking the light fixtures in my foyer. I knew what that TINK was; it was the tink of the smallest pebble interacting with a finely polished silver Dusenberg.

My left hand began to shake expectantly, and it reached into my lab coat, arranging my finest chemical weapons for whoever was outside. I grabbed my cane and strolled to the silver doors, throwing the black lever harshly.

**Ker-KLANK WHAM!**

The silver doors flew open, revealing a large, ugly hunk of metal. My left hand twitched as it grasped the top of my cane. "Zis thing iz made of steel! I a've no interest what-so-ever in such an ugly abomination!" The hand clicked in agreement. The steel RV-like block had a stop sign, multiple rotating gears, a train whistle, and something that looked like a missile among other things. The most noticeable feature by far had to be a large smoke stack billowing black smog.

I looked at the mess under the ugly piece of modern art and saw that it had landed on Pedro's car. He unfortunately had been crushed with it… except for his head, which rolled to my feet. "Ah, dying on ze job. YOU ARE FIRED!" I yelled as I kicked his dis-embodied head down the mountain. I diverted my attention to the silver Dusenberg, and turned a dial on my glasses. The right lens telescoped closer to the surface of the smooth silver shell.

…

…

After carefully looking over the body, I found the site of impact. "What iz thiz! AH-HA! I found the damage!" I pointed at the spot where the pebble had hit my car. There was no dent… or scratch. Just as I turned the dial on my glasses to make the right lens telescope back in, a large fight-cloud passed right in front of me.

***POW! PUNCH! WHAM! CRASH! POW! CRACK! POK! BAM!***

My left eye twitched, although you'd never be able to see it under my thick glasses. My left hand impatiently tapped my cane as its red glowing eye mounted on the steel wrist angrily stared at the mess. It whirred and clicked in its usual way. "Whirrr! Click Whir Whirr Klackackak Whirr Click!" ("Those god-damned fools! Do they fucking realize that they have irreparably damaged our god-fucking-damn car!") Franz angrily clicked.

I looked down at the hand which was grasping the large glass reactor on the top of my cane. My cane was made out of an invention I like to call an oscillating silver reactor** at the top, and the staff is one large teslacoil. I chuckled in my usual dry and wheezy way while taking out a handkerchief. "Ack! Hahaha- ***COUGH COUGH WHEEZE!***" I hacked up more blood, and wiped it off my mouth with the handkerchief.

As I re-pocketed the handkerchief, I opened my mouth to speak, and Franz impatiently tapped the orb of the cane. "Ahem… Which von of you scratched my Dusenberg?" I said in a deceptively sweet tone.

The fighting stopped, and both of the competitors took a moment to look me over. One of them with a strange coat, and unusually long hair raised his brow, and said: "I think I know you from somewhere…" He tapped his chin.

I maintained my neutral expression, and straightened my rectangular glasses. "Yes... I do believe vee ave met…" I said while scratching my chin in the stereotypical thinking pose.

The man in the trench coat snapped his fingers, and adopted an angrier expression. "I remember you! You fucking sold me actual cock shitting holy water instead of CHEMICAL holy water!" The blonde-haired man snapped.

Franz passed the cane to my right hand, and I snapped my fingers just as he did. I pointed my cane which was now in my right hand at the strange man, and shouted: "And you vere exactly von dollar short for the price!" Franz reached into my white, blood-stained lab-coat for the most explosive chemical I make. "I keep track of these things. You know?" I added.

The blonde haired man, whom I recognized to be an old acquaintance: Dan, pulled out a sword handle with no blade. A black as night blade materialized on it immediately afterward. "Fuck you… You never told me your name…" Dan raised the sword.

The young boy that Dan was fighting with held up his hands and a large sweat drop appeared on the back of his head as he said: "Guys! Take it easy!"

Dan turned around to face the young boy, and snarled like a tiger. "**RAOW!**"

To which the young boy in the trench-coat slowly backed away with another sweat-drop, and a nervous expression. "Or not…" He said as he slipped back inside the ugly hunk of metal.

Dan turned his attention back to me, as Franz kept insider my lab-coat, but still grasping the vial with the deadly; explosive chemical. "Zey call me Dr. Magnus." I introduced myself.

Dan lowered his sword, but didn't let his guard down. "… Ok. So why did you fucking cheat me out of my chemical holy-water?" Dan asked questioningly.

My left hand took the tube out of my lab-coat, and almost threw it at Dan, but I stopped the hand. "No Franz! I do not vant to kill him… yet." I said as I pried the vial out of the evil hand's grasp.

"Whiirr clicktack whirrrr~rr clickcl click whiiir whiiiiiirrrrrrrr~." ("But ****~ They fucking scratched the Dusenberg~.") The servo-motor in the hand's mechanical part whined.

My left Eye twitched under my glasses, and I hit the back of the hand with my cane. "Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! You are NEVER! To say my real name!" I said as I angrily beat my own left hand. A small chuckle escaped Dan's lips as he let the black blade of his sword drop to the ground. "DO YOU THINK ZIS EZ FUCKING FUNNY?" I screamed at Dan. Dan raised his sword once again, and I shifted back to my calm expression. "Ah, do not verry Dan. I vill not attack you." I stated calmly. "I just vant to know who the owner of ATHIS…" I banged my cane against the side of the ugly metal brick. "… Eyesore is." I finished and lowered my cane back to the ground.

Dan immediately sheathed his blade… or… the blade dissipated and he stuffed the handle back inside one of the pockets in his coat. "Ah! You want the owner?" He asked with a sadistic grin. "Please excuse me for a moment…" Dan ran inside the ugly piece of not-silver, and a loud crash was heard.

***CRASH… SHATTER!***

The sound of a window shattering, followed by someone flying out of the window was heard moments after the huge crash. "Ugh!" They landed on the ground.

Dan stuck his head out of the broken window and shouted: "When I fucking tell you to fucking get your fucking ass outside, you fucking do what I fucking say!"

The person steadied himself and looked at me before giving me a nervous wave. "Hi…" He said.

I took a deep breath in, and then sighed. "Tell me… vhy did you decide to park right there?" I calmly stated.

The figure looked over at the wreckage beneath the eyesore of ugly not-silver metal, and a sweat drop formed on the back of his head. "I'm… sorry I crushed your assistant…" He shyly stated.

***Fzzt!***

I slammed the tip of my cane into the ground, which caused it to spark more than usual. "Zat iz not important! What iz important iz zat you scratched my Dusenberg!" I said as I gestured over to my solid-silver Dusenberg.

The person raised an eyebrow at me, and walked over to the Dusenberg to inspect it. My left hand tapped the top of my cane as I thought: _"Oh come on! Et iz so OBVIOUS!"_

The person scratched the back of his head with a metal hand as he turned back to me. "I'm sorry sir, I don't see anything."

My left eye twitched twice as I ran over to the car and pointed to the left rear fender. "RIGHT HERE! Et iz right here!" I yelled at the boy.

He closely inspected the silver, and then shrugged as he rose back up. "I'm sorry; I just don't see anything…" He calmly said.

My hand met the front of my head as I fell into a glorious face palm. "Are you retarded or something? You have displaced a single molecule on my Dusenberg!" I angrily yelled.

The boy flinched as Franz raised without command. The boy covered his face with his hands as Franz reached for a gold watch hanging from his trench-coat. "Whiirrr Cklacklakc whirr whirrrrrr!" ("We can take this fucking thing as payment")

"NO DON'T!" The boy screamed.

My lips twisted into an almost-smile as my left lip rose. "Franz… check for ze silver…" I commanded as Franz clicked in no way that could be deciphered as speech. Franz turned into a blur, and stopped. The watch remained intact for about a second, and then fell apart.

"Whirr click whirr." ("No silver here…") The hand clicked.

"Damn…" I said as I walked away.

Meanwhile, the boy fell to the ground while clutching his chest. He had two tears hanging from his eyes; which had turned into white bulbs, and started twitching violently. "You… Bastard…" He struggled to say.

"Yes yes… I vill forgive you. Now go avay!" I yelled back at him.

The boy started picking pieces up off the ground as I walked back into my mansion. _"Ze boy's agony amuses me."_

Right before I stepped foot inside, The boy called back to me. "You've… killed me… Dr… ****!"

I stopped cold in my tracks, and slowly turned around. "Vat… Did you zey?" I slowly got out. The last word in the boy's sentence rang through my head like a solid silver church bell.

The boy tried his best to gather the parts on the ground as he looked back up at me. "I said… you've… killed me… Dr.-

I dashed towards the boy faster than my boat-tailed Dusenberg when I floor it, and covered his mouth before he could repeat the words he had spoken. The fact that the boy knew my real name peeked my interest. "DO NOT!... Speak mine name!"

…

And awkward pause followed my sudden outburst, and slowly, I uncovered the boy's mouth. "Do not ever speak mine name. I vill give you death if you ever do again." The boy sat motionless, and then it struck me. "How… Do you even know my name?" I slowly said. The boy didn't respond, and I groaned. "Franz!" I yelled at my hand.

Franz immediately knew what I wanted him to do, so he promptly did it. "Whirrr clakataka!" ("I'm on it!") The hand clicked. Within moments, Franz had re-assembled the watch, and handed it to me. I wound it, and the boy slowly stirred.

The boy jot into an upwards position while saying "I SAW THE LIGHT!" in an exasperated manner.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, and looked at him. "Zat's wunderbar. Now how did you even know my name?" I asked quizzically.

"Why should I answer when you almost killed me?" The boy exclaimed while his metal hand whirred to life.

My eye twitched, and I tightened my grip on my cane. "JUST ANWSER THE DAMN QUESTION!" I yelled.

The boy retreated backward, and an awkward pause filled the atmosphere. "Well…" The he slowly responded. "I heard your arm say it." He said as his expression slowly eased of his fear.

I sat there with an almost dumb-struck expression, or at least that's how my mental expression looked. My real expressio0n didn't change in the slightest. "B-but… How did you?..." I stuttered out.

The boy shrugged, and clutched the recovered pieces of his watch. "I am a machine youkai. I can understand everything that hand says. After all, he's using servo-motors to talk." The boy finished.

He had once again peeked my interest, and I got a wonderful idea. "Vell, How about zis. If I supply you with room and board, you shall tell me all about zese 'youkai' thinger-ma-doodles." I said while emphasizing the word 'youkai'.

The boy's expression brightened up, and he said: "Deal! I really needed a place to stay!"

"Wunderbar! I vill make preparations immediately!" I said as we both walked into my castle.

_"You most certainly are worth studying. I must find out more!"_

* * *

><p><strong>Back underground, right before the LT vanished.<strong>

**Rumia's POV**

I stretched my arms as I woke from a very peaceful nap. I had decided to make my resting place in a small nook near the underground village, and had gotten quite comfortable.I put my arms back at my sides and took a minute for my brain to start working. "Ugh… what time is it?" I asked to no one in particular. "Oh yeah!" I came to my senses and remembered that I had a watch.

I reached into a pocket on the left side of my dress and pulled the circular piece of metal out. It was the watch that Matt had given me. He made it himself, and used to carry it around before he started using his shiny gold watch as an actual timepiece. The watch was pretty crudely made, and seemed like it was put together with parts that originated from all sorts of different locations. It was an open face watch, which meant that it had no door, and I could see all the different parts inside it.

I was still too drowsy to focus my eyes on the tiny dials, so I pushed a button on the side of the watch, and set it on the ground. The watch clicked, and face of the timepiece opened just like it was a regular door. Something inside the watch started buzzing as the gears inside the watch started floating out in an organized manner. A small crystal that was centered in the mess of parts gave off a brilliant light, and projected the light through the face of the watch, and onto the wall. The current time displayed itself brightly on the wall, and elicited a stare from a couple passing oni.

"Ah, its 4… 37 in the… wait. Does pm mean morning or evening?" I grumbled to myself while placing a fist under my jaw.

One of the oni that were staring at the time on the wall of the cave tapped my shoulder and whispered "pm means evening." In my ear.

I raised my fist from under my chin and snapped my fingers. "Ah! Thanks!" I exclaimed with realization.

"No problem." The oni replied with a smile. She had a battle worn white shirt along with a red skirt and a single horn of the same color protruding out of her forehead. She towered over me and was at least twice my height. "My name is Yuugi." She said a couple moments later.

I bent my neck all the way backwards to look up at her face. "Hi… My name is Rumia…" I said in a sheepish manner.

The Oni woman slapped me on the back, and said "Glad to meet'cha!" As I fell towards the ground.

_"UGH! That hurt! She needs to control her strength!" _I thought as I raised myself off the ground. I brushed the dirt off my deep black skirt and vest, and then blinked a couple times to orient myself.

When I was finished cleaning myself up, I looked over to Yuugi, and she looked back at me. Yuugi rose one eyebrow, and asked "You alright?" with a neutral expression. Before I could reply, she pulled a bottle of sake and a sake dish seemingly out of nowhere. "Want some sake?" she said while pouring the alcoholic liquid into the dish.

The smell of alcohol penetrated my nostrils when I hovered my face over the dish. I retreated backwards away from the beverage, and held my nose between my thumb and index finger. "Ugh! No thanks." I said while backing further away. _"That stuff smells terrible!"_

Yuugi shrugged and said: "Suit yourself." She took a large gulp from the sake dish as I bent down to pick up Matt's old watch.

Before I could even touch the watch, the light faded and the mechanism closed up. The turning gears slowed to a halt, and the ticking noise stopped. I picked up the watch, and gave it a shake. "Come on!... Work!" I continued shaking the watch for a couple more moments, and then I came to a realization. "MATT!" I yelled out into the air. I stuffed the watch back in my pocket, and ran back to where the LT was supposed to be parked.

"Nice meetin' ya Rumia!" Yuugi yelled as I ran further and further away from her. I ignored her farewell, and continued my sprint.

When I got to the site where the… Locomotive?... I think that's what Matt called it… Anyway, when I got to where the thingy should've been, I found nothing there except a single gear. I picked up the cog, and dropped to my knees. "Matt…" I sat there for a while, and stared at the piece of machinery. _"Where did he go?"_

to be continued...

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]: I'm going to start including CO-Author's notes. Below after the footnotes are his author's notes.<strong>

**Poor Matt. He just can't catch a break. I'm wondering if I even should've used the whole Gunethre underground life idea in the second arc. It seems a little weak, and I'm having trouble finding motivation to write it. I have plenty of ideas for the 3rd arc, and can't wait to work on it, but first I gotta finish this. By no means is this project going to die, I just am hitting a tough spot; something comparable to writers block. Anyways, your reviews are one of the things that keep me going, so thank you. **

**Another thing, I'm sorry I couldn't show the fight with Flan and Yuugi. I don't know if you all have noticed, but I suck at fight scenes. **

**Ban3, I hope you like how I used your character. It was just a small cameo, so, nothing too big. Don't worry, she's not the first to suffer Dan's wrath. Matt goes through this kind of thing all the time.**

**Now… About Dr. Magnus… First of all, he is a mad scientist who specializes in chemistry and alchemy. He is basically on life support, and he is made to be overly ridiculous. Most of his design and the plot for this chapter came from the person he I based on. BTW, I don't know if I covered this, but the arm that Dr Magnus has is only half-mechanical. The bones for the arm and the fleshy hand are still there, but all the flesh on his fore-arm to his wrist is completely dissolved away. Maybe I'll reveal more about him in a flashback. Franz is basically an even eviler version of Magnus. I hope everyone enjoys this OC.**

***Wunderbar is "Wonderful" in German. The person who is helping me write Dr. Magnus is a very… eccentric person. Basically, Dr. Magnus has certain… aspects I borrowed from him.**

****For those who aren't smart enough, There is no such thing as an oscillating silver reactor. It is purely my fictional invention. Here's how it works: A small orb of silver basically replaces the uranium in a normal fission reactor. A chemical compound causes the silver to vibrate at a specific rate and speed. When surrounded by Magnetic Silver Oxide, or MSO magnets. When the silver orb vibrates, it causes the MSO Magnets to produce an electrical field. When surrounded by wires, it creates an AC current.**

*****I decided to give Magnus' castle a name. I thought about the silver castle, but I already have one name I've been kicking myself for making up… The land train. Anyway, I went with a more… creative approach this time. Xanavre. That's pronounced _Zan-ah-vere_**

* * *

><p><strong>[CO-AN]: (The person who inspired Dan.) By eccentric, my friend meant that the individual has no sense of self preservation at all, and will, in fact, at times, drink carcinogenic chemicals during his experiments simply because he likes the fucking taste. I mean, seriously! What the motherfucking hell is with him!<strong>

**...**

**...**

**is that so?**

**Me: DAMMIT RUMIA!  
><strong>


	18. No Insanity really is a gift

**Chapter 18: No… Insanity really is a gift**

**[AN]: Ah, back with a new chapter. I also got out of the hospital now, but I am still grounded, so it looks like writing fan fiction and doing schoolwork will be the only things that I'll be able to do for awhile. I again apologize for taking so long to update the last chapter; it was an unintentional hiatus. Addressing the Magnus spin-off; I will not be able to post the next chapter for awhile. Certain things must be revealed before its release, and someone stole my other computer. My car was jacked! I just have the worst luck ever, don't I? First I break my femur, then I have to stay in the hospital for an extended time, then my stuff gets stolen! ZOMG! Why does the ZUN- I mean, the almighty god hate me? **

**Anyway, moving on to the chapter, I feel like the Gunethre arc has been dragging on for too long. Not to mention, I had some great ideas for the Hakurei shrine, the forest of magic, the SDM, and many more locations that I can't use while Magnus is wandering around. So, this is why exciting things are starting to happen again. This chapter mainly takes place in the outside world, but don't worry, next chapter will have more Gensokyo in it.**

**Another thing I'd like to note is that there are two different types of Rumias I'm using. They are both the same person, so think of it as a split personality type of thing. One is a mature personality, and the other is childish.**

**BTW, I think there may be a misconception. Dan was based off my first editor, and Magnus was based off a completely different person… I sure have some fucked up friends, don't I?**

**NOW!... ON WITH THE SHOW!**

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere<strong>

**Insane German Chemist/Alchemist POV… Dr Magnus**

"Errrr… so, zees… Youkai, as you call zem, zey all 'ave magical powers?" I asked quizzically. Matt was telling me about the youkai, or at least what he knew about them.

Matt inhaled deeply, and sank further into the velvet armchair he was sitting in. A rythematically ticking clock was… ticking in the background. "Yes, or at least to my understanding."

"What are you talking about? Of course all youkai have magical powers!" Dan piped up. He had joined the conversation about five minutes ago, and at every opportunity, he would try to dominate the conversation.

_"Ahhh, ze crazies are always attention hogs…" _I quietly thought to myself. The scene before me was… humorous to say the least. Matt Proceeded to face-fault at the interruption, and I could tell Franz was just barely restraining himself from making a rude comment.

"Youkai are-

Dan was about to continue, but was interrupted by Matt. "Oh, here we go! Dan knows everything! *sarcastic tone* Lets all be like Dan! *sum Moar sarcasm*" Matt made sure to sound as dis-respectful as he could.

"What the cunt-fucking hell is your problem?" Dan asked as an angry glare occupied his face.

"It's just that you always pretend you're so high and mighty! You aren't even a youkai, and you're talking like you know all about them!" Matt yelled at Dan. His escalated voice rang through my ears like a high pitched bell. Seriously… his voice is really annoying. It pisses me off!

Dan stuttered, and reached for one of his "pointys". "You didn't even know you were one until 4 cock-shitting months ago!" Dan escalated the yelling to the point if one were to be at the other end of the castle; they would hear it echo through the halls.

_"Zis is escalating to epic proportions… I like it!" _I thought out to myself.

"Whiiiirrrr clackataka!" ("My thoughts exactly!) Franz happily clicked. The half flesh and bone, half mechanical arm functioned as my evil side, so it always loved some unnecessary chaos.

Of course, the chaos was pretty funny, but I came to the decision to end the madness. "Okay everyvon, eet iz time to stop with ze arguing! Now… lets all go and-

**"SHUT UP YOU!"** Matt and Dan both simultaneously yelled.

_"You shall not disrespect me in my own home!" _I thought to myself. In reality, I banged the base of my cane on the ground, and stood up. "No!... YOU must be ze von to do the shutting up!" I yelled in my trademarked heavy accent. Matt and Dan froze, and I adjusted my glasses focus knob. "Eh-hehehehe… Sorry about zat…" I said with my continual neutral expression.

Matt and Dan looked at each other, and looked back at me. Matt spoke up in a shy tone of voice. "Sorry about that…"

"Yeah…" Dan continued. An awkward silence graced the atmosphere. The ticking of the clock… or… many clocks was the only sound other than the occasional sound from Franz, or Matt's arm. As Stated before, most of the ticking came from the many clocks in the house, but the loudest ticking came from the giant wagon-spring clock mechanism in the basement*.

…

…

…

"Sooo…" Matt interrupted the awkward silence. "Would you like to hear about my adventure in Gensokyo?" He asked with an unsure expression on his face.

I didn't know anything about Gensokyo, so I decided that this could be valuable info. "Sure! Vhy not!" I replied.

Dan rolled his eyes, and said: "Here we go…"

"It all started with a gunfight in new York…"

Matt proceeded to tell me all about his experience in Gensokyo. I listened patently, and even laughed/coughed at some parts. It was a humorous tale.

* * *

><p><strong>Gensokyo, underground<strong>

**Flandre's POV**

"There there Rumia… it's ok." I comforted Rumia as she sobbed at the place the LT used to be. The dark, dank cave was moist, and occasionally, the dripping of wet water-drops would echo through the caverns.

Rumia continued to lament over the disappearance of Matt. "B-b-b-but, I didn't even get to say goodbye ***Cry*** H-h-he left without ***Sob***-

_"I'm sad too, but at least I don't cry like that…" _I thought to myself.

"He-he just left! ***Sob* **I miss him already!" Rumia cried.

***Sigh*** I sighed. "He'll probably be back." I tried to comfort her once again.

My efforts were beginning to work, but they were interrupted by a certain gap-troll. "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that." Yukari stated as she stepped out of one of her gaps.

I stood up with a hostile expression "What do you mean?" I asked with a threatening tone of voice. Yukari came to visit sometimes, and almost all of her visits ended badly. The fact that she foiled my attempts to calm Rumia down didn't help my anger towards the trolling youkai. "You had something to do with this, didn't you?" I raised an eyebrow.

Yukari took out her fan, and hid half her face behind it as usual. "Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu! Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag." Yukari chuckled. "I guess I could tell you my plan."

…

I waited for Yukari to continue, but she wouldn't budge, like a frozen video game. "Well… let's hear it." I waited impatiently. "If you don't tell me why Dan is gone, I'll make you go kyuu!" I threatened.

Yukari dropped her fan back into one of her gaps. After the gap closed, she said: "My my! Someone has a temper! Maybe I won't tell you."

I rose in the air with an insane grin on my face. A six-sided spell circle appeared behind me, and my voice seemed to have 5 different layers. Like it's in G-major**. "TELL ME RIGHT NOW!"

"WHAAAAAH!" Rumia burst into tears again. As she did this, I almost instantaneously dismissed the circle, and flew down to comfort the crying darkness youkai.

Yukari let out a soft giggle, and rolled her eyes. "As I was saying!..." Yukari got our attention. "… Matt refused my offer, so I transported him out of Gensokyo." Yukari calmly stated. Again; there was an awkward silence.

…

…

"**WHAT?**" Rumia and I simultaneously exclaimed.

Yukari twisted her parasol, and turned away from us. "Yep, he yelled at me, and was just down-right rude. I was going to let him stay, but-

_"I hate you so much right now."_ I thought as my angry voice kicked in, and I said: "But why did you take Dan too? We always hang out together!"

Rumia got up from the ground, and ran up to Yukari. She began beating her fists against her legs like an upset child. "Bring! Matt! Back!" She said through tears while banging her fists at the end of each word.

Yukari made a clicking noise with her tongue, and raised her parasol. She brought it down, and whacked Rumia on the back of the head; sending her into the opposing wall. "Do NOT touch me!" Yukari said while raising her parasol back to her shoulder. "Besides, the time of the week that I can transport objects to and from the outside world has passed." She stated while turning back away from me.

I was about to protest, but She jumped up into the air, and a purple gap swallowed her up.

_"Dammit Yukari!"_ I thought while walking over to where Rumia stuck to the wall. "Come on Rumia…" I said in a low undertone.

"***Sniff* **Ok ***Sniff***" Rumia scraped herself off the wall with my help, and proceeded to brush the dirt from her skirt. Her tears started to dry up as well.

"Come on Rumia, I need to make something go kyuu!" I said in my half mature, half immature voice.

"Where are we going?" Rumia asked. She wiped the last of her tears off her face with her right sleeve.

I slowly turned my head to face the childish darkness youkai, and an evil grin crept onto my face. "We're going to do something that Dan would've wanted us to do!" I said in an even darker undertone.

Rumia's face darkened exactly like mine, and an evil grin, identical to mine, crept across her face. "Is that so…" She said in a similar dark undertone. She raised her arms, and a ball of darkness surrounded her.

We flew out of the entrance/exit to the cave, and headed towards the desert plains at top speed.

_"I will finish the job for you Dan…"_

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere<strong>

**Matt's POV**

"And that's how it happened…" I just finished telling my tale of my trip through Gensokyo up to this point. Magnus seemed fascinated throughout the whole story, and always seemed eager to hear the next part after I finished one. "***Whew*** I hope that satisfies you." I said with relief. He basically made me tell him about my entire experience in Gensokyo.

"Yay! Tell it again!" Maria exclaimed. She had started listening near the beginning of my story.

"Vell… It vas very good… I 'ave decided!" Magnus exclaimed. His Left hand… Errr, Franz tapped his fingers on top of Magnus' cane. "I 'ave most zertainly decided…" Magnus repeated.

Dan snapped out of his thoughts, which were most likely about ways to kill certain people he didn't like, and spoke up. "What?... What have you decided?" He asked in a… normal tone.

_"Weird… Dan almost always adds some sort of twist into his speech."_ I thought. Right after processing that last thought, I asked: "Yes, just what have you decided to do?"

Franz made a grinding noise, and clicked: "Clack whiirr click clickaticka clack Whiiiiirrr" ("Yes, what is it that you've decided on Magnus?")

"Tee hee… Your hand is funny!" Maria burst out of her chair, and landed next to Magnus. She pointed a finger at his left arm/Franz, and slowly inched it forward.

Franz backed away and hissed. "WHHIIIIRRRR CLACKATACK!" ("DON"T FUCKING TOUCH ME!") Franz angrily clicked. Magnus turned his head towards Maria, and maintained a neutral expression.

Maria backed away from Magnus and tears started to well up in her eyes. Dan snapped to attention at this, and reached for his sword. "What… Was that?... Your hand is starting to make little wuddles*** cry…" Dan said in an ominous dark and dangerous tone.

"Vhat… I did not say anything. Franz did." Magus stated while Franz raised its penny-sized eye/camera to Dan. I sat passively and watched the situation unfold. Dan growled, and Maria cuddled up next to Dan. "Vhatever. Anyvey, I 'ave decided to move to zis… Gensokyo" Magnus announced.

Everyone in the room was left speechless. My mouth hung agape, and Dan had stopped petting Maria in her youkai form.

…

…

"YOWCH!" After a while, a mischievous glint escaped Maria's eyes, and she proceeded to claw at Dan's face. I let out a snicker, and I could tell that if Maria wasn't in her youkai form, she would be loling.

"R-re-really?" I stuttered. Dr. Magnus seemed like the one who would make decisions on a whim, but this was just ridiculous. "Y-you do realize that I have no idea how to get into Gensokyo, right?" I said in a deadpan tone while glaring at the insane doctor. "The only person I can think of who could let us into Gensokyo is Yukari… And she most certainly isn't going to help us." I sank into my armchair as my tone did the same.

Dan was nursing a wound that was inflicted by 'Wuddles', as he called her… And is also completely unrelated to this paragraph. Maria resumed her youkai form, and cuddled back up on Dan's lap… Maybe he is related to this paragraph, don't you think?

Anyway, Magnus stood up out of his chair, and tapped the ground with his cane. "Vell! I vill see you all later, except for you Matt mine boy. You vill meet me in ze observatory!" Dr. Magnus interrupted the conversation so smoothly, that everyone dismissed without a second thought; except for me. I continued to sit silently in the room even after Magnus himself left. After about 5 minutes of absolute silence; a loud clank came from the ceiling, and a large funnel lowered itself from the darkened space. "Matt! I am waiting for you!" Magnus' voice echoed though the funnel with bad quality. It almost sounded like a worn out vinyl album.

"Gah!" I jumped to attention. Springs along the walls moved, and mechanisms operating flint lighters lit chemical substance torches along one hallway.

I gazed into the seemingly-endless hallway, until Magnus' voice was heard again. "I 'ave lit ze vey Matt. Just follow ze torches." The bad quality voice spoke once again. "And do not let me catch you snooping as you do in your story****.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the phrase. Once being somewhat of an internet troll, I couldn't help it.

"GET MOVING!" Magnus' bad quality voice rang through the intercom. I once again sprung out of my chair, and dashed down the hallway.

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere Observatory<strong>

After climbing a never-ending set of stairs, I hesitantly opened the door. When I walked into the room, I was greeted by a mechanically-driven model of the solar system in the middle of the room, and a moving cosmic design behind glass that decorated the walls. It seemed like it was also mechanically driven. Under the glass floor, was a 20 foot diameter analog clock. There were telescopes of different sizes all over the room, and a Giant lever by the door I just walked through. All the designs were like that of 19th century clock face decoration. My mouth hung agape.

"Velcome… To my observatory!" The doctor said with an almost-smile. His left lip was just barely maintaining an upright position, but the right side of his lips remained stationary. "Zis facility houses some of ze finest optical telescopes in ze verld!" He said with pride.

I took about 2 more minutes to take in my surroundings. Instead of a normal ceiling, a dome composed the uppermost area, and met with the constantly-moving walls. It was much like how Okuu's cosmic cape met her black crow wings.

Magnus walked over to me, and laid a hand on my shoulder; specifically his right one. "Mine boy, I vould leik to know something." Magnus asked in his deep German accent.

"What is it?" I questioned while staring at my warped face in one of Magnus' many optical telescopes.

Magnus let go of my shoulder, and leaned on his cane. "I vas very… intrigued by your watch, I vas just vondering if I might take a look at it?" His voice was very direct, and his expression was blank as usual.

I turned to Magnus with an eyebrow raised. "Why?" I questioned.

Magnus started pacing in circles around me. "Vell, I just saw how personal it seemed to you, and I vas also vondering vhy you started dying when Franz took it apart." Magnus started admiring his own décor half-way through his last sentence.

"Whiiirrrr Clakatacka Whiiir whir whirrr Clack!" ("Hey! You're the cunt fucker that told me to look for silver!") Franz argued.

I scratched my chin, and ignored the Hand's creative comment. "Yes, but why should I trust you?" I asked in more detail.

Magnus turned his gaze back down to me, and said: "Vell, if you show me your watch, I vill show you something zat might just get zis Yukari's attention."

I waited a moment, then sighed "Fine!..." I proceeded to take my prized solid-gold pocket watch out of my pocket, and clicked the lid open and showed Magnus the face. As he bent down, I cleared my throat. "***Ahem*!**... You see this dial?" I pointed to a location on the face of my watch. "It shows how many years I have lived. This watch always keeps perfect time, but it is no magic… well, it sort of is, but that's not the point. The point is that my soul is actually tied to this watch. If anything were to happen to it, I would die." I took a deep breath. "Oh, and see the moon dial?" Magnus nodded. "That doesn't actually show day or night, it is actually my mood." I concluded.

Magnus nodded. "Interesting… very interesting indeed…" He continued nodding as he stood up. "I do not suppose I could… be holding ze watch, could I?" Magnus asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Well… I-

I was interrupted yet again as Magnus swiped the watch out of my hand, and started examining it for himself. I started panicking and grasping for the watch. Unfortunately, the watch was too far out of my reach. Even when I was jumping, I wasn't able to get my hands on my precious watch. _"Why is it that I am cursed with this short height…?" _I grumbled in thought form.

Magnus continuing to examine the watch with sparkles in his eyes. "Ooohh… Vagon spring… Tell me, just how does one fit a vagon spring inside a small pocket watch." If the doctor had bothered to look down, he would see that I was continuing to jump for the watch, with twin waterfalls in my eyes.

_"The sad thing is, he isn't even trying to hold it out of my reach…"_ I once again grumbled to myself

"Vell, I zimply must zee inzide this watch!" Magnus said while Franz took out a screw-driver.

"NO!" I yelled and got the mad doctor's attention.

"Oh… sorry." Magnus said while kneeling down to my height. "Erm, how about I disassemble ze watch in your sleep. Zat vey your death vill be painless." Magnus said in an eerily cheerful tone.

I snatched the watch out of his hands, and clenched it to my chest. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE AT AGE 112!" I shouted while backing away from Magnus.

"Ok…Ok… Fine! I vill… vait until you are 113. Is zat ok?" Magnus questioned. An awkward pause followed Magnus' uncomfortable question, and silence that was only broken by the ticking of the gigantic floor clock, graced the room.

…

…

"NO!" I screamed. If I had ever met anyone who qualified for that lack of a soul more than Dan, it would have to be Magnus.

"Vell… How about after you die?" Magnus questioned for the third time.

"N-!... Well…" The awkward pause graced the room once again, but I was distracted by my thoughts to take much notice.

…

_"Ugh… this has to end somewhere… well this has to end somewhere. I doubt he'll live longer than me. Sure, I'll agree to his deal." _I debated in my mind. My ever-turning gears in my head slowed down, and the combination of neurons and micro-clockwork that made up y brain whirred down. _"You know, the good thing about my brain being half-mechanical, is that If my heart were to stop for more than 2 hours, none of my memories or thought-processes would be lost." _I thought to myself. I nodded, and grinned. "You have yourself a deal Dr. Magnus!" I exclaimed while I thought: _"What an idiot!"_

"Wunderbar! Ve 'ave a deal!" Magnus stuck out his right hand, and I proceeded to perform the hand-to-hand contact binding ritual… or handshake. "I 'ave all ze time in ze verld! For I am immortal!"

I nodded and maintained my grin for about 5 more seconds, and then my cheery expression shattered. "I-I-I-I-Immortal?" I just barely managed to say. "You… are immortal?" I repeated.

"Vhy yes! While I am not, as you say, a true immortal, I am a biological immortal*****!" Magnus said in an almost-cheerful tone. I stood stupid for a couple more seconds, and stared with my mouth continuing to be agape, at Dr. Crazy.

…

…

"***CHOKE!*** ACK! ***COUGH COUGH COUGH!***"After having my mouth open for so long, I bug flew into it. "Don't worry ***COUGH!* **I just swallowed a bug." I gulped. _"Great, now he might get to actually take apart my watch. Still though, I'll be dead already, but I think I'm going to be sick!" _I'm not sure if it's what Magnus said unnerved me, and I felt queasy. _"This… is somewhat disturbing…" _I composed myself, and looked the doctor in the eye "So… what is this thing that might get Yukari's attention?" I asked in a quizzical tone of voice.

"Here, let me show you!" Magnus calmly stated while walking over to the large switch located by the door. He pulled it, and the loud sound of a large clutch being engaged, followed by the sound of chains operating echoed through the room as the room seemed to rise.

***Whir-CLANK!... Dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink…***

The sound of the chain continued until the room shook and came to a stop. The large dome part of the ceiling opened to reveal the starry night, and a waning ¾ moon. I marveled at how clear the night sky was, and Magnus walked over to an object that was put away in the corner of the room. It wasn't a telescope, but it had a chair and an eye-piece. Magnus half-grinned as he climbed into the chair and pulled one of the many levers in front of him. The sound of a clutch engaging once again filled the room, and the mechanism extended out to the middle of the room via wall-mounted scissor lift.

"Zis… is Dr. Octagonapus! It is a super laser!" He proudly stated with a half-grin.

_"Seriously? Did we really need to reference the lazer collection?" _I mentally dead-panned. "That's a… creative name." I said while a bulb of sweat formed on the back of my neck.

The doctor looked down at me from the operator's seat which was raised about 7 feet into the air. "Do you really think so?" He asked in an eager voice.

_"Just what is he a doctor of?"_ I thought as the bead of sweat disappeared, and while rolling my eyes.

"Et firez a massive lazer using 700,000 ampz of electrizity!" He stated with glee. "It takes about… 5 dayz to charge ze capacitorz, but the reward iz vell vorth ze vait." Magnus continued. "I vas going to use et to burn a message into ze full moon tomorrow, but ehhhh… Ve could use et to zend a message to zis… Yukari. Ze moon iz vizible from Gensokyo… Right?" Magnus asked with anticipation.

I cleared my throat and spoke in a low undertone. "Yes, yes it is."

Magnus lowered himself from the chair and exclaimed "Wunderbar!" Right when his feet touched the ground; the huge contraption folded itself back into the small space it was in before. "Vell then… Ve vill burn ze message in tomorrow night." Magnus threw the switch once again, and the dome-like observatory lowered itself down to the level of the hallway. "I am going to hang out vith your friend Dan. You may do az you please, but… Just don't touch any of ze cars!" Magnus stated while walking out the door; leaving me alone in his observatory.

* * *

><p><strong>Gensokyo, Desert plains<strong>

**Rumia's POV**

Flandre and I were racing toward the location of Gunethre's base. It was about time someone had done this, and we were motivated to do it. "WHERE IS IT!" That is, if we could find Gunethre's base.

I flew closer to my companion, and patted her on the back. "Calm down Flan, I'm sure it's around here somewhere." I back further away and added _"I hope…"_ in thought form.

Flandre gazed over at me as we were flying, and I gazed back. She had an expression of rage plastered all over her face, and her fists were clenched tightly. She turned her head back in front of herself to once again look for Gunethre's base.

An awkward silence graced the atmosphere as we flew low to the ground, which was only interrupted by the wind howling in my ear. _"I HOPE we find it soon. I don't think Flan can hold on much longer."_

…

…

…

…

…

"THERE!" Flandre shouted while pointing to a camouflaged structure. The bricks were the same color as the sand that surrounded them, so it was understandable that one would have difficulty locating it from the air.

I smirked as we started descending towards the base, while a psychotic grin crept onto Flandre's face. While descending, neither of us noticed that the place seemed almost deserted.

As we landed at the front gate, Flandre nodded at me, and walked ahead of me to the towering door. She said "Ding dong! Anyone home?" and after a short moment, she bashed the door down in one hit. "Come on Rumia! Let's go!" Flandre said in an enthusiastic manner.

I held my arms out to my sides, and created a ball of darkness around myself. "WHEEEE! Let's go stop the bad guys!" We made our way into the dark corridor, and set out to search for Gunethre in his seemingly never-ending base. _"Yeah, it's about time someone stopped them…"_

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere garage, basement level 1<strong>

**Dan POV**

Well… I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but it sure lived up to its name. If you're wondering what 'it' is, 'it' is an extremely long, modified, 5 axle Dusenberg. It was painted white, with chrome finish in certain places, and took up the entire length of the garage we were in. "It's… nice." I said while sweat-dropping. _"Seriously! Who needs a car this long!"_

"Ah yes… et zertainly iz!" Magnus exclaimed with enthusiasm. "An it iz ze most powerful land-based vehicle in ze verld!" Magnus stated while limping towards the car he mentioned. He looked back at me, and a smirk crept on to the left corner of his face. "Do you vant to ride in it?" He asked before fully turning around.

I shook my head and nervously backed away. "I think I'll take my chances with Matt's death trap."

Magnus arced his head backwards, and laughed. After he brought it forwards, he stared me in the eye, and said: "Bah! Zat piece of shite vill never know ze power of zis thing! I have turbo charged ze doodle to inject mine special chemical compound directly into ze thingy." He wore a half smirk on his face that only he could pull off.

_"Is this guy for real? Shouldn't a scientist know what he's talking about?" _I thought to myself for a moment, and then proceeded to admire the vehicle. "So, what does that mean? What is, the 'doodle' and the 'thingy'?" I said while quoting doodle and thingy with my fingers.

Of course, Magnus completely ignored me, and continued with his babbling. I sweat dropped, then thought: "_Just like old times…_" I double took over my shoulder, and noticed that the doctor had started pacing back and fourth. "Better escape while I still can…" I quietly said to myself. I tip-toed out of the garage, leaving Magnus to continue babbling on his own.

* * *

><p><strong>Gunethre's HQ<strong>

**Gunethre's POV**

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT FAILURE!" I hissed at a soldier who I had grabbed by the collar of his shirt.

I lifted the soldier into the air. As he trembled, he said: "T-t-that failure r-results in d-d-d-death…"

_"Kill, destroy, murder, death, die, destruction, oblivion!" _My psychotic thoughts echoed through my mind. "Well then…" I began with my rock-hard face. "It's time to make good on the promise!" I slammed the soldier against the wall, and then my metallic eye began to glow.

"Nooo!..." The grunt soldier fell limp in my grasp as his soul, his life essence, was absorbed into the eye.

I smirked, and then dropped the grunt on the ground. "At least you are of some use to me." I kicked the body away, and took a seat at my desk; where I started planning my next invasion.

Just as I was getting into the right thought process, I heard a loud thud, followed by a small girl saying: "Wheeee!"

I face-faulted, then grumbled "Intruders…" under my breath. I got up from the desk that I had comfortably seated myself at, and threw the door to my office open. I exited the office with a grim scowl, and made my way down the dark hallway. _"Death, Burn, Decimate!" _Violent thoughts cycled themselves through my head as I grimly walked down the hallway to face the intruders.

* * *

><p><strong>Unknown location<strong>

**AILC's POV**

_"Huh… usually Maria comes around to play about now…" _I thought to myself as I was alone in the wide void known as my hard drive. Maria had turned me off some time ago. I couldn't really remember how long ago, I just remember that it was a while ago.

Suddenly, someone powered on the computer, and soon, I found myself looking through the lens of the web-cam once again. "Ah- hello Mar-…" I stopped once the web cam focused, and saw that the person who had powered me on, was not Maria.

"Gah! Zis thing speaks!"

"Wait! Who are you?" I asked after my Wheatly-impersonation voice had fully loaded.

The man in a white lab coat pointed to himself and proudly stated: "I am Dr. Magnus! Master of all ze chemical doodles and thingyz!" He lowered the hand he had used to point to himself and asked: "Now vhat iz your name Mr. thingy?"

My hard drive made a click, and I said: "My name is AILC; Artificially Intelligent Locator Computer." If I had a body, I would have done a bow.

"Whirrr clickaticka!" Magnus' hand made a clicking noise that matched my hard drive.

After the hand clicked and whirred; Magnus seemed to get angry. He looked down at his hand while saying: "No Franz! Ve vill not be doing zat!"

A question mark appeared on my screen, And Magnus looked back over to me. "Who is Franz?" I asked with curiosity.

Magnus took a breath in, and straightened his square glasses. "Franz iz my left arm." Magnus stated in the bluntest way possible.

I stayed silent for a couple seconds, and then said: "Oh…"

After a couple more awkward seconds, Magnus said: "Vell, I better be going. Goodbye."

He reached over to close my screen. Right as his hand was inches away, I yelled "NO!" but he ignored my protests, and put me back into sleep mode.

Magnus looked up at no-one in particular, and said: "Now… I 'ave verk to do!" He limped away I finally shut down once more.

_"Grrrrr…" _I thought once I was fully in sleep mode.

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

><p><strong> [AN]: OCs OCs OCs! Dear god! What have I become? I've really got to lay of the scenes with my OCs… <strong>

***Sigh***

**Ok, footnotes.**

***A wagon-spring is leaf spring. It consists of parallel metal bars that slowly straighten over time to power a mechanism. It has a lot more power than a conventional spring, but watch out when they pop! They also have a much longer life than a conventional spring. **

****The 5-layer G major fad was a short lived one on youtube. It involved layering the audio in 5 different tones with Sony Vegas.**

*****Wuddles is a nickname for the co-author's cat, you know, the one that Dan is based on. He often refers to the cat as wuddles, and gets pissed off if anyone laughs at the name.**

******What?... It needed to be referenced at some point.**

*******A biological immortal is a person that will never die of old age, but can still die of… For example, getting shot, or a stab wound. Basically, they can still die from anything that isn't old age, or sickness. I got this idea from_ bluewolf963's _fan fiction: "from the sky and beyond".**

**There is something I'd like to mention before I get any reviews. Magnus' English is SUPPOSED To be bad! For example, he doesn't use acronyms, even when it would be far easier than his way of speech, and he is always saying "mine boy" instead of "Mah boi"… errr, I mean "My boy".**

**To address the part with Magnus and Matthew, Magnus is supposed to have no regard for living creatures. Basically, he cares about his own well-being, and everyone else around him is a potential subject for an experiment… or at least that's his view. In the world I live in that's not the internet, the person who Dr. Magnus is based on (who is also helping me write this now, and is NOT the person Dan is based on) has a weird taste for cars as well. It was his decision that Magnus be of German heritage. He also wanted to make him a Nazi supporter, but I vetoed the idea. Another thing about Magnus is that I have yet to reveal his full name. 'Magnus' is just an alias and I actually censored his real name in the last chapter. Maybe I'll reveal it at some landmark, like when I get 100 reviews, or the word-count on this fic breaks 200,000. Something like that.**

* * *

><p><strong>Profile: Xanavere<strong>

** Xanavere is Dr. Magnus' castle. It sits atop a dried silver mine, and it completely mechanically driven. The wagon spring in the basement drives all the devices in the mansion, and only needs to be wound about once every month. Dr Magnus must use one of his many cars to wind it with their special chemical fuel. The castle itself is about as big as the scarlet devil mansion, so I'm not going to go into the layout, but it is truly a mechanical, steampunk wonder.**


	19. Crossing the Border Again

**Chapter 19: crossing the border… Again**

**[AN]: Hello everyone! Well, after a couple month hiatus, here it is! Chapter 19. I was having some major family issues, but everything has stabilized. By the way guys, it seems I have created a meme! Google search Trolls Royce if you want to see what I'm talking about.**

** Fun fact, silver has substantial magical properties… or at least it does in this fic. Well, thank you for reading this fic thus far. I'll just let you all continue with this fanfiction now. Bye-bye!**

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere roof<strong>

**3rd POV**

It was a dark and very clear night. The moon was clearly visible through the light cloud cover, and the wind howled through the night. Magnus wore a neutral expression while holding his cane in front of himself with his right hand. Magnus' left hand, Franz, was resting right on top of the other one. He sighed, then said "Vhere iz he? He iz late!"

About 5 seconds after he said this, Matt burst through the doors leading to the roof of Magnus' castle. He was panting heavily, and seemed panicked. "Sorry *pant* I'm *pant* late!"

Magnus was wondering what happened, but not for long. He soon heard Dan yelling "WAIT TILL I GET MY GOD DAMN HANDS ON YOU YA LITTLE CUNT SHITTING ASS FUCKER!"

Matt immediately dashed behind Magnus, who didn't even shift his position, while whimpering "Hide me…"

Magnus twisted his head. A sickening crack was heard as it did a complete 180, and he looked down at the young youkai. "Vhat?... I don't vant to be knowing…"

A couple moments later, and the door to the roof was blasted off its hinges in a cloud of dust. It flew off into the night sky, never to be seen again. The dust cleared to show Dan staring at Matt hiding behind Magnus with rage-filled fire in his eyes. "Alright, hand him over!" The insane semi-immortal growled.

Magnus' head shifted back into its positing as Dan's expression changed from one of anger, to one of surprise. "H-how is it possible for a normal human being to do that?"

Magnus changed his expression from a frown to a neutral one and said "I am double jointed."

And awkward pause followed…

Dan disregarded the strange nature of Dr. Magnus' body, and simply looked over at the machine that was sitting next to Magnus. He stared at it for another moment, and then asked "What's that?"

The left corner of Magnus' lip twitched upward, creating that almost-smile that only he could pull off. "I am glad you asked mine boy. It iz a super lazer zat I like to call-

Magnus was interrupted when Matt pulled on his lab coat, and said "Please, don't say it." His expression showed something that resembled disappointment.

Magnus' almost smile lowered, and asked "Vhy not?" with a sour frown.

Matt stepped out from behind Dr. Magnus and stated "Because it's a stupid name."

An angry vein appeared on Magnus' wrinkled forehead and his expression darkened. His glasses glinted in the moonlight as he turned his head. "Vell, it iz better zan ze stupid name you gave your mobile house, ze land train!"

Matt looked away while blushing in embarrassment. "H-hey! Rumia helped me name that!"

Magnus changed his expression into his usual neutral one, and said "Vell, zis Rumia person must not be very smart."

An angry vein appeared on Matt's forehead as he said "Hey! I'll have you know that she's smarter than you'll ever be!"

Magnus' self-aware hand, Franz angrily clicked, and then slammed Magnus' can into the ground. "How dare you insult my intelligence!" Magnus angrily declared. "I vill have you know zat my IQ iz over von-hundred zixty!"

While Matt and Magnus continued arguing, Dan sweat dropped and thought _"Am I the only one here that has any dick sucking shred of maturity?" _Dan furrowed his brow and blocked out Magnus and Matt's argument. "I'm going to go back inside…" the semi-insane semi-immortal muttered under his breath.

He walked back down the stairway where he had come from and closed the door behind him, but not before hearing Magnus sing "Matt and Rumia zitting in a tree~!" Dan chuckled, and pulled a lever that put out the chemical lamps which lit the hallway.

Meanwhile on the roof, Magnus was acting like an elementary child while tormenting Matt. It seemed like Matt, the mature one, should've been the one trolling like a grade school student, but no. Magnus was the one teasing Matt. "WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?" Matt screamed.

Magnus stopped pacing around the roof, and looked at Matt. He sighed, and then said "Fine… I vill ztop ze act of teazing you." Magnus re-adjusted his glasses, and then looked into the night sky. The full moon was half-way hidden behind some cloud cover, but it was emerging slowly from behind it. Magnus smirked, then said "It iz almost time" Under his breath.

Franz made a grinding noise, then clicked "Whirrr clakact whirr? Wwwhiiiir CLAKC CLICK!" (What the fuck are we waiting for? LET'S SHOOT THE MOON!)

Matt looked at the sentient hand, and then said "He's right. What are we waiting for?" while looking up at Magnus' worn face.

Magnus glanced back down at Matt and said "Alright, ve vill start now!" After Magnus said these words, the ground opened up beneath Magnus, and he fell into the hole.

Matt looked down into the hole, only to be greeted by a bright light. He stumbled backwards as Magnus' super-laser rose from the hole with the mad doctor himself sitting in the operator's chair. The barrel of the cannon cackled and hummed with energy as Dr. Magnus half-smiled Down at Matt. "VHAT DO YOU THINK MINE BOY!" Dr. Magnus yelled down at Matt. The loud humming of the laser sounded very familiar to another hum Matt had heard.

"I-IT"S PRETTY COOL…" Matt yelled back.

"WHIIIRRRR CLAKCEKATAKCTA!" (YOU FUCKING BET IT IS!)

Magnus jammed his cane into a slot on the laser, then said "OK… TIME FOR A COUNTDOWN!" Magnus looked up at his target as the laser adjusted itself to the proper angle. "TEN!... NEIN!...EIGHT!... SEV-

Magnus was interrupted as a familiar rift in reality opened right in front of him. From the rift, a familiar figure flew out and tackled Magnus as is yelled "STOOOOOPP!"

Magnus was knocked out of his chair by the person, and struggled to gather his bearings. He adjusted his glasses then glared up at the person. She stood over him with an angry face. Magnus half-smiled as he calmly stood up from the ground then said "Hello… Yukari."

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere foyer<strong>

**Dan's POV**

_"I wonder if they will actually fucking pull it off?" _Dan asked himself as he paced around the foyer off the huge castle. He was pretty skeptical of Magnus and Matt's plan… well, Magnus' plan. He felt like shooting the moon could only cause trouble.

He continued pacing around the foyer until finally deciding to stop thinking about it. He threw his hands up with frustration and said "Screw this! I'm going to go play warcraft now!"

He started walking towards the exit of the mansion in order to play on his computer, but then he stopped. He turned around to look at the rail-chair that Magnus usually used, then smirked. "I doubt that crazy old dumbass will mind if I use his chair."

He was about to climb in the chair when someone tugged on his overly-decorated coat. He turned around to find the little cat youkai he had un-officially adopted with AILC under her arm. Maria stared at Dan with sparkling eyes then said "Papa, can I come with you?"

This phrase immediately triggered a reaction from Dan "_Damn… That's so cute!_" Something inside him urged him to pat the little nekomata on the head. "W-well… sure, why not!" Dan climbed into the chair with Maria on his lap, and tried pulling one of the levers next to it. At first the chair started moving slowly, but then it took off in a direction that certianly wasn't the way to the front door.

Maria seemed to be enjoying the ride, and I knew I certainly was. Pretty soon the chair came to a stop in a room filled with beakers and levers. I could only assume it was a laboratory. It was dark, and there were human skulls lining shelves everywhere.

We both stepped out of the chair, and Maria tugged on my sleeve. "P-papa? W-Wh… What is this place?" She said while shaking slightly.

The images of death created in my head by this room made a sadistic grin creep onto my face. They reminded me of the times that I used to go on demon hunts. The slaughters were so much fun, and I would always come back home stained in blood. _"Heh-Heh!"_

Maria continued to look at me for an answer while shaking lightly, then said "D-Dan?"

I seemed to ignore her as my eyes gained the red glow that they seemed to have before Maria stepping into my life. _"All the blood… All the Murder! It gives me a warm feeling inside!" _I look down at a village that was set a little further down the mountain than the castle. "_Just one more time couldn't hurt, could it?"_

I was about to leave the castle to go slaughter the village, when the trembling Maria jumped up onto me, and said "No! Please don't go!"

I looked at the little youkai, and then started calming down. The blood red glow that my eyes gave out started to fade as the room returned to darkness. I Hugged Maria back, then said "S-sorry… I don't know what came over me."

Maria let go of me, and we both made our way back to the chair. Maria climbed in my lap, and we went back to the castle's huge foyer. When we made it back, I ruffled Maria's hair while saying "Why don't you go play with AILC? You haven't started him up in a while, and I'm sure he misses you." I wore a cheerful smile.

Maria nodded, then cheerfully said "Ok!" while skipping off to go play with her digital friend.

Once Maria was out of the room, I turned around to face the front door, and adopted a grim expression. I muttered "It seems my bloodlust hasn't completely vanished yet…" under my breath.

I walked toward the door to go occupy my favorite hobby, World of Warcraft.

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere Roof<strong>

**3rd POV**

Matthew Harrison had stood silent for the past 5 seconds. He was trying to comprehend the fact that the crazy German Doctor he met just a couple days ago knew the most powerful youkai in the world. "W-w-wait… How do you two know each other?" Matt finally got out.

"**HACK!** ACK! ACK! ***Cough, cough!***"Magnus wheezed/chuckled as he took a swig from his flask. Franz also seemed to chuckle at Matt's statement.

Yukari stayed floating in mid-air, and also seemed curious of how the mad German Chemist knew her name. She looked back at Matthew, who just shrugged.

Magnus wiped the blood from his mouth, and then spoke. "I am surprized zat you do not remember me."

"Whirrr clackatakcata whirrrrrr!" ("Stupid old fucking hag!") Franz added. It was a good thing that Yukari couldn't understand Franz's whirrs and clicks. If she could, she would have likely destroyed the sentient hand on the spot.

An awkward silence graced the atmosphere as Magnus shoved his blood-stained handkerchief into one of the pockets on his lab coat. He took a swig from his flask, and then continued. "Vell, I zertainly remember you."

Yukari stood… Floated still for a couple more minutes, then shook her head. "Ara… I'm sorry, I don't recognize you." Yukari turned her head towards Matt and frowned while saying "And what is HE doing here?"

Matt gave Yukari a shy wave, and then cleared his throat. He stepped forward and said "Well… This is where you dumped me. Magnus here took me in." Matt gestured towards Dr. Strangelo-* I mean Magnus.

Magnus stood in front of the strange Japanese woman in a very composed manner. He adjusted his glasses, and then said "Come. Ve vere just about to eat dinner."

Matt's eyes glinted and trollish grin stretched between his lips. Something changed inside his chest, and in a voice that mirrored a certain King dressed in yellow, he said "Enough! I wonder what's for dinner."

Both Yukari and Magnus turned their heads to the trollish little youkai. Matt's voice changed back into his own right before he was whacked on the head by a cane, then a paper fan. Matt fell to the ground as Magnus and Yukari started walking to the roof's door.

Yukari looked at Magnus with a smile, then said "Sure, I would love to join you for dinner." The Huge laser sank back into the castle as Yukari bent down to pick up Matt. While carrying him, she said "You should really learn to read the mood."

Matt's eyes swirled as he said "S-Sure… thing D-Dan…"

Yukari rolled her eyes as She Shut the Roof's door behind herself and Magnus.

* * *

><p><strong>Later that evening, Xanavere dining room<strong>

Yukari, Magnus, Matt, Maria, and Dan were all enjoying one of Magnus' favorite birds; The California condor. Magnus were seated at the heads of the table, while the other crowded around the sides. The room was dimly lit, and the table looked like it was made to redwood. The chairs, which had extremely tall backrests, looked to be made of redwood as well.

Yukari gazed across the table at Magnus, and then spoke. "My my, I had no idea that California condor tasted so good."

Matt had recovered from his dazed state, and before taking his first bite, he said "Isn't California condor like, endangered?" with a raised brow.

Magnus finished chewing his first bite, and then looked over to Matt. "Vell of course! Rare bird iz very delicious." the insane German scientist stated.

The atmosphere remained quiet for what seemed like eternity, until the gap hag interrupted the silence. "So, Mr.

"Magnus, Dr. Magnus" Magnus interrupted.

Yukari continued. "Dr. Magnus. How is it that you know me" Yukari smirked.

"Vell, it iz pretty hard to forget someone as veird az you." Yukari's expression started to boil with anger. "But don't you remember?" Magnus gestured towards Matt. "Vhen we created him?"

Matt's jaw dropped, and the small amount of food in it fell out.

* * *

><p><strong>Gunethre's HQ<strong>

**3rd POV**

Rumia and Flandre were traveling down the hall in search for the mad general. They had stopped flying due to the fact that they had realized that there were no soldiers patrolling the ground. The halls were dark and empty, and one could hear the wind howling through the building.

"Hey Rumia?" Flandre tried to get Rumia's attention

Rumia had let her arms down to walk like a normal person, and was keeping her pace at a steady beat. "What is it Flan?" She answered.

Flandre looked behind her back, and turned back to Rumia with a serious expression. Her scarlet eyes glowed lightly in the darkness as she said "Do you ever get the feeling that we are being watched?"

Flandre's expression changed from neutral, to shock as Rumia said "Well of course. That mean old general has been following us for quite some time now." Rumia acted as if she had just answered any old question.

Rumia and Flandre both stopped as rustling was heard from the darkness that encased the ceiling. Flandre looked up just in time to see Gunethre drop down from his hiding place. The two girls just stood in the dark hallway while Gunethre was in a crouching position from his landing. "How were you able to see me like that?" He asked in a commanding tone.

"I'm a darkness youkai. It's only natural that I was able to sense your presence when you were hiding in the darkness." Rumia plainly stated.

Gunethre rose to his full height, which was a good two times the height of Flandre or Rumia, and said "Well, no matter. You two will soon be disposed of."

Flandre shuddered at a troubling memory from the last time she and Dan had fought Gunethre. "S-so, I guess that means you are going to try to devour our souls?" She asked with a hint of fear in her voice. Flandre was well aware that her ability was a very powerful one, but during the night that she attacked Gunethre, Flandre had also realized Gunethre's ability was far scarier.

Gunethre's solid expression was as hard as ever, but softened as he let out a small chuckle. "No, no, vampire. I must have you both alive. I know that traitor; Dan cares very much about you two monsters. I feel it would be a fitting revenge for me to slowly kill you both in front of his eyes." Gunethre's expression turned into a sinister smile towards the end of his last statement.

"Well! We'll see about that!" Flandre said as she raised her right hand to her eye level. Gunethre tensed his muscles as Flandre said "Kyuu!" Gunethre jumped to the left right as an explosion appeared out of nowhere.

Gunethre summoned his dark energy to himself, and said: "So, getting right to the chase, are we? I always like it when people are straight-forward."

Flandre did not appear amused as she dashed toward Gunethre while declaring "Taboo: Lævateinn!" Flandre's Wand materialized in her left hand, and as she tossed it into her right, a large sword of fire sprouted from one of the ends. "Let's play!" She excitedly exclaimed.

Gunethre smirked, and held out his right hand to his side while saying, "Yes… Let's play." In a menacing tone. Gunethre stood there for a couple seconds as his smirk slowly faded into a frown. After a couple more seconds, his face contorted in rage as he yelled to no one in particular. "DAMN THESE INFERNAL SPELL CARDS!"

He brought his gaze back down to Flandre, who was smiling innocently, and snarled. "Mortality: Reaper's Harvester" after declaring, a scythe made of pure energy appeared in his right hand while he kept his straight, rock hard face. He turned his scythe towards Flandre and smirked, but he soon realized Flandre was no longer where she was hovering

"You really need to start fighting when the fight starts." Flandre gleefully said as she sliced Gunethre down the middle.

As soon as both of Gunethre's halves hit the floor, he reformed while clenching a fist and saying "dammit! You broke my fucking spell card!"

Flandre giggled and said "That's the point of the game. You're not very good at danmaku, are you?"

Gunethre snarled as thoughts of murder and rage swam around in his mind. Before he could respond though, Rumia snuck up behind him, and encased the mad general in a ball of darkness. "You shouldn't swear like that in front of children. It could dirty up their minds.

Before Gunethre could respond to Rumia, she pulled him down to the ground where Gunethre's agonizing screams of pain, and Rumia's giggling could be heard. Flandre flew down to the darkness ball to join the fray.

After 5 minutes of the giggling, agonizing screams, and Flandre's mad laughter, the darkness dissipated to reveal a dis-figured person lying on the ground, covered with burn marks.

Flandre stood over the man with a sinister grin. Her eyes glowed red as she said "Looks like I win!" In a deceivingly cheerful tone.

Gunethre looked up from the ground, and said "This isn't over!"

Flandre grinned even wider, and then said "Oh, I believe it is." She clenched her fist in front of the man's head, and just like that, he exploded in a bloody mess.

* * *

><p><strong>Xanavere dining hall<strong>

**Dan's POV**

Matt's jaw hung open still, but Yukari simply raised an eyebrow in surprise. I sat quietly; simply observing the without-a-doubt amusing outcome. Maria, sensing the tension rising in the atmosphere, excused herself from the table. After about 5 more seconds, Yukari's eyes widened in surprise. "D-Doctor Fehrenbacher?" I mentally chuckled _"This should be interesting."_

Magnus slammed his fork into the table, and in a… neutral undertone, he said "Do not call me by zat name! I have an alias for a reason."

I frantically looked around; while Yukari's face turned back into the normal deceivingly pleasant one she usually wore. "Well Dr. Magnus, It's been awhile."

Dr. Magnus sat back into his chair. "Yez… Yez it haz…" he said while tapping his fingers on the red velvet armrests.

Matthew slowly closed his jaw, then said "So… you were involved in my creation dr. Magnus?" he turned his head towards the crazy scientist.

"Yez I vas. I thought I had recognized zat vatch. I am ze one who built it." Dr. Magnus paused. "Vell, vhy don't ve get moving to ze living room. Ve can discuss this there."

Dr. Magnus began to sit up, but I interrupted him. "Wait! How do you and Yukari know each other?"

Dr. Magnus sat back down, then started tapping his fingertips against each other. "Vell, as I said before, Yukari and I both verked on ze machine youkai together." Magnus said while gesturing towards Matt. "But ve also knew each other during ze great war."

I began tapping my fingers against the table, then said "Which one?" _"Does he mean WWI?"_

Magnus stopped for a moment. "Um… ze second great war" He corrected. "Yukari and I verked together to keep… Um… Gensokyo a secret."

"I perked my head back up. "Ah." I nodded. Even while maintaining the cheerful expression on my exterior, I was thinking much darker thoughts. _"I wonder how many people they killed… Hehe! Blood!"_

While Magnus and I were discussing his relation with Yukari, said gap youkai was starting to fall asleep, while Matt slipped out of the room much like Maria did earlier. Eventually, Magnus and I thought it was time for us to put the subject to rest. Magnus woke Yukari up and offered her a room for the night. She accepted the invitation.

* * *

><p><strong>Later in Xanavere's living quarters<strong>

**3rd POV**

Magnus and Yukari both sat by a fireplace. The room was dimly lit, and the air stunk of Magnus' Ever-Burning netherrack**. Yukari was sat down with a tea cup, and the doctor was drinking… whatever poison he had in his flask at the moment."

"Well Magnus, I thought you were dead." Yukari took a sip from her tea. "I didn't think you would be able to survive a chemical explosion."

Magnus reclined in a dark brown leather armchair, and took a swig from his flask. He let out a cough, then said "Vell, Some of me didn't survive ze explosion." Magnus lifted up his glasses to show his eyes, both of which seemed to have been fried.

Yukari winced, then Magnus let his glasses back down. He continued "It also seems zat I have acquired biological immortality."

Yukari set he cup of tea down, then leaned forward onto one of her gaps. She smirked "So it seems, but it also seems like you cannot sustain yourself on your own."

Magnus shoved his flask back into his pocket, and straightened his glasses. "It iz true. I am unable to survive vithout having special chemicals to drink. Or, as most people know them as, poisons."

Yukari nodded, and said "Curious, very very curious." Then she frowned. "But that is not the reason you asked me to join you tonight."

Magnus sat up once again, then Franz let out a click while his glasses gave off a small glint in the dim light. "Very perceptive I zee… Very vell ze reason I invited you here, was to ask you a question. I vanted to ask you if you vould be so kind az to let me into Gensokyo." Magnus stood up out of his chair; his cane made a small zapping noise as it touched the ground. "Ze machine youkai Matthew Harrison haz told me much about his adventures in Gensokyo, and I have tired of zis verld. My silver mine has run completely dry, and my reazearch has already reached its pinnacle."

Yukari stayed seated in her chair while contemplating weather or not to let the crazy scientist join her nation. While she thought, Magnus began pacing and continued his speech. "Ze whole reason I got your attention with ze moon beam vas to ask you zis question."

After contemplating what she should do, she stood up, and pulled out her fan. "Very well, I shall allow you entrance into Gensokyo." with a flick of her wrist, her paper fan folded out. "We leave first thing in the morning, so pack your bags tonight."

Before Magnus could say another word, Yukari gapped herself out of the room, and into the room Magnus had offered her for the night.

Magnus limped over to the fireplace, and then said "Vell… It looks like I have a lot of verk to do…" he let out a cough, and then put the fire out.

* * *

><p><strong>Next morning<strong>

Yukari stirred in her bed, after sleeping for over 14 hours, she had forgotten to wake herself up and take Magnus to Gensokyo. A slight rocking kept her lulled to sleep, but a loud noise changed that.

**VAROOOOOOOMMMM!**

***CRASH!***

Yukari jolted awake, along with everyone else in the castle. She looked over to a wall clock hanging in the room, and groggily mumbled to herself "Damn… looks like I slept in again…" She yawned, then looked out the window at the beautiful ocean view.

…

OCEAN VIEW?

Yukari jumped out of bed, and gapped herself into the castle's foyer. The slight swaying of the huge structure caused her to almost fall over. She caught herself with her parasol, then shuffled her way to the front door.

When she opened the door, she dropped said parasol, while her mouth hung agape. Matt, Dan, and Maria walked into the foyer, and once they saw what Yukari saw, their mouths were hanging open as well.

"What have you done Fehrenbacher…" Yukari mumbled.

The entire castle, along with the top portion of the mountain, was floating through the air. Yukari flew out the front door to get a better look, and saw that the castle was indeed flying. 1 large balloon was attacked to each of the castle's 4 corner towers, and the lowest point in the structure was just barely visible on the bottom of the flying mountaintop. Everything was being towed by… Is that a flying car?

Indeed, the entire structure was being towed by an extremely long 5 axel dusenberg with glowing tires. Its engine roared and fire shot out of its large exhaust pipes as it accelerated once more. Yukari looked back at the mountain that the castle was ripped from, and dashed to the cabin of the overly-long car.

She pulled one of the doors open, and sat down in the passenger seat. Next to her, was the Crazy doctor himself with abnormal looking expression on his face. He turned his head, and looked at Yukari. The engine roar died down, and he spoke in a normal tone. "Ah! Yukari. Did you have pleasant dreamz?"

Yukari completely ignored what he said, then raised an eyebrow at the doctor. "Magnus, what are you doing?"

Magnus stopped the car, and the castle, and shoved all 4 of the transmissions into park. "I am uprooting my castle so you can do ze gapping thing, and take it to Gensokyo."

Yukari sighed, then said "Magnus… I told you to pack your bags, not to make your home mobile!"

Magnus reached into the back seat, and pulled out two leather bags. "I did pack my bags, zee?" Magnus opened each of the bags to show their contents to Yukari.

The gap youkai sweat dropped when she saw the contents. "Magnus… Why are these bags full of silver nuggets?" Yukari said in a deadpan tone.

Magnus shoved the bags back into the 2nd row of seats, and then raised a finger while saying "Don't vorry my dear Yukari, ze rest of ze silver iz packed safely into my vault."

Yukari shook her head, then said "I can't gap your entire castle into Gensokyo, we are too far away from the barrier to gap something this big."

Magnus looked back at the ancient youkai, then cracked his neck. "Vell, vhere iz ze veakest point in ze barrier?"

Yukari sat back into the soft leather chair, then said "Well, It should be around 25 degrees north by 71 degrees south."

The brilliant scientist slumped into his chair while running the coordinates through his head, then snapped back upright. "Zat iz ze location of ze Bermuda triangle!"

Magnus gripped the stick of transmission #4, and revved the engine. Yukari opened two gaps above the 3rd and fourth row seats, and out dropped Matt, Maria, and Dan in that order.

Yukari looked back at the trio while closing the gaps, then said "You all might want to buckle up."

Dan and Maria buckled their seat-belts, but before Matt was able to buckle his, Magnus disengaged the clutch, and the car slammed into first gear. The poor machine youkai was slammed against the rear window, as the car went from 0 to 160 in a matter of seconds.

Everyone covered their ears as Magnus shifted all the transmissions into high gear. After 10 hours, the car had reached its location, and came to a surprisingly gentle stop. Matthew slid himself back into his seat where he finally buckled his seatbelt, and then Magnus said "Ok, here ve are!"

Yukari once again raised her eyebrow at the doctor, and said "well well, you actually managed to move your entire castle to the location I gave you. I'll be right back." Yukari opened a gap under herself, and disappeared. After a couple seconds, the air in front of the car distorted, and a large gap big enough to just barely fit the castle through opened up.

Yukari dropped herself back into the passenger seat of the car, and said "Hurry,*pant* I can't keep it open too long."

Magnus nodded, and slowly drove into the gap. As the car passed through the rift in reality, Magnus awed at the sight of the natural landscape.

The car passed smoothly through, but there was a sudden jerk when the castle was halfway through the gap. Magnus looked behind the car at the castle, then coughed and sighed. "Vell, it seems zat my castle iz wedged in between realities." Magnus looked back down at the array of shifting sticks, and then firmly grasped the wheel with Franz while pulling the stick for transmission #2 with his right hand. "LOW GEAR!" he yelled, and with a loud roar from the 4 engines. The castle slid right through the gap.

The gap closed behind Magnus after the rest of the mountain chunks fell through, and the castle landed right next to the SDM. It slowly sank into the ground until the front door was at ground level. The latch between the car and the castle undid itself, and the large balloons on the castle towers deflated.

At last, Magnus had found his way into Gensokyo!

**To be continued…**

* * *

><p><strong>[AN]:<strong>

***Ok. This just occurred to me, but Dr. Magnus may have been an accidental tribute to Dr. Strangelove. The friend that helped me make Dr. Magnus is a huge fan of the movie, and I only just watched it. So… yeah.**

****Netherrack is a substance from Minecraft that burns perpetually. Apparently, Magnus made himself some.**

**Whew, already at chapter 19. After this one, I'll have to start working on the arc 2 finale. I'm thinking every 10 chapters in an arc, that seem like a pretty solid number? Anyways, sorry this took _SOOOOOOOOOO_ long to be released. I've been working on it on and off. I was writing on my computer, then I got a new one, then I couldn't find my copy of it from before, then I re-wrote it, Then I was kicked out of my mom's house, then I found the old one, then I moved back in with my mom, then I re-wrote it AGAIN! Then I couldn't find the drive to work on it, so from there, it's just been something that I was adding another paragraph or so every couple days. Sorry guys.**

* * *

><p><strong>[CAN]:**

**Wait, Dan doesn't kill the villagers. FUCK, I wanted to write a goddamn fight scene. O well, the author is kind of a cunt. Also, I'm making a motherfucking page for the fanfic. Check it out or I will find you little fuckbitches.**

**Also, author's piece of shit computer broke the fuck down, so yeah, this kinda took him a motherfucking while, yep, he's a dumbass.`**


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